It was a dark night. The shack was closed, and everyone was asleep.
At least, that's what Grunkle Stan thought.
In reality, Dipper and Pacifica were getting ready for a very... interesting night.
"Are you sure you're ready for this?"
"Yeah" Dipper said quietly, looking down.
Pacifica looked at Dipper, seeing a disappointed look from him.
"Dipper, what's wrong?"
"I'm sorry Pacifica, but I don't love you."
Pacifica's face began to take a deep red. Before she could throw a fit she took a deep breath and calmed down. But that didn't do shit because she yelled at him anyway.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" yelled Pacifica.
"Its true." Dipper said, not looking at her. "You're beautiful, and you've been helpful to me, but I'm afraid that there is another. Someone I truly love. Someone who makes every day so much sweeter. Someone who I'm sure is my soulmate."
"What, like Wendy?" asked Pacifica.
Before Dipper could finish his sentence, Mabel opened the door and walked in.
"D... Dipper?" she asked.
"Yes my love?" Dipper asked.
"WAIT, WHAT?!" yelled Pacifica.
"Oh god, did you really... do it... with her?" asked Mabel.
"No, not yet. I've always saved myself for you." said Dipper.
"Oh Pinecock" said Mabel. As Pacifica stared with a horrified expression Dipper and Mabel walked towards each other and started kissing. This soon moved in to more... intimate things, causing Pacifica to vomit loudly. The two lovebirds turned around and Dipper raised an eyebrow.
"God Pacifica, do you mind?" he asked.
"Do I mind? Do. I. Mind? DO I MIND?" yelled Pacifica. "YES I FUCKING MIND! YOU TWO ARE TWINS! THERE ARE MULTIPLE REASONS WHY YOU TWO SHOULDN'T BE IN LOVE, LET ALONE FUCK EACH OTHER! DIPPER, YOU'RE ONE OF THE SMARTEST PEOPLE I KNOW! YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULDN'T THINK, 'Eh, it's just INCEST.'"
Dipper just looked at her with a blank expression.
"Well I'm sorry that you can't appreciate our love." he said.
Pacifica stared at him with shock and disgust. Just when she thought things couldn't get any worse, a drunken Grunkle Stan burst in through the door.
"GIVE ME BACK MABEL, YOU SKINNY FUCKFACE!" yelled Stan.
"I LOVE HER" Dipper yelled back.
"I'VE LOVED HER FAR LONGER THAN YOU HAVE!" Stan yelled.
"YOU KEPT HER IN A BASEMENT! THAT ISN'T LOVE!" Dipper yelled.
"Oh, the sister fucker is gonna lecture me on love?"
"Better to be a sister fucker than a pedophilic uncle!"
"IT'S GRUNKLE YOU DIPSHIT! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"
"I LOVE YOU BOTH!" I CAN'T CHOOSE!" Yelled Mabel, crying.
Pacifica walked up to Mabel.
"Look Mabel, you're a sweet young lady..."
Before Pacifica could finish Mabel yelled at her.
"SHUT UP BITCH!"
"Nevermind." Pacifica said as she walked away.
Mabel then ran over to Grunkle Stan, went into his pocket, and grabbed out a gun. Although she hesitated for a moment she immediately shot herself in the head and fell on the ground, causing Pacifica to once again vomit. Stan stared at Mabel's body.
"How... HOW COULD YOU TAKE MY TRUE LOVE AWAY FROM ME?!" yelled Grunkle Stan.
"WHAT?!" Dipper yelled. "I loved her! She loved me!"
"Exactly! Everything was fine, until you came along. I did everything for you. I made sure you came to every reunion. That you said hello to every one of your female siblings. That you could get even closer with them. But you wanted my Mabel, and that's too fucking far." said Stan.
"Oh my god you people are beyond fucked up." said Pacifica.
Just as Pacifica was about to walk away she heard Stan's chilling laugh.
"You know, it's funny" said Stan. "Sometimes, it felt like Mabel was the only thing keeping me sane. But now, now you've fucked up big time."
Stan's laugh got louder and louder, until eventually he pulled out a gun.
"YOU'VE FUCKED UP BIG TIME!" Yelled Stan.
Right as Stan was about to attack a loud shot echoed through the air. Dipper looked to see a bullet hole in Stan's head, and the wrinkled pedophile falling on the floor with the thud. Dipper turned to Pacifica, and saw her holding a shotgun. He looked at Pacifica with a smile on his face.
"Oh thank you Pacifica! I know this must be strange but-"
"Save it Charles Darwin." Pacifica said, pointing her gun at Dipper. "Say hi to Mabel for me, you sick son of a bitch."
Pacifica fired, and Dipper fell on the ground. Pacifica moved to Grunkle Stan's corpse and grabbed his beer bottle, taking a drink.
"God" she said. "And I thought my family was fucked up."