Death's Prank

AN: I will be setting rules for myself. One person per "Universe" and I will try to use some people I haven't used before. Beware multi cross.

Author's complaint: ever notice how hard it is to use gender-neutral pronouns for a being?

Chapter 1: A bored Death.

Death was bored. Checking earth again he frowned, he would have thought that after over eight hundred years that someone would have acquired the three items he created, especially when he started the rumor of the one that collected them would be Death's 'master'.

That was a lie, of course, it just gave him full authority over the person, so he could prank him/her and meddle in the person's life to his heart's content.

Then a woman entered his 'room'.

"Love," he growled out.

It should be noted that that particular aspect is the least favorite of the rest of the aspects of existence.

The reason? She manages to, by using the excuse 'love finds a way' to trample almost every bloody domain of every other aspect. She can't seem to understand that, with some very few times, the dead should remain dead, and that if she wants an exception, she needs to come to him to see if they should.

The last time she performed an unauthorized resurrection, nearly fifty people died before their time.

"Now is that any way to speak to someone that wants to do you a favor?" she asked in a bubbly voice, unconcerned with the hostility from the other being.

"What?" he asked flatly.

"Weeelll, destiny, and fate are in a tizzy. One of their prophesied ones, well... his destiny got screwed up. "He's not dead or anything, but something that should have happened when snake face tried to kill him... didn't. So they and a few other aspects, are willing to give the child your items, we just need fakes of the cloak and the stone, the latter needs to only last thirty or forty years."

Death 'blinked' and asked, "Why didn't they come instead of sending someone I get along with?"

Love 'smiled and responded, "I'm the only one that's willing to stand up to you to set terms!"

"Terms," Death said flatly.

"One from me, and one from Fate and Destiny. Voldemort must die."

"Easily done, those Horicruxes only work once, then the person's on my personal radar, if they die again, I collect the soul... personally."

"and from me, well me and the rest," Love continued ignoring the interruption, "he must be able to marry, I know that you don't control that, but we expect you to choose to introduce him to someone that he could fall for. Life has agreed to help you fully resurrect the ones you choose, as long as they aren't from that timeline cluster."

Death paused. He could do resurrections, but they are slightly incomplete, they can't, for example, have children. "And why, are all these aspects helping me with this?" he asked, wanting to hear the catch.

"Entertainment," came Love's response.

Death sighed then replied, "fine, who am I working on? And as you are helping, I will allow you to nudge things along with one that I chose for him, well if they click at least, but dammit, be subtle! I do not want another Jason!"

"I Have suggestions for that! But here's his 'file'."

Death looked at the person and noted the age. "Give me at least a decade to choose someone, I will probably find someone earlier, but pairing up a one-year-old is a bit much. First thing... he needs a parent.

The embodiment of death waved his hands and a depowered cloak, a broken copy of the master wand, and a slowly degrading stone appeared floating in front of him.

Love squealed and grabbed them and ran off.

"Hmmm..." death hmmed as it looked through timelines, for those that died before their time. It also made rules for itself, they must have died with their fates unfilled, not be evil monsters, and capable of fulfilling the roles it chose. Looking for inspiration, it started looking through the games and anime it collected from the human world.

Picking one up, it looked through the timelines for a version that fulfilled its requirements.

Finding one, it waved its hand and a young woman appeared. The woman had a good figure, blonde hair, red eyes, and dressed in a black top with white highlights and a white skirt. (EN)

"Huh? What am I doing here?" the woman asked.

Death quickly explained the situation and then waited for the response.

"Sorry... my wife is waiting for me on the other side," the woman said sadly.

The being nodded and then sent her on her way.

Looking through the stuff again, it picked up a DS game. One of the characters caught its interest. With a quick search and wave, a blue-eyed blonde with a modest figure appeared.

Her long hair was in a high ponytail and she was wearing a pink dress with black leggings and sleeved, she also had a pink and white cap and shoes of the same colors.

"Huh? The last thing I knew I was contacting Zero after he killed copy X," she said confused.

Death explained the situation... again.

"So I was shot in the back by a traitor? And you want to give me a second chance at life elsewhere, and all I have to do is try and raise this child you're talking about, and probably a few more later? You do know I have no experience with children don't you?"

"Yes to all your questions, but my offer remains."

Looking at the being before her, Ciel nodded.

"Excellent, the items had been delivered. Here are some things you will need.

With another wave of its hand a backpack containing identification, a checkbook with a fat bank account, a contract, blood quill, cash, and the deed to number six Pivot Drive. Oh, and Excedrin, she will need it soon.

With another wave, the information on the contract and quill was added to her head as well as the basic knowledge of earth in the late twentieth century.

A third wave sent the newly living young woman on her way.

Chuckling the being started looking through the rest of its media for ideas. One it put aside while making a note of a character. Depending on how things go, that might be a good friend and potentially girlfriend.

It also put some names on cards that he would randomly throw a dart at if certain circumstances require it.


The first thing that Hit the newly alive woman was the ground. The second thing was a minor migraine from the information dump, which caused her to grab the pills in the backpack.

Noting that it was almost dawn, she looked around and saw a baby on a doorstep, correctly assuming that was the baby she was supposed to raise, she rang the bell, unheeding that it was early in the morning.

Ten minutes later a hastily dressed horse-faced woman appeared at the door, and she snarled, "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"Early I know, but this is something you will want taken care of before more people awake," Ciel said calmly.

"Oh and what is that?" the woman sneered.

"A person from a society that you don't like, wants you to raise your nephew, who is in the basket at my feet, my benefactor, wants me to. I'm not part of that group, but it gave me some of that society's stuff that will absolve you of responsibility for him and prevent them from bringing him back," Ciel explained.

Petunia's eyes narrowed, then waved the other woman in, and didn't even complain that the woman brought her nephew in.

Ciel brought out the contract and the quill and explaining that the quill will write in blood, harmlessly unless used for long periods of time and that by doing it that way, not even the most snobbish of purebloods could argue about it.

Petunia read the contract and was pleased with the simplicity of it. It simply stated that Petunia gives up all rights she had as family of Harry James Potter, and transfers them to Ciel, as well as stating that Harry will never be welcome in her home.

She gleefully signed it and watched the other woman do so. Her eyes narrowed for a second as it glowed gold for a second, then split into three identical signed contracts, one of which glowed gold again and vanished.

Ciel then picked up one of the copies and said, "the other one if for you, so you have something to show anyone who might try and force Harry here."

"Good riddance, I will never have to see him again," the spiteful woman stated bitterly.

"Not... quite... true..." Ciel started hesitantly. "after all we're neighbors." she finished pointing to the next-door house.

"Fine, but I don't have to deal with him, now get out," Petunia snarled.

Ciel simply nodded, collected the toddler, and headed to her new home.


Six years later Ciel was frowning. Apparently, the spiteful woman next door was worse than she thought, as she and her husband had, for some odd reason, started spreading nasty rumors about her and Harry, to the point that the police chief had ordered Harry's arrest for vandalism.

She had set him straight by calling in a different district's police after hearing that Vernon was best friends with the local police chief. It took them twelve hours to find the real culprits, Dudley Dursley and his budding gang.

The local chief had been replaced because of the false arrests, and the fact that he was using the position to cover his son and his friends' crimes, but the damage of the local gossip had been done, Harry had no friends, as the gang of bullies beat up anyone that looked like they were going to befriend the boy.

So the boy had thrown himself into his studies, and had quickly, due to her tutoring, tested out math and science classes.

That didn't stop him from being lonely, but unknown to her death was going to attempt to correct that.


Death looked at the figure before it. Others had refused his request, mostly because they would have to be reduced in age, but this one hadn't... yet.

"You want me to... befriend? This boy, with the possibility of being more later?" she asked in a slightly lifeless voice. "What is befriend? Or more? And I need to be reduced to seven years old?"

The woman stood nearly six feet tall, had a rather impressive bust, short peach-colored hair, grayish-brown eyes, and a rather nice overall figure. She was wearing what looked like a red and black uniform with a mid-thigh length skirt red crosses and stripes at the ends of her sleeves, a metal cross at her neck, metallic gloves, and grieve like boots with what looked like headlamps and rudders on them. Behind her, and attached to her was a fearsome, and aggressive looking mass of metal. (EN2)

"Yes, I know you are having a bit of a hard time with some of these concepts, but I believe you can do it."

the woman looked at the being, and then remembered the faint warmth she felt by being around her commander and wondered whether that was the 'friendship' this being asked her for... if so, she wanted it back.

And so with a single nod, she was alive and seven years old again, and the metal was missing, fortunately her clothes refit themselves around her new body.

"My rigging?" she asked.

"Sealed for now. If you truly need it it will reappear, but for now, the people you will meet you won't need them, as killing them would be more trouble than it's worth."

The now young girl nodded then vanished.

Love had snuck in while Death was dealing with his newest addition to the project and she had a 'look' of horror on her face.

A Yandere, Death had chosen a Yandere for Harry's first friend and potential love interest.

This will probably not end well for many people.


Ciel sighed as she heard a pop in her room. Turning around she saw a young girl Harry's age wearing what looked like a military uniform. On the bed beside her was some documentation.

"Hello, Death sent you I suppose?" Ciel asked while taking up the papers. Nodding at the being what she expected, birth certificate, school schedule (same as Harry's), adoption records, and various other bits that she would need.

"Yes, to be Harry's 'friend' and possibly more," she responded almost robotically.

"He's currently at school, so let's set up your room first," Ciel stated with a sigh. At least, she thought, Harry won't be as lonely.

The girl nodded and hopped down, causing the now older woman to wince at the sound. "First thing afterwords, new clothes so you don't damage the floor."

The girl nodded in acceptance as she was led to a spare bedroom... that was now decorated as if the girl had been living with her for a while. The room had pictures of girls wearing various, in some cases, not age-appropriate clothing, all with the caption stating KMS then a name.

Including a group photo, with a man in a white uniform, the girls in the other pictures, and an older version of the girl she had just led into the room.

Death had gone all out, as it did in her room, with some photos of her and Zero.

"This is your room, normally I would say we would decorate it, but it appears Death did it already. Let's see what is in the wardrobe, and get you changed into something less conspicuous."

Opening the wardrobe, Ciel found that it had a decent amount of clothes, and even some normal shoes.

"Please get changed, then I'll make lunch."

With that, she left the room so that the girl could change.

As she started the simple lunch, she thought, this... will make things more complicated.


End chapter.

EN: Ciel Megaman Zero.

EN2: Roon Azure Lane.