{*_*^*_*^*_*^*_* Multiverse Mysteries ^*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^}

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-Simon Lewis:Not-So-Super-Spy-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

{9}

Chapter 2:

Spycraft 101

{*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^} *-Simon-*-Simon-*-Simon-*-Simon-*-Simon-* {*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^}

"-should always be aware of your surroundings. You have to be- otherwise you can just stumble right into a set up and be in over your head before you even know what happened. Sometimes even the most seemingly insignificant thing can turn out saving your life. An unexpected detour like for traffic or construction could be a trap. If there's officers or flaggers directing traffic be sure to take special note of them, take in any identifying markers and check if they're paying your car any particular interest.

Be sure you're staying with the rest of the traffic and even if it takes more time be sure to keep to surface streets- the last thing you want is to end up separated out or bottlenecked in somewhere. More importantly don't rely just on your cars navigation system- we are way too complacent and trusting of our devices and they are way too easily hacked.

Don't just follow blindly, look at where it's taking you, use your own judgment and your own knowledge of the area. If something seems off, that's probably because it is.

Now if that happens you need t-"

Oh good lord...how is he STILL talking?

He's making freaking international espionage and Spycraft boring...

How is that even possible?

How can someone take one of the most exciting, awesome, movie worthy type jobs on the planet and make it boring? Is it a weird Captain Boyscout superpower or something? Has he even stopped for breath? Simon doesn't think so...he's been talking for over thirty minutes (on this part of the lecture) and he didn't hear him pause for breath once.

Does the CIA teach like breathing techniques...or hire vampires so they don't have to breathe- cause that might totally fit here. Maybe this is some kind of interrogation techniques. Like psychological warfare, A way to get someone to confess or give up intel?

Gotta say if it is it's damn effective. If he had any idea what the intel he needed to give up to end this was he'd of given it up two hours ago during the second PowerPoint...the one on the different agencies, their interactions, their international counterparts and how they compare and contrast to each other. The one hour, twenty three minute and fourteen second lecture. Yes he timed it- he also converted the time to minutes and then to seconds just to escape the tedium...That's right, he was doing random mathematical conversions to escape the boredom.

Four thousand, nine hundred and ninety four seconds of his life that he's never getting back.

There were Van diagrams...

And handouts...

Seriously, was there such a thing as psychological warfare involving lectures and handouts...and possibly pop quizzes? He has the distinct feeling there is a quiz coming up on this in his near future.

Okay so this morning after his realization that his bat crap crazy dream was NOT a dream and in fact his bat crap crazy reality and that this was gonna be a thing he actually had to face really started to sink in he'd kinda balked a little...okay a lot...o-okay so he'd sat his coffee cup back down, opened the fridge, grabbed that weird neon blue bottle of unidentifiable alcohol Mags had left last New Year's and made a beeline right back to his room firmly locking the door behind him, pushing his Tardis curio cabinet over to block the door just for good measure intent on putting off the insanity as long as possible.

Two hours, a lot of mental spiraling and one empty mystery alcohol bottle later (He'd only actually been able to drink like half a glass before giving up the ghost and dumping the rest down the sink- who the hell thought cotton candy flavored liquor was a good idea anyways? Now he knows why Mags ditched it here) later he was startled out of his spiraling spy-induced panic, moping, existential crises whatever-you-want-to-call-it by a voice not an inch from his ear.

He screamed like a little girl, jumped about two feet in the air, fumbled, flailed and nearly fell off his bed, just barely managing to stop his tumble by catching himself on his night stand, causing the whole thing to shake, sending his Marvel chess set scattering across the floor.

Raphael hadn't even apologized for the startle, just shrugged it off like it was nothing with that obnoxiously attractive smirk and smug little eyebrow quirk, saying just to think of it as his first lesson in spying- always be vigilant of your surroundings. Said it was gonna be an ongoing lesson as if he could get that close without Simon even registering it he clearly needed all the practice he could get.

Simon had groused that he was in his own locked bedroom with a freaking barricaded door. Raphael had shrugged, totally unimpressed saying that's no excuse- yes it was a locked room with a barricaded door but the window latch was child's play to get through- even easier when it was not only unlocked but left partially open- and the trellis came up just a few feet from it, right between the window in his room and the one in the in-suite bathroom, said it was practically a welcome mat.

Simon'd glared, sniping he liked the cooler air at night. Raphael's shrugged totally unsympathetic, told him get a fan, stop moping, put on his big boy Wookie slippers and get back out in the living room cause his spy training was starting now. Simon'd sputtered and stammered trying to wave it off, put off jumping full into the insanity for a little bit longer, gesturing to the empty bottle but Raphael just scoffed, rolling his eyes. He waved it off right back, saying Simon hadn't even drank half a glass, just poured the neon blue monstrosity down the sink.

Simon had sputtered again at that, demanding to know how he knew that. Raphael'd just shrugged, saying 'I'm a spy' while flashing that stupidly pretty little smirk and a way too attractive to be fair wink, slipping his arm around Simon's shoulders, tugging him over to the door, pushing the curio cabinet out of the way like it was nothing, all but dragging him out of his room and into the world of Spycraft insanity.

Simon didn't know if this was Raphael being an ass to help him through his panic and fear and motivate him or just being an ass cause he's kinda an ass but either way it was obnoxious as hell and totally uncalled for.

Whatever the case here he is: His first day of Spycraft 101.

Gotta say so far he's really not a fan. Though part of it could be that his apparent teacher is taking the whole 'teacher' thing a fair bit too literally.

Admittedly he really didn't have any clue what to expect from 'spy training' (especially since up to yesterday 'espionage' seemed about as likely a potential career for his as 'trapeze artist', 'big cat trainer' and 'Alien Linguistics expert') but in any case here he is. He expected it to be odd, expected a lot of information that he couldn't follow and a lot of confusion and a lot of 'oh my god I SO cannot do that' scenarios...he expected it to be totally overwhelming and more than a bit intimidating.

He really was not expecting PowerPoint's and pop quizzes. He feels like he's waken up back in high school.

"And of course the safest place to park is closest to an entrance, window or an area with heavy foot traffic. The more public a place you are the harder it is for someone to tamper with anything...on the other hand it also means it's harder to recognize any undue attention so there is that." Alec paused, reaching over, hitting the button on the computer, clicking to the next page.

"Now moving on to section Twenty two we s-"

Simon shifted forward, holding up his finger.

"Umm...out of curiosity how many sections are there?"

Alec gave a slight wave.

"I actually got it paired down pretty good- just fifty- we're already nearly halfway there...though some of the ones coming up are a bit longer and more in depth but most of the others really clip along."

Simon blinked, swallowing, nodding slowly, kind of slumping back in his seat, trying to pull up his 'I'm totally paying attention and not mentally replaying the musical episode of Buffy The Vampire slayer' expression from school...he thinks the groan was internal (Though it's possible that was Raphael next to him)

In any case the expression seems to work. Alec smiled, nodding before diving right back into 'section twenty two' the Proliferation of Clandestine Bureaucracies part 1 of 10.

Oh good lord...

This is gonna be a LONGday...

He may regret pouring out that horrible cotton candy liquor...being black out drunk with a sugar high might actually make this more bearable.

Three hours and twenty five minutes later...

"-and that's why you always check those points on your phone to be sure it's not bugged." Alec trailed off, glancing over at Raphael flashing a faint glare.

"And then maybe check again just in case the person bugging it is an especially sneaky NSA operative. Those are a real pain to deactivate."

Raphael chuckled, eyebrow quirking.

"But a snap to reactivate."

Ugh...here we go...the baiting begins...

Simon kinda thinks it's just Raphael's way of breaking up the monotony of the lecture- can't say he blames him there. For the last hour and a half he's been alternating between hair brain schemes to make a break for it and trying to mentally set off the smoke detector- but really going from a boring lecture on 'the developmental evaluation of counter intelligence tactics and theories' (three thousand, four hundred and twenty seconds) and those two sniping at each other is really a lateral move.

Plus every interruption just makes the lecture last even longer...and start new random ones. The last interruption sent Alec on a twenty minute tangent on proper chain of command etiquette. It was worse than all ten parts of the PCB lecture.

And yet here we go again.

Simon sighs, sinking down in his seat at the kitchen island, resting his head in his hands, trying to wait out the snipe-fit.

Alec sputtered.

"You did not bug my phone again."

"No I didn't bug it again...I reactivated the same tap. It's not bugged 'again' it's bugged still."

"Stop bugging my phone!"

Raphael huffed out a slight laugh, shrugging, totally unconcerned, flashing that stupidly attractive, cocky little smirk, deep eyes sparking, half amused, half challenge.

"Hey I'm just doing my job...can't really protect you if I can't find you, now can I?"

Alec scoffed glaring, standing up to his full height, towering over Raphael.

"I'm not the one you're 'protecting' that would be Simon. You know, Simon? wavy brownish hair, hyper, Wookie slippers and kitten pjs, about half a foot shorter than me? Someone you actually pretend to at least half ass listen to?

I get the confusion though. Really hard to tell us apart, practically twins.

He is the one you're guarding- I'm the one you're aggravating the hell out of. If you're gonna bug anyone's phone it should be his."

Raphael chuckled, flashing a sharp little smirk, eyebrow quirking near teasingly.

"You're underestimating me Boyscout, I have that all covered- Multitasking's kinda my strong suit...Well one of the few that I can talk about freely and that doesn't result in collateral damage and clean up teams in any case.

Besides going by yesterday it really couldn't hurt. It's okay to admit you need a little help Boyscout...it's not a weakness- a weakness is being too stubborn to admit it."

Alec scoffed.

"I don't need your help, and stop calling me that!"

He chuckled, crossing his arms, giving a faint shrug.

"Can't do it Boyscout- fits far too well, Besides during this it IS a good idea to have codenames. It's just practical. They have to make sense and be easily enough to identify who the agent is without actually using their name...

Think we have it.

I'll put a call into Luke and let him kn-"

"Don't you dare!"

"Hey I'm just doing my job."

"No you're not! You're being a Jackass!"

Raphael smirked, flashing a near playful wink.

"Part of the job."

"It is not!"

"Is too."

"I-"

Oh my god, He really WAS back in high school- or freaking grammarschool. These two were worse than when he used to babysit. He has the distinct feeling he's minutes away from hearing 'nu uh' come out of the mouth of a fully grown adult-

A freaking SPY adult.

At least babysitting he got paid. All he's getting here is a headache, a truck load of dry, mind numbingly boring or convolutedly hard to follow information, and an irritatingly attractive freaking assassin giving that annoyingly hot, smirky, challenge-y look that made it even harder to follow the stupid boring-ification of what's largely thought of as one of the coolest, most exciting jobs on the planet.

Again how the hell do you make Spying boring?!

Alec groans.

"Wh-"

Simon groaned louder, cutting him off, hand smacking down on the table, feeling his last bit of composure snap, rubbing at his temples, waving animatedly between the two.

"Alec! Dude, you know he's just screwing with you. I swear you two are worse than when I used to babysit the Walker twins in high school. Ignore it- he's just trying to get a rise out of you- stop reacting and he'll get bored and move on to something else."

"Yeah b-"

Simon shook his head, agitatedly blowing a wayward curl out of his face, holding up his finger, pointing from one of them to the other and back.

"Uh uh, no- stop. Don't make me try to give you two a time out."

Raphael smirked, those pretty, deep brown eyes flashing in amusement and interest, shifting over him, smirk picking up a tic at the edge of his stupidly pretty lips.

"You're gonna give ME a time out? How exactly is that gonna work Lindo?"

Simon huffed, flushing lightly at the teasing, vaguely flirty tone, glaring more, pointing.

"Don't start with me Smirky- and I know damn good and well you did that flirty, tease-y confuse-y tone on purpose so cut that out too. Not in the mood. I am SO past the point of self-preservations instincts right now. I am tired, I am annoyed, I am bored out of my mind by a topic that I would've thought impossible to be bored by. I-"

Raphael chuckled shrugging, casting a side glance over to Alec.

"He's not wrong there B-"

Simon shook his head, pointing again.

"Uh uh- still talking, don't start that again. I am tired, I'm annoyed, I'm bored, I'm spinning out of my mind on the sheer insanity I'm not jumping into but being literally dragged into- by you this morning- after you broke into my room and snuck up on me just to scare me-"

"That no-"

"Still talking- and continued to make a game of startling me every chance you get.

I have no clue how the hell I'd do it but I'm this close to trying to figure it out. I may not have the ability to give you a time out but I DO have over two decades of practice annoying the hell out of people and that's when I'm not even TRYING.

Remember you're stuck working with me and protecting me and living not thirty feet from me- that's a lot of me...it's gonna get old REAL fast. I've never actually TRIED to purposefully annoy someone but I have a REAL knack for it. I have it, I will use it, Don't think I won't." He finished pointing again, meeting Raphael's eyes head on, pointedly ignoring the sparkly amusement in those dizzyingly deep brown eyes and the biting his lower lip to keep the laugh or grin in check (ugh...damnit...that was just not fair- no one should be that appealing while they're all but laughing in your face.)

Simon glared more at him, gaze shifting over to Alec, again pointing.

"And Alec? Seriously dude, how are you falling for this? I know what he said- I don't care. Neither should you. Stop taking the bait, you're giving him exactly what he wants. And you're more than smart enough to know that.

He's screwing with you- I know it, you know it, he definitely knows it. Stop falling for it. He's probably bluffing anyways, and even if he's not, who cares? We're working together, living not thirty feet from him doorstep and dude you are so by the book you are literally in the middle of giving me a lecture with freaking hand outs and a power point!

I mean what, are you planning on sneaking off for some clandestine rendezvous we're unaware of?"

Alec coughed, shaking his head, clearly trying to fight off a laugh of his own.

"Well no b-"

"Then stop reacting to it. He's a spy- an annoyingly smirky, way too confident, obnoxiously irritating spy who's main hobby seems to be smirking, parkouring down buildings, and tormenting anyone in his immediate vicinity just for the hell of it. For the next god only knows how long that's me and you- may as well get used to it cause I doubt it's stopping anytime soon."

He pushed his stool back away from the kitchen island, turning, climbing off the seat, pointing at them again.

"Okay now I need a bathroom break because you have been talking for six hours and forty five minutes- that is twenty four thousand three hundred seconds- without so much as a break unless you count the annoyed snarking jags- which I SO don't...I am taking one now.

Hopefully by the time I get back out here you guys can find some way to act that's somewhere between sniping children and rambling statistics professor five years past retirement age. There has got to be some kind of happy medium." he huffed, shaking his head at the two, turning, beginning down the hallway before pausing, turning, pointing at Raphael, eyebrow raising censuringly.

"Do NOT follow me."

"Wasn't gonna." Raphael held his hands up placatingly, trying to tramp down a chuckle, unable to fight off an annoyingly appealing smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

Simon growled, glaring again, sputtering, just barely managing to keep from stamping his foot before turning on heel, marching up the stairs, all but slamming the door behind him, moving through the room and into the in-suite bathroom, slamming that door too just for good measure. He groaned setting down on the edge of the tub, kind of slumping back against the wall, dropping his head in his hands.

Oh good god...this is just too much.

Too much in one setting. He needs a break- a real break. He cannot go back out there...He just can't. He's at his wits end- for god sakes he was just threatening to put a freaking trained assassin in time out- he needs a break. Clearly he's already had one from his sanity...and his self-preservation instincts...the rest of him needs a break too.

He took a couple deep breaths, glancing around, gaze falling on his watch setting on the edge of the sink.

Hmm...it's past five- Kevin's off...and There's a special screening of the 3D version of Falling Skies tonight at seven. That would be a nice break, Should be good...hell of a lot better than three more hours of 'Spycraft sleeping pill' that's for sure.

But how is he gonna do it? They're not just gonna let him go. Alec still has thirteen sections to go and Raphael no doubt has endless snarking, poking and teasing to do. No way they're just letting him walk out the door, so that's out...

But...that might not be the only way.

He tilts his head consideringly, gaze landing on the window...

Hmm...could he? I mean Raphael climbed up the trellis...well...okay 'Raphael can do it' isn't exactly indicative of anything. Even so climbing down a trellis isn't like taking on a dozen evil counter agents or parkouring down the side of a building or whatever. It's basically just sneaking out of the house- a typical teen type move (and again with the high school theme.)...still he should be able to run with this.

And he WAS desperate.

He stood up, glancing at the bathroom door, creeping over, slipping quietly across the room, grabbing his spare car keys from his night stand, slipping on his orange sneakers before tiptoeing back across the room, slipping back into the bathroom, closing the door, ensuring the lock was flipped. He took a deep breath, turning on the sink for a bit of noise coverage, moving over to the window, glancing around before opening it, looking out, judging the distance...

Hmm...wasn't really THAT high...maybe twelve feet, seems manageable. And it was over the flower bed, even if he kinda bungled it there'd still be fairly soft for a landing...he could probably do it.

Then again is he overreacting? I mean is he really desperate enough to get out of the rest of Spycraft Sleeping Pill 101 that he's willing to actually climb out his bathroom window?

I mean it's just a few lectures...and PowerPoint's...and quizzes...and a snarking, snipping stupidly gorgeous assassin alternating between picking arguments with Alec, poking at him, and scaring the living hell out of him.

Is he really THAT desperate?

Yes. Yes he is.

Simon took a deep breath, pushing the window open the rest of the way, casting one more glance at the door ensuring the locks flicked before turning back, taking a deep breath, leaning over, hiking his leg over the window sill, beginning to shift out of the window, extending his leg over, trying to catch a foothold.

He gets a little anchor, shimmying closer to the trellis.

Okay...a little bit further, just lean over a bit more, kind of swing over the rest of the way...kay...good...just a bit more you almost g-

He gasps, nearly fumbling his hold, scrambling to get a solid hold, pressing as close as he can to the Trellis, squeezing his eyes closed trying to steady his heart. He took a few more deep breaths, slowly blinking his eyes open, glancing back over his shoulder, pressing a bit closer to the trellis, hold clamping tight.

Oooh boy...okay that's higher than he thought.

He took a deep breath, inching down slowly squeezing his eyes close.

Okay...okay he's making it...h-

He startles as his foot scrambles, unable to find a hold. He opens his eyes, glancing down, realizing his feet are at the bottom of the trellis.

Ah crap...how'd he not realize it didn't extend all the way to the ground? It ends about four feet from the ground. Okay so he just has to kinda drop the last few feet.

He can do it...he can...just let go and drop. It's not that far...he can...he's going to...

He is...

Right now...

He's letting go. He is...h-

Oh hell...he's not doing it is he? Maybe he didn't think this through...this was stupid, he needs to just go back. Or call them...the window for the living room is just a few feet over he can call them a-

"- No you can't install counter insurgent weaponry on the roof!"

"Think you mean I shouldn't-"

"No I mean you can't, I won't let you!"

"That's cute Boyscout."

"Damnit d-"

And that'll do it...

He takes a deep breath, dropping the rest of the way, stumbling a few steps before righting himself, casting a quick glance over at the living room window, freezing, insuring he's not caught out before turning, rushing along the side of the building and out along the street, slipping into his car, pulling out into traffic.

Oh my god that was insane! but necessary...

Very necessary.

This Spycraft thing is gonna take up who knows how much of his life from here on out. It will be insane, and terrifying and he will be in totally over his head and bombarded with things on a daily bases that he'd never thought he'd ever encounter. That is going to be his life. This will change everything, Throw everything he has ever known into chaos.

He deserves one last gasp of normalcy before his life descends into this bizzaro mix of boring insanity that is gonna be his new reality for the foreseeable future.

Okay this may be stupid, no doubt there'll be hell to pay when they find out what he did but right now he really doesn't care.

Later on he'll deal with the fall out, he'll deal with the insanity, the bizarrely boring lectures, the bat crap insane new reality in which he is a spy in training with a computer program integrated INTO his brain living with Captain Boyscout and less than thirty feet from the most terrifyingly gorgeous, terrifyingly obnoxious, terrifyingly terrifying person he has ever met in his entire life.

He'll deal with it all. He will...

Later.

Right now he needs this.

He needs a night out with his best friend and a nice meal and a heavy dose of scifi escapism... He needs this...

He deserves this.

And he is taking it.

{*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^} *-*-*End Of Chapter Notes*-*-* {*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^*_*^}

Yay! Another chapter up...I liked how this one went-I know the end just kind of petered out but I think it's okay. Kinda get the feeling Alec is totally the by the book lecture-y type...though I'd think part of the reason he's doing it like this is to ease Simon into it kinda bore him into not getting overwhelmed by the crazy. Figure's Alec's the type that'd find comfort in facts and knowledge...

Thinking this is his way of helping Simon adjust...don't know how effective it'll be but A for effort in any case.

I know it had a bit of a goofy feel but I think for this verse that's gonna work...thinking for this verse the atmosphere is gonna be pretty similar to the one with Verse 1 the Psych verse. Think it really fits perfectly...plus they make it so that when you do have a big, serious, emotional type scene it has all the more impact. Think this verse is gonna be a lot of fun.

So quick update agenda- I've decided rather than just bandying about randomly for updates I'm just going to the bottom of the list and updating the last active story on my list first- figure that's the one that's been sitting longest so it makes sense. This is the order I'm going in unless there's any unforeseen 'Oh my god I have to work on this one right now' this is the order the updates will go:

A Start Of Something New (Verse 7)

The Guy/Demon In The Mirror (Verse 4)

Nosey Neighbors (Verse 9)

Love Bug (Verse 2)

Picture Perfect (Verse 8)

You Can't Go Home Again (Verse 1)

A Study In Chaos (Verse 6)

This Is Why You Don't Wander Away From The Group (Verse 5)

Death Was Just The Beginning (Verse 3)

Next one up is Love Bug.

I'm trying to update more than once a week but real life is fighting me at every turn on that- works insane, family stuff to deal with, works even more insane and super understaffed, and like half my state is currently on fire...more than a few distractions there...

Still I am trying-

So what do you guys thinks so far?

* 21 *

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-Simon Lewis:Not-So-Super-Spy-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*