Revenge of the Plot!


"I'm so glad we all came here together," Harry said as Padma and Parvati cuddled up with him on the beach. Sirius had really come through with this tropical island vacation idea.

Parvati giggled. "You mean because Fleur stole Daphne away?"

"I don't blame her for wanting to upgrade with some new programming," he shrugged.

"I'm not sure that Fleur teaching her better ways to manipulate men into catering to her every whim is such a good idea," Padma scoffed before poking him in the side. "You know, most guys would probably be worried about that sort of thing."

"She's not going to use her evil powers on me," Harry replied. "So it's all good, babe."

"Even if she becomes Minister for Magic someday?" Parvati asked.

"It sounds boring to me," he said. "She can do that if she wants though. I'm not going to hold any of my honeys back."

"And you could always seduce Minister Daphne in her office, right?" Parvati teased.

"Good idea, babe," Harry grinned.

"What do you think this year's going to be like?" Padma wondered. "I know we'll have yet another new Defense teacher, and I heard that Snape was finally being fired, but-"

"Sometimes I don't know how we're sisters," Parvati snickered. "We're watching a tropical sunset and you're talking about school?"

"We did just get our OWL results the other day," Padma replied. "Some of us actually care about that sort of thing."

"But we all did fine," Harry said with a confused look on his face. "Parvati and I both got eight OWLs."

"I can't believe you both failed History of Magic," Padma shook her head. "I know some people fall asleep in the class with the way Binns drones on, but it's easy just to read the book and do well."

"That's because you didn't have History with Harry last year," Parvati grinned. "Ever since we learned the Notice-Me-Not Charm, we focused on extracurricular activities instead."

"In class!" Padma blushed. "You didn't!"

"Of course I did," Parvati teased. "There's a reason I'm the one in Gryffindor, you know? It was really fun; you should try it sometime."

The two blondes joined them at that time, with Daphne strutting over to Harry with a devious look on her face. "Watch and pay attention, Harry."

"Huh?"

She walked back and forth along the beach in front of all of them for a minute, and Harry and Parvati both watched with eyes wide open.

Padma snorted at seeing the effect. "Did you really need to teach her a more enticing way to walk?"

"Dear Daphne will be my masterpiece," Fleur grinned. "She will 'ave people falling all over zemselves to do 'er bidding."

"I think it's cheating when she's in a bikini," Padma countered. "And we all know what a goof Harry is."

"Zat is why I 'ad her put on ze wrap," Fleur said. "It makes it less obvious zat she is drawing zeir eyes to her derriere, but zat little bit of titillation also works on a different level."

"Whoa," Harry muttered.

"I'll say," Parvati agreed.

Daphne turned back to Fleur and asked, "How did I do?"

"Magnifique!"

Harry looked at Parvati. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Threesome?" Parvati smiled.

"Threesome!" He hopped up and pulled her to her feet, then they both grabbed Daphne and dragged her off to the little cabana that was nearby.

Padma sighed. "I don't know how I put up with those two sometimes."

"I know what will make you feel better," Fleur said before snapping her fingers.

Dobby appeared with a bottle of wine and two glasses. "For the supreme Dude's honeys!"

"That does sound good." Padma relaxed back into the lounger and smiled.

"To a wonderful vacation," Fleur toasted.

Padma clinked her glass and sighed. "I'm just glad mum has been keeping dad off our backs."

"Zey should be very busy for a while," Fleur laughed. "Zat is why I bought your mother ze new bikini. Your father is a lucky man."

"I'm just glad they left before Harry's eyes popped out," Padma snickered.


A week or so later, Harry was back from the tropical paradise and heading down to Thicc Daddy's when he spotted someone unusual in his mentor's office.

It was a very sexy looking green chick. If Harry wasn't already overwhelmed by his honeys, he might have been tempted- hell, he was tempted anyway. He knocked at her door and it flew open.

"You must be Harry," she said as she kicked her feet up on the desk. "Dad told me you'd be coming by one of these days."

"My reputation precedes me," he grinned, throwing a wink at her. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Gamora," she replied. "I suppose it isn't so bad watching this place for a month or two. I just can't believe that Death is going to be my stepmom."

"That would be pretty weird I guess," he nodded.

"Yeah, but at least I don't live at home anymore," Gamora added. "Can you imagine how messed up it would be to hear them going at it?"

Harry thought for a moment and shook himself. "I don't think I want to even try thinking about that."

"Me neither," she agreed. "So , are you here to work out or just flirt with me?"

"Can't it be both?"

"You wish, Potter," she snorted.

"Fine," he shrugged. "I have been feeling a bit lazy since I was on vacation anyway. You know, I still burned some calories having fun, but that was pretty much all cardio, so I better get to it. Tell your dad I said hi and I hope things work out for him."

"Sure," Gamora replied as she yawned and waved him out of the office.


A few hours later, he returned to Privet Drive and found the headmaster having tea with the Dursleys.

"Ah, Harry! Just the young man I was hoping to see," Dumbledore smiled. "Your aunt is so much more mellow than I had expected."

"Yeah, they all seemed to be a lot less annoying than they used to," Harry said. "It started about a year ago I guess... not sure why really."

Dumbledore sipped his tea and nodded. "Well, that's good I suppose. But I am in need of your help."

Harry narrowed his eyes. In spite of all the evidence that suggested the headmaster might not be completely evil, he was still a little paranoid. "What type of help?"

Dumbledore sighed. "Unfortunately, Severus was let go as the Potions instructor. I am hoping to find a replacement, and I would like your help with the recruitment process."

"Because I'm awesome?" Harry wondered. "Or is it a babe and you want me to put the guns to work?"

"No, I would never have said Horace was a babe," he answered. "But he would be delighted to meet someone so famous. And if that doesn't work, I've got a bottle of 1847 Chateau d'Yquem that I suppose I could part with- but I was hoping to keep that saved for celebrating later."

"You just want me to talk to this dude?"

"Indeed," Dumbledore said before smiling at Petunia. "It was lovely to see you all today, but we really must be going. Thank you for the hospitality."

"Alright, I guess," Harry shrugged. "Let's do this thing."

The Dursleys continued to slowly sip their tea as the two wizards left with a crack.


They arrived in a fancy neighborhood with large houses and Harry looked around with an appreciative nod. "Dude's got taste."

"Horace has always enjoyed the creature comforts," Dumbledore replied as he walked towards one particular building. "Hopefully, we shall be able to prevail upon his appetite in one way or another."

"Do you realize how creepy you sound sometimes?" Harry frowned.

Dumbledore hummed to himself as he pulled out a small bottle and quickly dropped some sort of liquid on his tongue.

"What is that?" Harry asked.

"Lysergic acid diethylamide, or Lucy to her friends," the headmaster giggled. "Look at the stars, Harry! Aren't they magnificent?"

"Uh, yeah," he said cautiously. "I guess it's a nice night."

"It will be even nicer if I can get Horace to take the job," Albus smiled. "For some reason the board of governors won't let Minnie hire teachers, even though I asked them. They made some big hubbub about me 'needing to be seen doing something' for my job. Psh! Isn't it enough that I'm the most wizardy wizard around? Look at my beard, for Merlin's sake! And these robes? Do you have any idea how long it took me to enchant each of the stars and moons separately? I'm the perfect example of an eccentric old magic user for all the children to aspire towards."

Harry just nodded and kept walking. He wasn't interested in the old dude's fashion or life choices.

"Ah, here we are," Dumbledore said as they came to a stop in front of one house and he waved his wand around for a moment. "Anti-apparition jinx. Now he won't be escaping my visit this time."

"You've already asked?"

"I've tried to, but for some reason he keeps running away."

"I wonder why," Harry muttered to himself.

Dumbledore waved open the door, locks and locking spells falling aside so they could stride into the living area. An older gentleman was reading in a recliner in one corner. "Merlin's beard! Albus, how did you sneak up on me like that? I know I had proximity alarms for any wizards trying to find me."

"Ah, my old friend Lucy befuddled my mind and therefore hid my magic from such enchantments," Dumbledore smiled, eyes twinkling magnificently.

"So, there is method to your madness after all," Slughorn complained. "Well, what is it this time? And... is that Harry Potter?"

"Yeah, nice to meet you, dude," Harry waved hello. "Apparently we need a new Potions teacher."

"Finally got rid of Severus, eh? About time."

"My hands were tied in this decision," Dumbledore sighed. "I was hoping you'd consent to coming out of retirement, possibly doing a favor for an old friend."

"Or you'd use young mister Potter to tempt me?" Slughorn chortled. "You'll have to give me a better reason than that."

Dumbledore's shoulders sagged and he pulled a bottle out of his robes. "This was my second idea."

"Oh my! An excellent vintage!" Slughorn exclaimed.

"Perhaps we could share it while going over your new contract for the coming year?" Dumbledore suggested. "Although I had hoped to save it for celebrating the next time Tom is defeated."

"Who's Tom?" Harry asked.

"Tom Riddle," Dumbledore replied. "Also known as Lord Voldemort."

Slughorn paled at the mention of both names while Harry scratched his head. "Is that the weird snakey guy? I never remember his name."

"Correct," Dumbledore said.

Harry hummed for a moment and decided to pull out his medallion. It might have been hard to melt the gold gauntlet down, but when you've got the infinite power of the cosmos at your fingertips, everything tends to be a lot easier to handle. That said, it had still taken an hour for Harry to pick the right size and style while looking in the mirror one day- and Dobby hadn't been any help with his constant refrain that bigger was better for the Greatest of All Dudes! But Harry didn't want something enormous around his neck while he was working out.

"What is that?" Slughorn asked. "I can sense powerful magic, but-"

Harry cut him off when he snapped his fingers and a copy of the bottle of wine appeared. "Now you old dudes can do both."

"My word! That was some very precise magic, especially wandless," Slughorn proclaimed with a delighted expression. "It seems there is more to you than even the Prophet has told us, my boy."

Harry shrugged. "Probably."

"What is that medallion though?"

"It's nice, right?" Harry grinned. "I got it from my mentor, but I didn't want to wear this huge pimp glove thing as that wasn't really my style. So, I changed it around a bit."

"Remarkable," Dumbledore said as he stared at the glowing gems. "That yellow one looks like a very tasty sherbet lemon."

"Dude, don't try to lick my medallion," Harry glared at his headmaster. "Weirdo."

Slughorn snickered. "Albus does have his odd moments. Well, I suppose this was a more pleasant meeting than I could have expected. I have a feeling we'll get along swimmingly, mister Potter. Do you mind if I call you Harry?"

"Whatever dude."

"Excellent! And you can call me Sluggy, all my friends do," he smiled.

"That's cool," Harry said as he looked over the old teacher for a moment. He had a very large mustache, which wasn't really Harry's thing, but at least it wasn't nearly as creepy as the one Lupin had. There was one last question on his mind though. "Do you know McG? Professor McG, I mean?"

"Minerva? Of course, I taught her many years ago before we eventually became colleagues."

"Colleagues?" Harry asked. "Exactly how friendly were you?"

"Ho ho, nothing like that," Slughorn laughed. "Work colleagues and friends I think, but-"

"Okay," Harry sighed. "I'll just have to hope for something with whoever teaches Defense this year."

"No worries there, my boy," Dumbledore interjected with a smile, his eyes still twinkling like a disco ball. "I've hired Severus for the position."

Harry's eyes narrowed. "I thought Snape was fired."

"From Potions, yes," Dumbledore nodded. "But Defense is a completely different job."

"You bastard," Harry seethed. "My honeys kept trying to convince me you weren't evil, but the truth is finally revealed. I'll have my revenge for this, Dumbledore!"

"Harry, you just need to be more mellow," the headmaster countered as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of pills. "Try some quaaludes and you'll feel completely at ease in no time."

"This isn't over," Harry grumbled as he grabbed his medallion and disappeared.

"Interesting," Slughorn mused as the beefy teenager left before turning back to his former boss. "Well, Albus, why don't we head to dear old Hogwarts and discuss things over that wonderful bottle? It will be just like the old times."


Now that Harry knew the truth, he decided it was going to be necessary to fix a number of problems. And after a couple of minutes thinking, he realized he could solve them all at once, assuming he planned it all out just right. And perhaps he would use the gems... just to nudge everything into place.

There was only a few weeks left until the beginning of his sixth year, and Harry was determined to start things off with a bang.


Author's Note: I had a number of requests for other Marvel crossovers, so therefore the Gamora cameo. Thicc Daddy's off with his lady. :)

Hope you enjoyed it. Till next time!