So I suddenly became a theater a kid, and I love Be More Chill so much (especially George Salazar :) )
Then, a month later, I had a nightmare concerning Michael and Jeremy.
So I wrote it out to all the people who still are active in the fandom.
Bad choice for coming back from a long time ago, I know, I know.
Anyways, here it is.
It's been two weeks since the whole Squip fiasco. Things never worked out between Jeremy and Christine. Christine just wanted to giver Jeremy and, honestly herself, a chance, but they just weren't happy knowing they both didn't share a strong connection with each other. So, they broke it off, but ae still good friends.
Yes, Jeremy was kinda bummed about it, but he had a much bigger problem to think about.
Michael, his one and only friend of twelve years, was no longer speaking with him. Jeremy knew why, and he didn't blame Michael. Jeremy ditched him, so it was only fair that Michael could ditch Jeremy.
But Jeremy missed him. He missed Michael so much, it felt like hell without him. They had done everything together: play videogames, 7/11, talk with each other nonstop, and, really, just be there for each other.
That was all gone now, though, and Jeremy hated it. He found himself crying over Michael often. He also couldn't stop thinking about all the horrible things the Squip said to Jeremy.
'Everything about you is so terrible.'
"Everything about me is so terrible."
'Everything about you makes me want to die.'
"Everything about me makes me wanna…die"
Michael would've slapped Jeremy and told him literally everything Michael loved about him. Michael would've made sure Jeremy would never say such things again, let alone ever think about them. Michael would've done things with Jeremy to make Jeremy know that at least Michael loved him for himself.
Michael, Michael, Michael…
Jeremy couldn't take it anymore. He spent all day in his room crying, trying getting over Michael, (But failing miserably) and just lying in bed doing nothing but feeling like a guilty, lazy, piece of shit (which Jeremy had come to terms to believe himself as).
Jeremy grabbed his phone and turned it on. Naturally, it blinded him, so he turned the brightness down. He opened his texts with Michael. His last text to him was from three weeks ago. It was from Michael, which said,
"goodnight homie 3"
Jeremy almost teared up seeing the heart. He typed his text.
"Michael? Please, lets talk" Jeremy pushed send. He waited a couple minutes.
Jeremy tried again. "C'mon man please"
Jeremy slightly cringed. He shakily typed out his "last" attempt. "Please just talk to me, we can make this work"
Jeremy turned off his phone to let some tears flow. He knew no one was watching, but even Jeremy himself hated seeing himself cry.
Jeremy opened his eyes in shock. He quickly typed his password and read Michael's text. He frowned.
"Why not? You can come over and we can talk, or maybe I can come over to your place."
Jeremy was never formal in texting, but this was different. Jeremy needed to at least hear Michael's voice so bad, he was willing to give it his all, which could only go so far. Proper spelling would have to do.
"Where we used to play videogames all day, when we were friends? Hell no"
Jeremy let more tears slip down his face.
"We could go to 7/11?"
"What do you not understand about no?"
This was it. This was it forever. Probably the last thing either of them would hear from each other with. They were horrible last words to end anything on, especially twelve years of friendship.
Jeremy covered his mouth and didn't hold anything back. He dropped his phone on the bed and cried. Not even cried, sobbed. Hysterically. Pained screams joined. Swirling, harsh thoughts circled his mind.
'What were you thinking?!
'You abandoned him for a girl you never had a chance with? And popularity?'
'You deserve this.'
'Everything about you really does make me wanna die.'
'You're the real loser.'
Jeremy gasped and shot up out of his sleeping position. He was crying in his sleep, something he did often now. The Squip really messed him up. Nightmare have become a regular occurrence. But this one…this one was the worst one. Nothing is worse than losing Michael.
Jeremy continued to silently cry to himself as he felt around for his phone. He turned it on, strangely enough the brightness already turned down to a non-blinding setting. That worried Jeremy more.
He typed in his password, and opened his texts with Michael. Their last conversation ended with a last text from Michael.
Jeremy just glanced at it before looking over his phone. He wasn't ready to read what he assumed it said. He slowly forced his eyes down to the last text.
"goodnight homie 3"
Whew! That relieved Jeremy, so much it almost made him smile. But he wasn't totally sure of anything yet. Right now, he was just happy to know that that awful conversation never happened.
Jeremy checked the time. 2:34 a.m.
Jeremy needed to hear Michael. He needed to know if Michael was mad at him.
Jeremy decided to call Michael. He didn't know if Michael was going to pick up. He really hoped he would. Jeremy pushed call, and put the phone on speaker. He felt too weak to even lift the phone up to his ear. He was also exhausted from crying all day, which he was still doing.
The ringing stopped, and Jeremy heard slight shuffling sounds on Michael's end. Jeremy sincerely wasn't expecting him to pick up, so he quickly tried to put on his, 'I've been awake for hours and totally haven't been crying all day' voice.
"Jeremy, it's 2:30 in the morning, are you okay?" You could clearly hear the worry in Michael's voice.
"C-Can I…*sniff* can I come over?"
"Do you want me to come over to yours? You don't have to do anything, you sound awful!"
"It's ok…I-I'll be over soon…"
"Ok, but take it easy on your way here."
The call ended. Michael was on his phone before, in his basement. It was Friday night, (technically Saturday now, huh?) so he allowed himself to stay up this late. He pretty bored, but after hearing that? Now he was big boy worried.
Jeremy only stuttered when he was nervous or worried, and he sounded like he was crying.
Michael rushed up the stairs to the front door, where he would await Jeremy's arrival.
Michael tried to think of what made Jeremy so upset. His first guess was nightmares. Jeremy had told Michael about them since he first started having them, which was a couple days after the whole Squip thing.
Michael could never imagine what it was like to constantly have that thing around. Jeremy had told him it would shock him, scold him for the simplest things, or even prevent him from moving or talking. Michael wouldn't be surprised of the aftermath it would have on Jeremy. Nightmares would be a common consequence.
Another, more reasonable guess to Michael, was that he wasn't…feeling well? Not, like, physically, but, like, emotionally? Michael couldn't count how many times Jeremy had tried to tell him he was sorry for the shit he put Michael through. Yes, that was a horrible thing to do, but Michael knew Jeremy wouldn't actually leave him…
That question's been haunting his mind for a while. Michael was so compelled to forget about Jeremy when he was Squipped, he really did think Jeremy was serious about leaving him. Again, Jeremy would do anything and everything to reassure Michael would he would never leave him again, and Michael would say vice versa. Michael would never leave Jeremy. That was a fact. But Michael could never be sure that Jeremy really believes that.
That's what worries Michael. He sometimes thinks, that one day, Jeremy will get so caught up in the thought of Michael leaving him, that Jeremy will end up leaving himself. All because Michael wouldn't have to deal with Jeremy. Of course, Jeremy would think he's making a good decision, like he has the intention to not make Michael worry, but it would end up just like last time. Jeremy ditched Michael. Again. They would both suffer from that.
Michael hoped that, one day, Jeremy can just accept that Michael will be in his life forever. That's what Michael wants, at least.
Michael jumped a little when he heard a low-effort knock at his door, interrupting his thoughts. He opened the door to see a broken Jeremy; tear-stained face, slightly hunched over, gripping his hands too tightly.
"C'mere, Jeremy." Michael said softly as he pulled Jeremy into a hug.
Jeremy cried into Michael for a bit as they stood there for a little bit as they stood there, Michael noting that his friend's grip was extremely strong.
"I'll get you water and I'll meet you in the basement, ok?" Michael said.
Jeremy hesitantly let go and Michael guided him to his basement stairs.
Jeremy looked back at Michael. Once he saw Michael go into the next room, he rushed down the stairs as fast as he could. He flopped onto his bean bag, and just…god, he really doesn't know. His mind was all over the place. He wanted to keep crying his eyes out, but he also wanted to shut up. He wanted to keep everything in, but he also wanted to vent to Michael as he held him close and listened.
As Jeremy thought about his situation right now, he began to feel a little ashamed about himself. Jeremy Heere, crying out to his best friend because of some stupid nightmare at 3 in the morning. How pathetic.
Jeremy buried his face in his hands. He hated beingseen crying. He felt so vulnerable, as if he wasn't already sensitive enough. It at least wasn't as bad with Michael, but it was still rare for Michael to see Jeremy cry. Jeremy still wasn't too comfortable crying in front of Michael.
Speaking of Michael, he peered around the corner, and his heart sunk. He hated seeing Jeremy like this. He never deserved any of this.
Michael walked over to his bean bag and pulled it closer to Jeremy. Michael sat down, and held the cup of water in his hand out to Jeremy. Jeremy moved h hand from his face to take the water. He took a nice swig of it, and he set it down next to him. Jeremy leaned into Michael, and Michael held him tight.
"You wanna tell me?" Michael asked. "I'm not forcing you though."
Jeremy stayed silent for a bit. "I had a nightmare."
"Figured." Michael commented. "It was pretty bad, huh?"
The two stayed in silence for a while.
Jeremy shifted in Michael's arms so that Jeremy could look at Michael without having to crane his neck upward.
"I dreamt that you ditched me." Jeremy said. "You weren't talking to me, so I thought we could…fix it?"
Michael listened, feeling more saddened.
"I t-tried texting you, but you wouldn't hear me out-" Jeremy inhaled sharply.
"You…you told me to fuck off…"
Michael's eyes widened. Jeremy visibly tried not to cry again, but Michael held the back of his head and rubbed his back to let Jeremy know it was okay if he did cry.
So, he did. Jeremy cried some more as he wrapped his arms around Michael. He felt a little more comfortable crying in front of Michael now.
If Michael was being completely honest, he was happy about this. Not Jeremy's nightmare, or him crying, of course. Just the fact that Jeremy came all the way over to Michael's house at 2:30 in the morning just to make sure that Michael was there for him. That meant Jeremy may trust that Michael wasn't going to leave him after all. He had to make sure, though.
"Hey, Jeremy?" Michael asked softly.
Michael cupped Jeremy's cheeks and gently lifted his head so that his eyes could meet Michael's. "Can you promise me two things?"
Jeremy tried to quiet himself so he could listen.
"I would never, ever ditch you. You mean the entire universe to me. I love you with all my heart, and I could never even think about losing a friend like you."
"B-But I almost-"
"Shut up, Jeremy, I know." Michael cut him off. "You were just so caught up in wanting to be noticed by other people-" Michael lowered his voice a bit, "and Christine-" Michael returned his voice to normal. "that you lost sight of…me…"
Jeremy glanced down and bit his lip.
"But I know that you never meant to, right?" Michael asked with a hopeful smile.
"You just weren't thinking right, and the Squip made it worse?"
Jeremy nodded again.
"So here's the first promise: Do you promise to never leave me again?"
"I swear" Jeremy said whole-heartedly.
"Okay. Now, the second promise…" Michael paused for a couple seconds. "I know you think that I might leave you. But all you did is forgiven an in the past. Promise me, Jeremy, that you won't ever think again that I might leave you."
Jeremy stared at Michael. This was…challenging to say the least. How could you not constantly think your best friend for years isn't going to hate or abandon you because you abandoned them?
"Jeremy, please." Michael's eyes glistened. "I need you to trust me. We don't want to lose each other again, and in order for that to happen, we need trust. I can't have you worry about me leaving when I won't."
Jeremy looked down.
"I care about you. I need you. I don't want you to leave me again. You're all I've ever had, and I-I…" Michael stopped and let some tears fall.
Jeremy noticed and held Michael's hands, which were still holding Jeremy's cheeks.
Michael looked into Jeremy's piercing blue eyes. "Please, Jer."
Michael was very adamant about this. The least Jeremy could do was try. He didn't want to let Michael down, or have Michael worry about him.
Jeremy smiled. "I promise." Jeremy pulled Michael into a warm hug. They held onto each other for a long time, just enjoying each other's company.
They pulled away, and Michael asked, "Uh, do you wanna stay over tonight…and tomorrow?"
"Of course, you dork."
"You're calling me a dork?"
"Because that's what you are." Jeremy teased.
"Well, I'll get Apocalypse of the Damned out." Michael said, getting up.
"We're gonna beat level nine tonight!" Jeremy said confidently.
A/N: They didn't :(
Feel free to correct or criticize me on anything, it's all welcomed and appreciated!