Inspiration for the title comes from that one line in "You've Got to Be Kidding Me" when Rapunzel talks in the teddy bear voice. You know what I'm talking about? I probably could've explained that better. Oh well. Enjoy!

I don't own Tangled.


"Sunshine, I love you, but we are not getting a dog."

Rapunzel sighed. "But honey, the kids have been begging for one for ages . Besides, it'll teach them about responsibility and how to take care of someone. And the baby will get to grow up with a pet. I've heard that dogs are great for infants. They have a best friend since birth."

"The twins have their very own built-in bestie."

"We don't know if we're expecting twins, Eugene." She looked up at him with wide eyes. "Please?"

He chuckled. "Do the twins want a dog, or do you want a dog?"

"Maybe a bit of both."

There was a short pause as Eugene contemplated the decision. He knew that Rapunzel's been feeling lonely ever since Pascal passed away. It had been nearly ten years, but every day she missed him. He did, too. They had talked about getting a pet for a while now. Rapunzel didn't seem as interested. Until now. When the kids began to beg for a dog. Perhaps this was their call to action.

"Alright, darling. Let's get you-"

"-The children," Rapunzel corrected with a smile.

"The children a dog."

That's it. Eugene regretted ever agreeing to get a dog.

Eddie and Adelia had named it Bear. They didn't ask for the younger ones' opinions. Louis was five and Aria was two. That seemed alright. The cocker spaniel seemed cute enough at first. He had wide brown eyes and a fluffy body. Aria was obsessed with him. The others loved him just as much. Rapunzel, too. It wasn't that Eugene didn't enjoying seeing his family so happy. Because he would do anything in his power to let them be like this forever. Bear was the problem.

He chewed up at least every one of his shoes. He barked and barked deep into the late hours of the light. Eugene was a heavy sleeper. But he didn't understand how Rapunzel could sleep with all that racket. Perhaps it was something pregnant mothers just were immune to.

Bear dug holes in the gardens. Where the kids spent half of their time playing. Making Eugene need to clean up the holes before they tripped. He chased around the poor servants. Bear was a puppy, yet was able to scare off more than half of the maids. He distracted the guards during practice and sometimes while they were supposed to be working. How could he protect the kingdom if the guards were playing with a dog? The answer was: it was impossible.

If Bear wasn't helping the kids get along better, Eugene would've found him a nice home and that would be that.

A few days later, Rapunzel decided to take the kids out on a "special errand". She did the same with every pregnancy. Before the baby came she made sure to spend time with the other kids since she didn't want to push them to the side. Which left Eugene having to look after Bear.

He could be getting so much done right now. Coming up with better strategies for the guards to use. Spending time with Lance. Heck, Eugene could be learning alchemy from Varian. But he and Catalina were apparently wedding planning right now. Maybe he could help with that. Bear chewed on his finger as if to remind him that he was Eugene's biggest priority right now.

"Ow," he muttered.

Bear wagged his tail and barked. Time for a walk then. He pushed himself off of the sofa, nearly tripping over one of Louis's toys. He better clean this place up . . . The dog barked again.

"Okay, fine, fine."

Eugene grabbed the leash. The two set off. He walked faster than usual. Bear didn't seem to mind. He ran ahead, yelping at the people he passed. He chased a butterfly. Eugene smiled, slightly. Maybe Bear wasn't all bad.

After their walk, they snuck down to the kitchen and grabbed a snack. Bacon for Bear. A sandwich for Eugene. Delightful.

"Why don't we have a quick food coma, mutt?" he asked, affectionately.

He curled up on the bed, with Bear at his side.

When Rapunzel got home, that's where she found the two. She smiled and kissed both of them on the head. Bear was sleeping soundly on Eugene's torso. She closed the door quietly behind her to find her children there. With their eyes full of wonder. Rapunzel nodded. Eugene and Bear would be best friends for as long as they lived.

"Mission accomplished."

I've never had a dog before, so I suppose this was a little bit of a wish fulfillment for me. Also I love writing about the Fitzfamily. I kind of headcanon that they end up having another pair of twins. Just to prove Eugene's point. But they all love Bear too much now.

Thanks for reading! Reviews are always appreciated.