A/N: I had this idea a long time ago and am only just now getting around to finishing it, so...

Warnings: Total parody, so expect a lot of foolishness and OOC-ness. Also, we've got fem!slash between Ivanova and Talia, as well as hinted Sinclair/Garibaldi and some Obikin thrown in there for good measure.

Disclaimer: Yeah, none of this is mine. All of it belongs to Lucasfilm and Warner Bros. And Disney, I guess, but whatever.


How To Save Talia Winters

Ivanova really hated the Psi Corps.

First they'd taken her mother; now they were taking Talia. The woman Ivanova thought she loved.

Ivanova, Sinclair, and Garibaldi, along with a few of Garibaldi's security guards and Lyta Alexander, accompanied Talia as she was led down to the docking bay, to the ship that would take her back to the Psi Corps so they could experiment on her or something. Whatever it was Bester and the rest had come up with in their sick, twisted little minds.

"You okay?" Garibaldi muttered to Ivanova.

"No," Ivanova replied. "They're taking Talia. And I can't stand that smug look on Bester's face."

For said telepath had just come into view, smirking triumphantly. Ivanova scowled at him.

"Hello, Ms. Winters," Bester said pleasantly.

"In case you forgot, it's Control," spat the thing that used to be Talia with a sweet, poisonous smile that totally didn't match her tone.

Bester nodded, a look of surprise flitting across his face before he composed himself.

Ivanova was sure she was the only one that noticed the shimmering blue door shape growing behind the Psi Cop, but then Garibaldi said, "What the hell is that?"

Bester turned; Control looked up right as a pair of strange-looking men stepped through the doorway thing. It took Ivanova a second, but she recognized them as...Star Wars characters? Yes...that was Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi.

"What the hell?" Ivanova muttered.

"What is the meaning of this?!" Bester exclaimed.

"Anakin," Obi-Wan said. Anakin Force-choked Bester, much to Ivanova's delight. Garibaldi and Sinclair's, too, apparently. Control merely looked bored.

"Tell me when I should stop, Obi," Anakin said.

"Well, don't kill him," Obi-Wan scolded.

"Screw that, kill him," Ivanova interrupted. "None of us here like him."

"We'll kill him later," Obi-Wan promised. "For now, we're here to rectify something."

"Which is?" Sinclair asked, sounding wary.

"Fixing your telepath friend over there, of course," Anakin said.

There was a stunned silence. Then Control spoke.

"How exactly do you propose to do that?" she sneered. "Talia Winters is dead, her personality destroyed. You can't change that."

"And that's where you're wrong," Anakin said.

Ivanova was skeptical - she was Russian, after all. But what if the Jedi really could fix Talia?

"Control's programming didn't completely destroy Talia Winters, just shoved her back, locked her in the deepest part of Control's brain. We know how to get her out, and destroy Control's programming in the process," Obi-Wan explained. Then, noticing that Anakin was still busy Force-choking Bester, he added, "Anakin, let the man go."

"But Obi!"

"Now, Anakin."

Anakin let Bester go with a reluctant sigh. "I'd better be the one to run my lightsaber through him, then."

"So, wait, you're saying you can destroy Control and get Talia back?" Garibaldi questioned.

"Yes," Anakin said. "We can rescue your friend and destroy this thing. And then kill that guy." He motioned to Bester, who, to Ivanova's delight, flinched and massaged his throat.

"Anakin," sighed Obi-Wan, "focus, please."

Anakin scowled but obeyed.

"It would help if she's restrained," Obi-Wan said. Garibaldi nodded to the security guards, who grabbed Control, pinning her arms behind her back. She struggled, but they held her.

Save her, Ivanova thought. Oh, God, I hope this works.

Ivanova didn't fail to notice Sinclair and Garibaldi intertwining hands to watch. Bester was still cowering in the corner.

The pair of Jedi concentrated. Then Obi-Wan waved his hand in his signature Jedi Mind Trick and said, "You are Talia Winters."

Control strugled but said nothing.

Anakin did the same thing, only he said, "You will destroy the Psi Corps."

Ivanova thought that was a nice touch.

Obi-Wan again. "You are a good person."

Anakin. "You will destroy the Psi Corps."

Garibaldi couldn't hide a smirk.

"You are these people's friend." Obi-Wan.

"You will destroy the Psi Corps." Anakin.

Sinclair covered a laugh with a cough.

"You are not the Psi Corps' toy." Obi-Wan.

"You will destroy the Psi Corps." Anakin sounded as if he was having fun.

Bester's face paled as Control stopped fighting, going slack. The guards tightened their grip.

"You are a rogue telepath, a freedom fighter." Obi-Wan.

"You WILL destroy the Psi Corps." Anakin.

Lyta grinned. Yep, Anakin was definitely having fun with this.

"You will sleep now," Obi-Wan said. Control fell asleep instantly.

Anakin looked up. "Gather the ambassadors," he instructed. "All the main ones - Minbari, Narn, Centauri, Vorlon. We need them to complete the ritual."

Ivanova, Sinclair, Garibaldi, and Lyta exchanged a look.

"I'll get Kosh," Lyta said.

"Londo," groaned Garibaldi.

"Delenn," Sinclair said.

"G'Kar," Ivanova shrugged.

"You two," Garibaldi said, talking to the security guards. "Obey the Jedi. Do not let go of Control until they tell you to. And, hmm, we'll need someone for Bester. Hold on." He pressed his comm; his second-in-command, Zack Allan, answered.

"Yes, Chief?" Zack said, sounding confused.

"Get down to my position. Bring at least two other men. And, uh, try not to freak when you see what's going on," Garibaldi instructed.

"Doesn't sound very promising, boss," Zack said dryly.

"Just get down here. Our guests will know what you're to do." He hung up. "That should take care of the Bester problem."

"Why can't we just kill him now?" whined Anakin.

"Leave him alive," Ivanova ordered, glaring at the Psi Cop. "I want him to see this."

Anakin sighed but obeyed her. The four of them departed to gather the various ambassadors.


G'Kar was very surprised to find Ivanova at his door.

"What is it?" G'Kar asked.

"Something important," Ivanova replied. "May I come in? You might want to take this sitting down."

"Of course, of course," G'Kar said, stepping aside so she could come in. He closed the door and walked over to his table, gesturing for her to sit as well.

"Now, what is this news that I should take sitting down?" G'Kar asked.

Ivanova took a deep breath. God, how was she to explain this?

"Have you ever seen the Star Wars movie saga?" she asked finally.

G'Kar nodded. "I do believe I have, actually. Something you humans call science fiction, am I correct? The one with the lightsabers and the Force and the Skywalkers?"

"Yes. I'm actually kind of surprised you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, apparently the universe is real in some alternate dimension, because Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi stepped through a magic door in the docking bay where Bester was waiting to take Control away," Ivanova explained. "They claimed they know how to fix her. They performed a series of Jedi Mind Tricks on her, then brought her somewhere. I'm assuming the meeting room, but I'll know for certain when Sinclair calls on the comm. They said they needed all four of the major ambassadors to complete their ritual."

G'Kar took this all very well. Instead of questioning endlessly as Ivanova was almost sure Londo would be doing (she had to pity Garibaldi; it took a lot to withstand Londo Mollari), he merely asked, "So what exactly is this supposed to do?"

Ivanova couldn't stop her voice from breaking as she said, "It's supposed to bring Talia back."

G'Kar understood immediately. "Then of course I will come," he said. Ivanova nodded, blinking away traitorous tears.

Sinclair buzzed her comm. "Ivanova," she said.

"Meeting room. That's where they took her. Delenn's with me, what about G'Kar?" Sinclair reported.

"Here and coming, Sinclair," G'Kar said.

"Yeah, what he said," Ivanova confirmed. "You know if Garibaldi or Lyta have had any luck with Londo or Kosh?"

"Lyta and Kosh are here, I'm not sure about Garibaldi," Sinclair said.

Ivanova nodded, though of course he couldn't see her. "We'll be there as fast as we can."

She cut the link. "Let's go."


Ivanova and G'Kar arrived at the same time as Garibaldi and Londo. The Narn and Centauri ambassadors glared at each other but remained civil.

"What exactly do we have to do?" Delenn asked the Jedi.

"Each of the ambassadors must contribute a Mind Trick," Anakin explained. "Then all of you will need to focus hard and lend us your energy to save your friend."

"That might be a problem," Londo said. "None of us are Jedi."

"It'll work," Obi-Wan assured him. "Anakin and I have studied this ritual very carefully, though we knew not why until we were brought here."

Ivanova found that a little strange, but then, she'd seen stranger. She did live on Babylon 5, after all.

"Narn first," Anakin said. G'Kar stepped forward.

"Concentrate," Obi-Wan instructed. "When you're ready, wave your hand like this -" He demonstrated - "and say what you're going to say, starting with the words, 'You are'."

G'Kar did as told. He waved his hand and said, "You are a friend."

Control shuddered slightly. She had been placed in a chair but wasn't bound - she was still unconscious. Bester, on the other hand, was being held back by Zack Allan and two of his men.

"Minbari," called Obi-Wan. "Same ritual."

Delenn closed her eyes, waved her hand, and said, "You are an inspiration."

"Centauri," Anakin called. Londo stepped forward, looking apprehensive.

"You are a kind woman," Londo said with a wave of his own hand.

"Vorlon," Obi-Wan said.

Kosh, obviously, could not wave his hand, but the message was still clear (for once - Vorlons were a cryptic people) as he said, "You are a believer."

Control had shuddered more violently at each one, but now she relaxed. Obi-Wan's voice was low as he gave the assembled group their next set of instructions.

"Now, each of you must do this together. Concentrate on your friend Talia Winters, on bringing her back. This will be like one collective Jedi Mind Trick. All of you must wave your hands at once and say the words, in strong, clear tones: 'You are Talia Winters.' Only then will she wake as herself, all trace of Control gone for good."

"Do you all understand what is expected of you?" Anakin asked. "If one of you slips even the slightest bit, both Control and Talia will be gone, and all hope of saving your friend will be lost."

Ivanova glanced around at the determined looks on everyone's faces, then stepped forward and said, "We're ready, Master Jedi."

Anakin and Obi-Wan exchanged a look. "Then prepare yourselves."

Everyone taking part in the ceremony - Ivanova, Sinclair, Garibaldi, Lyta, G'Kar, Delenn, Londo, Kosh, and the two Jedi themselves - closed their eyes and concentrated. Ivanova drew her thoughts toward Talia - bring her back, bring her back, oh God, please let this work and bring her back, bring her back...

The ten participants waved their hands in the motion of a Mind Trick and said as one: "You are Talia Winters."

"Again," Obi-Wan said.

"You are Talia Winters."

"Once more," Anakin prompted.

Ivanova's voice was perhaps the loudest as they chorused for the final time, "You. Are. Talia. Winters."

Ivanova could never quite accurately describe what happened next. It was as if a blinding glow of warm white light enveloped the room. When she opened her eyes, Control - or was she Talia again? - was stirring in her chair.

Ivanova approached, aware of everyone's eyes on her but not caring.

"Talia?" she asked.

The telepath opened her eyes at the sound of Ivanova's voice.

"Ivanova?" she murmured.

Ivanova held herself back from a smile of relief; she didn't know if this was really Talia or not.

"Talia? Is it you?" Ivanova asked, praying that it was.

Talia hesitated a moment, as if making sure. "It's me," she said. "It's really me. I can't sense Control's presence. I'm free."

Now Ivanova smiled. "It worked," she whispered. Then, turning back to the others, she repeated herself, louder this time. "It worked!"

Everyone cheered. Even Kosh. Literally cheered. Except Bester, who struggled in Zack Allan's grip. "NO!" he cried.

Ivanova glared at him. So did everyone else.

"Can I kill him yet, Obi?" Anakin asked.

"Let Ms. Winters do it," Obi-Wan suggested. "She has perhaps the most reason to hate him."

Anakin shrugged. "As long as he dies, I don't care who swings the lightsaber."

Talia hesitated, glancing at Ivanova, then at the lightsaber that Anakin was now offering her.

"Do it," Ivanova urged.

Talia took the lightsaber, standing up. "Hold him still," she growled. "I want my face to be the last thing he ever sees."

Zack and his men obeyed. Talia activated the lightsaber, and the sight of the blue blade made Bester whimper in fear.

"You deserve so much worse than this," Ivanova snarled.

"See you in hell, Bester," Talia said, and she ran him through with the lightsaber.

Everyone cheered again. Talia handed Anakin back the lightsaber and walked over to Ivanova.

"Thank you," Talia said. Ivanova wasn't sure if she was talking to everyone or just her. "Just you," she said.

"Don't do that," Ivanova admonished. "You know I hate that."

Talia smiled slightly. "Sorry," she apologized.

Whatever, Ivanova thought. Does she know how much I want to kiss her right now?

As if in answer, Talia pulled Ivanova by the collar of her jacket straight into a kiss.

Ivanova was aware that everyone was watching, but she didn't care. That settled it: she definitely loved this woman. And damn was she a good kisser...

For the third time that day, everyone cheered.

Talia and Ivanova eventually separated to breathe, and turned to the Jedi.

"Well, our job is done here," Obi-Wan said.

"It's time to go back to our own universe," agreed Anakin.

"Thank you for bringing me back," Talia told them. "All of you." Ivanova had a feeling she meant it, but Talia looked directly at her as she said the last part, so she wasn't sure.

"No probelm," Anakin said. A portal opened behind the Jedi, and Obi-Wan tugged at Anakin's sleeve.

"Come on, let's go home," he said. Anakin nodded, gave the assorted ambassadors and crew one last wave, then slipped his hand into Obi-Wan's and stepped through the portal, which closed behind them.

"Well, it's been an exciting day, but I'm going back to my quarters now if you don't mind," Londo announced. The other ambassadors followed suit, followed by the crew, leaving just Talia and Ivanova in the room.

"I'm glad you're back," Ivanova said.

Talia smiled. "I am too."

"I..." Ivanova started, but was cut off as Talia kissed her again.

"Don't even say anything," Talia admonished. "I know."

"Promise you're not reading my mind?" Ivanova asked.

"Promise," Talia replied.

Ivanova kissed her this time. "I love you."

Talia smiled. "I love you, too."

Now that, Ivanova thought, was the mark of a perfect day.


Sorry the ending is shit but like it's after midnight and I'm supposed to be upstairs but I had to finish this so...anyway, hope you enjoyed, I certainly did. Please leave a review!