A/N: IMPORTANT! READ THE NOTE AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! PLEASE READ THE NOTE AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER.
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She didn't care much at first. Why would she? Her life was complicated enough on its own, she didn't need to add on top of it the usual craziness that seemed to sprout all over the world.
She was...well, happy wasn't the word. Content wasn't either.
She was well over her head.
Her life was a shit show, no other way to put it. an overcomplicated, overly dramatic and impossible to escape shit show.
Little moments of happiness were a luxury she treasured with all of her heart, but at the end of the day her life was not something to be envious of.
It involved a lot of patience, quick thinking and endurance. Lots and lots of endurance. Particularly to endure the pain that tormented her almost daily. It wasn't a walk in the park but it made her strong. Stronger than a child her age had any right to be. Strong enough to never crack, to never give in to despair, to never surrender to the pain, but most of all… strong enough to hope.
That was the thing, back then...she still had hope. Hope for the future, hope for her loved ones and hope for herself. it was small, fleeting at times and most definitely a heavy burden, but she never discouraged it from giving her strength.
Whatever she got she took, and what she took would become another piece of her armor. An armor that would help her one day break through and be free.
Free from the pain.
Free from the struggle.
Free from the responsibility.
And oh, how much she loathed that responsibility. She cursed it under her breath right after she woke in the morning and then again long after she laid in bed, the night already settling in.
She knew she was a bad person for hating it. It wasn't right. After all, it was the sign of true love, righ?. Putting up with the pain for its sake surely guaranteed that she cared, right?
Surely they knew that, right?
They had to. All of this, all of her trials and tribulations, were for them. For their sake.
It wasn't easy. In fact, it was the opposite of easy. They came first, she came second. That was the gist, the general idea. It was her plan but they reaped the rewards.
And that was fine. She was fine! Really! Honestly! She was completely fine with the situation.
Nothing to complain about. Her idea all along, all along!
So she couldn't complain or criticize. She couldn't! She made her bed, no she had to lie on it. No way around it.
No matter how much it hurts. And, boy does it sting very bad sometimes.
So to reiterate, no. She didn't care much.
She didn't have the time for it.
In a world where the supernatural was steadily becoming part of the natural, she lived day to day not wondering what crazy bullshit was going to happen around her, but rather spent trying to gather all the strength needed to power on till tomorrow came.
She didn't have the luxury others had.
She didn't envy them for their starstruck eyes and their leisure postures.
She didn't envy their relaxation or freedom.
She hated them for it. She hated them because they didn't even realize how good they had it. How much better their life was.
And what was worse is that they took it all for granted. As if it would last forever
They wouldn't last a single day in her shoes. Hell, they wouldn't last a single minute in her neighborhood.
As cliche as it sounds, her life wasn't anything unique. There wasn't anything new about it. And perhaps that was the worst thing about it…
Everybody knew about her kind of life. They had seen it everywhere. On the newspaper, on television...maybe even from the family next door. They knew about it….but they never bothered with doing anything about it.
They were content with simply saying their petty and null words and call it a day...as if a few words would change anything.
"Oh my god, that is horrible!"
"Why don't you stand up for yourself?"
"My deepest condolences…"
"Have you tried calling the police?"
"That is domestic abuse, you know?"
"Toughen up, will you!"
"It's not as bad as you think…"
"Just stop being sad!"
"Why don't you do something about it?!"
And just like that, just a few words, and they think they saved the fucking world. They don't bother with doing anything else. They don't bother trying.
Why would they? It's not their life, it's not their suffering. They pretend to care, but that is as far as it goes.
She experienced first hand how far their compassion really goes. Only as far as it gets them away from trouble, but just close enough for them to think that made a change.
I did my part, and that is enough. I don't need to put in a real effort.
They go to sleep without a care in the world, confident that they made a real change.
And men...men were the worst.
She isn't blind to the fact that everyone, regardless of gender, would only do what they wanted to make themselves look and feel better.
Call her sexist all you want, but when you see nothing but the worst of what the male gender has to offer in a daily manner, you tend to distrust any word that comes out of a being with an XY chromosome abundance.
She hasn't met a single man in her life that didn't hurt her, abuse her or trick her to get what they really want. Even the better ones are guilty by negligence and ignorance.
The worst part being they would rather stay negligent and ignorant if it meant they got to stand on the moral high ground. As if that made them better than the rest of humanity.
And that was without mentioning those that just pretend to be your friends just to get in your pants...sometimes even after they reveal their true colors...
A no means something else to them…
A stop means go to them…
Those are the real monsters...the ones that just care about their satisfaction...their pleasure…
"You loved it didn't you?"
"It is your fault you know...tempting me like that"
"I just gave you what you wanted…"
"You should be thanking me!"
"Stop being such a tease!"
"It will feel good for you too!"
"STOP FIGHTING ME YOU LITTLE WHORE!"
Sometimes she wishes she was never born…
Sometimes she wishes she was left alone…
Sometimes she wishes for freedom…
She didn't care much for "héroes" in her world. Why would she? Her life was complicated enough on its own.
Sometimes she wishes for a hero to save her…
But she knew better.
"There is always someone that needs you…"
Those words kept on looping on her head on permanent repeat, dulling any of her physical pain she was experiencing.
Even her missing eyeball was nothing more than a distant memory compared to those words right now.
Someone that needs you…
For as long as she could remember, she has always placed her needs and wants on hold, putting those she cared about before herself.
She knew a thing or two about sacrifice and responsibility, so she also knew about people needing her.
But that was expected of her, right?
Family is supposed to care for each other, right?
Except...they never really needed her...they depended on her in a way that left her unfulfilled. As if it where one giant fucking honor for her to always give herself up for them.
That wasn't a real need. It was a forceful obligation. She never had a choice.
It was expected of her, therefore she was always taken for granted.
That left her believing she was never appreciated. Like she didn't matter at all. Like she didn't exist…
What an awful feeling to have. Did her life matter so little? Was she nothing in the great scope of the world? Was there nothing really special about her? Was she nothing more than another statistic? Just another number among the millions?
Did she really exist?
Well, he thought she did. He really believed she mattered.
Normally, she would take the word of a man with a grain of salt so miniscule it might as well be atomic.
Especially if said man was a stranger that hid his identity behind a colorful mask.
Except...he wasn't a real stranger, was he?
His words, if she could believe them, implied that someone, somewhere, was in need of her in a way that would make her feel important.
In a way that didn't make her another case on the news.
In a way that made her feel real, like an actual person. Like she actually existed.
That was huge.
Maybe because it came from him.
She knew the gist. Superpowers vigilante that protects the citizens of New York from the usual and unusual chaos that seems to never end. There is an abundance of information regarding him. From internet forums, to fan pages, to the Daily Bugle itself. The information seems rather...conflictive.
While sources like the Daily Bugle paint him as the next coming of the antichrist, a real menace to society...most other sources paint a different picture.
And you didn't have to go far to find different answers. Everyone who has interacted with him even in the slightest of moments speak of him as something she didn't realize truly existed:
A true hero.
People go on and on about how he risks his life on a daily basis, never stopping, always helping others when they are in need. Doing so in a compassionate and understanding manner.
He wasn't perfect, of that she was sure, and she had plenty of info backing up that claim. He was snarky, overly talkative and downright annoying at his worst. A thrill seeker in the eyes of many, he was considered a nuisance with no ties to the law or any kind of authority.
But that side had an explanation too. Others said how empathetic truly was. The forums were especially enlightening in this regard. One child described his experience of a lost balloon in the middle of the big apple.
It meant the world to him, and no one bothered to do anything about it.
Except for him.
He actually took the time to find it and bring it back to him, no thanks required, no reward needed.
The boy then went into great detail in explaining how the hero in question was covered head to toe in bruises and injuries.
Another child described how the hero would come by sometimes to his room simply to play with him.
They would play superhéroes (obviously), talk about nonsense and bask in each other's presence.
She later found out that same child died of terminal cancer a few weeks ago.
The deeds didn't end there: A family needed help moving in, a homeless man needed help tracking down his pigeons, a little girl was lost on the street and couldn't find her mommy, a woman was scared of taking the subway alone, a bodega owner had lost his cat and couldt find it, construction workers trapped under their own machines, some poor sap was about to jump the building when he really just needed someone to talk to, a teenage boy was getting bullied at school, etc, etc.
It really didn't stop. The deeper she dug, the more deeds she found. He was everywhere.
Doing what he could when he could in every way he thought necessary.
No problem was too big or too small. Nothing was beneath his radar.
If you needed help, it was likely he would be there to give it.
She thought back on that moment on the roof. Her life is literally on the edge, no hope on the horizon…
She really thought it would be the end of her that day.
She saw no future worth living for.
No reason to keep struggling.
But then he came.
What was the truth then?
Was he a hero or menace?
How was he with her?
She thought back to the memory and pictured the scenario back on her mind:
She saw a noisy, awkward, bubbling nerd who didn't seem to mind his own business.
Surprisingly jumpy and unsure of himself, like he was afraid anything he said would be used against him.
He liked to talk a lot, to joke a lot too.
To hide his fear.
"I know most of the time it doesn't seem like it, but someone out there needs you. You matter more than you realize... even when you don't think you do".
He was also considerate, compassionate, caring, self sacrificing and cheesy to a fault.
I mean, who says things like that anymore.
She liked it.
No, she loved it!
Those words might as well have been written in a chinese cookie! They had no right being as special or as impactful as they where!
What did it say about her that she loved it all the same?
Maybe because they came from him? Maybe because whenever she remembered those words, she remembered hearing them in his voice.
His voice, his words.
She knew why they mattered: they came from the heart. His heart.
There was no deception. No ulterior motive. No tricky emotions.
This hero wore his heart on his sleeve and spoke to her with nothing but pure honesty and emotion.
He meant all that he said. Every. Single. Word.
And she believed him.
By god did she believe him.
She believed IN him!
Something in her is now changed.
Before she didn't believe in héroes.
Now she believes in one.
He had given her hope.
He became her light.
And like a moth to a flame, she was drawn towards him.
He might as well be a real spider and she might as well be an actual moth trapped in his webb.
She didn't care.
She was a believer now.
And now, she had nowhere to go but up.
She would remain here, where his presence is the strongest, and build a life for herself. A brand new start.
A brand new day.
But she wouldt make the same mistakes. She would never surrender so easily to despair.
She was strong!
She was determined!
No man would ever bring her down to that hell again!
But she, for the first time in her life, would believe in a man.
She will believe in him.
Was this love?
No...no she didn't think so.
But it was as close to love as it would get.
And that's enough.
He has changed.
He is different now.
She can see his pain, his suffering.
She can see him consumed by despair, just as she was long ago.
What was once blue and red and colorful was now a painful black and white.
He is a shadow.
He is a looming threat.
An oncoming storm.
She understands. She more than understands…
She supports it.
She relished it.
His eyes have been opened to the truth of the world.
No more mr nice guy.
No one dares defy him now.
He is fear.
He is power.
The heart on his sleeve is now bleeding.
But his fist is now plunged deep into the hearts of all evil men.
Just as she wished for.
Dreams do come true.
And now she will follow his example.
It is her turn now to be feared and respected.
No one would ever look at her like some doll to be played or a weak girl to be abused.
She will get her sweet revenge or die trying.
But one thing is certain:
They will know her name before they die.
They will remember her face…
And they will die in fear.
That is a promise.
Everything goes dark.
But then there is a dark laughter filling the void and her heart fills with dread.
But then she falls.
Falling and falling, towards that black spot in the distance. Her eyes hurt.
The wind against her face stings. It burns.
The spot is getting closer and closer, the wind on her face is painful, more than before.
The spot gets closer and closer...
It is right on her face…
Hell is your lot; You are doomed to eternal perdition; Nought lies beyond your grave but a gulph of devouring flames."
― Matthew Gregory Lewis, The Monk
This chapter came up shorter than i would have liked but I wanted to update this story so badly. It is not the chapter I wanted to give you guys, at least not so soon, but i think it really sets up the world im trying to create, if only by a little bit.
More information will be given when the times comes.
Just know that there is a reason for this kind of chapter. You guys will have to guess what that reason is.
Ok guys, let's get the facts out of the way: So, I'm not dead. That's good. However, I am also very, VERY busy with a thesis project for my last semester of college. That's not so good. And the funny thing is, I feel way more motivated writing these fanfictions that I am writing the original works I really need to work on. So, in order to get my priorities straight I will dedicate 100% of my effort on my thesis project. That means it will be a long while until I update again. But not to panic, the due date for my project is in october 16. That means that right after I finish up and deliver my work on that date I will be officially free from college...at least for now.
So to recap. Very busy with college, will update stories again after the 16 of october.
If you guys have any more questions I would prefer it if you sent me PMs instead of guest comments on the stories. It helps me with giving you guys direct answers.
Also I really want you guys to know I made a poll! It is right there on my profile page on fanfiction!
It would really help me out if you guys could take the time to answer it.
Anyway, keep busy, wash your mouths, wash your hands, say i love you to your loved ones and as always…
See you guys in october.