"I want to get out of here. I want to leave and try playing a different kind of music."
That was the most painful thing Gets heard from Akihiko, he was shocked by how the man he loved so dearly, the one he considers as delicate was the same person who broke his heart into a million pieces. Despite that talk Ugetsu still went and see Given's live performance, to see if his guess was true, to discover the new music Akihiko was talking about. As he stood there in the middle of the crowd many questions ran through Ugetsu's mind but he shrugged them off and waited for them to play. Unlike what Ugetsu expected, Mafuyu started to sing acapella which shook him to his core, the song touched the deepest parts of his heart.
"Haha... It must've been that guy huh...?" Ugetsu whisperd to himself. As soon as the song ended Ugetsu turned his back and walked away. "Is it really okay, Mafuyu?" As Ugetsu walks away without knowing that Akihiko saw him leaving. "Ugetsu! Oi! Ugetsu wait!" he was frozen hearing that voice that he so loved yet despised at the same time, "Don't wanna." he answered despite choking on his own words, "If I do you're going to talk about breaking up, aren't you?" Akihiko froze upon haring those words from Ugetsu, he knew that he wasn't talking to the one he so despised this whole time, he recognized the voice of the man he loved dearly since the beginning. "You played the drums well. But it was delicate as ever." Akihiko once again was taken aback by Ugetsu's words. "Hey... oi..." Akihiko didn't know what to say yet he grabbed Ugetsu's hands, "Hey! Listen to me! ...Agh I- I love the violin!" Ugetsu was surprised by what Akihiko told him, Akihiko paused for a while and continued, "But I also enjoy playing the drums, my devotion to the violin- until now... all that wasn't a lie." Ugetsu froze yet he managed to mutter some words, "What the heck isn't that break up talk?" with those words Akihiko with wide opened eyes whispered "Yeah..." Ugetsu didn't answer "Sorry... I'm sorry for hurting you so much unil now." He finally said it, he admitted it. It wasn't just him who got hurt by all those years, he knew deep down on his heart that Ugetsu suffered as well. Maybe even more than he did.
"Thank you!" Akihiko shouted, he don't have to say what that thank you was for, because he knew Ugetsu will know. "After all he knew me more than I know myself." That thought lingered in Akihiko's mind, "...I'm rooting for you." Ugetsu managed to slip a few words in between his sobs, "I get it already, please let go of me." Akihiko ran after Ugetsu for this, this is what he wanted it to end, but now that it's in front of him, the freedom he so longed for is now within the grip of his hands yet Akihiko can't let go. "I have to do this for Haruki and... for myself." He squeezed Ugetsu's hand one last time and then let him go. He took a step backward, head empty, he turned his back from the man he once loved and walked away.
When Ugetsu felt that Akihiko let his hand go he looked behind him and saw Akihiko's back walking away, the sobs he concealed earlier finally made it out, he was choking with his own breath. Akihiko despite hearing those loud sobs decided to continue walking, he is going against his will, he wants to run back to Ugetsu and hug him, tell him it is okay, but he already made up his mind.
As Akihiko's silhouette started to fade Ugetsu muttered "Bye-bye, Akihiko." he turned his back and started to walk further away from his love.
[One month later]
After that night Ugetsu is drowning himself with music, he's been in violin concertos, competitions, and joining orchestras he is working so hard because he thought this is his time to do what he can't do when Akihiko is still with him. Finally he is free with his music. He rarely goes home, this might be the first time he will go back to stay there and not just sleep and go.
As he enters his door pin he heard a violin playing, he knew who's playing was that, he can even remember how he first saw Akihiko playing that same piece in a competition. When he opened his door and rushed through the stairs to the point where he almost tripped going down and when he finally reached the living room he saw no one. He thought it was just because he is tired he shook his head to clear his mind.
"J. Brahms' lullaby, eh?" he whispered to himself, "I miss you Akihiko." As if nothing happened Ugetsu walked towards his room and threw his things on the floor except for his violin which he layed beside him. Due to his tiredness Ugetsu fell asleep as soon as he laid his back on the mattress.
Ugetsu woke up in the sound of the drums, it was playing in a familiar beat. Ugetsu smiled and said "It was as delicate as you always play Aki...-hiko" After being alone for the first time since they finally broke up, Ugetsu felt the pain that is always lingering at the bottom of his heart, the pain he tried to conceal by associating with music more, the pain that is always present even with Akihiko by his side. He always thought it will fade if Akihiko leave, but "Argh" he growled to himself as he clench his fist against his chest "the pain just grew. It hurts Akihiko" as he muttered those words Ugetsu felt the dampness of his cheeks. He wiped his tears away and look at his hands, he saw Akihiko in front of his eyes. "Who will wipe my tears now Akihiko?" the drum playing he heard earlier has gotten louder and louder.
"Wait, did you return Akihiko?" Ugetsu threw the blanket that was covering him earlier and ran as fast as he could to the living room where the drums he bought for Akihiko is located. He saw someone sitting in front of the drums "It was you... after all you did return." he ran faster, he opened his arms to hug the man he always adored and to his surprise he did the same, "I miss you, Akihiko..." he closed his eyes as he got closer and closer.
"Ack!" Ugetsu felt the hardness of the concrete that hit him, he saw a stain of blood in the wall where his head hit earlier but he didn't care. The pain that he is feeling in his heart is far worse than the cut in his head. Tears continue flowing from his eyes as he sat on the floor and hugged the drum chair, he picked up the drum sticks and embraced it dearly, the embrace he should've done for Akihiko. "I truly miss you, Akihiko."
Ugetsu heard the doorbell ring, the thought of Akihiko visiting him was the first thing to cross Ugetsu's mind, without wiping his tears and even the blood from his forehead Ugetsu ran towards the door and opened it immediately. With wide opened eyes he exclaimed "Is that really you?" the man replied, "Yes, of course it was me. Are you expecting someone else?" he said it in a sarcastic tone as if teasing Ugetsu, but Ugetsu had nothing in mind but the misery he felt without this man. Ugetsu embraced him, he tried to lock him in his arms, preventing him from going away again. "This time I'm the one who won't let go." He thought to himself, the man tried to get out of the embrace by pushing Ugetsu away but Ugetsu didn't move instead he tighten his embrace even more. "Baby, are you okay? What happened?" Ugetsu's eyes widened, "Baby?" he said, he let go of the man he was hugging and felt disgusted. The man tucked Ugetsu's bangs behind his ear and saw the blood stain from the cut. "Baby what happened? Who did this to you?" he asked, "Nothing. I just tripped over something earlier." The man grabbed Ugetsu's arm and pulled him inside the house, "Come on let's treat your wound inside."
The man stayed over for a few hours in Ugetsu's house, they had a fun time together but still Ugetsu felt empty. Not just by the thought that this man isn't Akihiko but the reason why this man is with him is drive away Akihiko from his life but he is now gone. This man doesn't have a purpose in his life anymore. "Keima, let's break up." The man froze hearing Ugetsu's words. "Why?" he tried to reach Ugetsu with trembling hands but Ugetsu averted away, "Haven't realized it yet? I didn't love you even once." Keima froze because of Ugetsu's words, "Then why? Why did you chose me? Why did you agreed on dating me?" Keima can't stop the tears from falling. "I only dated you to drive away my ex and now he's gone so you don't have a reason to stay anymore. Please lock the door when you leave." Ugetsu walked towards the bedroom living Keima on the living room. With terrible rage Keima stormed in the bedroom, he pushed Ugetsu on the bed and immediately pinned his arms on top of his head. Keima kissed Ugetsu's neck, while Ugetsu kept struggling beneath him Kaima had his way.
Ugetsu was crying not just because Keima did it without his consent but he was crying because no matter what, even after he suffered because of Keima the pain Akihiko left is still the one thing that bothers him. Keima said sorry for who knows how many times but Ugetsu didn't said a word nor accepted his sorry. Because he knew he didn't say sorry to Akihiko yet he already forgive him. Keima left with a broken heart, Ugetsu remained with a damaged heart.
[One week later]
Ugetsu remained inside his home for the past week to rest and prepare for his upcoming competition today. During the time he was home he occasionally hear Akihiko's playing, at first he just thought it was just because he was tired but now even with his perfect state of mind Ugetsu hears him play. "Isn't this what I wished for? That even though he won't comeback I wished that the music alone will be left behind. I wish this delicate music continue playing even for just in my mind." Ugetsu prepared his stuff and before he leave the house, he whispered "Bye-bye, Akihiko" then he headed to the venue.
Ugetsu got the chance to compete last because of his standing last year in the same competition, he felt nothing waiting for his turn to play, not excitement, not anything until…
"Number 08, mister Kaji Akihiko please follow me it's almost your turn to perform." One of the production staff said as he entered the room. The familiar structure of Aki appeared before his eyes, same blonde hair, same built, and even his piercings is the same. Akihiko walk in the middle of the crowd as if he doesn't care who's in there, Ugetsu restrained himself on calling out Akihiko's name. Because he knew if he do that Akihiko will just suffer the same pain he already felt before. So Ugetsu decided to shut his mouth and asked the staff if he can watch Akihiko's performance, thankfully they allowed him. Even though he can only see Akihiko's back Ugetsu felt so happy, he paid no attention when the piano started playing but when Akihiko started to move his bow his heart felt the familiar lingering feeling. As if Akihiko is touching his heartstrings. "I see, anything he plays is delicate." He whispered to himself.
Akihiko finished playing and started to bow towards the audience, Ugetsu froze on where he is standing. He didn't even realized Akihiko is intently looking at him. To his surprise Akihiko stopped in front of him, Akihiko lifted his free hand to wipe away Ugetsu's tears, Ugetsu didn't even realize he was crying until Akihiko wiped the tears on his face.
"You should fix your face, the audience will not welcome you with applause if you go out like that." Akihiko get his handkerchief at his back pocket, "Here use this." Ugetsu reached for it with trembling hands. Akihiko gently tapped Ugetsu's shoulder. Ugetsu reached out for his hand and said, "You played ever so delicately, I love how you played Sarasate." Akihiko pulled his hand from Ugetsu's grip, "Thank you." He said coldly and continued walking past Ugetsu. All of his strength vanished, fell on his knees as he continue crying. When a staff saw him because his turn is approaching he immediately wiped his tears and get his violin on the waiting room. His damp eyes met Akihiko's yet he avoided it, he has no strength to look on those beautiful eyes.
Ugetsu's turn finally arrived, he played his winning piece Paganini Caprice no. 5 and as everyone expected he won the competition. He forced a smile for the camera as an interviewer approached him.
When Ugetsu arrived at his home he saw someone sitting beside his door, as he got closer he recognized who it was, "Sato-kun?" he called and that made him wake up. "Murata-san, I am here to hang out with you, are you free?" Mafuyu asked politely, Ugetsu gently shook his head. "I just came from a competition, if you may can you come back tomorrow? I just wanna rest first." After politely declining Mafuyu's request Ugetsu opened his door. "Do you want to have tea first before leaving?" Mafuyu shook his head and bowed before leaving.
Ugetsu headed straight to his bedroom laid down to rest but the moment he closed his eyes he heard Zigeunerweisen, Op. 20 the piece Akihiko played in the competition, Ugetsu laughed gently and thought "He played slightly off beat as he reach his end. He looks nervous too which shows in his performance. But nevertheless he played as delicate as I remember. I love how your bow movements reached the strings of my heart, Akihiko."
"Hey, Ugetsu. Wake up!"
Ugetsu awaken in those calls, the same rough voice he just heard earlier that day. "Akihiko? Is that you?" Ugetsu rubbed his eyes to see clearly who is in front of him. "It is indeed you Akihiko…" he reached for the man and hugged him but to his surprise he panged himself back to his bed, there was no one there. Then he heard the drums playing in the beat of Fuyu no Hanashi he rushed towards the living room and saw no one there.
"Hey! Ugetsu do you want coffee?"
He was shocked to hear that voice, "Akihiko?" he shouted as he ran towards the kitchen yet no one is there too. Ugetsu's thoughts are all over the place he can't think straight, he's been like this for the past week when he's alone but this is the first time this happened to him, at first he thought that he just misses Akihiko that's why he's been hearing him play but now…
"Why do I hear your voice?!" as he kneeled and covers his face with his own hands, "This isn't the music that I want to remain, your voice punctures the deepest parts of my heart Akihiko. Don't do this to me please!" after he said those words he screamed at the top of his lungs. It was a scream of passion, of anger, of hatred, of misery, of love.
It was the scream for Akihiko.
Ugetsu made it through the night by crying non-stop, hearing Akihiko's voice, hearing Akihiko play, and hearing his own sobs on top of it all. Calling for the name he knew would never respond now, as regret rush through his entirety he whispered "I wish I called out to you when you're still here, now I don't even know where you are yet you still remains in this house, where we completed our very own world. In this house where I needed you yet you never needed me." Ugetsu hugged Akihiko's drum sticks all throughout the night, pretending the one he's hugging is the man he love.
"Ugetsu? Why aren't you responding? Are you asleep?"
"Stop it! Stop it! Stop it, Akihiko!"
Mafuyu is headed towards Ugetsu's house, when he arrived he got surprised that the door was open. "Murata-san? Are you in there, Murata-san?" because no one responded to him Mafuyu proceeded to go inside.
What he saw there was nothing he expected, it was Ugetsu sitting in front of the drums blood continued to pour down his wrists. "Murata-san!" he rushed towards the bleeding Ugetsu, "He's still breathing." He called for an ambulance immediately and called Akihiko next.
"Kaji-san! Murata-san he cut himself, what do I do?" trembling can be heard from his voice after all this is the second suicide he saw, but this time he has time because Ugetsu is still breathing. Akihiko told him what to do and he also said that he'll be on his way there.
After a few minutes the ambulance arrived and not long after that Akihiko arrived on his bike Mafuyu go with him, "How was he?" Akihiko asked, "Since I did first aid and I think he didn't loss too much blood they told me he'll survive." Akihiko felt at ease hearing those words and yet he felt a sting in his heart. He's confused what it is.
When they arrived Ugetsu was still sleeping in a bed but the doctor said he'll be fine. Akihiko told Mafuyu to head home and he'll be there with Ugetsu.
Ugetsu woke up feeling something warm holding his hand, when he saw who it was he screamed as if seeing a ghost come to flesh. "Akihiko? Get away from! Get away!" Akihiko didn't know what to do and he acted based on his instincts, he hugged Ugetsu and locked him in his embrace. The nurses rushed inside the room, while Ugetsu is still screaming, Akihiko was dumbfounded by what is happening, the nurses forced him away of Ugetsu and when he saw him he got shocked by how terrified he was. "Was it because of me?" He got pulled away by few of the nurses. But he stayed outside of Ugetsu's room, sitting on the floor.
"Akihiko?" he heard a familiar voice, "Mafuyu told me what happened, how is he?" It was Haruki. "They told me he's better now." He replied, "Then why are you there?" Akihiko froze because he remembered how shocked Ugetsu was earlier. "He…"
"He is afraid of me."
Haruki's heart aches as he see the man he love get hurt by the man he said won't hurt him anymore. He wants to slap Ugetsu with all he have, he stormed inside the room and saw the man sitting on top of the bed caressing his wrists.
"You must've had entered the wrong room, I'm afraid I don't know you." Ugetsu told Haruki. Haruki approached Ugetsu and slapped him across his face. Akihiko got shocked by what he saw, as Haruki lifted his hands once more Akihiko grabbed his arm and turned Haruki to face him, he dragged him out of the room. "Haruki, please don't come back here." Haruki froze hearing those words. "This is what I'm afraid of." Tears automatically flow down his cheeks. "Don't come back here because I don't want you to get hurt. I love you, I really do, but Ugetsu needs me." Haruki pulled his arm away from Akihiko, he walked away without saying a word.
After Haruki left Akihiko entered the room. Ugetsu avoided looking at him. "So it was him? The new music you were talking about?" Ugetsu said, "Yes. It is him." Akihiko replied, even though Ugetsu managed to smile he saw a tear in his eyes. "He seems gentle, just like you. I can remember he also plays the bass as delicate as you play music. Be happy with him, then, and only then I'll be happy. Go chase after him where you belong." Ugetsu said in between his sobs, "Thank you Ugetsu, take care." Akihiko walked towards the door yet stopped before closing it, "Ugetsu? Please stop thinking that I hate you. I love you, maybe until now, but if we continued loving each other we will just bring suffering upon each other." Akihiko closed the door and ran after Haruki.
"That's right, Akihiko. Chase after him, chase the music you always wanted to play. I'll be in our house, under the basement, hearing you play. Living in the horror of your voice calling my name. Now I'll be the one chasing your music, because that's the only thing that is left. Once again bye-bye Akihiko."