Author's note: all characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I am merely playing with them.
"I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,
But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
One luminary clock against the sky
Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night."
Everything was ready. We were packed and ready to go. I had packed a change of sheets, clothes and as much morphine as Carlisle had managed to get me, knowing that we will need way more than that anyway. Bella was still upstairs, fumbling through her belongings. I could sense her excitement from where I was sitting, filling up the air.
She barely slept last night, and she had been more talkative than usual. She told me stories of her home in Arizona, of her childhood, of her mother, and as she was telling me all these, I could not help but wonder if, despite all her reassurances, she might have still needed a bit more time before the change. I knew that asking her this was futile. She finally fell asleep after we had made love.
This part was getting both easier and more intense each time and a part of me wondered what it was going to be like when I would no longer have to worry about gripping her too hastily, kissing her too roughly, pushing myself too deep inside of her. I felt a familiar ache in my groin, so I forced myself to stop thinking about this. Luckily, Alice entered the room and her hurricane of thoughts successfully replaced mine.
"Jasper said you have been a big ball of stress for the past couple of days, so here I am!"
"Thanks, Alice, but there isn't much you can do right now."
"Edward, you've seen me see it several times," she said. "You know how this will end."
"Doesn't offer me much relief, to be honest. We both know how your visions work."
"You will be able to stop, I know you. You've done it before."
And she was right: I did stop before. But having to drink Bella's blood as she was wounded and bit by the monster that James was was quite a different scenario from what Bella and I had planned - or rather, what she had planned and I obliged, because she had already made enough compromises for me. She wanted me to change her, but she wanted me to do it on her terms. And those terms were really plain and simple: I had to change her while we were making love. She was convinced that this would distract her from the pain, but she had no idea how bad it could get.
As for me, I was up for a double challenge of restraining myself and I had no clue if I was capable of doing it.
Besides me and Bella, Alice was the only one who knew about our little agreement. But there was something else as well, that only Alice and I knew: the fact that I wanted to indulge myself and drink a fair amount of Bella's blood before changing her. It would have been damn near impossible for her not to know, considering her gift. She had been furious at first, as anyone would be. She called me a 'lunatic' and I realized I could not contradict her, because she was, in fact, right: I was a lunatic to think that this could work. In the end, her visions convinced her otherwise - but while she had managed to calm down after having said visions, I didn't.
"I know your worries, Edward," she said. "But you love her."
"I do, more than anything."
"This will be enough, trust me."
I half-smiled, hoping she was right. My attention was immediately caught by Bella, as she was coming downstairs with her bag on her shoulder. She was glowing, her cheeks tinted by the most delicious pink hue.
"Ready for our roadtrip, love?" I asked her.
"As ready as I'll ever be," she said.
"Bella, I know it will only be a few days, but I will miss you," Alice said, as she walked up to her to envelop her in a tight embrace.
What Alice wasn't telling Bella was that she was going to also miss her humanness. However, she was definitely not going to miss her scent. The blood of my love seemed to be a guilty delight not only for me and I tried to suppress the proprietary growl that was growing inside my chest.
"I'll miss you too, Alice," Bella sighed. "It will only be a couple of days."
"Take care, you two," she said joyfully, but I could sense her subtle warning hidden in her jingling voice. "And come back safe."
Alice watched us as we walked out the door and as we got in the car. For a minute I was relieved that the others had decided to go hunting that morning. The pressure would have been way too much to handle and I was already on pins and needles. Just the thought of looking my father in the eye and hiding the dangerous truth from him was enough to drive me into panic mode. Bella, on the other hand, seemed all right - more than all right, actually, excited. The pink hue was still there, on her cheeks, and I could sense the hypnotic scent of her arousal as we got in the car and hit the road. I tried to focus on that and less on her pulsing blood. We would get to that later.
I shuddered at my last thought, feeling as if it didn't belong to me. I knew full well what lied ahead of us. But the conniving monster inside, the one I had gracefully managed to bury, reared his head, ready to enjoy every bit of this. And I could not escape the compulsive thought that the monster had planted in my head: that maybe, just maybe, I could drink enough of her blood before turning her into a vampire. In theory, I should have simply bit her dainty neck and be done with it. But would I be able to stop, once I get a taste? A taste of the sweetest potion on this planet, the blood of my beloved?
"You're awfully quiet," Bella said, interrupting the trainwreck that was going on in my head.
"Just focusing on the road," I managed, but my voice sounded ice cold.
"Sure you're not nervous?" she inquired.
I pulled myself together, pushing away the fantasies that were still rumbling through my brain and swallowing the venom that was flooding my mouth. I placed my hand on her knee, squeezing it gently.
"Not more than you should be, love," I said calmly. "You know, it's not too late for you to change your mind."
"Not gonna happen, Edward."
I sighed, not even surprised by her answer. The road ahead of us was long, so that was a bonus: by the time we got to our cottage, I would be so intoxicated by her scent that I would be almost impervious to it. Yeah, you wish.
As we left Forks, Bella began to drift off. With my hands gripping the steering wheel, I tried to push back my thirst and cage the animal within. He opposed it, but I ignored him. I wasn't going to let him win, not by a long shot. I focused all of my attention on Bella's rhythmic heartbeat and for a while, it seemed like everything was going to be all right.
It took us almost two days to reach our destination. Flying there would have been way more easy, but then we would have no car to get back to Forks. And having a newborn vampire trapped inside a plane full of people, thousands of miles above the ground, was too big of a risk to take.
I made several stops along the road. We went to two restaurants, although Bella insisted she would rather eat gas station sandwiches. But her last human meals had to be memorable, so I convinced her to let me spoil her. I stopped the car once more when Bella got a little too excited by my hand tracing small patterns on the inside of her thigh. She told me she couldn't wait until we arrived and that she needed me right then. So naturally, I found an empty parking lot and indulged her wish for the next couple of hours, realizing that I needed the release just as much as she did.
She slept more than I had expected, even during the day, and I made sure to adjust her seat so that she could be in a semi-horizontal position when she did that. When we arrived, it was morning. She had been sleeping for seven hours or so.
"Wake up, beautiful," I murmured into Bella's ear.
Bella's eyes opened and her eyelids fluttered, as she took in her surroundings. The Alaskan forest was green and pristine this time of the year. The sun rays filtered through the leaves above us in a cold light. There were still a few patches of snow on the ground, but they were slowly giving in to the sun. The air was permeated with the lingering smell of pine trees.
"Hmmm, have I died and gone to Heaven?" she asked, letting out a lazy yawn.
"Not quite, but we arrived at our destination at last."
We were at the base of Mount Foraker, miles away from civilization. Alice was almost certain that no nomads would be passing through for at least two weeks. As for humans - the hiking trails were at least a hundred miles away from us, so Bella could not possibly get distracted by their scent when she was going to be like me.
The cottage in front of us belonged to Alice and Jasper. This was their go-to place for their annual reindeer-hunting trip to Alaska. Alice was a big fan of those, and they were nowhere to be found in the Olympic mountains. She had been more than willing to let us stay here and she had managed to prepare the house in advance, with the help of two of the Denali sisters, Kate and Carmen.
Bella was in my arms, still waking up from her deep sleep, so I walked towards the little stone cottage in front of us, carefully hidden beneath ivy vines. I took the key out of my back pocket and opened the door.
"You know, this house gives me Snow White vibes," Bella noticed with a smile, as I walked inside. "Not exactly the setting one would expect when thinking of a wild sex and blood party."
Her words awakened my senses and I felt the bulge in my pants growing. I wanted her. If I could have it my way, I would have had her right there and then, on the wooden floor. I didn't care that we had had a long drive. I didn't care that we hadn't unpacked. All I cared now was the way her buttocks felt under my left palm, so warm and inviting, how her waist felt so small and frail as I grazed it with my fingers. I composed myself enough to speak:
"Don't think they make settings especially for that, Bella. But tell me now, are you hungry?"
She shook her head.
"Not even a little?"
She was even more convinced now, as she pushed herself gently away from my arms and slid off to the floor.
"Your last human meal," I reminded her.
"I had it already. Besides, hunger is the least of my worries now."
I pulled her towards me, tilting my head until my forehead met hers.
"Then what worries you, love?"
She opened her mouth to speak, but she seemed to change her mind at the last moment, murmuring an unconvincing 'nevermind'.
"Bella," I said gently, lifting her chin up, so that our eyes could lock. "I know you think that I will change my mind if you'll tell me you're afraid, but I promise you I won't, as long as you don't want me to."
She was still hesitant, but her chocolate eyes warmed up and she said:
"I am not really afraid of the pain."
"You should be, but we've had that discussion before."
"Come on, Edward, you've brought enough morphine to put down a cow."
Oh, how naive she was! No amount of morphine was going to be enough to ease the burning fire that would pulse through her beautiful body once my venom entered her bloodstream. No pain in this world could measure up to what she was going to experience, even with all the morphine in the world.
"I am afraid I won't remember… it," she finally whispered.
"Could you be more precise?"
"You know… You said that the memories tend to fade once a human is transformed, but I really, really want to remember this particular one, because it will be my last."
"I can't guarantee you that you will remember any of what is going to happen, Bella. But I will try to make it as pleasurable as possible, given the circumstances."
She blushed a delightful red and I felt that I could no longer abstain myself, seeing her standing in front of me, her jeans wrapping every perfect curve of her body. I pressed my body onto hers, letting her feel my erection on her belly. A slight moan escaped her lips and I rushed in to catch it with a kiss. She was warm as ever, and the way her body reacted to mine left me wanting more. Before I could take her back in my arms and take her to the bedroom, she whispered my name, so I stopped.
"I might need to take a shower first," she admitted, her breath out of control from our kiss.
She smelled amazing to me, but that didn't matter. I was already accustomed to her human habits.
"Of course," I smiled and kissed her forehead. "But you might want to rush, my love, I am growing impatient."
I pressed my hips against her once more, as proof of my desire for her.
"Oh, you are growing all right," she murmured, grazing her hand on my bulge.
I took her hand into mine and guided her to the bathroom.
"You've got towels, soap, shampoo, everything," I informed her. "I will be waiting for you in the bedroom, over there."
I kissed her once again before leaving her to her intimacy. I went to the car to bring the bags from the trunk and started to unpack once I got into the bedroom. I felt a shiver down my spine when I took out the change of sheets, knowing full well their utility.
The simple truth was that what was about to go down was going to be very, very messy. Once I would sink my teeth into that alluring vein on Bella's neck, blood would get everywhere - in her hair, on her skin, on her breasts, on my face, on the sheets, and quite possibly on the floor. It will resemble the scene of a crime. The monster's thoughts chanted inside my head. No, nobody was going to die here today. Not my Bella.
I put the sheets in the drawer, along with the rest of our clothes. I then placed the morphine injections under the bed, where Bella could not see them. I changed my clothes, deciding that my dark blue jeans and black shirt might be too ominous. I decided to put on my khaki pants - the ones that, for whatever reason, Bella loved so much on me - and a simple white T-shirt. After I finished, I cuddled up on the bed and waited. The water of the shower was still running, and I could hear Bella's pulse fasten. What was she thinking right now? Was she nervous? I desperately wanted to barge in and satisfy my curiosity, but I decided to let her have these last human moments to herself, without me selfishly interrupting them.
When she got out, it didn't take her long to find me. She was wrapped in a towel, with her hair up in a bun. Small water droplets were still dripping down from the soft porcelain of her skin. All of a sudden, she seemed more vulnerable than usual. It was a curious sight: the prey coming willingly to the predator, ready to surrender. With the exception that she was not my prey and I was most certainly not going to make her that.
"Enjoyed your shower?" I offered.
"It was fine."
She approached me, kind of unsure of her movements. I stood up immediately, to take her in my arms, and returned to the bed with her on top of me, all in a quick movement that seemed to make her dizzy.
"I am going to miss this," I said, almost certain that she hadn't heard me.
"What exactly?" she questioned, to my surprise.
"Your confusion, whenever I move too fast for your eyes."
"Show off," Bella rolled her eyes. "Well, that I am not going to miss."
"What will you miss, then?"
She took her time before deciding on an answer:
"This might sound shallow, but… this."
She moved on top of me, in the most seductive manner I had ever seen.
"This?" I encouraged her to continue.
"Sex, Edward. I don't know what it'll be like, but it cannot possibly get better than this."
I thought about that for a moment. Once her change would be complete, she was going to want blood - lots of it. I knew that, I had told her that. But I was ready to bet that once she would get used to her new lifestyle, sex was not only going to be different, but better. She would not be fragile anymore, her blood would no longer be there to tempt me and I could finally do to her all that I couldn't dare to do now, in her weak human state. I could be rough, pull her hair when she went down on me, bite her gorgeous neck, maybe even tie her up and have my way with her exquisite body.
"I wouldn't worry about that, love," I finally said. "You will find soon enough that it won't be the case."
I was suddenly aware, as she was standing on top of me, that she was still wrapped in her towel. So naturally, I had to fix that. I reached out and took it off with a swift move, throwing it away on the floor. Her eyes sparkled with surprise and delight and I took my time admiring her beauty. Although I had seen her naked countless times since our honeymoon, I could never get enough of this sight. Her breasts, perfectly round and small, demanded my attention, so I began tracing circles on her nipples with my fingers, as I studied the rest of her body. Her small waist was moving fast from her shallow breaths, syncing up with the way she was rocking her hips back and forth in an instinctive manner, rubbing her hot center on my covered erection and driving me completely crazy.
"How can you be so sure?" she panted, as her fingers interlocked in my hair.
I didn't bother to respond. I undid her loose bun and her hair fell in a wet cascade of curls over her shoulders. Her complete nakedness contrasted with my clothed body: it was almost unfair to her, but I enjoyed it. As I had learned in the past months, feeling dominant over her aroused me even more. I grabbed her by her hips and I moved her, so that now she was standing a few inches away from my face. I could perfectly see her now. She was unbelievably wet, and I hadn't even touched her. I inhaled, allowing my senses to be overwhelmed by her delicious scent. This was a different kind of drug, as opposed to her blood. I had to have a taste - and she needed me to, judging by her soft sounds of desperation.
Carefully, I let my tongue trace a line from her small folds to her clitoris. Bella moaned and pushed herself against my face. I repeated that motion a few times, savouring her wet excitement. I let my hands rest on her buttocks and squeezed them, getting lost in the softness of her flesh. My lips joined my tongue as I was caressing her most sensitive spot. Her hands were pulling my hair now, as she was losing herself in the pleasure.
While I was enjoying myself beyond belief, a small part of me was yearning for something else. Something more. We had done this so many times in the past couple of months, but there had been no endgame, beyond her countless orgasms. Right now, however, there was: changing her. And that small part of me couldn't help but focus on the sound of her blood dancing in her veins, on that scent of supreme lust. I so wanted to bite her beautiful thighs, and drink from her like an alcoholic savouring an old wine. Not now, there is plenty of time for that. The monster cheered and I growled.
I focused on the only thing that mattered and started licking her clitoris with soft rapid movements, the ones that drove her over the edge each time. She let out a broken cry, as she fell into an intense orgasm, that made her even wetter than she already was. I continued, encouraging her silently to let go a second time. And she did, spilling her delicious excitement all over my lips and moaning my name. And, after a few seconds, a third time. When she was finished, her eyes were closed and her mouth open, gasping for air.
"This… was..." her words were mellow, barely audible for a human ear.
"I haven't even started, my love," I told her.
With careful movements this time, in order to avoid her getting dizzy again, I placed her on her back and rolled on top of her. Her orgasms had left her skin flushed and plump. She looked way too appetizing for her own good. Her hands were trying to take my shirt off, so I decided to help and threw it on the floor myself, somewhere near her towel. She was touching me everywhere, her fingers so warm on my ice cold muscles, and I could not take this any longer. I had to have her, all of her.
I grabbed her wrists and pinned them on the mattress, on each side of her head, and l leaned down to press my lips against hers. My mouth was hungry and I quickly found her tongue. Everything about Bella was fire: pure, unadulterated fire, and I was an arsonist. I was in a haze when I felt her squirming underneath me, trying to set her hands free. I stopped immediately and looked at her, searching for clues that I might have done something wrong, but she was smiling.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing, I just… I really want to have a taste of you as well."
She bit her lips, awaiting for my response, and I stared at them, hypnotized. I left my index finger trace the contour of her mouth and she began sucking gently on its tip.
"How could I resist your wish, Bella?"
She smiled as I was adjusting my position; my erection was now inches away from her face. She lifted herself up and pulled down my trousers, revealing my rock-hard member. Her eyes fired up with the same phascination she had always had when she saw me erect. It reminded me of our very first night together, when she murmured innocently, with both delight and virginal fear: 'I think you might be too big'. I might have been a vampire, but I was still a man at my core, so my ego cherished those words.
I ran my fingers through her hair, watching as she was caressing me with her hands. Her face came closer, this time pressing her lips at the base of my shaft, and I let out a sigh. Her mouth rose up, moving slowly on my penis, until it reached the tip. Once there, she looked up at me for the shortest second before taking me in her mouth. I allowed a fierce groan to escape my lips - a groan that would have scared her had she not heard it so many times before.
The feeling of her mouth surrounding my member was heaven. Hidden beneath her rosy lips, I felt warm and wet and safe and home. I pushed myself in her mouth, careful not to reach too deep and choke her. I had done that before by accident and, while she had insisted she loved it, I didn't want to risk hurting her in any way while she was still my fragile little human.
She began sucking, taking breaks from time to time to trace the contour of my tip with her tongue. I wanted her to take me all the way in that beautiful mouth of hers, but it was not possible. Not now. I kept looking down at her, feeling close to my supreme bliss. But I did not want that yet. As much as I wanted to fill up her mouth with my venom and watch her swallow every last drop, I knew that such a thing was too risky while she was still human. Besides, I wanted to come inside her, to fill her warm body up once again before I changed her forever.
"Bella… love… stop," I managed to blurt out, as she was still sucking me.
Seeing that she would not stop, I carefully took her head in my hands and changed my position again, coming back on top of her, so that our hips were aligned. Her face was full of surprise.
"Did I do something wrong?" she whispered.
"No, you never do. In fact, it was too good."
Her scent was more powerful now and it filled me up with its sweetness: sex and sweat and blood. Her level of arousal was making her heart pump like crazy, and her blood was more fragrant now than ever. God, how I wanted that blood! I could see the delicate network of veins on her neck and I was walking on a fragile line, trying not to rip through them and relish on their content right there and then. My mouth was full of venom once again and I didn't move, knowing that one wrong movement on my part could cost Bella her life.
"Edward, your eyes..."
They were darker now, I knew that. She knew what it meant, but there was no trace of fear in her voice. I stood still above her, not moving an inch. My throat was on fire and only one thing could quench my burning thirst. I kept looking at those veins, those all-too-tempting veins that were pulsing shamelessly under the ivory of her skin, full of the blood that I wanted to drink from the first time I had laid my eyes on her.
I could not let my control crumble, not when we were so close to our forever. All I had to do was make love to her and bite her neck once, give her the morphine and be done with it. But my mind was filling up once again with fantasies of me drinking as much of her blood as possible without killing her, and only then changing her. I wouldn't have to tell Bella all that - in the throes of pain ignited by my bite, it wouldn't make a difference to her. I could have my way with or without telling her.
I could never hide that from her. She was too pure to deserve such a shameful trick.
I had not realized my hand was pushing down on her neck until she said:
"I kind of can't breathe..."
I removed my hand immediately and I tried to regain my composure, swallowing that damned venom.
"What happened?" she asked.
"Nothing," I grumbled.
"That wasn't nothing, Edward."
Damn right it wasn't. I wasn't necessarily trying to fool her, but I couldn't see how scaring her off was a better option.
"You're thirsty," she purred.
There was no point in ignoring the obvious.
"Yes," I said.
She grazed my cheek with her small hand, but it didn't exactly help. I was still burning.
"How can I make it better, Edward?"
I couldn't tell her, but it wouldn't have been fair not to. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too, just like a stubborn child.
"Bella, I can't… simply change you."
She frowned and began to protest, just like I knew she would, but I stopped her with the truth:
"It is not that. It's just that… I want your blood first."
Bella didn't say a word, so I continued, letting the monster do the talking for me:
"I won't take much, if you will let me."
She looked at me with raised eyebrows, so I went on:
"It won't hurt more or less than it would've normally hurt, but this has been on my mind for the past couple of days… or weeks."
"Okay, so you… want to drink my blood first?" she managed to say.
"I would very much want that, my love," I admitted.
She closed her eyes for a few seconds, and those few seconds passed like years. She was reconsidering everything. She did not sign up to be my food that day, yet there we were, negotiating exactly that. I hated myself for this. And I loved myself for this. And I hated myself for this, but it was my last chance to taste the forbidden fruit. I wanted to make her mine in every possible way.
But it was her choice. Always her choice.
"Why didn't you just do it?" Bella said, when she finally opened her eyes.
I was puzzled.
"It wouldn't be fair to you," was my response.
"It wouldn't have bothered me and you know that."
Did I know that? This wasn't the reaction I expected from my wife.
"Edward, I'm not an idiot, I know your needs. And I didn't expect you would be that strong when it came to changing me."
I breathed in, savouring the Bella-filled scent of the air. All of a sudden, I was aware that my member was resting on her belly, still erect. I needed to be inside of her, in her warm, inviting wetness. I needed to drink her blood more than ever. And I could have both.
"I will make you mine, Bella," I said, my voice low and husky.
And if that means feasting on your blood before I turn you, then so be it.
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In the meantime, stay safe and stay happy!