Today starts the first chapter of Cannon, because I don't have the brain power to create original adventures. Also this story isn't really focused on John's own adventures but his interactions throughout the universe.
It has been some time since I have met Percy. We have been together through a lot of stuff. You know. The usual. Shooting cannons at school buses, dropping classes into a shark tank, and failing numerous tests due to ADHD. ADHD is a pain in the ass, but hey I won't let it stop me.
Maybe this ADHD means that I'm a demigod, but I don't really know who's my daddy. Heh heh I'm imagining the show where they say, "Mr. Johnson, for 3 year-old Teddy. You are the Father!" Imagine that but with gods. Wait wouldn't that not work because my mom would know who she loved? Well whatever.
So right now, me, salt-water taffy man, and the goat boy Grover. Are on our way to the museum of art to look at some naked Greek statues, where Percy meets the fury.
Of course, Nancy Bobofit is being a biiiitch. She's throwing Peanut butter and ketchup sandwich pieces at Grover. That's mean and all but what is she going to eat when we get there and peanut butter and ketchup is a horrible combination.
So anyway, Percy wants to punch her, but can't because he is on probation. Good thing I'm not!
John "Hey Perce, check out this special attack" Shit that's hella cringy, I'm never saying that again.
Percy "What's your special attack John" Percy looks at me like I'm some weirdo, but I don't mind because I am.
"Check it. STAR FINGER!"
I then take my pointer and middle finger and jab it into Nany Bobofit's eyes. With this turn of events, Nancy does the unthinkable. She screams in pain.
I look at Percy all smug and say, "Pretty cool right. I based it off a famous warrior's move."
Percy "Really? Who is it?" I panicked a little because Percy doesn't know what JoJo's Bizarre Adventure is.
So, I blurted out with a nervous smile, "Uh uh me!"
Percy just laughs at me and Grover just looks at me like I'm hopeless, but in my mind, I know that shit was cool.
Well Nancy is whining like a little bitch and is like, "Once I tell Mrs. Dodds, you are dead John!"
Grover flinches at this threat.
John"Nancy, look at me."
She does a little confused. "It was worth it" I then flash the smuggest smile I can. Nancy reacts with furious anger, and just screams in disgust. When we marched off the bus Nancy went crawling for Mrs. Dodds. I followed to attempt at defending myself.
Nancy"Mrs. Dodds! T-this boy sexually harassed me."
John"Hold up, I did no such thing, besides you have no evidence that I did something that bad, and I have no track record of doing something that bad. Besides, there's nothing on her I would want."
Nancy gets red with anger and frustration. She like a tomato, a big dumb tomato.
Mrs. Dodds "Now honey, I know you 6th graders are going through puberty and are having an interest in girls, but that does not mean that sexual harassment is ok. It is a serious crime."
Oh hell naw, I ain't gonna back down.
John "Mrs. Dodds listen, I know my crimes, but I have never sexually harassed a girl and never will because being called a pervert is something I don't wanna be called."
Mrs. Dodds "Now Honey, there's no reason for me to trust your word-"
John "And there's no reason for you to trust Nancy's word. I'm just saying, like we learned in English class, to make a convincing argument, you need evidence and reasoning to support your claim."
With this I know I won. Mrs. Dodds and Nancy know that too, because she says, "Fine honey go run along with the rest of your class." I walk away calmly, because I felt badass for getting out of this mess, but I walked fast enough to escape before Mrs. Dodds changed her mind.
So now the class has entered the Art Museum. We are looking at the old pottery, the grave markers, the trash left behind by the Greeks and romans. To Percy, it's amazing that this stuff survived for this long, it amazes me also because memes only last for a month at most. So, everybody is being as loud as a class of troubled 6th graders.
Percy is frustrated that he can't hear anything. I don't want to see Percy embarrassed, because that in turn will get me embarrassed for him.
So, I tell him, "Percy why don't you move to the front so you can hear." But then Nancy made a comment about the naked statues of guys, and that broke Percy's small amount of Willpower.
"Will you shut up!" He spits with venom a little too loud. The class stops and just laughs. I look at Percy with pity and disappointment.
Mr. Brunner asks, "Mr. Jackson, do you have a comment?"
Percy mumbles with his face red, "No sir, sorry sir."
Mr. Brunner then questions Percy about the depiction of Kronos eating his own kids. I spaced out at this point, because it isn't important. When it was time for lunch, we all came outside and sat by the fountain because the fountain was a pretty good place to sit and eat.
The sky had the blackest clouds I have ever seen circling the empire state building, like there was an evil wizard up there about to summon some crazy shit. I knew what was really happening though, Zeus was being a spoiled brat about losing his favorite toy for mass destruction.
John "You ok after Mr. Brunner's interrogation Percy?"
Percy "Yeah, I'm good, I just wish he would lay off me. I'm not a genius."
John "Percy don't put yourself down. If you believe in yourself, you can do anything-Johnny Karate or I guess Johnny Ren"
Percy "Thanks John, but all that work is too hard for me."
John "Well if you don't believe in yourself then whoop de doo."
Grover "Percy?" Percy turns to him.
Grover "Can I have your apple?"
Bruh, you can't encourage your best friend?
Then Nancy approaches us with her ugly friends and dumps her half-eaten sandwich into Grover's lap.
John "Hey Nancy if you were throwing your lunch at Grover on the bus then whose lunch is that?"
Nancy "Some tourist's"
John "Wow that's pretty cool, I wish I could steal like that." Nancy blushes a little from the small but rare compliment. She gets her act together though accuses, "You wish."
John "Yeah, I just did."
Everybody is now just looking at each other really awkwardly, so Nancy not knowing what to do, does what she does best. Harass the poor crippled goat boy. Percy gets angry again and I'm like, Percy, I've known you forever, but do you not have an ounce of self-control?
He does that super cool thing where he uses water to push Nancy into the fountain. Well that was pretty cool. Percy, it's ok to have no self-control as long as I'm around to see you do cool shit in your temper tantrums.
Nancy surprised and mad from suddenly becoming an aquatic art exhibit, yells "Percy pushed me! Percy pushed me!" I'm glad she didn't say my name because I don't want to mess with Mrs. Dodds after our previous dispute.
Mrs. Dodds and Percy leave for the Museum. I'm not worried because one, it's not me, and two it's not me. A little while later Mr. Brunner enters the Museum and then shortly returns.
It starts to rain really hard so the class retreats to under the Museum's outstretched roof supported by columns. Percy returns pale like he'd seen some crazy shit and I knew he had.
Nancy approaches with her friends and says all smug and evil, "I hope Misses Curr pulled you a new one" "What?" Percy asks confused.
Nancy "Our teacher, idiot"
Percy still confused, asks me and Grover, "Where's Mrs. Dodds?"
Me and Grover attempt deception,
John "Who's this Mrs. Dodds? Your new crush Perce?"
Grover "What are you talking about Percy?"
Percy "Not funny guys, I know we had a math teacher named Mrs. Dodds"
I reply faster than Grover, so he doesn't break our cover. I did a lotta role play so I'm good at acting. "Dude, you must be going crazy because Misses Curr has been our math teacher since Christmas."
Percy "Maybe I really am."
Sorry Percy, but I'm too much of a coward to change cannon.
Percy then gives back a pen to Mr. Brunner and returns to us confused and hopeless.