Louds In The Cradle: Chapter 12

We're about to have Lynn Sr reveal that he doesn't much care for the way the girls blind themselves to any positive traits Lincoln might have. Also, Rita makes a prediction that doesn't sit at all well.

"And before you butt in, I do mean HIS mistakes and HIS this and HIS that and HIS the other thing. I've noticed that you girls wanna 'help' Lincoln by holding him down and putting him in his place."

"What are you literally talking about, Daddy? We don't 'hold him down', we keep him from reaching too far."

"Yeah. You keep telling yourself that, Lori. Whatever helps you sleep at night. Betcha you slept like a baby after dishing out a load of huffy guano about how 'stupid' he was to worry about the hand-me-down bike. That was dim of him to expect you to sympathize with his problem. Making him feel like crud because he didn't agree with the stupid premise 'None of we GIRLS are going to have other girls tear us a new asshole for riding a girls' bike so you are a bad person for expecting us to care that other boys are going to tear strips off of you' must have brought you the same gladness that leaving him holding the bag for the Loud Games mess did. And, yes, before you ask how I figured that out, I should remind you I'm not stupid. Every time Lincoln does something that blasted stupid, it always, ALWAYS turns out that he's responding to something you say or do that implies that he's less of a man than he likes to see himself as being. Why else did he go off into the woods and act as if park rangers put up signs saying "Camp here and YOU! WILL! DIE!" just to unman him?"

"Uh...what? Lame-O did what now?"

"Well, Ronnie Anne, it's like this. They got to watching that moronic dating show and he was following along and Hot Lips over here paid him what she thought was a compliment and called him one of the girls. Since he gets enough of that static at school (mostly from the McCann boy), he felt as if his virility was slipping through his fingers and he proceeded to drag Clyde into a vortex of stupidity and failure. What managed to save the day was his realization that skills are gender-neutral."

"What about all the dumb things he does trying to make a name for himself? You can't blame that on us."

"Well, Luna, you'd think that but you'd be wrong. He fears that he's going to be lost in the shuffle because he's actually going to have to work hard to achieve something instead of being instantly good at something. Living with people who should be sitting in their dorm from at Xavier's School For Gifted Youngsters filled with angst about living in a world that fears and hates them is starting to warp how he sees things. Geez. All I had to deal with is a Ray Barone to my Robert. I never had to contend with child prodigies who don't know to be grateful. It's the devil's own job to try to get him to believe that I had to work to become the chef I am now. He knows it in his brain but his heart'll take years to catch up."

"You're forgetting the other thing that putting him in his place is going to do if we don't nip that in the bud, dear: what the cops are going to find when they toss his place in twenty years."

"Mom….what 'cops'? Why are policemen going to worry about him?"

"Well, Luan, it's like this. If you girls don't stop ganging up on him because you think that when he says "I'm glad I'm a guy", he means "GIRLS ARE STUPID!", he's either going to end up being some festering pestilence telling women 'Service me or kiss your career goodbye' OR they're gonna have to shoot him down like a rabid dog when he shoots up a girls' soccer tournament. In that case, they're going to find a manifesto declaring that a whole bunch of people need to be put in their place. The word rhymes with stitches. Care to guess what it is?"

No one bothered guessing. No one wanted to.