Sullivan stood in the doorway of the beanery and watched his crew make breakfast, he hated the state of 19, and the fact that it wasn't the same. Most of it being his fault he just did what he had to do but it did so much damage. First the mess with Andy, then listening to Pruitt and making Maya captain the tension just keeps getting worse. The easy going crew was good as long as Maya and himself were not present.
He was about to walk in when he saw Jack slide in next to Andy just a little too close for his liking and whisper something in her ear. The smile that appeared on her face is something he hasn't seen from her in months, it was the one she used to give him when it was just the two of them. She's beautiful on a good day but the smile lights up her eyes and you see the fun playful side of her come through. He told himself that her and Jack were just friends and that he was imagining things, he pulled himself together and walked in to get his coffee.
"Morning everyone", he said as he walked in
"Chief" a couple people said and a few others nodded in his direction.
He noticed that Jack moved a bit farther from Andy but stayed beside her.
No one really paid attention to him and went on with their conversations; Miller and Warren were discussing some new climbing equipment that had been added to the rigs; Hughes and Montgomery were talking about a double date they had coming up but the conversation he was listening for was Andy and Jacks. They were talking quietly but he heard jack say "so movie night tonight, your room or mine? " Sullivan almost dropped his coffee mug. What? Why would they be having movie night in either of their rooms? What the hell was going on?
"yours, your beds bigger." Andy laughed as she stood up
"Fine but bring your comforter it's softer to snuggle under." He replied as he got up and put his cup in the sink.
"Sir" he acknowledged as he walked by and followed Andy out of the beanery to the barn to do some air bottle checks.
Sullivan saw red, it took everything in him not to throw his mug, he was mad, upset, hurt, bewildered he couldn't even put a name on how he was feeling. How could she, how could she go back to her ex I thought she cared about me. Sullivan put his mug down and went to work out he needed to hit something and hit it hard.
As he got his gloves on and started to hit the bag the more he realized he wasn't mad at Andy or Jack he was mad at himself. That could be him, talking to her about snuggling and watching a movie at either one of their places, and he didn't even want to think about what else they would be doing. He had his own fantasies about what he would do alone with her so he could only imagine.
Smack smack smack, he hit the bag, but why Gibson? Did it make it worse because he was an ex or would he have the same reaction to anyone new in her life?
Ugh why did I let her go? Why did I push her away? It didn't make me feel better, I didn't get what I wanted, should I have listened to Pruitt? Smack smack smack
The more he thought the more frustrated he got the harder he hit the bag, he heard the tones go off walked to the window of the workout room and watched her, she was everything and he missed her like crazy and he didn't know how to fix it.
Hours later the crew still wasn't back, he was sitting In his office doing paperwork well trying to do paperwork but he just couldn't concentrate. His leg was on fire and he was so tired of the pain. He missed her, he missed her so much. Her laugh, the way her eyes tell you exactly what she's thinking, her smile, the way she looked at him, like he was the only one she wanted. He loved her, he can admit that to himself at least, even though it still scared the shit out of him. There hadn't been anyone since Clair and then Andy came in and challenged him like no one ever has. It was both frustrating and yet incredibly attractive. She was a bull but yet wore her heart on her sleeve and if she cared about you, would do anything for you. He has messed up so much with her, first pushing her away if he had just talked to her from the beginning they wouldn't even be in this spot, then telling her to take the week off when really he wanted her close but she was coming up with all these options so that they could work and he just wasn't ready for it.
When he found her in the barn that day it took everything in him not to grab her and kiss her senseless but he settled for sliding up behind her, he could feel her melt against him immediately and relax. He could still remember how she felt in his arms and how she made a move that he's not sure he would of had the courage to do. He remembered how she kissed and he could still remember all those sounds and moans she made. When she brought up Lucas he had to chuckle ya he probably would tell him to screw the rules, but he wasn't Lucas and he had so much to lose he just couldn't do it. He still felt if the plan would of worked it would of been fine but then Tanner died and Pruitt came to him and everything went to shit.
Listening to Pruitt was one of the hardest things he's ever done. And he was right when he told him that she would never forgive him if he promoted someone else, no she certainly wouldn't be forgiving that anytime soon especially considering the way Maya has chosen to do things. But Pruitt calling him out on his love for Andy made him take a step back and look at the bigger picture. He didn't want to believe that she was broken; he didn't want to admit that he played a part in it but in reality she was a mess and functioning on Auto pilot. And to add the stress and responsibilities of becoming a captain on top of that, would it be too much for her ? Would she try to hard that she'd get hurt? He actually thought she could handle it, diving into work is what got him through losing Clair and he thought the same would work for Andy.
It was Pruitt's comment about her year getting worse that made him stop and think. The only way her life could get worse is to lose the only family she has left her dad. Looking at Pruitt as he said that he had a hunch that his gut was right, that Pruitt was sick again and not telling her. He knew if that was true, Pruitt was right it would be too much and she would blow her chance. So he kept the secret and he let her hate him and he promoted Maya even though it broke his way she is around him now cuts him to the core. She's respectful but the friendship that they had was gone, it felt worse now than it did when he first got here. She had fought him for a friendship and he liked having her in his life, she made it better. She made him want to be a better person, to be the man she wanted. She made him want things he hasn't wanted in years.
Just then he heard the trucks pull in and he watched everyone, they just looked exhausted and covered in dirt and grime get out of the trucks and head to the showers. He noticed that Jack and Andy lagged a little bit behind everyone else not long but enough that no one noticed Jack put his arm around her shoulders and watched her snuggle in to him as they walked down the hall.
Sullivan felt a feeling he hasn't felt in years... jealousy and he felt it down to his core. He had to come clean to her and tell her everything. He knew it wasn't going to be pretty and she was going to put up one hell of a fight but he had to do it. Because dammit her needed her, like he did after the aid car accident. He needed her to tell him he was going to be ok and that he'd get through this and that she'd be there. Deep down he knew she's better off without him; he's so much older and has so many problems not even taking the drug stealing into consideration which is something else he's going to have to face. But he wants a life with her, a family and he needed to start being honest with her. Because watching her be close with Jack made one thing clear he wanted her back and he was going to do everything I'm his power to make it happen.