Elephants

The Fertofird was the largest they had ever had to deal with and really… Ianto was not into it. Not at all. It was early, dawn just coming over the rise as Jack arrived with the flatbed from their vehicle pool, backing it up so they would use the Hiab to lift the carcass onto the back.

It stank.

Ianto was covered in entrails, snot and something else he really didn't want to think about as he had been underneath it when Jack had finally got in the kill-shot as Owen screamed with fear. Owen was still jumpy, touching Ianto constantly as if to reassure himself as much as Ianto that he had survived relatively unscathed.

Thank god for the small divot in the ground. His hips were sore but he had survived the equivalent of a steam roller rumbling over top of him at great speed. And noise. And smell.

I'm sorry… but the smell is sooo hard to ignore here. It is rank!

Owen seed to calm as the carcass started to move and he frowned as he poked at it "Ya know… it sort of looks like an elephant if you chop it's trunk off and paint it green"

"Hmmm, actually… now that you mention it… yes. I suppose it rather does. Head is too small but… yes" Ianto nodded, totally done with the night and happy to let Owen focus on something other than himself. After all … this smell … ergh.

"What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?" Owen suddenly asked and Ianto blinked as the realization set in that it was Joke time on the Owen Show. Oh god. Really? Stink AND Owen Jokes? What had he done to deserve this! No, surely not. Please God no!

He stared at him silently hoping that by not responding he would get the hint. After a few beats Owen said "Its shadow."

Ianto blinked again as Owen let out a bark of laughter and called out to Jack, running to the cab of the truck to repeat the joke and to Ianto's horror he heard faint laughter.

Fuck.

Good one Jack. Now it would be game on.

"What did the elephant say to the naked man?" Owen roared as Jack leaned out the window to look down at him.

"What Owen?" Jack called back

"How do you breathe through something so small?"

Jack slapped the door as he roared with mirth, then pointed at Owen and said "Depends on the man there Owen."

Owen threw a clod of dirt at him then asked "Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?"

"Oh no" Ianto muttered to himself as he let himself settled into the knowledge that the stink was now of a vocal nature too.

"They kept dropping their trunks."

"OH… oh Owen!" Jack roared, leaning back to laugh uncontrollably, then slip out of the truck to land nimbly on his feet like a cat. Damn that man is suave. Ianto find himself smiling softly. Jack glanced at him and mistook the smile for Owen's humor, so decided to go one up. Jack was nothing if not competitive, especially when it came to Ianto.

Jack turned to Owen and said conversationally "You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant travelling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?"

"ooooo, is that a trick one?" Owen asked, his hand son his hips "I don't remember than for the training videos. Ah… do you … pull on one rein so the head turns? Shit. No… the drop or the elephant….Something about the reins right?"

"Get your drunk arse off the merry-go-round!" Ianto suddenly blurted and Jack pointed at him with a wide grin, then laughed some more as Owen repeated the answer to himself.

Then he got it.

The little twat laughed and sniggered all the way back to base, so tickled by a new joke.

It didn't matter to Ianto anymore.

This entire day stinks!