Welcome back to selfish fanfic. I own nothing, not even an egg rug.

"No. Absolutely not." Kyoko crossed her arms, eyes narrowed at the fabric in Kuon's hands.

"But princess," Kuon pouted, holding up the Bo-patterned cloth, "he's one of my favorite characters!"

"It's embarrassing!" She threw her hands up in the air. "Especially for the living room!"

He increased the strength of his pout. "You wanted to know what curtains I thought looked best. I like these."

They had been living together for a few weeks now, and had been together for two years. Last Tuesday, when she had come home from work, she had found him already there. He had been standing in the middle of the living room, frowning.

"What's wrong?" she had asked, wrapping her arms around him from behind.

"It still feels like my place," he had answered finally.


"I want it to feel like our place." He had sighed and gestured at the furniture and minimalist decor. "It was like this when I moved in. I never bothered to decorate."

She leaned her head against his back. "I thought you liked it as it was."

He had turned in her arms so he could hold her as well. "I used to. But now it's just… bland."

She had glanced at the vase of painted daisies sitting on the table, her lips quirking up at the edges. "Is that why you keep buying me flowers?"

He had smiled at last, catching her teasing tone. "No, but it certainly helps."

"Well, what do you want to do about it?"

"What would you say to a trip to the home goods store the next time we both have a day - or at least an afternoon - off?" He had tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Though you'll probably be doing most of the choosing. I have no sense of aesthetics."

"Says the best-dressed man in show biz," she had replied with a roll of her eyes.

He had laughed in return, "Why do you think I wear the same thing every day?"

Which had led to them being heavily disguised that Sunday afternoon, arguing about curtains. "We do have guests occasionally!" Kyoko huffed, ignoring his pouting as best she could. "Moko would never step foot in the living room again if we got Bo curtains!"

"Dad would love them, though," he pointed out. His father had bought possibly every piece of merchandise with Bo on it when he found out that his beloved daughter played the rooster.

"Mom would not approve of Bo being in the living room. How would we even decorate the rest of it?" She gestured to the bright yellow curtains, which had a cartoony Bo in various funny poses, occasionally with a speech bubble containing chicken noises. Kuon noted wryly that none of the little Bo images looked vaguely like they would tell him to seduce someone. But then, that Bo had been solely his. She still was. He grinned. Kyoko raised an eyebrow and continued, "Besides, I don't want to deal with what Yashiro-san would say. He teases us enough already."

She had him there. "Guest bedroom for these, then?" he asked. "We could make it silly and cheery."

She hesitated. "Dad is one of the people who stays there most often…."

"And he and Mom would love it."

She laughed. "Fine. Bo for the guest room. But I want to pick the ones for our room."

"As you wish." He grinned and double-checked with the note on his phone. "Here's the right length." He set them in the cart.

Kyoko's fingers skimmed over the fabrics as they walked through the curtain section. A smile grew on his face as he watched her. She stopped to smooth out a crease in some curtains printed with neon pixies, but she didn't linger on them for too long. Instead, she stopped in front of a pair of thick, dark green curtains that had the outlines of leaves sewn on them in a silvery thread. She smiled as her fingertips traced the leaf veins, then she looked back over her shoulder at him. "What about these?"

"You said you were picking the bedroom," he reminded her, but reached out to touch them nonetheless. "And I must say you have good taste." He waggled his eyebrows.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't get cocky, mister."

He dropped a kiss on her head, ignoring the joke he could have made, and checked the measurements for the curtains. Before he could grab them, however, Kyoko let out a yelp. He furrowed his brow. "What's wrong?"

"We shouldn't get these ones. They're too expensive." She pointed at the offending price tag.

He smiled. "Do you like those ones?"

"Well, yes, but…" She gestured at the price tag again.

"Then let's get them."
"But the price-!"

"Princess." His voice was a mixture between a laugh and a sigh.

"Yes?" She looked up at him.

"Darling. Honey. Love of my life."

Her face grew redder with each term of endearment. "What?"

"Please remember that you are no longer a struggling actress paying off her school debts. You make almost as much as I do already. We can afford the curtains." Almost, because she did not do as much modelling work - and because of the extremely sexist pay gap. "So if you like those ones, let's get them. They're well-made, a good color, and thick enough to keep out the streetlights."

"But not so thick that they'll block all the sunlight in the mornings," she said absentmindedly. Right. She was a grown woman with a successful career. She didn't need to scrimp and save every yen that she could. She could afford these curtains on her own. She could even afford Odette, the beloved Royal Snow perfume on her own! Not to mention that she and Kuon had combined accounts when they moved in together - they were engaged, after all, and it made paying bills easier. It made sense… even if she had been against it at first. She was afraid that people would think she was a gold digger - and that was his money. He had earned it. That had been an argument that they only resolved by sitting down and having a long, detailed talk about how their finances would work. Kuon was learning to be a little thriftier (at least, he had learned that more expensive did not inherently mean better) and Kyoko had to learn that it was alright to both spend money on things that weren't strictly essential and use the things she bought.

"Kyoko?" he whispered, bending so he could get a clear view of her face.

"Yes!" She snapped out of her musings. "I like these ones. Let's get them."

He chuckled as he straightened up and grabbed the correct curtain size. "So all that's left is the living room for curtains, right?"

She nodded. "I like the ones we have in the kitchen already." They were simple white ones, just gauzy enough to let in the morning light. "So maybe we could find something similar for the living room?"

He set the green ones in the cart. "Sounds like a plan."


A little while later, they were in the bedding section, trying to find sets big enough to fit their bed. This was harder than it ought to have been, and it turned out that the store didn't sell sheets or comforters that large in the brick and mortar store. They would have to check elsewhere or look online. They did wind up finding some cute sets for the beds in the guest room, though; one was patterned with sunflowers, and the other, with tulips. Kuon had wanted to get the Bo-patterned bedding (to match the curtains!) but it only came in child's bed sizes. His disappointed face made Kyoko giggle.

"I was looking forward to making it a Bo-themed room," he sighed - and then grinned at her. "I guess I was counting my chickens before they hatched."

Kyoko did not dignify this with a response, instead stealing the cart and wheeling it over to the nearby rugs. Kuon followed, chuckling to himself. She rolled her eyes. Between him and Father, she had her fill of puns. Then her eyes fell on a certain plush rug. "Oh, geez. Corn, look." Corn, because they were in public.

He barked out a laugh. "Egg-cellent!"

She let out an unwilling giggle at that one as he put the fried egg rug (complete with raised, pillow-like yolks) in the cart. "Why does this even exist?"

"For people like us." He let go of the rug, and it promptly toppled out of the cart. He let out an undignified yelp as he caught it. This time, he put it in the cart yolks-first.

"For people like you, you mean," she said with a grin.

"I don't hear you complaining about it."

She rolled her eyes and pushed the cart forward, nudging him out of the way. "Any ideas about a rug for the living room?"

"Something really soft and thick, something you can dig your toes into." He mulled it over for a moment longer, then added, "Something that won't clash with the curtains."

She laughed. "The curtains are white, so I don't think that'll be an issue. I feel like a white rug would get too dirty, though."

In the end, they wound up running their fingers through the different rugs to find one they liked: a rectangular, pale blue plush rug patterned with waves. It was thick enough to feel nice on their feet, but not so thick as to cause issues when vacuuming. For the kitchen, they grabbed a small but spongy mat patterned with magical-looking, purple owls - perfect for standing on when doing dishes. And for their bedroom, Kyoko found a rug that looked like a field of flowers.


They stood in the furniture section, staring at a truly bizarre chair. It was gray, soft, and made in the shape of a hand doing a somewhat flat "okay" sign. Kuon blinked, then said at last, "It's so weird that I almost want it."

"Where would we even put it?" Kyoko asked, flabbergasted. Her grudges and angels (now equal in number) circled the chair, trying to detect anything coming from it.

"In the guest room, maybe?"

"It doesn't fit your pun themes, though." She tilted her head, examining it and comparing it to her mental measurement database. "I don't think it's tall enough for anyone who stays in there, either, except for Maria-chan."

"It looks…" He drummed his fingers on the cart, thinking. "It looks like something that Boss would put in a yurt."

At that, the grudges and angels retreated. "That's weirdly specific, but I have a feeling you're right." She took a picture of it and sent it to Maria, asking if that was the case. A few moments later (Maria always replied quickly to her onee-san's texts), she received her confirmation. "How did you know that?"

He shrugged. "I've known him too long."

She patted his arm sympathetically as they finally tore themselves away from the chair's magnetic circle of weirdness.

Only to stumble into another circle of weirdness. There was a modern chair, one with a rather low back. It was a soft-boiled egg, with the yolk as the cushion and the shell serving as the back. A nearby 'suggested' item set was a pair of salt and pepper shaker-shaped pillows (or, as Kuu called them, sofa parasites). They locked eyes and nodded. The guest room gained a chair with sofa parasites - and a few moments later, matching bedside tables.


Kuon turned around from where he had been debating living room lamps when he heard Kyoko's delighted gasp. He expected to see her admiring one of the fairy-themed stained glass lamps (they had already grabbed one for their bedroom), but was instead met with something that could only go in their guest room. She grabbed the box and placed it in their cart with undisguised glee. When their eyes met, she finally burst out laughing. He chuckled as well. Who knew that they made table lamps shaped like ears of corn?

"The kernels glow," Kyoko choked out between giggles. "It's perfect."

"Only way it could be better was if it had a fairy perched on it," he suggested teasingly.

Her eyes lit up. Now she knew what to do with her Corn doll!


Kyoko stared at the vanity, lips pressed together. It was beautiful; it could just as easily belong to a fairy as to a princess. And it absolutely did not match anything else in their bedroom. Not even the curtains - the green on the vanity's flora was far lighter than the forestry curtains. Not to mention that the vanity's legs and mirror were gilded, while everything else in their bedroom was made of wood. But it was so pretty! The drawers had roses on them, and the handles were shaped like leaves. She loved it.

Kuon came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her head. "That's a nice vanity." They had been looking for one so she would have a place to sit while she did her makeup - and to store it. His mother had discovered how little Kyoko had in the way of beauty products and had fixed the issue with her usual subtlety. Which is to say, none at all.

Kyoko nodded, jolting him.

He chuckled, then set his chin back on her head. "You want to get it?"

"No. It's really pretty, but it doesn't match anything else. It would make the room look weird," she sighed.

"It doesn't?"

"It's metal. The other furniture in our room is wood. And the shades of green are all wrong." She gestured at it. "It would bother me."

"More's the pity." He dropped a kiss on the top of her head, then grabbed her hand, pulling her over to the cart. "I've got something that'll cheer you up. Look what I found."

"A giant tortilla?" she asked, running her hands over the soft fabric.

"It's a burrito blanket!" He grinned at her. "So you can roll yourself up in it in the evenings."

She giggled. "Ten to one, next time Dad visits, he's going to try to eat it when he's half-asleep."

"I bet he won't even be half-asleep." His grin grew wider, then changed with his tone. "Though with you wrapped up in it, even I would be tempted to take a bite."

Kyoko blushed. "Corn! Don't say things like that! We're in public!"

"Oh? Then how about in private?" he teased, leaning on the cart.

She lowered her voice and replied with a smirk, "You know full well that you get to do those things in private." She spun on her heel and walked over to look at other vanities, cheeks burning.

He leaned too heavily on the cart, causing it to roll forward, and stumbled. He still wasn't used to Kyoko giving as good as she got when it came to things like this. He shook his head and rolled the cart after her. She had paused in front of a wooden vanity. The mirror's frame was carved to look like a flock of birds in flight. She petted one of their heads with her finger, the wood cool to the touch. A glance at the price tag made her wince - furniture was so expensive, even if this one was on the lower end. Plus, it had lots of drawers, so she would have plenty of space to keep all the wonderful makeup that Mom had sent her (and, of course, the beautiful makeup from Moko).

Her impending trip to Lala land was derailed when Kuon caught up with her. "Thinking of getting that one?"

She turned and smiled at him, nodding. "It looks like it was made by a faerie!"

He tapped the tip of her nose. "Or for a fairy. You are Mom's favorite pixie, after all."

Her cheeks went pink.


Several hours and one snack break later, they were back home and completely exhausted. Furniture shopping, though fun at times, is also the worst. Why was it so hard to find a bookshelf with wood that matched the vanity? Kyoko and Kuon lay collapsed on the couch, bags strewn around them. The furniture (Kyoko's vanity and its matching chair, the egg chairs and end table, and their bookshelf) was going to be delivered the next day, but they had been able to bring home the smaller items today. That meant that their curtains, rugs, corn-shaped lamp, ice cream-shaped trash can (a last-minute purchase for the kitchen), and other absurd items were waiting to be unpacked. Once everything was done, it would look glorious.

For now, though, the pair cuddled on the couch. Tomorrow, they would have to fight with furniture instructions and curtain hangers. Tonight, they could just relax in their burrito blanket.

(When they later visited, Kuu and Julie loved the guest room - and yes, Kuu did try to eat the burrito blanket when half-asleep)

Woo selfish content. I wanted absurd furniture and decorations, so they got absurd furniture and decorations. What's your favorite piece of weird furniture?