Late evenving at the 4077 MASH Unit. Colonel Henry Blake sat over his desk, contemplating the correlates of war. He received a letter from home just yesterday informing him of his old colleague Jim Weathers' fatal heart attack. Blake attributed the deadliness to Weathers' obesity.

Tomorrow, 17 July 1951 Blake operated with the rest of the surgeons after the newest arrivals. The good colonel fixed a crushed windpipe, stabilized blood loss in another and amputated his twisted leg, defeated the scraped kidney. All the while Hawkeye sang tunes and japed at the others and Trapper did much the same. Frank complained loudly about their behavior, Ms Houlihan said they were incorrigible, Father O'Reilly attended to those on the cusp of death, and Radar and Klinger watched the enterprise surreptitiously.

Indeed, Colonel Blake came to a decision. He summoned Trapper first to his office on the pretense of discussing his performance in surgery today. The good colonel immediately bid Trapper seat himself, then rose from his own chair and strode over to tower above the fellow. Henry played football in college; a tall and broad-shouldered man, and physically powerful still.

'Do you understand why you're here?' said Henry.

Trapper shrugged and twisted his expression. 'Are we going to play tiddlywinks?' Then he laughed and made to say something else, but Blake struck him full in the face, knocking him from his chair. Trapper gasped and scrambled to rise, but the colonel tossed the chair aside and slammed his booted foot into Trapper's side with enough force to break his ribs. The breathing rapidly changed. Colonel Blake kicked Trapper in the neck, grunted with effort, kicked him three more times in the back of the head and face. The Illinois man retrieved a knife from his belt, wrenched Trapper's head back by his hair, and sawed at his throat. The beady eyes widened and he clutched at his torn throat and gurgled, but Blake was already rising to his feet and making a call to Tokyo.

An hour later, Trapper's body and blood located elsewhere, Colonel Blake paid a surprise visit to the Burns tent. Inside was not Major Burns but his paramour, Margaret Houlihan, clad only in lingerie and brushing her silky blonde hair. Startled, she exclaimed and rose to her feet, and Blake smiled in a rueful but reassuring way.

'Frank is expected?'

Margaret turned red but did not deny it.

'Is he late?'

'Sir, is there something you need to tell him?'

He crossed the distance with several long strides and tackled her to the ground, stifling her quickly. His massive hand was clamped over her mouth, and he drew out a knife with the other and held it at her throat, telling her to be silent. With her compliance, Blake bound Houlihan with astounding tightness, into a hogtie, and he shoved a rag deep into her throat, making her groan in protest, and wedged a scarf between her teeth to secure it and knotted it at the back of her head savagely. Her cheeks bulged, the corners of her mouth were pinched, and she was constantly retching and on the verge of puking. Houlihan's eyes implored Henry Blake, but he was writing a note, and after soem time he stapled it to her forehead. She did not yelp so much as grimace and make a strangled grunt, still threatening to vomit.

Soon after Blake followed Hawkeye to his place in the latrines, quite sure that the two were alone. Hawkeye was pissing there, whistling to himself, but Blake crept behind him stabbed him hard in the small of his back, and the paralyzed jester toppled face-first into the stream of piss. Blake slammed the knife into Hawkeye's neck several times and the man died in short order.

Now, the colonel cleared himself with the generals in Tokyo, and spoke through his mouthpiece Radar in the following days. Burns was well in hand and would do as he was told from now on, the mechanics and cooks and such were kept in line with other coercion, and nurses were kept tightly tied up and gagged at nearly all times of the day, and none of them were brought out to aid in surgery. No undue attention came to the unit, as Blake knew many things about the generals that they did not want revealed, and he had a dead-man switch of sorts in case they killed him. From time to time the dead soldiers would be fed to the nurses, and the effects of this were noted and an intense pleasure came to Blake when the gags would be reapplied to the women and their circulation was threatened from the tightness of the ropes.

The end.