She knew he had a kind heart, she knew he would want to help people as that was the sort of person he was and that's what made her fell in love with him all those years ago. She was suspicious and she felt like she had every right to be, didn't she? She thought about it again and she couldn't help but feel like she shouldn't let another woman come between herself and Peter but when it came down to a former flame she really had to question whether Peter would stray. Deep down she knew her relationship was solid with him, after all, he helped her through so much, he helped her through her addiction in the past and recently through her psychosis because that was the sort of man he was, he helped people and she was sure that he would help her in the future as well because that's what they did, they helped each other in their time of need.
She seethed at the mention of Peter helping Abi. She hated the fact that he was back there again playing the 'knight in shining armour' and she hated the fact it could be the start of something much worse. All those years ago, in the past to be precise, he helped her through her alcohol problem and that was when she fell in love with him, that was when she became hooked on the drug which was Peter Barlow, on the surface she couldn't help but think that Abi was a threat to her and Peter's relationship, she didn't want to become the other woman, she wanted Peter to love her, she wanted him all to herself, she had to question whether she was selfish whether she was just being needy but deep down she knew the trust was never fully there since they got back together. How could she fully trust someone who had hurt her so badly in past and was partly the cause of losing her baby? She didn't know, that was the simple answer, she really didn't know how to fix this mess, after all, Peter was a grown man and she couldn't control him, and she didn't want to come across as controlling in their relationship no matter how uncomfortable she found the situation but maybe she would have to become controlling.
She internally winced at the words he was saying down the phone, she hated the possibility of someone taking Peter away from her, the possibility of someone ruining what they have. She didn't think Peter liked Abi. Yes, they had a fling, he was going to sail away with her and that was the thing that made her jealously rise at the time. She knew Peter was fed up with chasing after herself, of trying hard to prove that he had changed so what did he do? He went with Abi, she felt vile watching them lord it over each other but either way, she was too in denial to accept getting back with him but now she was back with him, now she felt more vulnerable, and now Peter had the chance to hurt her all over again. She felt like she was walking a tightrope, she felt like it was a ticking time bomb until he strayed but there was something that made her hang on in there, hang on to the fact that Peter had done so much for her these past few years, first, it was buying into the factory, second, it was helping her with her psychosis, understanding her, then now it was his love which she forever craved, that was what made her question him about Abi, that's what made her honestly say that Abi would become addicted because after all, she did the same she fell in love with Peter because she shared his addiction then she ended up being addicted to him, she just had that gut feeling that Abi would end up doing the same and that the fact the conversation she witnessed them have over the phone together was enough to bring her to tears because it was exactly the way she acted all those years ago and soon enough she became reliant on him, that's what hurt.
She excused herself to go upstairs after feeling internally sick and distressed at the whole thing, she just wanted time alone to process her thoughts, to get rid of the uncomfortable feelings inside of her body. It was weird, Peter always seemed to tune into her feelings, but now he was just ignoring her, surely he could sense that she was unhappy, she thought she made it pretty obvious, if Peter was starting to get wrapped up in Abi then what hope did she have of achieving any attention from him. She didn't want to act like the insecure, needy and paranoid girlfriend but she really couldn't help it and she had a right to justify her reasons after everything they had been through.
She heard rhythmic thumps coming from the stairs, she wiped her eyes knowing it was most likely Peter as Johnny was manning the bar and Jenny was most likely off somewhere blowing off steam after everything which happened. She just turned away from the door because she didn't want him to see the way she was feeling, she didn't want him to see the remains of her tears and her discomfort over the situation so by turning away from where he would enter the room she was convinced that she could be strong, maybe she was trying to internally test herself but overall she wasn't sure. The door clicked open and she pretended to be asleep, yet again she didn't know why but that was ok not to know why. She heard him undress and slide into bed beside her, she wondered if he would hold her like he did every night and she wondered if he was actually oblivious to the way she was feeling about the whole thing, she opened her eyes and she tried to stop the tears from falling but it ended up being an impossible task nonetheless.
"Hey? What's up? Why are you crying…eh?" he questions her, she wipes her tears and just sniffles "Love?"
"It's you!" she exclaims "The whole thing is you!"
"W-What?" he replies confused
"I can't do this again, I can't be the other woman because lets be honest this is where this is heading, isn't it? This is what it's going to be, you're going to pander to Abi's needs and fall in love with her eventually, she's going to end up falling in love with you just like I did I can't go through that Peter, not again, I won't, that scares me so much because after everything we've been through I thought we could be mature enough to have a future together-"
"Slow down" he whispers pulling her into his body "You're rambling, love"
"I can't breathe that's why I'm so scared, I don't want to lose you"
"It's ok" he murmurs kissing her forehead as she breathes raggedly, her breathing eventually slows "Ok speak to me?"
"I don't want to lose you" she whispers, Peter nods slowly "Please don't leave me, Peter"
"Hey" he tilts her head up to meet his, her eyes bore into his "I am never going to leave you, sweetheart, never I love you so much, it's just Abi, she needs help"
"This is what I mean!" Carla states angrily, Peter sighs "She's not your responsibility Peter, she's not your partner unless of course, you want her to be so you can help her? Is this what this is about? Do you not love me?"
"I love you with all of my heart, I was just trying to be supportive, I was trying to help her" he tries to justify himself, she softens slightly at his caring attitude
"I admire that of you but think about it Peter, you're playing a very dangerous game when you're helping out an old flame, you don't have to fix everyone, stop fixing everyone"
"Love" he sighs not realising the extent his motives were hurting her "I just wanted to be supportive, help her through her addiction I know what that's like, she lost her kids forever"
"Is this what this is about?" she sees red all of a sudden "Is it because you can relate to her because I don't have kids, let me guess, Peter, I bet this is down to that flamin' thing with Si all those years ago losing him to Leanne is this what this is about, you're just going to offer your services"
"Carla, stop this" Peter sighs, she shakes her head sliding out of bed and pacing the floor "You do have a child remember?"
"Don't" she shakes her head, the tears threatening to fall "This is what I mean, this whole thing reminds me of that, and Leanne, I just can't go through that again, I don't want to lose you, yeah I'm sorry for acting like the insecure and needy girlfriend but I'm trying to be honest with you"
"And I thank you for that" Peter bites his lip "You will never be insecure and needy Carla, you're right to have trust issues over our relationship especially with what happened before but…I don't know"
"You don't know?" she exclaims "This just gets better, let me guess you don't know why you're helping her, you feel like you should help her but can't you see she is not your problem?"
"I guess she isn't but I can't just sit there and do nothing and let her become addicted to drugs again can I?"
"That's why she has Kevin, her partner who is meant to be there to support her, not you!"
"You've never liked her, have you? After getting rid of that Chelsey girl I really thought you would've looked at this in a new light"
"Trust you to bring that up" she mutters "Just because she got rid of some scum off the street doesn't mean you should feel obliged to help her, Peter"
"What's this about Carla?" he asks sensing that there was something she wasn't telling him
"You know what this is about"
"Yes!" she exclaims, her lip quivering ever so slightly as she tries to compose herself "I just don't want to lose you, Peter, I never want to lose you, I want to love you without other people falling in love with you, I just want us to be happy and safe in our relationship, I want this to be for keeps"
"And it will be, Carla why didn't you tell me how you really felt down there?"
"I really did try, I promise it's just difficult, there's Johnny I don't want him interfering and then you were obsessed with your little project and you were speaking to her and I felt awkward interrupting so I guess I just removed myself from the situation I suppose…sparing your feelings and all that"
"Carla" he sighs "What will make you better eh? I will do anything to prove to you that what we have is our future, just tell me what you want"
"I want you to love me, Peter, I want you all to myself, I know that sounds really needy but I thought the future would be different, I thought that we could communicate about everything and, I just want to love you, settle down and live a drama-free life"
"Well I'm not sure about the drama-free life…" he trails off, she had to laugh slightly "But the other's I will do like I said all those years ago, I'm never giving you up"
"But you did though, that's the point I'm trying to make" she whispers exasperatedly, Peter sighs "You were going to give me up for Tina whilst I was carrying our baby now I'm afraid you're going to give me up for Abi, I don't want you to give me up, I want you to love me and I want to live our lives together, I want us to have a future"
"I want that too" he assures her "I do but-"
"There shouldn't be any buts Peter" she sighs, Peter nods knowing she was right "If you keep trying to fix every broken soul which comes into your orbit we won't have a future, I don't want it to come to that and I know deep down you don't want it to come to that either but if you do then I can't be the other woman, I won't be, at the end of the day it's your choice and that decision lies with you, I hate to give ultimatums but I can't live my life with you being like that again, I won't do it, Peter"
"So what you're saying is it's either you or Abi?"
"I'm sorry" she admits "I have to be honest"
"Right…" he breathes out, she just dips her head feeling guilty for giving that sort of request "I guess I best go and see her and tell her my decision then because I am never leaving you, Carla, never"
"The last time Peter, I mean it" she sighs, Peter stands up and kisses her forehead, she watches as he leaves the room, she could tell he was disappointed with what she said but she really did need to do this to put her mind at ease even if she did feel terrible…