You and Whose Army X


"Spa Day!" Parvati cheerfully said as she led the other girls into the Room of Requirement. Along with her that day came Padma, Lavender, Daphne, Millie, and Hermione.

"Are we sure Harry won't be showing up and trying to use the gym?" Hermione asked.

"It's a nice day, so he was taking his little dudes outside to play some game," Parvati answered as she stripped down and then melted into the enormous jacuzzi the room had created. "Ah, now that's better."

"I do enjoy the chance to relax after all the recent studying," Daphne added as she joined her.

"I'll say," Lavender nodded as she too entered the relaxing water.

Granger was the last of them into the hot tub, and she made sure to put herself on the opposite side from Bulstrode, but she was also shooting the occasional glare at Lavender.

"So, Lav, how far have you and Nev gone?" Parvati asked.

"I don't want to rush things and scare him off," she giggled in reply. "But all that work with Harry's Lifting Army has done wonders. I mostly started out by comforting him over the fact that he killed two people at the Ministry that day. He's come to terms with it now, I think, so I have to make sure to slowly ramp things up before any other girls notice how he's filled out- and all the self confidence he's gained."

"That sounds like a good plan," Padma suggested. "Are you going to be able to see him over the summer though?"

"Yeah, that won't be a problem. I'm sixteen, it's not like my parents demand I stay home all the time."

"We'll probably see more of her at our place this summer," Parvati said to her sister.

"Fine, but don't ogle Harry so much if you've got a boyfriend of your own," Padma snorted.

Lavender grinned. "He told me his gran wrote to him about how proud she was, so I think that means he'll have more freedom too."

"What about you, Hermione?" Parvati asked.

"Anthony and I didn't work out," she shrugged.

"Bummer," Parvati slumped. "Well, who will you go for next?"

"I haven't thought about it," Hermione replied. "I'm focused on the OWLs. Boys can wait till the fall term."

"Ooh, and maybe she'll find a muggle boy toy over the summer," Lavender giggled. "Is there anyone cute in your neighborhood?"

"I haven't paid much attention," she answered.

"I plan to introduce Harry to my parents at some point," Daphne stated. "He fits my requirements for a future consort, so it would be prudent to have them all aware of each other."

"Consort?" Lavender asked.

"If all continues to go well, I will try to formalize an arrangement so that our children can continue the Greengrass line," she mechanically replied. "With Parvati and Padma already lined up as potential wives, there should be no shortage of future Potters running around, and therefore, Harry should be agreeable to allowing my children to carry on my family name. By publicly claiming him as my consort, there should be few, if any, problems for the future generation."

"I didn't know something like that was..." Hermione frowned as she thought it over.

"It is very old fashioned, and not something I've heard of since the time of Grindelwald, when a number of lines nearly died out, especially across the continent," Millie explained. "Are your parents pushing for that?"

"No," Daphne responded. "They claim not to care. But someone in the family must be proactive, and thus I have taken up the mantle."

Hermione leaned over to whisper to Padma. "Does that actually make sense to you?"

Padma held back a laugh. "It's easier just to let Daphne be. She's sort of like Harry in that regard."

"How did you learn to fight like that?" Millie wondered. "I didn't expect you to be so talented."

"I realized early on in my first year that most witches and wizards only know how to defend themselves when they still have access to their wands," Daphne answered. "Harry taught me that by his demonstrations upon Malfoy and Snape. Since I was not nearly as physically gifted as he was, or even you Millie dear, I decided to spend some of the money my parents had given me access to on rectifying that weakness."

"So you took kung fu lessons?" Hermione asked.

"Of course not," Daphne rolled her eyes. "I paid the goblins for a magical transfer of skills. It was physically quite painful and exhausting, so I rested for most of the summer before second year. I had to rebuild my occlumency skills as well."

"You can just have training magically downloaded into your brain?" Hermione's eyes went wide.

Lavender whispered to Parvati, "I think it sounds like Harry might be right about her being a robot."

While Parvati giggled, Daphne merely raised an eyebrow and smirked at Granger. "A thousand galleons can get you almost anything."

"Well anyway," Lavender turned to Millie with a smile. "Why did you decide to go after Ron? Not that there's anything wrong with that. I mean, I think he's kinda cute too."

Bulstrode frowned and sunk a bit deeper into the water. "He's really tall."

"The tallest boy in our year," Padma agreed. "He's got at least a couple of inches on Harry, Dean, and Justin."

"Is that the only reason?"

Millie sighed. "All of you are pretty, thin, normal sized girls. As big as I am-"

"You're a knockout though," Parvati interrupted with a smile. "You've gotten super in shape this year, and those curves are amazing."

Millie blushed. "Thanks. For your help with the charms about hair and stuff too. But, it's nice to not have to look down on a guy. Ron's tall enough that he makes me feel... feminine. I was always big for my age, and I've never really felt girly, but I just wanted to... to not feel like some ogre when I'm with a guy."

"Well, I think you're great the way you are," Daphne replied. "You kept Harry and the rest of those boys from being overwhelmed at the Ministry."

"Before the Greengrass cavalry came to the rescue," Millie teased with a laugh.

"I couldn't let my paramour come to harm from those two bit terrorists," Daphne haughtily stuck her chin in the air.


A couple of hours later, the girls left the room behind feeling mellow and relaxed. Dinner was an hour away as they started to split up to head off to their dorms to change. Entering the Ravenclaw common room, Padma found a few of the first year girls sitting around. As they hurried to get up, it seemed that they'd been waiting for her.

"Padma, can we get some advice?" Rebecca asked.

"Sure. What can I do for you?"

"Why are boys so... so... ?"

"So dumb!" Gemma said.

Giggles broke out and Padma wondered what had happened... and she just knew that Harry was almost certainly involved somehow.

Luna piped up, hoping to explain things, "I saw Harry leading his minions to the hospital wing an hour ago."

"Not again," Padma exhaled and rolled her eyes. "What did he do this time?"

"They were playing rugby again," Luna answered.

"Yeah, it's such a dumb, violent game," Gemma added. "They all got hurt, but they acted like it was fun."

Rebecca blushed. "It was kind of fun to watch though."

"Yeah," a couple of dreamy sighs followed.

"Harry was shirtless while he played referee," Luna added.

Padma nodded- that would explain the flushed faces around her. "Just let them have their fun and get it out of their systems. I don't personally understand the thrill of violence either."

"Thousands of years ago, men had to go out and hunt," Luna said. "They had to be able to kill to feed themselves and their families. Not to mention protecting their tribes against outsiders. We aren't so far removed from those prehistoric days that all of our old evolved neolithic traits have been diminished."

"Huh," Padma nodded. "Good point."

"So, they're like cavemen or something?" Gemma wondered. "I guess that explains all the grunting and sweating."

"Yeah, but Michael is super cute," Rebecca added.

"Someone's got a crush!" one of her friends teased.


After hearing about the spa day from his honeys, Harry decided to have a rest there in the hot tub after his final exam. Dobby had brought him a butterbeer and Harry was going over a possibility that he hadn't really considered before. But with the year about to end, there was little time left if he did want to try things out.

"Hey, Dobby? Do you think you could do me a solid?"

"Dobby will always do solids for Harry Potter, the greatest of all bros," the elf happily replied.

"You know, we've only got a few days left before we go home for the summer," Harry said. "I've still got another couple of doses of that lust potion that Sirius gave me, and I was thinking, why let it go to waste? It's not like I need the stuff- the girls all say I've got sex on the brain all the time anyway."

"Of course, sir dude!" Dobby hopped in place. "What is the plan?"

"Well first, we're going to need to set everything up just right," Harry answered. "And then, I still want to help McG out, even though I have terrible luck with her. So, here's what I'm thinking..."


"Are you certain all of this is necessary?" the headmaster frowned as he looked at the parchment.

"Absolutely, sir," Percy Weasley replied as he sat with stiff posture but a smile upon his face. "It's for the good of Hogwarts, after all. The board of governors are aware of the changes and they have approved everything."

"But Severus-"

"Is completely unsuited to teaching Potions," Percy cut in. "I have no doubt that he must have shown the skills necessary as a brewer in order to become qualified, but his decorum in the classroom is abominable. The lack of safety procedures, the lack of explanation for various tasks, and the lack of control over the classroom- hence why there have been numerous Potions-related accidents requiring the work of Madame Pomfrey- that man is an abject failure as an educator. The board agrees with me; his contract will not be renewed."

"I see," Dumbledore sighed and closed his eyes, steepling his fingers together and humming to himself.

"As for the other recommendations, if Hagrid can have a mentor of some sort to help him learn a bit more discretion, then everything looks fine with the electives," Weasley continued. "Binns is a bit of an issue, but the house-elves seem to love marking his papers for him, so he can stay. Of course, a new Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor will have to be found as well, but I believe the last few years have shown the students being well in hand regardless of the turn over."

"It's a shame you have to return to the ministry."

"I have enjoyed this year," Percy agreed. "However, my time here was always meant to be brief."

"Very well," Dumbledore stood up and shook his hand. "Good luck on your future endeavors, Percy."

"Thank you, sir."

Several minutes later, Percy found a bottle of butterbeer waiting for him on his desk in his quarters. Wondering about where it came from, he found a small note attached.

"For a job well done, from a secret admirer," he read. "I suppose I can relax a bit."

He smiled as he opened it and took a sip.


Five minutes later, Minerva McGonagall heard someone knocking at her door.

"Mister Weasley, what can I do for you?"

He grinned at her and stepped inside. "Call me Percy, please. We've had a rather successful year I think, don't you?"

"Better than some years," she admitted. "How are you doing?"

"Quite well, Minerva," he said with a smile. "I can call you Minerva, I hope. I wouldn't want to presume, of course. May I just tell you that I have always found you to be a remarkable woman."

"Thank you, Percy," she replied with a slight bow. "You were a pleasure to teach, and you've done well this year as an instructor."

He nodded and took a step forward. "Remarkable doesn't go quite far enough, I think. You're brilliant, immensely talented, and..." he blushed and gave her an exaggerated wink, "Very, very beautiful as well."

"Mister Weasley!" she hissed at him.

"If you want to play lusty professor and naughty student, I'll have to change my outfit," Percy grinned.

"What's gotten into you?"

As he continued to leer at her, Minerva drew her wand and stunned him. This was quite unlike the young man in the room with her. But...

She did have one idea of why he could have been acting that way.


"Mister Potter, please come in and sit down," McG said with a scowl.

"Is this about how awesome I was as a prefect? Because I know; my little dudes are pretty rad. Minions that well trained can only be a result of my brilliant mentorship. So, you know, you're welcome."

He grinned at her and leaned back in his seat.

"No, this is not about the first years."

"Is this about how cool it is that we won the quidditch cup again? Because I agree, that is pretty cool."

"It is pretty cool," she admitted. "We wouldn't want someone to break Gryffindor's streak."

"Yeah, and it looks like we've got the house cup wrapped up too," Harry gave her a thumbs up. "One more day till the leaving feast, but things are looking good."

"True," she sighed. "Harry, you wouldn't happen to know anything about why Professor Weasley may have been out of sorts lately, would you?"

"I don't know," he shrugged. "Stress from the exams?"

"Unlikely," she said with a glare. "He was given a lust potion, and then quite suspiciously, he found himself calling upon me."

"Must have been Fred and George," Harry argued. "Those two are trouble makers, you know. That sort of prank could make a big splash, which could help with that store they're wanting to open."

McG raised an eyebrow at him. "Really?"

"Their reputation precedes them," he smirked.

"Not again, Harry," she wagged her finger at him. "Or I will make the headmaster deal with you."

"But he's evil!" Harry gasped. "You wouldn't leave an innocent young man like me in his clutches!"

"Innocent my arse," McG snorted. "I mean it. No more of this nonsense next year."

"Well, next year the Weasley twins won't be here, so I'm sure they won't be trying to prank you like that again," he said, trying to nonchalantly look anywhere but at her face.

"I'll hold them and you to it," she countered.

"I guess I should give them a warning," Harry replied as he stood up. "Like a cool dude, looking out for his bros and everything."

"Yes, quite."

"Alright. Later, McG."

"Have a good summer, Harry."

"You too," he smiled.

She rolled her eyes as the door closed and waited a moment before letting out a chuckle. "Worse than James and Sirius combined, I swear."


Two Harry Potters were sitting opposite from each other as they rode the Hogwarts Express back to London. Harry Alpha had the twins cuddled up next to him while Harry Omega sat and tried to listen to Daphne explain her plans for world domination or something... but she clearly wasn't wearing a bra and the high beams were on so his mind was quite occupied.

"You should know he can't pay attention with you like that," Padma said, barely containing her laughter.

"Why do you think I did it?" Daphne responded with a little smirk. "He won't be able to say I didn't warn him, though."

"I wonder if we'll do a group vacation," Parvati spoke up. "Does your family travel much?"

"Not too often," Daphne answered. "My father works quite a lot."

"Well, the last couple of years, we've gone on trips to different places with Harry," Parvati said. "First we went to his godfather's tropical island, and then we went to France to visit Fleur last year. Both were very, very fun, and Fleur did write to us about meeting up again."

"That could potentially be something I could participate in," Daphne frowned and tapped her chin. "I will discuss it with my mother."

There was a bump just as they approached London. The second Harry smiled as Daphne bounced in a wonderful way. She patted his hand. "Time to go meet the family, Harry."

"Sure, babe," he said with a vacant grin on his face as she pulled him through the crowd.

Parvati and Padma were left laughing as they parted. "So, how exactly is today going to work for you, Harry?"

The first Harry shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I'll walk my beautiful honeys over to Priya and then rewind everything."

"So, you're going to call her Priya now?" Padma teased.

"It's still a bit early for him to call her mum," Parvati giggled.

"Yeah, that might be a little weird," he said. "Because you know, when I think back to my mum, the only sort of memory I have is about breast feeding, and... um..."

"I don't think we want you making that connection with our mum," Padma scowled at him.

"Poor Harry," Parvati snickered.

He kept quiet though, for once using discretion.

They stepped through the crowd and all three of them laughed as they saw the other Harry trying not to stare at Daphne's chest while she introduced him to her family.

Sirius Black spotted them and approached only to slam to a halt and look between the two Harrys.

"Which one of you am I supposed to be picking up today?"

"I'm just seeing the girls off, then I'm zapping back into the past, so you'll be taking that dude with you," Harry replied as he pointed to his counterpart.

"Who's the blonde?"

"Daphne Greengrass."

"Nice," Sirius nodded appreciatively, only to be swatted by Priya Patil.

"Stop ogling teenagers," she scolded him.

"I wasn't ogling," he pouted. "I was merely checking upon Harry's... social progress."

"Sure you weren't," Priya rolled her eyes. "Come along, girls. Harry, lovely to see you again."

Once the Patils were gone, Harry threw an arm around Sirius' shoulders.

"She is very worth ogling," he said.

"I am so damn proud," Sirius beamed.

"Well, you should go say hello," Harry replied as he reached for his time turner. "Ask the other me to introduce you. But remember, she is also an android assassin from the future, and if you piss her off, I won't be held liable for any damage done to you. Hell, I'll probably laugh. You did see what she did to those Death Eaters, right?"

Sirius gulped and nodded. "I can behave myself."

"Cool. Later, dude."


Author's Note: Year 5 complete. Hope you've enjoyed the tales of the Lifting Army... and one possible Terminator girlfriend. :) Till next time!