Hello all! This collection of one-shots will be co-written by KittyKat06. We both love the idea of Psycho Karen! There will be no concern for continuity between each one shot (though maybe some will relate, we'll see), just a bunch of Psycho Karen scenarios. And we'll try to keep her character the same throughout.
Please review and let us know what you think! This one was written by me, and the next one by KittyKat06. Enjoy!
Psycho Karen Goes to the Supermarket
Karen leaned against her steering wheel and sighed heavily as she parked her jeep. Two teenaged boys, who couldn't be much younger than Max, sauntered down the sidewalk, their jeans bagging below their revealed boxers. If only these clowns knew where that trend started—prisons for heavens sakes to let other prisoners know that they were… available! Shame on them! She grunted and seized her pink reusable shopping bag, clambering out of her vehicle and stuffing her keys inside her purse. Shaking her head, she made her way inside Kroger grocery store.
She didn't need a cart, only a basket because since Max went to live with Leland and his obnoxious wife, she found she wasn't buying as much food. She stayed away from carbs, sugar, meat, dairy, eggs, beans, chocolate, alcohol, caffeine, gluten, peanuts, nuts in general, fruit, any junk food, vegetables grown underground, fats, baked goods, and anything sweet really. What she really needed that day was more cabbage. She let her temper get the better of her the night prior when she started chopping some cabbage up and received a call from Max saying he was going to join his dad and her at one of her useless relative's birthday party. Karen ended up hurling the cabbage at the picture of Leland's unsavory wife that hung on her kitchen wall. She kept the picture there for emergencies like that when she just needed to let off some steam.
But she came to a sudden halt when she saw it. It was as if a light shone down and landed on its seat on the shelf. The most breath-taking yoga mat she had ever seen in her entire life stared back at her. Embroidered with butterflies and daisies, it just called out to her. She placed a hand over her heart. Goodness knew that she had so much burden in her life since the day she married Leland. It was due time that she treated herself to something she has earned all these years. $25.00. Surely it would cost more than that?
She stared at it in awe for several minutes. Max's 18th birthday wasn't until next month. She would still receive one more child support payment. Surely, she could still afford to buy that new microphone she needed for her new documentary on tomato farming.
So, she did the only logical thing any poor innocent lady would do in her situation and placed the beautiful yoga mat in her basket.
The organic green cabbage was an entire dollar and ten cents more than the regular, but it was worth the extra cost to Karen. Especially since it was her ex-husband's money. In fact, she ended up piling two cabbages into her basket next to her new yoga mat. That way she wouldn't starve.
As Karen stood in line, she shook her head and muttered under her breath as the blonde girl at the cash register, who must've been around Jared's age and she could swear she had seen somewhere before, bagged purchase after purchase into Kroger's white and blue plastic bags. By the time Karen reached the front of the line, she slammed her beautiful new yoga mat in front of the ignorant cashier. Then she set her pink reusable shopping bag next to it and held her head high, staring at the young girl. She cared about the environment. She was responsible for preserving what little beauty was left on Mother Earth. Clearly this young lady was not. Nor was the majority of the inhabitants on this planet. At least Jared and Max would take after their mother. They certainly would not take after their grubby father.
The girl scanned the yoga mat and the two cabbages, then placed them in the reusable bag, as Karen continued to glare at her.
"That'll be 34 dollars and 26 cents, please," the young lady said.
Karen ripped her debit card out of her wallet and stuck it in the machine. She placed her hand over the screen—for all she knew this young lady would steal her pin number! She could never be too careful. She tapped her foot as the machine was loading, and she almost dropped it when it said Card Declined. She gritted her teeth and stuck the card back in her wallet. When the young lady took the machine back and punched something in on it, Karen handed over her credit card this time.
The girl raised an eyebrow when she looked at the card and mumbled, "Stottlemeyer…" Then she tapped the card against the machine and waited a few seconds. Then she said, "I'm sorry but it says declined."
Karen's nostrils flared and she felt her ears go warm. "There must be something wrong with your machine. It is impossible that my credit card has maxed out! I haven't bought any new equipment in two weeks."
The young girl tried tapping it again. "I'm sorry, but it won't go through."
Karen jerked back. "Sorry? You're sorry? Well, you're clearly incompetent with handing out so much plastic to customers with absolutely no concern for climate change. It's because of people like you that we may not even have our planet in coming years!"
The girl's eyes began to tear up and the people behind Karen in line began to whisper.
"Being incompetent with climate change, it's no wonder you don't even know how to set up a debit machine. You have no idea what my ex-husband and his new wife have put me through all these years. I deserve this yoga mat and I deserve to eat! Now if you don't mind, I would like to speak to the manager!"
The girl nodded as tears streamed down her cheeks and she sauntered off through a door saying, Employees Only.
Moments later, and older man with grey hair walked out, the cashier trailing behind, but she kept a little distance.
"Hello, Ma'am," the man said. "What can I help you with?"
"Help me with?" Karen shook her head. "You can start by hiring more capable and competent employees. This young lady is not only trying to destroy our planet but trying to scam me of my purchases. I happen to have a hundred-thousand-dollar credit card limit, but her machine is telling me that I've maxed out. I expect my items to be waived as well as store credit, or I might need to alert my husband who happens to be captain of the San Francisco Police Department."
"I apologize for any inconvenience," the man said. "I can assure you that Julie is one of our best and honest cashiers and wouldn't purposely try to cheat you."
Karen's mouth dropped slightly, and she balled her hands into fists when she suddenly appeared looking all concerned and walked over to the cashier!
"However," the man continued. "We will have a look at our machines, as they could possibly be faulty. We do not wish to trouble our loyal customers. The store will cover the cost of your items and do hope to see you again." He apologized again and bagged the yoga mat and cabbages in her reusable bag before he headed back to the employees only room.
"Julie, are okay?" T.K. asked her softly.
Julie pushed her tears away with the back of her hand. "Yeah. Yeah…"
Karen seized her reusable bag. "I should've known that you would have relations with this girl." She reached inside the bag, scooped up one of the cabbages and hurled it at T.K.
T.K. scowled. "What was that for?"
"For stealing my husband and my sons!" Karen held her head high once more and stomped out of the store.