A/N: This was written for Melting Pot Fanfiction during Tropes & Fandoms. This story filled my trope, Fake Dating. I decided to branch out into a new fandom and I hope that I did these characters justice. I do apologize if any of their characterizations seems a bit off.
Beta work was done by Grammarly and the only thing I own in this little tale is the plot.
Be sure to let me know what you think!
Margaret Houlihan shook her head as she watched Frank Burns pacing back and forth in her tent. Every time he got a letter from his wife, he shattered into a million pieces. He would moan and whine about everything she wrote. However, this letter was different. She wanted a divorce.
The thought brought a smile to Margaret's face. Finally, she'd have him all to herself without any distractions. Or at least, that's what she thought would happen. As it would appear, her dreams of having Major Frank Burns loving only her and being devoted to her were quickly squashed.
"I need to talk to Lt. Colonel Blake. I need to get home," Frank announced, running out of Margaret's tent.
Margaret just watched, shaking her head in disgust. She was starting to get sick of coming in second to his wife. The woman wanted to leave him for crying out loud. At least Margaret was right here.
"That does it," she huffed, pushing herself up off her cot. It was about damn time she did something to make Frank jealous. That was when the idea struck her. She exited her tent quickly and walked over to The Swamp.
She took a deep breath before pushing the door open and taking a few steps inside. Once inside, she noticed Pierce and Trapper sitting on their cots enjoying a drink. Margaret pretended that she didn't see the still as she turned her attention to Hawkeye. "Captain Pierce, may I have a word with you in private?"
Hawkeye glanced up at her and back to Trapper for a moment before returning his eyes to Houlihan. "Anything you need to say to me can be said in front of Trapper," he replied, smirking from ear to ear.
"This is a private matter," she insisted, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Oh, well, if it's private," Hawkeye teased, pushing himself off the cot and walking over to the door, pushing it opened. "After you, Major."
Margaret rolled her eyes and walked past him out of the tent a few steps.
Hawkeye lifted his martini glass to his lips, downing the rest of it and then tossing the empty glass to Trapper before walking outside. "Fill 'er up, bartender."
He found Margaret waiting for him around the corner of The Swamp, near the Mess Hall. She seemed flustered about something, but if he was honest with himself, that was a normal state for Hot Lips. "So what can I do for you, Margaret?" he asked, resting his hand on the top of the tent.
"I need you to help me make Major Burns jealous," she spat out quickly, looking around at the other people walking around the 4077. She took a step closer to Pierce and lowered her voice. "I need to make him think he's losing me so that he'll leave his wife."
Hawkeye thought about it for a few moments, debating his options. While he loved messing with Frank, he also knew that he would never leave his wife. He'd go AWOL before he would leave the only woman he loves more than his mother. Although, getting the chance to fool around with Hot Lips was enough to make any man decide against his better judgment.
"Well?" Margaret asked, batting her eyes at him.
"Only if you start laughing at all my jokes," Hawkeye replied, cocking his head to the side with a smile beaming brightly from his lips.
"That'll cost extra," Margaret huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, narrowing her gaze at him in annoyance.
"Oh, look!" Hawkeye cheered, "Frank is coming this way."
"Kiss me," Margaret demanded, pulling Hawkeye in close. "Kiss me right now."
"If you insist," Hawkeye remarked, wrapping his arms around her waist and dipping her as he pressed his lips to hers. He kissed her for a few moments before returning her to a standing position.
"Is he gone?" Margaret asked, pressing up on her toes to look over Pierce's shoulders. "Did he see us?"
"I'm sure one of us will find out soon enough when the yelling starts," Hawkeye quipped, chuckling to himself.
"Captain Pierce!" a voice yelled from behind them. "Get your hands off, Major Houlihan!"
"Like clockwork," Hawkeye laughed, taking a step away from Margaret and raising his hands in the air. "Honest, Frank. It was all Margaret's idea."
"That's Major to you, Captain," Frank groused, crossing his arms over his chest. "Major Houlihan would have no such idea."
Margaret looked up at Hawkeye and smiled. "Thanks," she mouthed, taking a few steps towards Major Burns. "Come on, Frank. Let's go back to my tent."