Warning: Depression, suicidal thoughts


I don't know where my love for Kira came from exactly but I do know that I've looked up to Kira ever since I was a little boy. Four-years-old is probably the earliest I can remember and I remember worshipping Kira at such a young age.


Knight Yagami, Age 5

"Hello," a young Knight Yagami said excitedly to students in the Wammy House classroom, "I know that we're not supposed to give out our real names but I want to be called 'Kip'."

The teacher turned and patted Knight's shoulder. "Welcome to the Wammy House, Kip, you're a part of the family, now."

"Thank you," Knight said with a blushing smile.

"At our house, we'll groom you into becoming the world's smartest detective. Who knows, you might be able to surpass the world's current greatest detective."

"I know I will!"

Tell us a little about yourself, Kip."

"Okay." He looked down at his feet and rubbed his chin, thinking of something. His eyes lit up with excitement when he thought of something. "A lot of people say that I am smart and I like playing that game with those castles and horses."

"Chess?" the teacher asked.

Knight nodded. "Yeah."

"What do you want to be when you grow up, Kip?"

"I don't know," Knight shrugged, "But I know I'll be the best at whatever it is."

"Who are some people you look up to? Who do you aspire to be when you grow up?"

Knight already had an answer. "KIRA!"

The room suddenly went quiet, like someone pressed the mute button on a TV. The teacher's cheerful aura dropped in less than a second faster than the blink of an eye. She looked down at Knight with a guilty expression on her face. The students said nothing but stared at the smiling Knight, who looked like he did not have a worry in the world.

"Okay," the teacher, "Go take your seat, Kip."

Knight did as he was told and he sat next to a girl, who had red hair and went by the alias 'I or 'Ice'. She blushed and side-eyed him.

Knight noticed her and she turned away shyly. "Hi," he said quietly, not wanting to interrupt the teacher as she started her presentation.

"Hi," she nervously said. "My name is 'Ice'."

"That's a weird name," Knight said, "You got the wrong hair color."

Ice blushed as red as her hair.


A couple of weeks later, I had a video conference with the legend him, Near. I knew all about Near being the world's greatest detective and I was eager to ask him so many questions. When I asked him my question: 'What do you think of Kira?', his demeanor changed through the live stream. The answer to my question and I say, quote for quote, was 'Kira is nothing but a crazy mass-murderer. Nothing more, nothing less'. I had been at the Wammy House for about two weeks if memory serves correctly and that was the first time someone had dissed Kira in front of me. And to say that he was also the one who defeated Kira was adding salt to the wound. A wound in my heart.


Knight Yagami, Age 6

October 6, that was Knight 'Kip' Yagami's birthday. When the Wammy House threw him a party, the man running the orphanage, Roger Ruvie, gave Knight a birthday cake.

When it was time to sing happy birthday, no one sang along. The other kids just stared at Knight with blank expressions on their faces.

Why are they looking at me like that Knight wondered day in day out as he felt those daggers glared at him.

Maybe they're jealous, he told himself, Because I got a better score on the spelling test.

Even when the cut was cake, kids still got slices but no one bothered to eat next to Knight and didn't acknowledge the rest of the day.

It sure is lonely. No one is eating birthday cake with me. I'm sure it's fine.

Ice was the only one who gave Knight a birthday present wrapped in orange wrapping paper.

"I hope you like it, Kip," Ice said nervously. "My sister and I spent a lot of money for it."

Knight tore open the wrapping paper and discovered a chessboard. "Yay," he squealed as he opened it up to look inside. "This is so cool, thank you, Ice."

Ice nervously smiled.


I didn't know what the problem was. How could I; I was a little boy who thought of Kira as a hero. People were avoiding me for seemingly no reason at all. It sorta stung that no one would hang out with me but no matter what, I always kept a cheerful smile on my face. I felt like, if I dropped my smile for a single second, then I would fall into eternal sadness. I was just a little boy smiling, that's all I was.

Knight Yagami, Age 7

They say 2020 is supposed to be a new year, fresh, but it seems the complete opposite.

During the coronavirus pandemic, Knight was forced to stay indoors (as if he had a choice) and he had to practice social distancing. Whenever he went outside, he wore a face-mask to prevent infection and washed his hands almost hourly like a hypochondriac.

In September, one month before his seventh birthday, Knight was assigned an essay and submitted. He worked hard on the essay, putting his heart and emotions into the paper because the topic applied to him on an emotional level. He hoped that once his teachers read the paper, they would understand the love he has for his hero.

"What?" Knight exclaimed as he got his essay back. A big fat F was scribbled in red in the middle of his paper. "But how?" he shouted at the teacher, "How did I get an F? I made sure that I had no grammar errors and I followed the Answer, Prove, Explain format."

"Your essay was wonderful," the teacher said, "Astounding. No grammar errors of any kind."

"Then why did I fail?"

"Your topic."

Knight looked at the title at the top of his paper.

Why Kira is My Hero

"What's wrong with it?"

"The hero you wrote about is a mass murderer," the teacher scolded, "We teach ethics here at the Wammy House and what have we always taught you about Kira?"

"Kira is not a murderer," Knight nearly sobbed, "He's a savior. He brought peace to the world."

"Kira is nothing but an evil bastard, nothing more and nothing less."

"But," Knight began crying, "Please-"

"Failed."

Knight didn't bother to stay for class. He ran out of the room and went into his room to cry.


I put my heart and my soul into that paper. Kira has always been my hero and to have an F on that paper broke my heart. I cried myself to sleep, not a single soul comforting me. The next day at school, I was told to do a redo of the essay and pick another topic or I would fail the assignment completely. I couldn't do it. I couldn't pick up that pencil and write about why L was my hero because it would be a betrayal to the one person I truly look up to. I think something happened to me that night. I don't remember what it was exactly but I think it made me realize something. I didn't know what it was at the time, however.


Knight Yagami, Age 8

May 1, 2022

"Kira is back," a child said.

When Knight heard Kira's name, he raced into the entertainment room and turned to the TV in anticipation. There were worldwide reports that Kira has returned but in a different way. It was not Kira, but someone with Kira's power. Knight was happy to hear that Kira was back but once he realized that this person with Kira's power was starting an auction to sell the power to remotely kill people, he became heart-broken once again.

"What?" Knight said in horror. "Kira is selling his power?"

The news showed a photo of a message Kira left behind at Sakura TV station in Tokyo.

THE POWER TO KILL PEOPLE AS REMOTELY USED BY KIRA IS BEING PUT UP FOR AUCTION. IF YOU WANT TO BUY IT, USE THE HASHTAG #POWEROFKIRA ON TWITTER AND INDICATE YOUR BID AMOUNT IN AMERICAN DOLLARS.

It was bittersweet. It was sweet because Kira was back, but bitter because he was selling his power to remotely kill people.

How could this happen? If you have Kira's power to kill, you should use it for the good of mankind. You should use it to make the world a better place. If someone were to buy this power, they would use it for their own selfish reasons.

He balled up his fists in anger.

Kira, how could you do this? How could you sell the powers of a god? You're not Kira, you're a false god. You don't care about justice, you're only in it for the money. I hope that Near catches you, 'Kira', and he sentences you to death.

He was about to burst with anger.

I hope you die!

He walked out of the room after kicking a boy's toy truck against the wall out of anger. He stormed back into his room.

Three weeks later, Kira's power to remotely kill people was sold to the United States of America for ten trillion US dollars before it was distributed equally into everyone with a Yotsuba account under the age of sixty.

Knight had a smile on his face as he watched the news on the TV.

You may have not been worthy of Kira's power, but you made good use of it, despite not killing anyone.

Japan's economy, which had been going downhill for the longest time, had jumped started and benefited nearly every citizen in Japan. The people of Japan were grateful for this Kira incident that the public dubbed 'The Kira Bubble.'

I guess I can let this one slide, Knight thought, After all, this Kira forced Near to admit defeat and everyone now believes that Kira is a hero.


I think it was about a month or two after the Kira Bubble that I started to look at things differently. Now that I realize that Kira was never coming back and I was being raised in the same house that the man who defeated Kira was raised in, I had different opinions. As days turned into weeks, I slowly began to realize that I was truly alone in this orphanage and I would always be outcast as someone who is supporting a terrorist. I wanted to commit suicide, I wanted to hang myself because I was going to be living in a house that opposes my hero my entire childhood life. I was never going to have a happy ending as long as I was living in this hellhole. I wanted to end my life, and I was barely eight or nine at the time. But something told me to hang on a little while longer.


June 10, 2022

"What's your thought process?"

A whole crowd of students sat in front of a computer with the live stream on. They couldn't see Near's face but they could see his letter and hear his voice.

When Near was asked a question, he answered as honestly as he could.

Knight was sitting all by himself away from the group of kids, his back turned to them as he played a game of chess with his own being the opponent.

Knight was less than interested to hear Near's thought process. He was usually a happy-go-lucky boy around the Wammy House, crying only when his savior and god, Kira, was tarnished and would cry for about ten minutes or so in his room. But for the past few weeks, he had been different. He didn't interact with any of the kids (even if they wanted to hang with him) and just sat all by himself, playing chess with no one but himself.

Ice came over to where Knight was sitting and she held out a glass of water. "I got you a glass of water in case you were thirsty."

He slapped his hand against the glass like swatting a fly. The glass fell to the ground and created a loud thump that caught the attention of the others.

"What's going on?" Near asked on the computer.

Upon hearing Near's voice directed to him, he slowly turned and faced the screen. There was a tear that escaped from his eye but he was fifteen feet away from the computer and doubted that Near could see it.

"I'm glad that A-Kira defeated you," he said, "You deserve it for defeating the real Kira."

Near then said, "Are you upset because I brought Kira to justice?"

Knight stands up. He faces the computer and slowly walks forward. "Kira was justice. Because of Kira, wars have ceased to exist and global crime rates have been reduced by over seventy percent. Not only that but Kira made peace a reality. Criminals walked away from robberies, rapes, murders, and got off scot-free when the justice system wouldn't bring them in. Honest and hard-working people who wanted nothing but happiness for their families had their loved ones taken from them by criminals. With Kira's law, criminals do suffer the repercussions of their actions and families can truly find happiness with their families. Children could grow up in a world where crime doesn't exist, where you could trust people, where there were genuinely nice people around to watch their backs. And because you killed Kira, criminals are now able to escape the police, families get torn apart, and children grow up in a world where violent crimes are a regular. It's because of what you did, Near, that you have destroyed peace!"

"Kira didn't bring peace, he only brought fear," Near suddenly said. "True, while I don't condone what Kira did, global crime rates did drop by seventy percent and in the last few years, violent crime rates spiked but that doesn't make it any less right. Wars have resumed and there are generations suffering but killing criminals is not the right way to bring world peace. If one person would judge all then we'd be living in fear of losing our lives. How can you call that peace? How can you call people fearing for their lives peace? If you have to kill people to bring peace to the world then it isn't peace."

"All you have to do is not break the law and you would be unharmed by Kira."

"Tell that to the FBI," Near rebutted.

Knight felt emotions rising within him. "It was necessary. Kira wanted to build a world where there was no crime and kind people lived. If he had been caught by the FBI or by L, then everything he would've done would've been for nothing. All those people that he killed would've been for nothing."

"So murdering innocent agents doing their job is necessary?"

"It's no different than what L did in having Lind L. Tailor take his place on the news. Kira could people so he could create a utopia and the FBI agents, they knew the risks but they went along with it, nevertheless."

"You shouldn't be rooting for Kira," a boy said, "He is evil."

"He is a hero," Knight shouted, "Why can't you all understand that?"

"Killing of any kind is injustice," a girl said.

"Tell that to the law that sentences people to death. Not only that but if killing is injustice, then why are there still wars? Why do we condone wars if the killing of any kind is wrong?"

"Think of all the falsely convicted people Kira killed," another boy yelled.

"And think about all the innocent people on death row. Near is brainwashing you guys, he wants you to hate Kira just because he took him down. Can't any of you see that Kira is justice? How he made peace a reality?"

Ice approached Knight and said, "Kip, there's no point in arguing."

Knight went silent.

"I think you should listen to her, Kip," Near responded.

Knight's back was turned to the computer. He stared intently at Ice as if she had set him up. His breath escaped through his teeth as his facial expression changed from the look of someone who has been defeated (and humiliated) to something else.

He balls up his fists and glares.

His hair and eyes turn red.

They all deserve to die.


The owner can have their memories of the Death Note erased if they so desire.

A god of death should stay near the owner of the Death Note, but they may go as far away as 14 km.

A human who buys or sells a Death Note will die.