Mind, Magic, and Sword…wait what?
So this fic was inspired by and based on The Psychic, The Swordsman, and The Sorcerer written by Christopher Scott. It's a funny fanfic, and I have received permission to attempt to write a fic based on his work.
Hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: Naruto is the creation of Kishimoto-sensei and the original idea for this fic came from Christopher Scott's work.
As Kakashi Hatake made his way towards the Konoha Shinobi Academy, he wondered to himself why he had agreed to yet again take on a prospective Genin Team. The previous Teams he had been given, had all been sent back to the Academy for not passing his test to see if they truly had what it took to be Shinobi of Konohagakure, so why would this team be any different. Granted, the Team did have some promising members, Sasuke, the so called Last Uchiha due to his clan being massacred with him as the sole remaining member in Konoha, Sakura Haruno, the top Kunoichi in her graduating class, despite her not coming from a Shinobi background, and his former Sensei's son, Naruto Uzumaki, the current Jinchuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, he still had to grade them as fair as he did his previous students, for if they were not ready, all that awaited them was tragedy in the world outside Konoha's walls.
As Kakashi neared the classroom his students would be waiting in, he paused at the door and looked around. Considering what he had read about Naruto's personality in the Academy records, he expected there to be a prank of some kind set up at the doorway, ranging from something as simple as an eraser ready to drop chalk dust on his head or a tripwire that would hurl glue and feathers at him, but to his surprise, he saw nothing out of the ordinary. A bit worried now, he lifted his headband for a second so he could do a quick once over with his Sharingan, but again he found no evidence of any pranks.
Cautiously, the Jonin reached for the sliding door and gingerly opened it, expecting something to literally blow up in his face, but was pleasantly surprised when nothing out of the ordinary happened. Sighing, he turned his attention to his new students and his relief at normalcy died right there.
Kakashi couldn't help but stare in dumfounded surprise at the three prospective Genin, and it was not because of how they looked, but rather what they had chosen to do to pass the time while waiting for him.
Naruto, the hyperactive ball of energy, was seen sitting calmly at one of the desks, calmly running the gleaming blade of a rather impressive looking katana across a whetstone, completely at ease and relaxed with no sign of the knucklehead prankster that had terrorized the teachers and residents of Konoha alike. Instead, he was a picture of peace and calm as he casually sharpened his sword, which in and of itself was confusing, as where would someone like Naruto have gotten such a high-quality Katana, after all, Kakashi had seen many blades in his time, and the one Naruto was currently maintaining was one of the finest he'd ever seen.
And, even with all of this, Naruto was the most normal of the three.
Case in point with Sakura who was leaning back in her chair with her feet propped up atop her desk as she juggled what appeared to be meditation balls in her hand. Now this would be all fine and normal, but said balls were actually floating in a circle suspended in the air above her hand, with a faint pink glow surrounding them…and were her eyes glowing pink as well?
Finally, he turned to the final member of his possible Team, and unfortunately, he was just as peculiar, if not more so, than the others. You see, the Last Uchiha was floating above his desk in a lotus position, looking as natural as if he was sitting on the ground, with a thick book floating in front of him as he read from it from his meditative pose, and when the Jonin took a closer look at the cover, he saw characters from a language he couldn't make heads or tails of.
"Kakashi-sensei, I presume?" said Sakura as she glanced his way, the spheres she had been levitating dropping into her waiting hand.
"Hmm," said Kakashi as he quickly placed a calm and neutral façade on, "how shall I say this, my first impression is…I hate you. Meet me on the rooftop in five minutes."
Kakashi was about to use a Shunshin to head to the roof ahead of the others, but he was caught off guard by a flash of light that engulfed Sasuke, and when it faded, he was gone. Sakura then pocketed her meditation balls and literally flew out the window, opting to take the outside path to the roof, leaving Naruto to sheathe his blade and start walking as Kakashi regained his composure and used Shunshin to get to the roof.
As expected, Naruto was the last to arrive at the rooftop, and Kakashi tried to regain a sense of normalcy over this situation, "Well, now that we're all here, how about we begin with some introductions?"
"Sensei," said Sakura calmly, "since you brought it up, perhaps it would be best if you went first so that we have a format to frame our responses?"
"If you insist," said Kakashi, "I'm Kakashi Hatake, Jonin level Shinobi of Konoha. I have no desire to tell you my likes and dislikes, my dreams for the future are none of your business, and I have lots of hobbies…"
Sakura gave a light sigh at the half-assed introduction and rose to her feet, "Very well, I am Sakura Haruno, ESPer in training. I like reading, meditation, and training my powers. I dislike noisy distractions and overly spicy foods. My dream for the future is to master my powers and become as strong as I can be."
Kakashi blinked. This was…not at all what he was expecting from her, though from what he had already seen, he shouldn't really be surprised, "…okay then, blondie, you next."
"Very well," said Naruto as he rose to his feet and gave a courteous bow, "my name is Naruto Uzumaki, student of the blade and follower of the path of the sword. I enjoy training, calligraphy, tea, gardening, and the occasional bowl of ramen. I dislike those who disrespect the path of the sword and dirty their blades with their corrupt ambitions. My goal is to one day become Hokage so that I can flush out those who live without honor and bring this village to a new golden age."
Once again, Kakashi didn't quite know what to say, so he simply motioned towards Sasuke for him to begin.
"My name is Sasuke Uchiha, and I am a student of the mystic and arcane," said Sasuke, "I like studying and tomatoes and dislike natto and sweets. My dream is more of an ambition and a promise: I shall master the mystic artes and use them to see justice served for the death of my family."
"…right," said Kakashi with a sigh as he felt ready to just give up at this point (at least he wasn't dealing with Gai levels of craziness) and decided to move on, "well, I would like to congratulate you upon becoming Genin of Konoha…except, you're not. Not yet."
"What do you mean, sensei?" asked Naruto curiously.
"The graduation exam was just to weed out those with the potential to be Genin," said Kakashi, "tomorrow you shall face the true exam, and it has a 66% failure rate. We'll meet up at Training Ground 3 at 7am. Come prepared, but I don't recommend eating breakfast, you'll just throw it all up."
Satisfied that he at least got through that part without any craziness, Kakashi opted to Shunshin away and relax back at his apartment with a good book….and maybe a bottle or two.
The next day, Kakashi arrived at the Training Ground, three hours late of course, and saw, to his surprise that his students looked rather calm and collected…and not the least bit hungry. In fact, the three of them were casually enjoying cups of tea while sitting on a blanket.
"You're late, Kakashi sensei," said Sakura in a level tone as Kakashi approached the three of them.
"Hm?" asked Kakashi, "Oh right, you see, as I was heading over here I ran across an elderly lady that needed help with her groceries, and when we reached her house, she insisted I stay for a meal and I must have lost track of time."
"I see," said Sakura with a raised eyebrow.
"Now," said Kakashi, "didn't I tell you not to eat breakfast?"
"Actually," said Sasuke, "you just said you didn't recommend it. You never said we weren't allowed to."
"Indeed," said Sakura, "it is logical that we prepare for whatever challenge awaits us."
Naruto nodded in agreement with his teammates, "Hunger is the enemy. Wars are not won on empty stomachs."
Kakashi felt his eye twitch but luckily, it was covered up by his headband, "…right then," he said as he placed an alarm clock on a post sticking up out of the field and pulled out two bells and showed them to the teens, "the test is this. You have until this alarm goes off to retrieve these bells from me. Anyone who fails to retrieve a bell will be sent back to the Academy."
"I feel obliged to point out that there are only two bells, sensei," said Naruto as he rose to his feet and adjusted his sword's sheathe.
"Why yes," said Kakashi, "yes there are. The test starts NOW!"
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Sasuke brought his hands together, causing him to vanish in a flash of light while Sakura flew off into the trees, leaving Naruto alone standing before Kakashi.
"Not going to hide like the others?" asked Kakashi as he raised his visible eyebrow.
"I prefer to face my opponents head on," said Naruto as he placed a hand on his sword's hilt, "the blade of my sword Tōsei shall prove my worth."
Kakashi sighed, it looked like he'd be sending Naruto back to the academy after giving him a rude awakening about fighting like a Shinobi. A pity really, as he had been looking forward to teaching his Sensei's son. The Jonin reached into his pouch and withdrew his copy of Icha Icha Paradise to read, after all, if he was going to steamroll through this team, he might as well enjoy himself while doing so.
This lasted all of three seconds as Kakashi felt a gust of wind and his book suddenly split in half right down the spine. Glancing up at the blond in front of him, Kakashi saw Naruto returning his sword to its sheathe with a frown.
"I will show you the respect you deserve as a warrior," said Naruto seriously, "I would ask you do the same for me."
"That was…quite the technique," Kakashi said stiffly as he put away the remains of his favorite novel. At least it wasn't the autographed copy.
"Not really," said Naruto as he pointed to Kakashi's flak jacket, causing him to look down and see that there was now a deep cut in the thick material, the Jonin's black undershirt visible through the slash, "a good swordsman only cuts what he means to cut. I was aiming at your book."
"…I see," said Kakashi as he reached into his pouch and pulled out two kunai, "perhaps I will take things seriously, but don't blame me when you don't pass."
Instead of responding, Naruto shot forward in a blur of motion, catching the Jonin by surprise and forcing him into a defensive position as he blocked a flurry of slashes from the blond's sword with the Kunai in his hands, before having to perform a quick Kawarimi with a log to put some distance between them. As Kakashi reappeared a few feet away, Naruto squared his stance and sheathed his sword.
The next thing Kakashi knew, Naruto had unsheathed his blade in a blur of motion, sending blades of wind flying at the copy-ninja that tore through the ground and sliced through the trees behind Kakashi as said Jonin dodged the incoming attacks. This however, left him off balance enough for Naruto to rush forward and swing his sword downwards at the Jonin, forcing him to use a Kawarimi to escape.
Upon seeing the large gash the blond's attack tore into the ground, Kakashi promptly decided to try his luck at testing one of the other two. Surely they didn't have such absurd levels of skill…right?
It wasn't long before Kakashi managed to track down Sasuke…or rather, that's what he put in the reports. As he was leaping through the trees, several vines suddenly shot up and wrapped around his arms and torso, holding him in the air.
"Not what I'd expect from an Elite Jonin," drawled Sasuke as he shimmered into visibility.
"I didn't expect a Genin to be able to use the Tōton Jutsu," countered Kakashi.
"A simple concealment spell," said Sasuke with a shrug, "nothing that complex. I'll be taking those bells now"
"We'll see about that," said Kakashi before revealing himself to be a Kage Bunshin that promptly dispelled.
Sasuke's eyes narrowed before he leapt back as several Kunai flew down at him, and Kakashi stepped out onto a tree branch/
"I'll admit you surprised me," said the Copy-ninja, "so I won't be going as easy."
Kakashi quickly weaved several hand seals and brought his hands to his mouth, "Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu!"
As the Jonin breathed out a blast of fire from his mouth Sasuke stood firm and held out his hand, drawing a set of glowing symbols into the air, "Obice luminis."
Kakashi was then surprised when the flames from his attack collided with the runes and were deflected away, almost as if a barrier had been erected between them and the Uchiha. Sasuke then pointed his hand at Kakashi as he incanted "Ignis exiet!"
Kakashi suddenly found himself in the opposite position as a stream of fire shot at him, forcing him to leap from the tree with some burns on his side from where the flames grazed him. As the tree burned behind him, Sasuke brought his palms together and slammed them on the ground, causing another glowing symbol to briefly appear on the dirt, "Catenas ligneas!"
Kakashi was given little warning as thick roots shot up from under his feet and made to bind him again, but Kakashi had been prepared this time and quickly drew a Kunai that he quickly used to slice the vines to pieces. Making a few quick hand-seals Kakashi quickly kneaded Chakra in his stomach, forming it into a stream of water that he shot at the young Uchiha from his mouth, looking to wash him away, "Suiton: Suidan no Jutsu!"
Sasuke watched the approaching wave with a calm stare and drew another glowing rune in the air between him and the incoming torrent, "Spiritus glacialis!"
Sasuke blew out a breath that the rune turned into a frigid gale that turned the incoming wave into a frozen glacier. Drawing another rune into the air, Sasuke thrust his fist through the glowing glyph, causing the glacier in front of him to shatter with the shards flying at Kakashi, "Spears gelida!"
His visible eye widening, Kakashi used a quick Kawarimi to replace himself with a log that was easily shredded by the spears of ice. Reappearing deep within the trees Kakashi unconsciously brought a hand to his brow and was surprised when he found some sweat forming. What in the hell were they teaching students these days in the academy? As Kakashi watched Sasuke head off, he wondered where his prospective students had acquired the powers and skills they had displayed, because they sure weren't teaching high level Kenjutsu and advanced Elemental manipulation when he was attending the Academy.
Seeing that the coast was clear, Kakashi leapt out of the tree, but as his feet touched the ground, the earth shattered, causing him to stumble as the dirt rose up around him, glowing with a pink light.
"Hello Kakashi-sensei," said Sakura as she floated down to his level, her eyes glowing with a light that matched her hair.
Kakashi couldn't help but feel his eye twitch at how it seemed to be divine karma that put him with these three obscenely overpowered children to pay him back for failing so many previous Teams. Sure, he had no proof, but seriously?!
"I must compliment you," said Kakashi, "not many can say that they were able to catch me off guard like this."
"You'll find we're full of surprises," said Sakura.
"Perhaps," said Kakashi before he vanished in a poof of smoke, having managed to switch with an emergency Kage Bunshin just before getting trapped.
"Magen," said Kakashi from behind her, causing her to turn in surprise, "Narakumi no Jutsu!"
Sakura's eyes narrowed as she felt the Genjutsu wash over her, but she didn't flinch, her eyes instead glowing brighter as the illusion shattered like glass in front of her, "A weak illusion. It was unfortunate that you tried it on a mind as strong as mine. And on that note, NOW!"
Suddenly, Sasuke and Naruto burst from the trees, the former tracing a glowing rune into the air while the latter gripped his sword.
Kakashi was blindsided, literally, as Sasuke's spell activated an intense light radiated from the runes he had drawn, forcing the Jonin to have to shield his eyes as Naruto shot past him in a blur of motion, a breeze as he passed being the only indication of how close he had come.
"Enough is enough," muttered Kakashi as he made a quick substitution with a Kage Bunshin, "Bunshin Daibakuha!"
Kakashi's Kage Bunshin detonated in a violent explosion that sent the three abnormal teens flying away from his position as the Jonin burst out from the ground where his copy had been standing, just as the alarm clock he had set up went off.
"Well," said Kakashi as he dusted himself off, "I suppose that's that."
"Indeed it is, Kakashi-sensei," said Naruto from behind him, causing the Jonin to turn as the blond sheathed his sword and watched as he held up the two bells by the strings.
Kakashi's eyes widened and his hand reached down to his hip where the bells had been, but found that the blond had actually managed to slice through the knot holding them to his belt without damaging anything else on his person.
"Well played," said Kakashi, "well then Naruto-kun, which of your teammates is going back to the Academy?"
"Neither of them," said Naruto with a smirk, "we are all passing today."
"Oh?" asked Kakashi, "But there are only two bells and you hold both."
"It's simple really," said Sakura as she floated over, "You yourself stated that whomever retrieves the bells from you shall pass. And since we all worked together to retrieve them, and because you never said that we had to be holding the bell in order to pass, it seems the three of us will be graduating. Good thing too, as Genin Teams are always structured in groups of three."
Behind his mask, Kakashi's jaw dropped as the pieces fell into place and he realized he'd been played, "You three…did you plan this?"
"Why yes," said Sakura with a slightly smug smile, "and I must thank you for giving us the time to do so. If you hadn't arrived so late, we wouldn't have had enough time to put together our plan."
'Damnit,' Kakashi cursed mentally. Of all the times that his habit of arriving late could come back to bite him, it had to be now? Well, at least they grasped the lesson about teamwork he had wanted to impart.
'Still though,' he thought to himself, 'once I find out who's responsible for this prank, somebody is going to pay.'