2It started in the morning, that feeling that something wasn't quite right. Luke would probably have told her it was the Force, but Leia had brushed it off as morning sickness, a symptom of her first pregnancy that she'd been deling with for the past four weeks. Years ago, children were not something Leia Organa Solo would think would be in her cards, she'd been a 19-year-old girl who had just lost her parents, her entire planet, and the galaxy was entrenched in a civil war, no time for babies or even fantasies of a family. But then a happy go lucky farm boy had strutted into her cell on the Death Star, "I'm Luke Skywalker, I'm here to rescue you!" along with his handsome companion, and furry friend. She had found a new family, her twin brother, a husband, and their life-long friend Chewbacca. Her romance with the Corellian scoundrel had been a long time coming thanks to their stubborn nature, and now Leia sometimes wondered what would have happened if she had let her guard down earlier to save all the time spent arguing but she knew deep down that she wouldn't have had it any other way, maybe she could do without imperial officers shooting at them, but she loved the banter between her and Han. He made her realize that it was okay to be close to people again, something she was afraid of doing after the loss of Alderaan, she didn't want to love another person only for them to be ripped away from her. But Han had waited for her to come around, and she loved him with every fiber in her body.
After the war, the New Republic had seen the beginnings of a baby boom. Leia had watched while her colleagues had begun expanding their familes, and saw the way Han's eyes had lit up everytime he saw the new babies being born. She knew he wanted children badly, but she was more hesitant becasue of her heritage. While Bail and Breha Organa had raised her, she didn't want to pass down any of Anakin Skywalker's DNA, fearful of them turning to the darkside as he had. It wasn't until she had gotten a hold of her grandmother's diary while her and Han had made a visit to Tatooine, that she realized Anakin Skywalker had not started out as a monster. Han and Leia would simply love any child they had, show them what was right, and try their best to guide them to make the right choices, "It's all any parent can do," Han had told his wife while he held her in her arms, after she told him that she wanted children. And now here she was, 10 weeks pregnant, with a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach that something was amiss but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. She was currently lying in bed at her and Han's apartment in Coruscant, after having taken half of the day off to try and relax. Han was off-world on a supply run but was expected to be back later this evening. Leia hadn't told him anything was amiss knowing he would immediately pilot the Falcon home hearing that she was in any kind of distress, he had become increasingly protective of her once learning about the baby, and Leia didn't want to worry him.
Turning towards the chrono on her nightstand, Leia saw it was four in the afternoon, enough time to take a nap before Han got home, and hopefully what she was feeling was simply stress. Closing her eyes, she felt herself fall into a dreamless sleep
Leia awoke with a start. The first thing she noticed was that the room was bathed in moonlight, I overslept, she thought, annoyed that she had missed Han's arrival. Looking to her left she saw her husband was alseep next to her, snoring softly. Glancing to her right she saw the time on the chrono read 12:23 AM, wanting to join her husband in sleep, she closed her eyes and tried to get comfortable, something that was getting more difficult these days with her constant morning sickness. While moving around in the bed, Leia furrowed her eyebrows as she felt a wetness between her thighs, something that caused her to immediately become more awake. Sitting up against the pillows, Leia reached down between her legs to feel the wetness, pulling her hand in front of her face. She could barely discern that her hand was covered in a dark liquid, and that bad feeling she had had all day was now back with a vengeance. Leaning over her nightstand to flick on the light she looked down at the lower half of her body only to see that it was covered with blood, staining the white sheets. Leia felt her heartbeat begin to pound and her palms started sweating, she couldn't deny what was happening. Swinging her legs over the side of bed, Leia muffled a groan as she felt her abdomen start to cramp. What confused her were the drops of water she felt on her face, lookimg up she examined the ceiling, wondering where the leak was coming from, before she realized the liquid was her tears, and that she was crying. Feeling that she was going to vomit, she dashed into the fresher, and started dry heaving in the sink.
Rubbing her hand over her now sweaty face she accidentally smeared the blood all over her cheeks, forgetting it was on her hand. It was at this moment that she wished she wasn't force sensitive. While it's what allowed her to know about her baby's existence before most mother's would, it was also allowing her to feel the life inside of her fade away. If she concentrated, like Luke taught her to, she could feel that the baby was still alive but that his life force was dwindling. And that's when the realization dawned on Leia that she was having a boy. My sweet baby boy, Leia thought while placing her hand on her stomach as another cramp wrecked through her body, I'm so sorry.
"Leia, where are you?" Han sleepily called out, noticing she wasn't there when he turned over to reach out for her.
Feeling the wetness of the sheets, Han peeled his eyes open and was met with the sight of his wife's blood all over the sheets. Feeling panicked, Han immediately jumped out of bed looking around and noticing the light to the fresher was on with the door slightly ajar. He didn't know what was going on, when he got home at around 7 PM he saw Leia was asleep in their bed and everything seemed fine, but clearly it wasn't. Running to the fresher, Han noticed a trail of blood on the floor, which led him to the picture of his wife dry heaving into the sink, blood staining the bottom half of her nightgown and slowly trickling down her legs. Han felt sick to his stomach as he got a good guess of what was happening, he knew bleeding while pregnant was bad. He walked over to Leia, placing a hand on her back, feeling her sweat soaked nightgown. Leia glanced at him through the mirror, and met his eyes, she could see the panic in hers reflected in his own gaze. Taking a deep breath, she turned to face him, wanting nothing more than to be held in his arms. As if reading her mind, he gathered her in his arms and held her in a tight embrace.
He felt his shirt become wet from her tears and heard her barely whisper out, "Han...I'm having a miscarriage."
Having his worst fears confirmed he held her tighter wishing this wasn't happening to them, she doesn't deserve this, he thought.
Stepping back, Han tried to gain control of the situation, "Okay...okay...let's….um… let's get you to the med center...oh gods Sweetheart...:" Han stammered out as tears pricked his own eyes.
Leia shook her head, "No...Han….there is nothing they can do to stop this."
Han felt desperate, they were losing their baby and he had to be able to fix it, that's what he did, he fixed things, "But Leia the doctors can help," Han grasped her clammy hands into his warmer ones, "We have to go, you could die!" Han was already losing his child, he couldn't lose his wife too, and he didn't like how pale her skin had gotten.
Leia cupped his head with her hands, "Han...you won't lose me, I can feel it I'm okay. Do you hear me? I'm not going anywhere."
Taking a shaky breath, Han nodded his head as he began to realize what Leia was saying was true, there was nothing to be done.
"Please….I just want to be here. We can go to the hospital after it's over I promise, I just…" Leia swallowed the lump in her throat, "I just want it to be me and you and our son."
Han nodded, going to reply his affirmative before what Leia said finally registered, our son.
Han felt like he had been punched in the gut, "Did you say our son?"
Leia gave him a watery smile, "Yes, it's a boy, I can feel it."
"Oh gods, Oh Sweetheart-" Han was cut off as Leia doubled over and groaned in pain, Han rushing over to place his arms around her.
Breathing deeply, she looked up at her husband, "Please, can you sit with me in the tub, I want it to be just the three of us."
Han at a loss for words, overwhelned with grief, nodded and helped Leia take her nightgown off, noticing she was struggling. The both of them stripped Leia's nightgown off as she felt more tears fall from her eyes as she settled herself in the bathtub and widened her legs trying to get comfortable, not wanting more blood on the floor. Han got in behind her, having Leia sit between his legs so she wasn't leaning against the hard backing of the tub, and placed his hands over her abdomen where their son would be. She didn't want to go to the medical center, There's no point, my baby is dying, she finally conceded. She could be poked and prodded at later, there was nothing they could do for her now. Tilting her head back to Han's shoulder and closing her eyes she tried to send thoughts of love to her son, more so for her own comfort than for his. She communicated through her love that her and Han loved him with all of their hearts and they would never forget his short existence. Han I'm sorry, Leia thought. She would tell him when it was over, there was nothing he could do to stop what was happening, and she hated that he had to see her like this, she wanted to protect him from the grief she was feeling. It was at that moment that Leia, through her force connection, felt her son's life force flicker before going out, he was dead. Quiet sobs wracked her body and she began to understand why the Jedi had forbidden attachments, like Luke had told her. A miscarriage was awful, but feeling her son die inside of her was an unimaginable pain.
And admist all of this, Leia thought of her mother, Breha, and her multiple miscarriages. She remembered how her father would sit her down and explain to her how her mother had lost the baby. Leia had been confused and would ask, How do you lose a baby? Just keep looking, he or she would turn up. But Leia was not naive anymore. No matter how hard she wanted to look, she knew her baby was gone and was not coming back. Leia felt brave enough to open her eyes and look down at her body again and was met with a gruesome sight, blood was all over her legs and staining the white porcelain of the tub. Turning to face her husband, Leia whispered, "We can go to the medical center now," before slumping back in his arms.
Han gave a small nod, and placing a gentle kiss on the top of Leia's head, gathered his wife in his arms and carried her out of the fresher to help her change and make their way to the medial center.
Two weeks later…
Leia watched the waves crash on the shore of one of Corellia's beaches from her perch on the sand. Han was sitting next to her reading some book off of his data pad, glancing every couple of minutes at his wife, not so subtely, Leia thought with a grin.
"Hey," Han called interrupting Leia from her thoughts, "That's the first time I've seen you smile since…" Han trailed off not wanting to finish the sentence.
"Since the miscarriage," Leia supplied for him, "It's okay Han, you can say it. I had a miscarriage."
Leia had finally gotten to a place where she could accept what had happened, no matter how unfair it was. Han had rushed Leia to the med center once she had given the okay, only to meet a very concerned Luke at the entrance. Luke had felt his sister's distress through the force and had immediately made his way over to Han and Leia's apartment and went in seeing that the front door was left open, Han forgetting to close it in his haste. Calling out Leia's name he walked into the master bedroom where he was greeted with the unpleasant sight of a trail of blood leading to the bathroom. Entering the fresher he saw the pools of blood that stained the bathtub and quickly realized the cause of Leia's distress before quickly getting over to the hospital. While Han went with Leia to the exam room, Luke had made himself comfortable in the waiting room where he quickly called Chewie on his comm, thinking Han and Leia could use some support. After Chewie arrived Luke went back to Han and Leia's house to strip the bed of the stained sheets and clean the fresher so they wouldn't have to come home to another reminder of Leia's miscarriage. Hours later, an exhausted Han and teary Leia emerged into the waiting room where Chewie and a returned Luke were waiting to greet them. All Han wanted to do was get Leia home so that she could rest and they could grieve the loss of their son together. Sensing the melancholy mood, Chewie ushered them into the speeder while Luke promised he would remain on the planet for the time being.
Arriving back home, Han remembered the state their bedroom and bathroom was left in and told Leia to wait in the living so he could clean up. Walking through the door Han's senses were greeted with a strong lemon scent and pristine sheets on the bed. Confused, he made his way over to the fresher and saw that it was spotless in there as well, all the evidence that something amiss had happened earlier was gone. The kid, Han mused to himself with a smile, that was another one he owed him. Han brought Leia back to their room where the pair collapsed into bed and Leia had finally relased her sobs while Han held her, stroking her hair. Having cried herself to sleep, Han had slipped away and quietly called Mon Mothma letting her know what was going on and that Leia would be taking some time off. Leia had already informed Mon about her pregnancy and how she had intended to step back for a little bit once she got further along. Mon was comptely understanding in expressing her sympathies and told Han that Leia could return once she felt ready. Ending the call on his comm Han sat down on the couch and finally felt the emotional toll of the past 24 hours weighing down his body and finally let himself to openly cry, he let a few tears slip with Leia but wanted to be strong for her. Consumed by his own grief for his son Han didn't hear the bedroom door open as Leia padded her way over to her husband's slumped form, so he jumoed when he felt her soft hand on his shoulder.
"Leia!" Han exclaimed, quickly rubbing at his eyes to hide his tears, "'M sorry if I woke you."
Leia sat down next to her husband drawing him in her arms and placing a kiss to his temple, "No, I had a bad dream, but when I woke up you were gone, and I heard crying come from the living room."
"Ah sweetheart, I'm sorry, I just didn't want to bother you with my crying, you're the one who had the miscarriage."
Leia shook her head, "No, don't ever apologize for crying. You're right, I miscarried, but we lost our child, and you have every right to grieve for him as I do."
Han took a shaky breath before resting his forehead on hers, "I love you Leia."
"Oh Han, I love you so much."
Pulling the two of them back on the couch, Han told Leia what Mon had told him earlier. Leia was grateful she didn't have to go in just yet and appreciated the time off when an idea came to her mind.
"Han can we go somewhere? I just...I need to get away from here for a little bit."
"You know sweetheart, I think that's a great idea, any place in mind?"
"What about Corellia? We still haven't had a chance to visit your home planet. I think it would be godo to rent a house on the beach to relax and get away from everyone."
Han's heart warmed once Leia said she wanted to go and visit Corellia, "Say no more sweetheart. Let me handle the planning and we can leave tomorrow."
And that's where the pair found themselves two weeks later, at the end of their vacation. Leia was still grieving but she felt herself able to go back to work. Getting back into a routine on Coruscant would probably help to make her feel better, even though this trip to Corellia had done wonders.
Leia continued speaking to Han, "I had a miscarriage and it was awful, but we got through it, and I wouldn't have been able to do it without you."
Han looked at his wife and was overcome with his love for her and pulled her into a searing kiss that Leia returned with equal fervor, moaning into his mouth before pulling away blushing, "Han stop people might see," she gently chided.
"I don't care, I love you and that's what matters."
Leia felt the corners of her mouth turn up in a grin and her heart began to beat rapidly in anticipation of what she wanted to tell her scoundrel, "Han, I've been thinking-"
"Shocking," Han joked, relieved that Leia seemed to be in better spirits.
"Very funny flyboy."
Han laughed, "Sorry, go on, what have you been thinking?"
"Well," Leia took a deep breath, "I'm not saying now, but in the future I want to try again for another baby. No one will ever replace our son but I know that we have so much more love to give when we're ready to try again."
Looking at her husband, Leia saw his famous lopsided grin make an appearance at her statement.
"Of course we can try again, when we're both ready. I want nothing more than to have children with you," Han replied pulling Leia into a hug which she melted into.
"We're gonna be okay sweetheart, you'll see."
Leia knew he was right, and when she found herself looking at a postivie pregnancy test six months later, she felt a sense of trepidation come up but it was quickly replaced with a calmness. She had a good feeling about this.