Solok's madness

Disclaimer: I don't own nor did I create the awesomeness that is Star Trek. I also didn't create the O/C Carrot, I borrowed her with permission from Lonely Looney.

This is also the sequel to Lonely Looney's 'Love me like you do' so head over to her profile to read that first.

This is my first fanfiction and I am also Dyslexic so constructive criticism welcome along with spelling and grammar mistakes. I hope you enjoy. :)

...

Captain Solok was seated in his chair on the bridge of the T'Kumbra going over status reports while his ship was patrolling the boarder between the Federation and Dominion space as it had for the last 3 months 5 days 16 hours and 25 minutes. The quiet bridge had a more sober and vigilant undertone to it than normal as the crew was aware that a battle had commence at Chin'toka, the Federations foothold in Dominion space. It was also the Federations response to the attack on Earth that had shocked many including Solok.

Solok had sent a communica to Carrot to check that she was well and that she had no friends or family that had been injured or killed on Earth. He had, however, not received a reply yet and was unsettled slightly by this as this was not normal for Carrot. Solok had meditated briefly to mitigate this but found it still remained. Solok reminded himself that Carrot was safe, there had been no attacks in Bajouren space and no Dominion ships could come through the wormhole. Solok could not help but feel pleased that Carrot was on Deep Space 9 as he knew that was safer than other locations, though he did consider that with the attack on Earth no where appeared safe. Solok stopped his thought processes in this regard and made a continuous effort to return his attention to his padd. He knew why his efficiency had decreased and his need for longer periods of meditation had increased. Solok however, was not overly concerned as things were progressing well with Carrot.

His communications officer broke the silence. "Captain, there is a priority 1 communication from Starfleet." Solok requested the communication be sent to his ready room as he stood and headed in that direction.

Solok sat down and typed in his decryption code. Later Solok would realise that he made the correct decision to have the communication sent to his ready room as what followed was the breaking of his padd as he briefly lost control of himself with the dread he felt. He yet again realised his mistake in not initiating a base bond between Carrot and him. He thought it would protect her in case something happened to him, logically and statistically he was more likely to die being on the front lines. He also did not wish to rush Carrot, their relationship had ended nearly 21 years ago and upon rekindling they had only spent just over a week in each others company before parting.

Solok desperately started his matras to regain his focus but all he could see was one word on the list of ships destroyed. Defiant. It was Captain Sisko's ship. Was Carrot on it? She had mentioned that she was on the roster whenever the Defiant was uterlised. Maybe she was not on it this time Solok hoped before chastising himself for such an illogical thought.

It took Solok 5.761 minutes to regain enough control to follow the orders stated in the communica. It was a generalised order, all Federation and Romulan ships were to retreat from the front lines due to a Breen weapon that penetrated shields and caused catastrophic damage. Any ships within 30 lightyears of the Chin'toka where to first go to the escape pod evacuation point but with caution, if any Breen ships were spotted they were to immediately abort all rescue attempts. The battle at Chin'toka was a massacre at best.

The only hope that Solok had was that the report said the Dominion for whatever illogical reason had not destroyed the escape pods as per norm. Solok felt a profound sense of gratitude to whichever illogical enemy that had made that decision. Solok had already calculated the T'Kumbra's position and realised they were not within 30 lightyears. They were not to assist. They were to head to safety and leave the rescuing to others. Solok was to leave Carrot's potential rescuing to another.

Solok since first taking command found this to be the first order he did not think he could follow. The thought of another male potentially rescuing what was his, that another male may also gain Carrot's affection in her emotional state from being rescued. Solok growled without realising, another male touching what was his. He needed her here and away from any other male who would dare touch her. She was his, no other's. His! It was at this point Solok heard a shattering sound mixed with the sounds of metal straining under pressure when he realised he had broken his padd in half. Solok was briefly distracted by this allowing him to start to control and suppress his raging emotions. It was while doing this that he came to a horrific realisation. The beast in him appeared to be awaking and where as he had predicted he had another 4.708 months till his time, it now appeared he had less than a week! And Carrot was either in an escape pod or dead! There was after all less than a 1% chance that she was on Deep Space 9 if the Defiant was on a mission.

Solok realised he had delayed too long, so tapped his comm badge to give the order to the helm to retreat to Starbase 211. The Starbase was further away than Starbase 47 but closer to the Chin'toka system. Solok appeared to give it no continuous thought that they would take a route closer to Dominion space, he needed to be closer to Carrot if she escaped.

Solok with this realisation, contemplated his options for his up coming time and what he planned to do. His kartra felt a profound sense on calm and wholeness whenever he was near Carrot and he knew that his beast had also accepted her. His inner beast had accepted her 21 years ago and refused to accept another, such was it's loyalty which was considered a rare thing among his people. It was also the reason he was not married when he met Carrot again. The priest who laid the bond between him and the mate his family had selected just before his first time after Carrot did not realise that his inner beast rejected her while the rest of Solok was uncaring of who his new mate was. Solok himself did not realise his inner beasts intent until he was submerged in the plak tow. Solok to this day still was disturbed by his actions and as such had not engaged another mate, not that any would have him. Solok had spent his last in meditation which had nearly killed him. He was not fond of doing that again.

Solok questioned his resolve and found that if he could not have Carrot this time especially now that he knew she stilled wanted and loved him, he thought it might be best to carry out his plan of ritual suicide. This was after all what he had been contemplating over the last 6 years. He had never desired anyone else apart from Carrot. Solok could appreciate the Earth phrase of 'singing to one's soul'. In this Solok could understand.

Solok with a slightly bigger breath slowly let it out and centred himself. He had made his decision one that his inner beast even seemed to agree with. Solok methodically cleaned up the mess, replicated himself a new padd and again transferred the daily statue reports he had been examining prior. Solok then went out onto the bridge and resumed his seat.

...

16.329 hours had passed since Solok had taken his seat on the bridge, he had not left to tend to any needs intent was he that he would know immediately of any updates that could lead to further knowledge of Carrot's status. His crew of course noticed but only his senior staff knew enough to result in accurate speculation on the cause after all a few had seen him with Carrot in the last week they spent together. The T'Kumbra was dropping out of warp on its approach to Starbase 211. The view screen showed the organised chaos that had unfolded. There were more ships than normal in particular there were several transport ships. Solok concluded they must have collected those in escape pods. The T'Kumbra waited to be contacted by the starbase which had a higher amount of communication traffic than normal, but this was understandable. When someone did finally respond and they gave a statue update, the station personal asked if they could use their infirmary as theirs and others were over run. They had more injured than resources including medical personal.

Solok privately noted his inner beast rejoiced at hearing this as it meant he might see Carrot sooner as she might unwittingly be beamed aboard for treatment and then she would not leave. However, in this he was to be disappointed, it appeared the human male nurse who was in charge of patient triage was more organised and only sent Vulcan patients, and due to their silimar physiology Romulan. Solok was not pleased. Too make it worse Solok could not understand how they could triage patients by species but could not provide a list of names of people currently found. It was illogical.

Solok in his frustration at the inefficient organisational skills shown by the stations personal had without his knowledge got up and started to make rounds of the bridge giving off the impression to his crew of a prowling sehlat. His unusual behaviour alerted his bridge crew to the fact their Captain was swiftly approaching his time.

It was his crews reactions to Solok that alerted him to what he was doing in his agitation. He did concede privately that as Carrot would say he was displaying his emotional state with a neon sign. Solok knew that his Vulcan crew was observant and that one look in his unbonded eyes would tell all the truth. Solok knew he needed to meditate but could not bring himself to leave the bridge. Carrot being alive was his only hope at survival.

Solok over the next 5.716 hours noticed a change in his crew and barely managed to suppress a smile at the amusement he felt. It was as if by nonverbal agreement the males of his crew became more on guard whenever a female was within 2 meters of him and the females kept even more of a distance. Solok was not bonded and could see the logic in his crews approach, in a way their behaviour pleased him. It had an agreeable benefit, he could feel his inner beast wishing to growl at any female that was too close that was not his Carrot. Solok did find himself startled by this reaction, he knew he was not bonded to Carrot but he was surprised by his inner beasts continued loyalty to Carrot. He had felt that loyalty waver slightly during his second ponfarr without her and now it appeared to be stronger than during his first time without her. Solok allowed himself to relax slightly in the knowledge that his inner beast would not cause him trouble in that regard. For the first time Solok consciously knew all of him including his emotional inner beast was in complete agreement. She was his and he was hers. He would have no other and if any dared tried he would kill them.