I apologize in advance for being completely radio silent on everything. I'm working on something big, but I have a bunch of other stuff, so I wrote this because it's short, funny, and not time consuming.
The Slayer was bored. He typically was, since demolishing the forces of Hell for hundreds to possibly thousands of years became boring after a while. True, he did relish the satisfaction of it, but it wasn't supposed to be fun. He needed something... more. The Slayer spun in his chair and began typing away at his computer, one that he had built himself and it took way longer than it should have.
Earth was finally getting back to normal, or as normal as can be after it was nearly annihilated by the Hell invasion almost ten years ago. The humans had accepted that Hell was in fact real. How many knew about the cruel reality, that Heaven and Hell had worked together to orchestrate the destruction of so many worlds across the universe, was another matter entirely, one that the Slayer was sure few knew about. And the ones that did were smart enough to keep their mouth shut.
As the Slayer browsed through the internet, he thought back to his old life. In the old universe, the old Earth where he was from. He remembered being fond of football and MMA, though the counterparts here were significantly less dangerous and brutal. Slayer smirked as he recalled how he had wanted to join the Earth Eagles, the planetary football team, when he was a kid. An idea sparked in his mind. He had nothing else to do. Why not?
The Slayer marched into the main room of the Fortress of Doom and Samuel Hayden's voice filled the chamber.
"Where are you going?" the man asked. As was customary, the Slayer ignored the question. He began calibrating the teleporter and selected his destination. New York City. He had been there once before, during the Hell invasion. The city had cleaned up quickly. One thing that seemed to be similar to his old home was that New Yorkers were hardy people. They would've made excellent Argenta.
"Why are you going there?" Hayden asked. "I know you're not going to tell me, but I did see your recent web searches. They'll never let you in. You scare them." The Slayer didn't look away as the teleporter but he did the thing he'd been wanting to do since he heard Hayden's voice almost eleven years ago. He flipped Hayden the bird and stepped through the teleporter.
A swirling blue portal ripped open the air on the sidewalk, causing New Yorkers to stop. Though they had seemingly moved on, the horror of the Hell invasion was still fresh in their minds. A few ran, screaming that the demons were back, they were all gonna die. Their fears were put out of their minds when the Slayer stepped through, clad in the armor that had been shown all across the media. News stations hailed him as a hero, the savior of humanity. The awe was lost on the Slayer as he held up a piece of paper with an address scribbled on it to the nearest bystander. The terrified man's hand shook.
"I, uh, can hail a taxi, Mr. Slayer, sir. Please don't kill me," he said. The man stepped onto the curb and waved down a bright yellow car. The driver's eyes widened in shock, awe, and fear when he saw the surprisingly average sized Savior of Humanity.
"Uh, are you ridin'? Or is he?" the driver asked.
"He is." The man said. He opened the door for the Slayer. "Uh, hop in. Jesus, I don't even know if you know what a taxi is." The Slayer nodded and slid into the back seat. The driver's palms began sweating as the Slayer pulled the door shut, nearly breaking the handle.
"Um, where to, Slayer?" The driver asked. The Slayer handed the driver the paper. "Really? You wanna go there?" Another nod. "Alright, then. Buckle up." the seatbelt clicked in the back. "I'm giving the Slayer a ride. Nothing to worry about. If you screw up, he'll blow your head off with a shotgun. No problems at all."
The ride was surprisingly short, since the portal had dumped the Slayer only a few blocks from his destination. The driver pulled up next to the curb and the Slayer fumbled with the release button on the seatbelt before ripping it out. He opened the door and stepped onto the curb, much to the surprise of numerous pedestrians. Most of the city knew about the Slayer's presence by now, but they were still quite surprised. The Slayer glanced at the fare on the dashboard of the taxi before handing a fifty credit piece to the driver.
"Uh, it's only two credits…" the driver trailed off as the Slayer turned and marched through the doors of the office building.
In the lobby, a massive holographic shield with the letters NFL shimmered in the air. Men and women in suits alike stopped to watch the green armored soldier stomp towards the terrified receptionist.
"D-do you ha-ave an ap-ppointment?" she stuttered. Right as she asked the question, Samuel Hayden's voice emanated from the phone.
"I talked to the commissioner. He's expecting him."
"Dr. Hayden? Oh, uh, of course. Right this way, Mr. Slayer."
Commissioner Richard Dawyles nervously straightened his tie as he paced his office. He had met with numerous people, from all walks of life. But was the Slayer even a human? Research done by the UAC and ARC definitely seemed to indicate so. But Richard remembered the Hell invasion. He'd been in New York when the Slayer showed up. He'd seen first-hand the speed and brutality with which the Slayer had slaughtered the demons. He'd seen the green armor wreathed in blood and gore. He'd seen the Slayer rip and tear massive fifteen foot tall demons like they were nothing. And now, that same man wanted to join the NFL to play football. There was going to be definite backlash. There wasn't even a guarantee that the Slayer wouldn't kill the other players. But maybe, just maybe, it would pay off. Dawyles knew that the Slayer didn't care for much. Dr. Samuel Hayden had called him not ten minutes ago, telling him about the Slayer's intentions. The doctor assured the commissioner that the Slayer was simply bored and wanted something to do. Dawyles took a few deep breaths as the Slayer walked through the door.
I have no intentions to continue this, but if I get a bunch of reviews asking me to do so, I will. There's little to no DOOM fanfics anyway, so I probably won't. Oh well.