Taylor: Ok guys, here we go... the final chapter of our Broadway adventure... let's do this...

Beetlejuice The Musical

A drum roll starts up followed by red lights flashing over the stage

Announcer voice: It's that time once again, it's time to play Life or Death! (cheering sound effects are played)

Betelgeuse: (comes out with a bright yellow jacket and bright light blue pants and a long thin microphone in her hand, she looks over at the stand over 5 skeleton fans section and waves at them before looking over at David, Mickie and Demi sitting in contestant stands and flips them off before laughing) That's right! It's time for America's favorite gameshow! Where the contestants SUCK! And the host is very angry because her plan to come back to life just went balls up! (she laughs then gets a stern look on her face) SHUT UP! It's time for some people to die (she turns to a curtain in the middle of the room and grabs it, pulling it down, revealing a wheel that has Gaga tied to it)

Gaga: No don't spin the wheel, I don't want to die!

Demi: Don't worry Gaga, we'll put you in the Soul Box!

Gaga: (looks at Demi and rolls her eyes) Demi don't you get it, I'm a fraud, my name isn't Gaga

Demi: Wait.. what?

Gaga: It's Stefani, none of this Life Coaching stuff is real (she cries out)

Demi: (looks at Gaga with a shocked look then she turns to Betelgeuse and grabs the mic) Spin the wheel!

Betelgeuse: You heard the lady, Yea! (she spins the wheel and each peg on the wheel hits Gaga in the face as it spins by) And as your Guru Gaga always says, this is taking too long!

Gaga: I never said that! (she yells as Betelgeuse pushes the wheel with to the side and off the stage)

Betelgeuse: Well now that the trash is out of the way, how... (she stops when the Nether World door opens)

Hayley: Hey BJ (she walks out of the door in a red wedding dress, followed by Miley who is in a tux)

Betelgeuse: Hayley?

Hayley: What's wrong baby? Did you think I wasn't coming back? (she goes up and hugs Betelgeuse)

Betelgeuse: Well... I mean... you literally jumped into Hell to get away from me

Hayley: Well... I had a change of heart... I realized... I don't want to go through life alone

Miley: And she wanted my blessing (she walks up to Betelgeuse and puts an arm around her shoulders) Miss Juice... I respect your persistance...

Hayley: (quickly huddles up Mickie, David and Demi as Miley ushered Betelgeuse away) Just play along, we have a plan

Miley: Your moxy (sees Betelgeuse somewhat heard Hayley and turns Betelgeuse back to face her) look at me! (she laughs nervously) I'm crying... because I'm so happy.. welcome to the family (she squeezes Betelgeuse's shoulder as Hayley comes over and wraps her arms around Betelgeuse's arm)

Betelgeuse: Wow... I can't believe it... really I can't believe it, time to die! (she breaks off the ball at the top of the mic so it's sharp at the end then tries to stab Miley with it)

Mickie: WAIT JUST ONE DAMN MINUTE! (Mickie comes out and turns Betelgeuse to face her)

David: Oh wow Mickie (has a shocked look on his face)

Mickie: I have something to say... Ever since we met you have pinched me.. and groped me... and harrassed me... And I want to tell you in front of all of these people... that it... has... worked! (everyone does the 'Tim Allen Tool Man Huh' sound as Mickie unbuttons the top two buttons of her shirt, revealing some clevage) I want you Betelgeuse and I want everyone here to know (she steps closer to Betelgeuse and kisses her)

David: What the hell? (he pulls Mickie off of Betelgeuse and steps in front of her)

Mickie: Hodges 2.0 (she whispers to David)

David: Right (he whispers back then turns to Betelgeuse) I'm angry! Because I too want you Betelgeuse (he grabs Betelgeuse and pulls her close but he can't quite make himself kiss her) We all are!

Everyone: Yea, totally! Right!

Betelgeuse: Hold on, hold on! This is all... very believable... I'm a highly sexual being and I do enjoy a good orgy... But... and I say this with love... Y'all don't seem like the orgying type (she looks at Demi and points at her) Except this one... this one's done some things, I can tell (Demi at first looks offended but then turns her head and tries to hide her blushing)

Hayley: But Betelgeuse, it's not about that, it's about love and the people you choose to share it with (she wraps her arms around Betelgeuse's arm)


Hayley: Way back when

I was just 10

Simple and sweet

Everywhere, people would stare

Out at the street

And I felt used

Kinda confused

I would refuse to look in their eyes

But now I really love

Creepy Old Girls! (she hugs Betelgeuse tight)

Everyone: We all do!

Mickie: Gum disease (Betelgeuse feels her mouth)

Demi: Skin like grilled cheese (Betelgeuse looks over the skin on her hands and feels her face)

Hayley: Saggy old asses!

Everyone: Saggy old asses!


Betelgeuse: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I may have bad skin and teeth but this ass is far from saggy! (she turns and runs her hand over her ass before a popping noise is heard and her ass sags in front of everyone and she turns, trying to hide it) Ok... continue


Hayley: Cute and vile

Mickie: (in her 'scary' voice) Hey baby, smile

Hayley: To each girl that passes (she steps between Demi and Mickie as they link arms)

Mickie: They make me blush

Demi: Can't get enough

Hayley: Now one of them loves me and wants to be mine

Marrying my own

Creepy Old Girl!

Betelgeuse: (David and Miley rip off Betelgeuse's gameshow host suit and reveal a nice red tux underneath) I'm a Creepy Old Girl!

Hayley: My Creepy Old Girl (she grabs Betelgeuse's hand as Mickie and Demi do the same and they dance step from one side of the stage to the other)

My Creepy Old Girl!

I'm so happy I could cry (she puts Betelgeuse's arm over her shoulders)

Demi and Mickie: Girls may seem disgusted, but we're actually just shy

Hayley: My Creepy Old Bride

Mickie and Demi: Creepy Old Bride (Mickie grabs a small bouquet of flowers and brings it to Hayley)

Hayley: Play that wedding tune

Folks step aside

Betelgeuse: (leans over to Mickie) You know I am older, but I'm glad I waited

Hayley: Here comes the bride

I am marrying my

Creepy Old Girl

Everyone: Creepy Old Girl (the skeletons get up and start moving the gameshow set off the stage)

Creepy Old Girl

Creepy Old Girl

Hayley: I'm marrying a girl! (Betelgeuse comes over, fixing her coat)

Fix her hair (David, Miley and the skeletons take Betelgeuse and surround her)

Get her prepared

For Armageddon

Mickie: Sure this ghoul

crawled out of a tomb

Demi: Hey hey it's a wedding! (grinding on one of the skeletons)

Hayley: Hit the lights

Pick up some rice

Now it's my day to shine! (she turns to the side as Miley and David pull a sheet off of Betelgeuse, showing her hair was now braided and neat)

Getting hitched to my

Creepy Old Girl!

Mickie: It's Showtime! (she hops beside Betelgeuse and spanks her, making Betelgeuse jump and she smiles)

Everyone: Creepy Old Girl (Hayley and Betelgeuse dance with each other)

Creepy Old Girl

She's marrying a Creepy Old Girl

Miley: Have you guys seen Lolita? This is just like that, but fine

Everyone: Creepy Old Ghoul (the skeletons pull Hayley away and fix a vale on her)

Creepy Old Ghoul

Our faith has been renewed

Now love is alive!

Hayley: (walking towards the front of the stage as the skeletons hold her vale up from the floor) Wave your baby girl goodbye

I am walking down the aisle

I wanna see a tear in every eye as I pass by (Betelgeuse walks up beside her and takes her arm)

I know that on the outside she's disgusting

And even on the inside she's disgusting

But I know this time I'm making it right!

Everyone: Making it right

Making it right!

Hayley: With my family by my side

Betelgeuse starts dancing with the skeletons, they spin her around then dip her before making a line behind her and high stepping with her to the music before doing a bit of a tap dance number, a few of the skeletons doing flips in front of the others before Betelgeuse makes her way to the front of the stage then raises her hand as the skeletons shoot of a few small confetti cannons over her

Betelgeuse: O M G

Dressed to a T

Fancy and formal

I found me a wife

L'chaim! to life

This is so normal!

I was ignored

But now, I'm adored

Cause I extored, tortured and lied!

Give it up for my

Underaged bride! (she holds her arms out to Hayley as she appears at the bend of the stairs)

Everyone: Here comes the bride!

Here comes the bride!

God be glorified!


Everyone: (puts on a stone face) I can't believe some cultures think this kind of thing is alright


Hayley: (everyone starts dancing again as Hayley takes Betelgeuse's hands) My Creepy Old Girl

My Creepy Old Girl

Doesn't she deserve a chance at life!

Betelgeuse: Ooh yea yea yea!

Everyone: Yea that's right!

Hayley: Let's make her alive!

I'm marrying my Creepy Old

Girl! (she takes Betelgeuse's hands and has Betelgeuse spin her before she hugs Betelgeuse)

Betelgeuse: I have chills!

Everyone: YEA!


Betelgeuse and Hayley: (wait until the audience applause dies down) I do

Betelgeuse: Ahh! (she holds her chest as strobe lights start flashing and smoke rises up from the ground and she spins around, still yelling then she drops to her knees and all the lights stop and the smoke disapates and birds chirping can be heard, she has a bright smile on her face) Wh.. Are those birds? They sound so beautiful, and that makes me feel... (she holds her chest) Oh my god I actually feel... Happy! I've never felt this way before! It's amazing! But what if it doesn't last? (she gets a concerned look on her face) Oh god I'm so worried now, the happiness is gone and that makes me feel so sad (she starts sobbing) I mean, what if I'm never happy again? And the thought of that just makes me so angry! (she gets an anger filled look on her face) And I don't know how to process my anger because as a society we don't teach people how to process our anger so maybe... maybe I'll try... Murder! (she turns to Miley and charges her)

Miley: Hayley! (Hayley comes up behind Betelgeuse with one of Demi's weird art pieces and stabs her through the chest)

Betelgeuse: Ahh! (she drops to her knees, letting her hands drop from her chest, seeing the piece of metal poking through her chest) Ok... ok I see what you did there, neat trick (she stands up) That.. feels... meaningful (she pushes the metal piece back through her chest, dropping back down to her knees from pain as Hayley drops the art piece on the floor)

Demi: Wait.. you brought her to life just so you could kill her?

Hayley: Exactly

Demi: But now she'll be... (Betelgeuse rises up to her feet)

Hayley: Recently deceased (she looks at David then gives him a piece of chalk) David we need a door

David: (nods then runs to the wall and draws a door) Chapter 1, All ghosts should proceed directly to the Nether World

Mickie: (knocks on the drawn door 3 times and it opens) Hey Betelgeuse

Everyone: Leave this house!

Betelgeuse: (in a trance, steps towards the door) Nether World

Swifty: Beetlejuice!

Betelgeuse: (breaks out of the trance) Oooh crap

Swifty: (walks through the door) I should have known you were involved in all of this, oh god you're such a screw up!

Betelgeuse: Why do you gotta be so hard on me mom?

Everyone except Swifty and Betelgeuse: Wait what?

Betelgeuse: You're embarrasing me

Swifty: Oh you're the embarrasment... to the dead... You're so desperate for (mocks Betelgeuse) "Somebody to love you" that you act like a damn fool, get out of the way! (she pushes Betelguese out of the way and looks at Hayley) You... no one ever leaves the Nether World... and I'm making sure of it (she steps towards Hayley)

Betelgeuse: (steps in front of Swifty) Back off mom! Because of her I got to live... briefly (she looks at Hayley) Very briefly (she looks at everyone else) And can I just say something? Life is a god damn roller coaster, I don't know how you people do it... One minute you're on top of the world and the next it comes crashing down and you feel like no one will ever love you (she looks into the audience at the guy she's been picking on all night and points to him) This guy knows what I'm talking about! (she smiles) You've been a great sport tonight, thank you so much for coming (she waves at him then turns back to Swifty) But it's worth it... every bit of it... and I'm not going to let you take it from her

Swifty: (looks at Betelgeuse for a moment then takes her glasses off then steps up to her and wraps an arm around her) Oh Taylor... That was beautiful, maybe I've been all wrong about you, and I'll admit I haven't always been such a good mother... but that's only because... I WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN! (she grabs Betelgeuse by her collar and pushes her into the Nether World door)

Betelgeuse: Ahh you tricked me with love! (the door slams shut behind her)

Swifty: (she turns to Hayley) And you! You're coming with me!

Hayley: You know what? I've already been to hell and back... and I learned a lot... and I think I'll take a chance on life and people... like these weirdos (everyone gathers around behind Hayley)

Miley: She's not going anywhere (Miley puts her hands on Hayley's shoulders)

Mickie: Yea back off (she puts and arm in front of Hayley)

David: Over our dead bodies (he does the same as Mickie from the other side of Hayley)

Demi: Yea I'm a part of this too, I don't get it but I'm a part of it! (she gets in front of Hayley and kneels down in front of her, holding her hands up like she's ready to box)

Swifty: (in a mocking voice) Oooh look at you, all ganging up on little old mean lady from hell... Adorable! (she drops her cigarette and stomps on it) Fine if you want to be together (her voice turns demonic) You can die together! (she takes a step forward but then the front door bursts open)

Betelgeuse: YEEE HAW! WOOO! (wearing a cowboy hat, riding on the back of the giant black and white striped snake as it sticks its head in and eats Swifty) Hold on there little buddy, hold on (she gets off the snake then pats the top of it's head then the top of the head that sticks out of its mouth) Now go on, get (she slaps it and it retreats back outside then Betelgeuse bends down and picks up one of Swifty's legs that was on the floor) Hey looks Hayley, now we both have dead moms (she is met with some 'Oohs' from the crowd so she just turns and tips her hat to them) Well I guess it's about time I get going, maybe I'll go on a vision quest! Maybe I'll go find my dad (she gasps) Oooh sequal anyone?

Everyone: NO!

Betelgeuse: Geez fine (she turns to David and walks up to him) David... you're boring... but you're brave... embrace that

David: Wow tha... (Betelgeuse covers his mouth)

Betelgeuse: Don't ruin it (she turns to Mickie and walks to her) Mickie, sweetheart... you're sexy, embrace that more (she reaches out to undo more buttons on her shirt but Mickie slaps her)

Mickie: Perv

Betelgeuse: (smirks) I'm gonna miss that (she turns and walks over to Demi) Diana

Demi: It's Demi

Betelgeuse: We didn't hang out much, I don't care (she turns to Miley) Miles, baby you strong, independent, take charge woman.. don't every change

Miley: I already did chance (she looks at Hayley) For her

Betelgeuse: Well go fuck yourself then (she pushes Miley out of the way and steps up to Hayley) And you Hayley... I think I'll miss you most of all (she puts her cowboy hat on Hayley's head then opens her arms and Hayley leans in and hugs her)

Hayley: (gets a disgusted look on her face) Ugh... you smell awful

Betelgeuse: (smiles) And I know that now (she pulls away from the hug and looks at everyone) Well... Bye! (she snaps her fingers and thunder claps as the Nether World door opens and the Betelgeuse doubles come out and pick her up into the air) Goodbye cruel world! (they carry her towards the door then set her down and she looks out as they all leave through the door) Tell my story! (she steps through the door and it slams shut, leaving Miley, Demi, Hayley, Mickie and David all by themselves)

Miley: Well... this has been a strange day

Hayley: (now back to wearing her black dress) Strange and unusual

Mickie: Your crazy plan worked!

Hayley: We make a good team... we did kill someone though

Miley: Yes but we did it together! (she comes over and hugs Hayley from the side)

Hayley: Mickie.. David.. do you mind if we all share this house?

Mickie: Oooh of course we don't mind

David: We'd love that... Sorry it's kind of a mess though

Mickie: Nothing we can't fix

Demi: Well... I'm so happy for all of you... I guess.. I'll just go (she turns to walk out the front door)

Hayley: Demi... wait

Demi: (turns around quickly) Yes did you say something?

Hayley: (walks up to Demi) I want you to stay... it's like you said... you don't always get it but you're a part of it

Demi: (she gets a big smile on her face) Sucks Yes! (she hugs Hayley tight then walks over to Miley) I'm sorry... I'm in hysteria... this is the best day of my life (she takes Miley's hand in hers)

Hayley: (turns on the record player and puts on a record) Well... let's clean up

Miley: (smiles as she recognizes the song) This was your mother's favorite song

Hayley: Wanna dance Smiles?


Hayley: Shake, shake, shake senora (she takes Miley's hands and dances with her)

Shake your body line

Shake, shake, shake senora

Shake it all the time (Miley spins her slowly)

Everyone: Work, work, work senora (everyone starts cleaning up)

Work your body line

Work, work, work senora

Work it all the time

Miley: My girl's name is senora

Mickie: I tell you friends I adore her

David: And when she dances oh brother

Demi: She's a hurricane in all kinds of ways

Everyone: Jump in the Line

Rock your body in time

Hayley: Ok I believe you

Everyone: Jump in the Line

Rock your body in time

Hayley: Ok I believe you

Shake, shake, shake senora (she starts levitating off the ground)

Demi: Ahhh!

Everyone: Shake your body line

Hayley: Work, work, work senora

Demi: Ahhh!

Everyone Work it all the time

Demi: Woo!

Hayley: Momma if you're listening

Doesn't this just blow your mind!

Everyone: Shake, shake, shake, shake senora

Shake, shake, shake, shake senora

Hayley: I was on a mission

This is what I left behind! (she lowers to the ground)

Everyone: Shake, shake, shake, shake senora

Shake, shake, shake, shake senora

Hayley: (goes to the front of the stage) I'll miss you everyday

Think a little stranger than usual

And you will find

Life! (she goes over to David and Mickie and hugs them)

Beyond all comprehension (goes over to Demi and Miley and hugs them)

Unless you noted all dimensions

A little unconventional I know (she walks back to the front of the stage)

But momma I'm home!

Everyone: Daylight come and me wanna go home

Hayley: I'm home!

Everyone: Daylight come and me wanna go home (Hayley does a little spin as everyone comes up behind her)

Shake, shake, shake senora

Hayley: I'm... Hooooome (she smiles big as the song ends and the lights goes off)

After a moment the lights come back on and everyone involved in the play is on stage and they all line up, holding hands and everyone takes a bow as the audience cheers, then the curtains close

The End

Taylor: Woo! That was out little adventure into Broadway, I really hope you enjoyed it because I sure did, it was nice getting back into the swing of things, and there is more to come, I plan on finishing two other stories that have already been started on here so look out for those, so until next time, Bye!