'Little Blue Orphan' (Concerns, part one)
Well, I'm back to this story. We're getting closer to the end, which is good. This story is probably my best story, so its good to get far in a story. I apologise for the wait, as I have been procrastinating with this chapter. But now I've pulled my finger out of my ass and I'm working on it extensively.
This may end up being a very long chapter, so I may end up splitting it in half. I may do the same with the next part.
This chapter may include some surreal scenes, so be aware of that. I also will tone down the amount of scenes of Blu crying. I feel as though this story would just become a series of Blu crying his little eyes out. I'll still include it, but not as much scenes. I'd rather focus on his increasingly delirious state.
Anyways, without further ado, lets get on with it! Enjoy or suffer.
Blu laid beside Jewel, exhausted from their passionate make out session. He was in a far better mood than he was before, which isn't a difficult feat really. It was as if they had actually gone a step further than making out, but that mellow feeling was a welcome feeling for Blu.
He let out a sigh, but the mellow feeling was suddenly cut short by him remembering his kids. He quickly sat up and stepped outside his nest box. He stood on the platform outside his nest box and stood close to the edge so he could see his kid's nest boxes. To his relief, he saw Tiago in his nest box.
Now relieved that his kids were here, he looked back into his nest box where his mate laid. For a moment she looked different. It was that same recurring image of his mother, and it taunted him. The cold reality sank back into his consciousness, souring his mood.
The cruel reality was that he would never see his parents. The cruel reality was that his parents would never see their son all grown up. His mate would never see his parents, and vice versa. His kids would never see their grandparents, and his parents would never see their grandchildren. Blu doesn't have a family that isn't his own offspring. Jewel had childhood friends, a father and an aunt. Blu had nothing.
The closest thing to a mother he has is Linda, but since he lives in the Amazon now, he will rarely get to see the closest thing he had to a family for the majority of his life. Although he would love to live in Rio, he knew that for the sake of his mate and children, the Amazon may be better. For one, without it, Bia and Carla would've had to fight over who got Tiago. Blu's glad that the spix's tribe existed, because without the other birds his children would've been doomed to incest.
Besides, they have plenty of friends, and his mate can make up for lost time with her friends and family. But he doesn't have a personal connection with the Amazon. He never grew up there, and so he doesn't have any long-lost family and friends to reconnect with. Blu had few friends in Rio, and they're all probably either dead or in a far away place, or they've forgotten Blu.
He didn't have any friends in Moose Lake. Any attempts to make friends there would end in rejection and humiliation. All because of something he couldn't control: He was domesticated. He was made fun of for that. The fact he spent the majority of his life in captivity has permanently affected him.
For one, his beak isn't as sharp and strong as the other birds. He struggles to cut things with his beak, as he never ate the foods that wild birds ate when he was with Linda. His beak was never sharpened, and it will take a very long time to sharpen it.
Secondly, his personality is forever altered by his time in captivity. Blu will always be a socially awkward bird. He'll always be shy and say things he doesn't mean. He'll always feel out of place, even if everyone accepts him.
Blu's a domestic bird at heart, and nothing anyone can do could ever change that. No one can change what fundamentally makes Blu, well, Blu. He will never be a wild bird because those 15 years in Moose Lake shaped him into the bird he is now, and the bird he always will be. He'll never feel at home in the Amazon no matter how hard the others try to make it feel like his home.
But he doesn't want to take Jewel or his kids away from there. They love it there, and Blu doesn't have the heart to take them away from a place they consider home. He's glad that they have a place to consider home. Maybe Moose Lake is home, or maybe Rio is his home. The Amazon isn't, but again, he doesn't want to take his wife and kids away from there.
Blu felt empty, it was like the day he was in a park with Linda.
It was a cool spring day in the town of Moose Lake, Minnesota. Linda had decided to take Blu to the park and enjoy the pleasant weather. There was a pond in the centre, with paths circling it. There were trees and beautiful foliage in the park. This all created a pleasant and welcoming atmosphere for park goers. People were walking their dogs, going for a jog, sitting on a bench and contemplating life, and kids playing in a playground.
Blu sat by Linda's side as she rested on a park bench. Blu enjoyed going outside with Linda sometimes. It was a welcome change from staying inside all day, like with winter and autumn time to a lesser extent. Blu sat and looked at his surroundings. The clouds were nice, and so were the trees. Blu spotted a gaggle of geese in the sky.
He continued to look around, and spotted a group of birds chatting away, and Linda noticed him looking at them. Linda nudged Blu,
''Hey, you should go over to them and say hello.'', she suggested. Blu looked back at her, and then back to the birds, and then back at Linda. He nodded, to which Linda smiled at. Blu hopped off and headed over to the birds. He was nervous but determined to make some friends.
He managed to make his way to them, and they didn't notice his presence. They continued chatting to each other. They looked really happy, and this filled Blu with enough courage to say hi. He took a deep breath and finally spoke.
''Uh, hello.'', Blu announced, clearing his throat afterwards and putting on a nervous smile. The birds stopped talking and looked at him.
''Ugh, what do you want?'', one of them spoke. Blu shrunk back slightly but would still press on.
''Um, I just wanted to talk.'', Blu spoke nervously. They stared at him for a moment, and then they began to laugh.
''Yeah, as if we would want to talk with a pet!'', one of them laughed mockingly. His words stung Blu like a bee. Another mocked him,
''Go back to your master, pet!'', one mocked.
''Yeah, we don't want to talk to "birds" like you!'', another jeered, petting emphasis on 'birds', implying that Blu wasn't a real bird. Blu wanted to cry but knew that that would only lead to more mocking by them. He sadly turned his back and walked away. Every jeer they threw at him hurt him. Blu began to tear up as he walked back to Linda, his happy mood that he had before tarnished by those birds.
It wasn't fair. Every bird that Blu met would shut him off before they even got to know him, all because they were prejudiced towards the fact he was a "pet", even though he was a companion. No bird gave him a chance, at best they ignored him, and at worst they'd viscously mock him for something he couldn't control.
''I-its not m-my fault… I-I'm a-a pet…'', Blu mumbled as he began to sob out of sheer embarrassment and rejection. At that moment Blu knew that he'd likely never find a friend that wasn't Linda. Unlike most birds, he had more reason to like humans. Most birds were indifferent on humans or hated them. Blu loved them and had more connection to them than he had birds. That fact was disgusting in Blu's eyes. Not because he liked humans, but because every other bird would reject him instantly, and they'd mock him. It was horrible that he felt more connection with humans than he did with his fellow avian kind.
Blu remembered what Linda did: She held him and kept him warm, she showed kindness and compassion and took him inside. She gave him love and affection for all his life. Every human he knew would greet him friendlily. Those that didn't were usually afraid of birds.
Blu continued to walk closer to Linda. Tears trickled down from his chocolate brown eyes, as the feeling of rejection and isolation held him with a death grip and would never let go. It was events like this that made him resent wild birds. Their prejudice towards him that made him prejudiced towards them. He knew that surely not every wild bird out there was like those birds, but it seemed everyone he met was like that.
He'd prejudge them, because he knew they would probably cruelly reject him. Blu didn't want to feel that horrible feeling, so he'd shut them off and live in his own little bubble with Linda. The only thing that accepted him for who he was.
He made his way to the park bench and climbed up and buried himself into Linda. She instantly knew what had happened and gave her feathery friend a hug.
Blu sighed; he knew why he'd refer to Linda as his mother sometimes. She was the closest thing to a mother he had. She'd comfort him, love him, give him a nice and welcoming home, feed him and do everything that a good mother should do.
If Blu was honest, he still somewhat had a bad taste in his beak when it came to wild birds. He never felt a proper connection with them, as they wouldn't understand many of the problems he had. Roberto was a former pet, but unlike Blu, he was kept by bad owners and often refused to talk about his experiences. Apart from him, Blu didn't know any other bird that was domesticated.
He wished he did though, as he'd love to have someone that understood him. Not even his mate, Jewel, understood him fully. It wasn't their fault, of course, just as it wasn't his fault he was brought up in a domestic environment.
''Blu, are you alright?'', Jewel's soft and worried voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He turned and saw her, and that all too familiar image of his mother was before him, ''Its okay Blu, mama's got you…'', she said warmly, as she opened her wings and pulled Blu into a hug.
Blu felt small, like a chick, as she held him in her wings.
''Mama loves you…'', she cooed, as Blu stared up at her with tears in his eyes. Confusion was sweeping over him like a tsunami, but he felt so good. He snuggled into her soft feathers, letting out a coo…
''Blu! Oh god, are you okay?!'', the frantic sound of Jewel snapped him back to reality. He felt normal again, and the image of his mother was nowhere to be seen. Jewel looked down at him with worried eyes, as Blu realised he was on the floor. Blu shook his head,
''Ugh, what happened?'', Blu moaned.
''You… You just became dazed and started to tear up, and then you just fell down.'', Jewel responded. Blu looked at her in confusion, but his expression shifted to a less confused one as the gears in his head put the pieces together and he figured out that he just became delirious.
''I… I swear you looked like my mum, and you pulled me into a welcoming hug… I felt like a chick again…'', Blu told her, and Jewel responded with no words. Her expression said more than words could ever.
Jewel helped Blu up, and gave him a hug. Blu returned the hug,
''Blu… Please, everything's okay… I know you can get through this… and I will be here to help… Every step of the way… We're chained to-each-other-birds…'', Jewel spoke with emotion, clearly on the verge of tears. Blu felt a tear drop on him, and it seemed that she was no longer on the verge of tears. Blu felt more as Jewel buried her face into Blu, soaking his feathers with tears. Blu said nothing, as Jewel pulled away. Her eyes were watery, and her beak was wobbly. She wiped her tears away with her talons, as she took a deep breath.
''I… I think you should get some rest, Blu. Just remember that you're not alone, and I'll help you in any way I can.'', Jewel suggested, her voice was sad and broken. Blu nodded and walked into his nest box and laid down. He felt exhausted, and his eyelids grew heavy as he slowly drifted off to sleep…
Blu was flying about the jungle all by himself. It was a normal looking day, but there weren't any birds, but the jungle still felt alive.
Blu would close his eyes and enjoy the feeling of the wind rushing through his feathers, but he did need to keep them open when flying through a jungle. If he didn't, he might crash into a tree.
However, the scene seemed to darken… literally. A cold chill ran through his spine, his feathers stuck up for a bit as that happened. A sense of unease filled the air, and it was only heightened when he heard a familiar cry.
''HELP!'', a young bird cried out. Blu recognised it as his own, ''MAMA, HELP!'', it cried. Blu was dead set on helping him. He flew in the direction the cry came from,
''I'm coming!'', Blu cried out as he flew as fast as his wings could take him. His younger self continued to desperately cry out for help as Blu responded back, flying towards the distressed chick. The area was cold and dark, but Blu was deadest on helping his younger self.
Soon, he homed in on himself. He saw his younger self in a cage,
''Its okay, I'm coming!'', he cried out. Blu landed on the ground next to the cage. He could see the chick hyperventilating, and his eyes were watery.
''Help me…'', the chick whimpered. Blu's paternal instincts kicked in full force as he rushed over to help him,
''Hey, its okay…'', Blu spoke softly, but he paused when he caught whiff of a horrible smell. Blu turned his head, and the sight made his blood run cold and his heart sank.
He saw the body of someone very familiar. It took a second to realise who she was: His mother. Blu's eyes widened in shock. Her body was bloody, and flies buzzed around the corpse. He also saw another body: His father. Both appeared to have been murdered.
He felt the urge to vomit, but held it in. He turned his head to his younger self, only to find it being pulled away as his vision narrowed. He chased after it,
''HELP ME!'', the chick cried as Blu desperately tried to run after it, but he couldn't catch up. No matter how hard he tried, he didn't gain on it. Soon the cage faded away, and Blu was left in an empty black void.
The void felt cramped, despite looking vast and empty. He could hear distant chattering, which he recognised as other birds talking about normal things. A horrible sense of desolation crept over him.
''Blu? Are you alright?'', a familiar voice spoke, startling him. He recognised that as Linda, and a sense of comfort swept over him. He saw her, standing over him with that caring look. He no longer felt scared and lonely, and he smiled at the sight of her.
''Come here my big, brave boy.'', she smiled as she reached down and picked Blu up. She cradled him in her arms, and Blu let out a coo as he laid like a baby in his mother's arms. Linda brought him closer to her and hugged him.
''Its okay, I've got you.'', she purred. Blu relaxed in the comfort of her arms. His eyes were closed as he nuzzled into her body that she held him close to.
''I… I love you mama…'', Blu found himself saying. Linda smiled,
''I love you too, Blu…'', the fact that Linda directly responded to him failed to register to Blu. Blu snuggled into her shirt, which began to feel more and more like soft feathers. Linda's arms slowly began to feel like wings, and Blu began to feel small again. The same maternal comfort remained though, as Blu laid in those comforting wings.
''I love you my baby, mama won't let anything bad happen to you…'', Linda's voice was different, and Blu recognised it as that comforting and soft voice of his mother. That sent a pang in Blu's chest, as he began to choke back tears. The cosy fantasy began to feel more and more sad, as Blu tossed and turned.
''No, mama, please don't let me go!'', Blu spoke.
''Oh, I won't ever let you go, my gorgeous Lucas…'', his mother replied. Blu felt uneasy, on one hand he felt safe and happy in his mother's wings. On the other he felt scared and dreaded something. He tossed and turned more,
''No, mummy please keep me safe!'', Blu cried. The sense of fear and sadness grew more and more, as he tossed and turned, his eyes filling with tears.
''Mama will keep you safe…'', his mother responded, ''Mama won't let you go…''.
Blu tossed and turned more, he was crying excessively, but his eyes didn't open. The warmth of his mother began to disappear, as he slowly felt himself fall. His eyes shot open,
''MAMA!'', he cried out. His mother watched him with a frozen and terrified expression.
''Mama, don't let me go! MAMA, HELP ME! Please help! Mama!'', Blu cried out, desperately trying to fly as he fell into the cold and lonely black void. His mother was no longer visible, and he fell back into that horrible empty feeling as he continued to cry out to her.
''Mama, help me… Mama… Mama…'', Blu mumbled with tears in his eyes. Jewel saw him restless, and she went over to wake him up from whatever horrible dream he was having. She shook him with her wings,
''Blu, Blu! Its alright, its alright! Wake up!'', she cried as she shook her mate. Blu's eyes opened, and the initial shock of being taken out of a dream faded away when he processed the sight of his beautiful mate. Her eyes were filled with concern, while Blu's were filled with tears.
Jewel quickly pulled Blu into a hug, knowing the drill by now.
''Its okay Blu, I've got you…'', she spoke softly. Those words stirred up memories, and when Blu opened his eyes, the familiar sight of his mother appeared. Blu stared at her for a second, before blinking rapidly, and the sight of his beautiful mate came back.
''Thanks mama...'', Blu purred, ''I-I mean, Jewel…'', Blu quickly corrected himself. Jewel shot him a concerned look, as Blu parted from the hug. He was blushing slightly. Jewel sighed,
''I'm starting to worry about you Blu…'', Blu spoke in a soft and quiet manner. She placed her wing on Blu's, ''Please, its okay, we can get through this together…'', Jewel continued.
''I know… Its… I don't know what's happening anymore…'', Blu sighed. Jewel nodded, as she brought herself closer to her mate,
''Blu, just remember that you have a loving family who are here to support you.'', Blu nodded,
''Yeah, its just really hard to… to never meet my parents…'', Blu started to get emotional, but he managed to hold back tears.
''Its okay Blu, I'm sure they're in a better place, and I'm sure they'd want you to stay strong and take good care of our kids. Blu, we've both lost parents, and I know how you feel. Its horrible. So, for our kids, we need to stay strong and be good parents for them. Don't let them feel the same pain, Blu…'', Jewel told Blu, and paused for a moment, ''And when our time does come, we'll see them again in Ara's kingdom…'', Jewel finished with a smile and rested her head on Blu's chest as she embraced him.
Blu returned the embrace, feeling far better than he did before. The two sat like that for a while, until the voice of Tiago interrupted them.
''Oh, you've finished wrestling?'', Tiago joked. It took a moment for it to register in Blu's head, but when he did, he blushed.
''Oh, we didn't…'', Blu said in embarrassment. Tiago narrowed his eyes,
''I saw you two kissing and making out.'', Tiago countered. Blu and Jewel's eyes widened, ''Well anyway, is dad feeling better?'', Tiago's voice softened. It was a welcome change from the awkward atmosphere that it was mere moments ago.
''Yeah… Yeah, I guess.'', Blu responded. Tiago smiled and rushed over to hug his dad.
''Oh, I'm so glad!'', he exclaimed as he hugged Blu, who returned the hug with a smile. Jewel watched on with a smile at the adorable scene.
Once Tiago parted from the hug, Blu stood up. Tiago started to walk out of the nest box. Blu stood beside Jewel, and for a moment he saw his younger self walking out. It was a quick flash that ended when he quickly and reflexively blinked, as if he were flash photographed.
Blu noted the frequency of his hallucinations, and a chill ran down his spine when he realised what this might mean. Up to this point, he had never experienced hallucinations like this, and now that they are happening more and more frequently, he was growing concerned for his wellbeing.
That dream he had came back into his mind. It was different from his other dreams that he's been having lately. Blu had read that pretty much every dream has a meaning behind it. If you can decode the weird visions, then one can get a meaning from it.
Blu's thoughts were interrupted by Jewel, whose soft voice snapped him back to reality.
''Blu, are you alright?'', Jewel asked. Blu had been standing there silently for a bit, so it was no wonder that Jewel was concerned.
''Yeah, I was just thinking.'', Blu replied honestly. Jewel started to become curious,
''About what?'', Jewel queried.
''I was thinking about that dream I had.'', Blu responded. Jewel paused for a second,
''Do you want to talk about it?'', Jewel asked, placing her wing on his shoulder. Her curiosity mixed with her wanting to help her mate was what drove her to ask this. Blu turned his head and looked at her. He took a deep breath, before beginning,
''I was flying in the jungle, and I heard a voice crying for help. I recognised it as my own. I flew after it, and eventually found myself in a cage…'', Blu recounted, but paused for a moment, becoming disturbed at what happened next as Jewel sat anxiously, ''I… I then smelled something foul, and I saw my dead mother… and my dad…'', Blu's breathing grew heavier and his voice became more emotional.
''Then the cage got pulled away by something, and I went after it as he cried for help. I never reached it, and the area around me faded into nothingness. I felt constricted despite being in an empty black void, and all I could hear were some birds chatting away. I then heard Linda, and she held me in her arms.'', Blu continued, cracking a smile when he mentioned Linda, ''She sort of morphed into my mother as I felt like a chick again. She then started telling me she'll protect me and will never let me go…'', Blu's eyes became watery, and Jewel patted his back to calm him down.
''I… I begged her to protect me and not to let me go, and she said she wouldn't… I then started to fall, as I cried out to her; all in vain.'', Blu finished, with his beak wobbly and his eyes watery. Jewel didn't speak, but simply hugged him. Her hug spoke more than words could.
Blu shed a few tears, but he didn't cry as much as he used to. It was as if he had few tears left to cry. That certainly seemed plausible, given how much he had cried in the past few days. Of course, tears don't work like that, and Blu of course knew that.
Blu quickly gained composure of himself and parted from the hug. He wiped away his tears with his talons, before taking a deep breath.
''Jewel, I'm really starting to worry about what's happening lately.'', Blu confessed. Jewel cocked her head to the side briefly, but quickly cocked it back once she clicked about what Blu meant. Her curiosity remained though, so she decided to query further, wanting to learn more.
''You can tell me, I'm here to help.'', Jewel spoke, noting the hesitation in Blu's body language. Blu stood in silence for a moment, before sighing.
''I've been hallucinating a lot lately, and its really starting to worry me. You see, I've never hallucinated like this before.'', Blu told her. Jewel was speechless for a few moments, she tried to find what words to say for a bit,
''Oh, Blu…'', was all she managed to say.
Well, that wraps up this relatively long chapter, I hope you enjoyed it!
I decided to split it in two, because its been a while since I published a chapter, and I wanted to get something out. I hope this was alright. I had to fit with my ongoing theme of single word and plural chapter titles, so 'Concerns' was the best I came up with. (Hallucinations was too similar of a title to Visions)
Anyways, I don't know when the next part will be out, but I hope it won't be too long of a wait.
Until next time, goodbye.