Thanks for giving this a shot. I haven't written in a long time and I suddenly decided to get back into it... (Quarantine am I right?) Please leave me a review if you have time and let me know what you think! Thanks everyone!
I don't own Twilight
"Edwaarrrdddd" I moaned as I was hunched over the toilet. He was immediately in the doorway to the bathroom. He looked at me sympathetically as I put my head on the cold toilet seat. Without saying anything he came over and sat down on the ground and pulled my hair back into his hands.
Last night we had gone out on our normal Thursday date night to Seattle. Halfway through dinner, I came down with the stomach flu. One minute I was laughing at Edward's joke about his sister's impatience for our wedding, then next I was dizzy and running- well walking quickly- to the bathroom.
Hopefully, this will be some kind of 24-hour flu and I can go back to work on Monday. I felt horrible for calling in a substitute. My first-graders at the elementary school had been counting on me, and I had subjected some poor soul to thirty individual six-year-olds.
Edward rubbed my back, "Bella," he whispered, "I wish you felt better. I hate seeing you like this."
"Ughhh." I moaned back, my head still firmly on the toilet seat.
I was lucky that Edward was there. He's a Ph.D. student at the Washington State University studying biology and he didn't have to go in on Fridays. Had I gotten sick on a Monday, he wouldn't have been able to stay home with me.
Edward was apparently thinking along the same lines because he said, "at least it's today."
Apparently I had enough energy to try to crack a joke back, "yeah and not in three weeks." Oh god. Three weeks. Was today the 11th already?
Edward smiled, apparently not on the same thinking trail as I was anymore, "Our wedding may have gotten postponed, or maybe downsized."
I couldn't look at him. I was counting. I sat up and pushed myself against the nearest wall. There was no way, I have an IUD.
Suddenly I was over the toilet again, throwing up just the stomach acid that was left in my stomach. Married, I thought about what Charlie had said about bringing a shotgun to the wedding, suddenly it didn't seem that far off.
When I was done I looked up at him, and he looked confused, "What's wrong my love?" Edward had picked up on my worry.
"It's not- it's not possible." I blurted out looking at the toilet.
He put his hand under my chin and pulled it up towards his, "What's not possible?"
It seemed impossible for him not to put it together. It felt like a million years since I realized what I was carrying. I met his deep green eyes, "I'm pregnant."
It was clear Bella wasn't joking, she really thought she was pregnant. But there was no way she could be, we weren't ready. We had talked about this and we wanted to be married, both with stable jobs and so we were as careful as possible. "You can't be." I said, "We have protection, we have been careful…" I trailed off, she was shaking her head.
I knew it couldn't be true. She had an IUD for crying out loud, the chances of that failure are like 1 in 1000. But Bella is always the one out of everything. A small voice in my head said.
I looked at my 26-year-old fiance and I was brought to my feet, I wasn't sure why I was doing it now, but I knew I needed to know, and I needed to know now.
When I walked into the local pharmacy I was stunned at the options. How many ways were there to test pregnancy? I figured Bella would know better than I did, so I got one of each. I started towards the self-checkout, fear of running into someone I know bubbling in my stomach, when I turned back towards the feminine care aisle, you should probably test with more than one stick, but again I don't know the best kind. I picked up each box a second time and put it in the cart. Walking out of a store with 16 pregnancy tests is anything but normal, I felt like the whole world was staring at me and my two reusable bags.
The whole way home I was picturing the child that could have been in Bella. She was perfect. The child in my imagination had Bella's perfect lips with her deep brown hair and yet carried my eyes.
I was in love with this child, and I found myself hoping that the test turned up positive.
When I got home Bella was still in the bathroom. She had fallen asleep on the bathroom floor. "Bella" I whispered and rubbed her shoulder. She woke up with a deep breath, "I bought these pregnancy tests, but I didn't know which ones were best."
She seemed to be feeling better because she was sitting up and laughed when I started unloading the bags of tests. She grabs one of the many and looks up at me, "You think I do? I've never taken one of these." She giggles.
We settle on taking one of each. After all, one has to be accurate.
I'm nervous as she starts to pee. I can hear her try to stop the stream long enough to do the next test. She linearly aligns each test face down when she finishes. The longest test takes five minutes. We start a timer and anxiously wait in silence.
When the timer goes off we look at each other. I break the silence, "Honestly, I'm not sure I want the test to be negative. A little Bella. I'm not sure I can imagine anything better."
She shakes her head at me but smiles, "It would be a little Edward" she says. And turns the first test over.
Negative. My heart drops a little, the child I had just dreamed of vanished like a plane disappearing in the clouds. "That's ok." I say, "That's what we actually wanted. Right?" Bella seems to be disappointed too, but she's not hiding it well. "There are seven more tests, let's flip them over and see."
Negative. Negative. Not Pregnant. Negative. Not Pregnant. Each one stings like an I've just torn down a nest of wasps and they've come back to get me. Bella is about to flip over the last one when I stop her. "Do you want to be pregnant?" I ask her.
"I don't know." She replies. But she's lying I can tell.
"You're a horrible liar," I tell her.
"Ok, no. I don't want to be pregnant right now. But I also had this dream in my mind of a little Edward that just seemed so real, and I want that. I want little Edward" She is holding back tears I can tell.
"And I want a little Bella," I told her. "It doesn't have to be right now. Let's just focus on the wedding for the next few weeks, and then we can talk about it. We can reevaluate the situation and there's no reason why we can't."
She seems to agree with me. "Let's just throw out the last test. There's no reason to look at it now." She grabs the last test and starts to throw it into the trash, but I stop her.
"We've already taken it, just look. What if it's positive."
She turns it over, "Negative."
I know this is what we both want in the long term. We want to be older and settled down before we start having kids. But I still wish it had been positive.
I don't understand how were they all negative? I'm late. I've only ever been late once in my life when I got my IUD put in, but they had told me to expect a change in my cycle. I know I'm pregnant, whether or not the tests show it, I have to be. I make a mental note to take some of the tests again after the wedding, maybe it's just too soon.
I think of little Edward in my stomach, a body of cells. Is it little Edward, or little Bella? And then some more stomach acid gets thrown into the toilet.