353A/N - *shy wave* I am not dead if you can believe that. I… have no idea what happened the last time I posted for this fic. I just know that I was NOT in a great place and, to be honest, I'm still not, but I'm feeling incredibly nostalgic. So, here I am. I'm not going to promise anything this time or any future times - I think you all are tired of that. So, obligatory life update if anyone cares to read it.
The last I think I wrote about my personal life was that I got a boyfriend back in 2023 and that I got a new full time job position. I quit that job after three months because the store manager was trying to do illegal stuff regarding my position at that store. And, well, there's an extremely nice shiny ring on my finger. Hehe, I got engaged and my fiance and we bought a little small home together! We've been renovating it together for the last couple months and we'll be shortly moving into it. My parents actually gave us half of their property to put the house on already developed land. We're extremely grateful to them and it allows me to be closer to them.
My parents aren't fairing too well these days. My dad's lost a lot of feeling in his hands and he's slower to move around the house. My mom just went to the hospital recently for blood clots in her lungs - she's not a smoker - and was diagnosed with degenerative disc disease which had made moving around the house and doing hobbies extremely taxing on her. I'm grateful both of them were able to get some kind of government assistance considering all of the shit going on in the US right now. But, they have more good days than bad ones.
I went through a terrible writing block for almost six months at one point and then, all of the sudden, I just started writing again. Obsessed with it, actually. I've been writing long-winded multi-chapter stories just for my entertainment - they're just sitting in my google docs collecting dust haha! They're also very good! I currently have a Marvel fic of "Bucky is Peter's biological father, oh, and they're on the run from Hydra and are stuck in a forest with barely any supplies and are on the verge of dying". I have two seperate "The Hobbit" fanfics - a Bagginshield one and a Thranduil X Bilbo one (don't ask haha!) - but they're not fleshed out so I'm not really counting them.
I don't think I have anything else to share. I… guess if anyone would like to contact me, you can reach out to my tumblr "shykid-writez". I don't post hardly at all, but it will give me notifications unlike Wattapd or which I've since turned off all notifications for, so if you have a question or concern, you can contact me there. I guess until next time~
There was something Kakashi always disliked about being a designated reporter of things. From his time as an ANBU captain, he was often required to put anything and everything concerning those under his charge. If one of his companions were struggling and confided in him, he would merely sigh and turn in a piece of paper to the correct channels. It was a betrayal most people didn't understand, and he couldn't even begin to explain himself. These days, Kakashi has just been telling those close to him that he's a mandatory reporter, and if this was not information you could share with the Hokage, then you couldn't share it with him.
Although there was something extremely hurtful in exposing his student like this, he was willing to bear his struggles for the Hokage to see.
"I see…" Hiruzen paused, eyes skimming the report in his hands. He frowned momentarily, eyes jumping over the paper to look at the shinobi before him, "But you did manage to subdue the Kyuubi before it could do anything, correct?"
Kakashi bristled. "I wouldn't subdue, more like…" He stuffed his hands in his pockets, collecting himself, "...got through to Naruto." He kicked the ground lightly with his sandal, unable to look the old Sarutobi man in the eyes for some reason. After dropping the blond off with his family, he found himself hesitating to write out a report of their day, uneasily making the choice to do as he was instructed before making his way back to the Hokage tower to tell Hiruzen about the recent… development.
Hiruzen narrowed his eyes, folding his hands carefully over his lap. He eyed a drawer where his lone pipe lay, fingers itching to reach for it. "The Kyuubi's presence during that night Mizuki attacked Naruto was thought to have been a self-defense mechanism due to the chakra poisoning and blood loss he had experienced." He began carefully, considering his words for a moment before continuing, "However, I'm considering that its ability to… take over is tied to Naruto's emotions instead."
"He's a teenager." Kakashi offered, trying to lighten the mood, "And I don't believe the Kyuubi is 'taking over' more like… presenting itself."
Hiruzen gave him a look that kept the jounin quiet. "When Kushina still held the Kyuubi, she was prone to bouts of anger, but that was a part of her personality - I'm sure we can both attest to that." He allowed himself a small chuckle - it had been so long since he'd seen her. The older man began to stroke his beard as he continued to think aloud, "So, I never would've suspected that anger was tied to the Kyuubi's ability to present itself. Could it be that the Kyuubi can foster anger? Could it use volatile emotions as a way to escape its host?
Kakashi let the Hokage's words ruminate with him, "We can't prevent Naruto from feeling angry. We could work with him on controlling or subduing the Kyuubi from within to decrease the fox's control during strong bouts of emotion."
"The only person I can think of that could help with that will not be here for quite some time," Hiruzen responded quietly, finally succumbing to his desires for his pipe, reaching into the drawer to retrieve it.
The jounin nodded knowingly, "You're talking about Jiraiya-sama."
"Yes," Hiruzen narrowed his eyes, a seriousness falling over his face as he lit his pipe, "Jiraiya has agreed to come back to the village for the next few months, but will not be appearing until after the first part of the preliminary matches during the chunnin exams."
Kakashi paused. Something was lingering on the jounin's mind, a part of him that was screaming at him, a call to action. Something about the way Hiruzen was speaking, the words he used, was sending alarms blaring in his head. "Lord Third," He began carefully, eyes critical, "What purpose would you have to have requested Jiraiya-sama to come back to the village before I had told you about Naruto's Kyuubi problem? Is there something going on that I should know about, sir? Something relating to my student?" There was a cold bite to his words, one that did nothing to eliminate the tension bleeding into the room.
After a small breath of tense silence between them, Hiruzen raised a hand almost sheepishly, "Kakashi."
"Yes, sir?" His mouth felt dry.
"There is something important that I must share with you since we're on the topic of Naruto. Let's just say that I… wanted your opinion." There was a stretch of quiet trepidation shared between them as Hiruzen tried to find the right words, "Councilmembers, as well as myself, and an elite spy group have observed odd happenings between Sunagakure and Otogakure. As the chunin exam approaches, we have concluded that there is likely going to be a wide-scale attack led by the Sand and Sound villages against Konoha." His words were factual, barely scraping the emotional surface Kakashi could see underneath.
But he knew that tone.
"What does this have to do with Naruto?" His voice was strained, "Is he in danger again? Should I warn him?"
"No!" His eyes were wide with worry. "Please leave him out of this for as long as possible."
Kakashi's mouth formed a small line, "Sir, I don't like where this conversation is going, so if you'd just get to the point…"
Hiruen nodded, folding his hands over his lap in a tense gesture. "I have continuously been requesting for Tsunade to return to the village as soon as possible; however, try as I might, I haven't heard anything from her - no one has, really…" The Third Hokage thrummed his fingers together, a worried frown on marring his features, "I tried to send a message to Shizune as well since she is the more… agreeable between the two of them, but there's been nothing so far." Hiruzen swiveled his chair around, overlooking the village he treasured more than anything. "She is the best suited for a large-scale attack against our village." He sighed, "Without her, I fear the worst."
"You think this attack is going to be that severe?" His one visible eye widened in shock. Hiruzen pondered the question for a long while, losing himself in the hustle and bustle of the Konohagakure's streets, the evening sky bathing the village in oranges and reds. "Sir?" Kakashi asked quietly.
He sighed, his age evident in his features, before nodding slowly. "Our forces need to be ready for anything." He relit his pipe, going in for a long drawl, "I feel that during this upcoming year, we need to be wary of our allies and even more critical of our enemies. Something is definitely on the horizon." Hiruzen tilted his head to look up at the ceiling, "That's why I want Jiraiya and Tsunade here - they should make up for what our forces cannot. And what they cannot, the fear of two sannin in the village should be enough to make our enemies think twice."
"You didn't answer my question." Kakashi couldn't help but say, stepping around the desk until he could see the old Sarutobi man's face, crossing his arms over his chest in a defensive manner, "What does any of this have to do with Naruto? You asked for my opinion, but you certainly have…" His words died down in his throat as a sudden thought crossed his mind. His entire body tensed up in a second, a flood of buried memories cropping up in his mind. "Hiruzen," his voice was firm and cold, "I hope you're not thinking of what I think you're trying to do."
A shadow fell over the older man's face. Kakashi gritted his teeth in understanding, closing his eyes tightly as realization fell over him. "If Tsunade does not show up by the time this attack comes around… I- I will need Naruto's help." He stated solemnly, "Not only can Naruto heal others at an exceptionally fast rate, or so I've heard from Kaiya-chan, but considering a recent development regarding his use of the multi-shadow clone jutsu, he would be able to save those in our village. Hell, it would be almost second-nature for-"
But Kakashi had stopped listening at that point.
All he could do was stand there and remember. Remember a time period long before this of a young girl who was proving to be a promising medic, taken away from him and forced to beg for her death, dying by his hand. She didn't deserve to be a medic during a war. She didn't deserve to be used for a power that wasn't her own.
And neither did Naruto.
"No."
"No?"
"Whatever you think you're going to do, I won't let you." Kakashi hissed out, standing his ground firmly. He stared at the Hokage with pure spite, "I won't let you put Naruto in charge of that."
Hiruzen made an exasperated noise, standing up from his chair, his eyes dark and narrowed, not backing down from the challenge, "I don't think you have any jurisdiction to tell me what to do, Kakashi."
"You asked for my opinion and you're going to have it!" His voice rose a step, his back tense as he took a large, menacing step towards the Hokage, "I won't let you put a child through that!" Kakashi could see her face in his mind. "How many medic nins have we lost because they were the sole person taking care of dozens of people all by themselves?!" Her beautiful smile flashed in his mind, making Kakashi grit his teeth, remembering her kindness bleeding into everything she did, her willingness to heal anyone at the risk to herself. "We both remember the war, Hiruzen - it's too much for one person!" He could've spat at the Hokage if not for the man's title.
"Kakashi-"
"Choose someone else!" He hissed, hands balled into fists, "I know you two don't have the best relationship anymore - believe me, I've heard all about it - but he is still a child for fuck's sake! Does that not mean anything to you anymore? Are all genin just pawns to you now?!"
"You know it's not that easy, Kakashi." Hiruzen looked somewhat defeated at the man's words.
He snorted, a noise full of sarcasm, rolling his eyes as his arms moved to cross over his chest defensively. "Yes, it is." He looked the man up and down, feeling nothing but rage in his system, "What about Yiruma? Naruto has vouched for his abilities and, if I remember correctly, he's the current head medic. What about him is not perfect for this position? Why Naruto?"
"During an attack, the head medic is instructed to stay with the Hokage at all times…" The old Sarutobi man said meekly, quietly, and reservedly, as if he were reading a book, "That is the head medic's duty. Yiruma will be unavailable to those in need. That's why Naruto…" His words died down in his throat.
"Choose. Someone. Else." Kakashi ground out.
"I have to think about the village first…"
The jounin felt his face scrunch up, his jaw tighten, "So… you're just going to let him kill himself over this?"
Hiruzen's head jolted up as if he'd been burned by Kakashi's words, "No! I would never-"
"That's what you're doing, Hiruzen!" Kakashi bit back as harshly as he could, "If you make him do this, you will kill him. He… He is so compassionate, and he loves to help people." He swallowed around the lump in his throat as that young girl from his youth popped up in his mind again. "He won't tell you no if you ask him to save the village,e and he will die trying to help everyone in need. I know that, you know that…" He frowned, looking away, feeling too sickened even looking at the Hokage right now, "Is that a sacrifice you're willing to make?"
There was a dark look falling over the old man's face. "Kakashi, I assure you that if… when Tsunade shows up, we will not have a repeat of this conversation. I- I don't want to resort to using Naruto as our last defense." He was practically pleading by now, "You may not want to believe what I have to say, but I don't want to put him through that. I still care about him despite how he feels towards me."
"But you'd choose the village over him?"
Hiruzen was quiet for a long time before moving to sit back in his chair. He sighed weakly, "Tend to your genin, Kakashi. Prepare them for what might be an all-out war. That's all, you're dismissed."
Kakashi scoffed in disbelief that Hiruzen would just let the conversation end like this. He was tempted to keep hashing this out, to let the tensions run higher and higher, but he didn't have it in him. He headed for the door before pausing, a lingering thought sticking with him. "You know," He started, "You've always tried to make the best decision for the village - I know that, the villagers know that, Naruto knows that - but if you make Naruto do Tsunade's job, then you really will end up being worse than trash." He looked over his shoulder, "And one day, when you're on your deathbed, you're going to realize that you were a terrible Hokage after all." And with that, Kakashi left, slamming the door behind him as hard as he could.
"I won't let another medic die…"
It had been almost a week since that fateful conversation with the Hokage, the older man's words making nonstop rounds in Kakashi's mind. He felt like he hadn't rested much since before the incident with his own team and Guy's. Hell, just seeing Naruto's face was enough to make his stomach start churning. Kurenai even commented when they got some late-night drinks together that he looked like death warmed over - truly a compliment of all time.
He watched his students quietly from the treeline, keeping to the shadows of the forests surrounding their training grounds. They were throwing some shurikens at some training dummies, both Naruto and Sakura struggling with their aim. "You know, for a medic, you've got shit aim," Sasuke commented with a shake of his head.
"Needles and shuriken are two different things!" Naruto bit back.
Kakashi snickered quietly at that, continuing to watch them bicker. His mind reeled back to the Hokage's words, his smile almost immediately disappearing. How could that man even think about putting the village's wounded in a child's hand? It's asinine, it's… It's deplorable, unthinkable. Horrible. Yoshino would probably kill him for keeping this information from her. "That old twat isn't putting my favorite blond in danger! No way!" That's probably what she'd say, he found himself thinking with mild amusement.
His teammates wouldn't stand for it either. Despite them being neither friends nor really even true teammates, Kakashi is beginning to see some kind of protective streak blossoming between the three. Hell, even their reactions when Neji was being overly hateful towards Naruto last week were enough to cement the idea in the jounin's head. Maybe it was wishful thinking, or maybe Naruto is too likable, but Kakashi's not letting the Hokage's plan come to fruition.
Not even if it killed him.
Deciding he'd had enough of the shadows, Kakashi moved to suddenly appear in front of his genin, getting a rather adorable squeak out of Sakura, who insisted that he was a jerk and shouldn't scare her like that. "Good morning, my adorable little genins!" He gave them an eye-smile, trying to act like he wasn't absolutely drowning with stress.
"Well, if you consider noon morning, then… good morning to you too, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura gave him a sickly-sweet smile, voice coated in sarcasm.
It was easier to ignore the statement than to comment on it - can't let her think that she can tease him like that. "Today, we're going to be doing some light sparring, getting used to each other's strengths and weaknesses." Sasuke seemed to brighten up at the thought, straightening his back and looking attentive. "This will be important when it comes to future missions." He explained casually, digging into his pocket for his pervy book, "When an enemy attacks your teammate, you have to be aware of what said teammate can or cannot handle. Sasuke is better in close quarters, while Naruto seems to have a knack for distance, with Sakura being somewhere in the middle."
"Really?" Sakura squeaked in surprise, "First I'm hearing this."
He gave her a look. "Let's say, for instance, that Naruto gets attacked while we're on a mission. Sakura knows that Naruto does not do well in close combat and jumps to his rescue, staving off the enemy long enough until Sasuke can get in and finish it off." Kakashi dutifully explained, eyeing the three carefully who were all seemingly lost in thought, "By sparring with one another, you will be able to learn your teammates' movesets, how they position their feet, their hands, and what side they prefer to throw a punch. When you've learned how your teammates operate, you'll be able to guesstimate whether they can handle a fight or not. If they can, you can focus on your fight; if they can't, you can come to their rescue. Do you understand?"
"Yes, sensei." They echoed.
Sasuke raised a hand, "What are the rules of the match?"
"The only rule is that you have to use taijutsu. We'll get around to regular sparring some other day this week, but for now, only taijutsu." Their teacher stated, having to reread the same paragraph twice already.
Naruto grinned in excitement, "Who's going to go first?"
"I want you and Sasuke to spar against each other for right now. Sakura, you come with me. I want to fix your taijutsu stance a little before you spar against one of the boys." He commented, ushering the kunoichi over to a different area only to stop at a thought, twisting his head to look at Naruto and Sasuke, "And boys, no broken bones, please. I know that Naruto can fix it up and all, but I really don't want to deal with the paperwork that follows a broken bone." A chuckle came from the blond almost immediately after the words left Kakashi's mouth. A similar sound came from Sasuke as well; however, it seemed like the Uchiha was trying to cover it with a scoff. Their remaining teammate waved the two off, following Kakashi to a location a few meters from the boys who were getting into a taijutsu stance.
Almost immediately after their teacher and teammate left the clearing, Naruto and Sasuke launched at each other. Sasuke quickly had the upper hand, having had years of training with a clan-based taijutsu technique, easily putting Naruto on the defensive. However, despite the odds against him, the other boy was on par with keeping up with the attacks, bouncing them away from his body, or simply dodging. He was surprisingly quick on his feet, Sasuke would give him that.
Left, right, no matter where the Uchiha tried to hit, it was like Naruto was never there… which was starting to piss him off.
"Stop dodging already!" Sasuke huffed, cartwheeling back so that the blond couldn't rebound from his side-step and get a hit in - not that it even seemed like Naruto was trying to hit back.
The medic-in training rolled his eyes, "I'm on the defense right now, so I think I have every right to dodge a little bit." He squeaked in surprise, having been caught off guard as Sasuke was suddenly barreling towards him. Bending into an awkward position, Naruto kicked upwards, his foot just barely missing Sasuke's chin, who merely leaned back to prevent the attack from connecting.
"You know I won't let you win, Naruto." He grinned, getting in another starter position.
Naruto breathed slowly, a grin on his face as well as he got up from the ground, "We'll see about that, Sasuke!"
Sakura watched from the treeline as they continued to walk away, "They're so dumb." Kakashi snorted, having not expected the comment. She blinked up at her teacher with concern, "You seem worried, Kakashi-sensei."
His ears twitched at the innocent-sounding words. "I'm not particularly worried about anything." He lied.
"Oh." She looked at the dirt underneath her shoes. "Are you sure?"
Kakashi turned his head, giving her his famous eye-smile, "Sakura, I'm fine."
The young kunoichi sighed in defeat, shrugging her shoulders, "Well, if you say so…"
He turned away from her, "If only you knew." The two stopped a little ways away from the clearing where the boys' spar continued, broken up by loud shouts. There was a sudden sound of metal coming from that area that had Kakashi sighing. He moved to cup his hand to his mouth, "I SAID TAIJUTSU ONLY! NO WEAPONS!"There was a groan or two, a mumble, and a grumble before the metallic clang in the clearing stopped completely. The jounin let a chuckle leave his mouth, "Those two, I swear."
Sakura found herself giggling as well, "I know what you mean." She looked up at her teacher. Sensing her eyes on him, Kakashi turned around, staring down at her. She couldn't help but avert her gaze. "You said that you wanted to fix my taijutsu stance?" He nodded, "Why? Is it the one the academy taught us? I mean, Sasuke also mentioned that my kunai throwing skills were also off, but… again, that's what the academy told us to do, so…" Her voice trailed off.
Kakashi shook his head, "While the academy taijutsu stance is meant to be for everyone, it doesn't work for most people. It's really just supposed to be a beginner introductory stance before people learn their styles."
"Really?" She cocked her head to the side.
Her sensei nodded his head, "Sasuke is actually an excellent example of this. The Uchiha clan has a specific taijutsu style that suits nearly all Uchiha individuals, including Sasuke. I'm sure you noticed back in the academy that he wasn't proficient with the academy-style taijutsu and preferred to use the Uchiha-style one instead."
Sakura nodded her head quickly, understanding easily, "He does it so well! I'm actually quite jealous, you know? I'm surprised the academy teachers didn't just let him start with that style of taijutsu, to be honest."
"I agree with you about that." Kakashi chuckled slightly, "I've also noticed that you seemed to have taken an interest in sharpshooting. Therefore, you need a taijutsu stance that will fit your arsenal of abilities."
"Do you know of a certain style that I could use?" She grinned slyly, swaying back and forth with her hands behind her back.
The jounin nodded quickly, "Yep! I'm sure you'll have this taijutsu stance down by no time and you'll be back in that clearing with Naruto and Sasuke sparring your heart out."
Sakura blushed at the compliment, "Thank you, Kakashi-sensei."
He gave her an eye-smile, "Well, let's get to it then." He was about to go off into a long-winded explanation of the stance, but there was something on his student's face that made him pause. "What is it, Sakura?"
"Can… I ask something real quick?" She mumbled out.
He furrowed his eyebrows in concern, "Of course."
"Why was Neji mean to Naruto last week?" Sakura asked quietly, her shoulders sagging as if the question had been lingering on her mind for a while, "I mean… we all know what happened between him and Mizuki-sen… um, the traitor. It was all anyone was talking about for a few weeks. But, why was he so adamant that Naruto was… a coward?" Kakashi frowned deeply, the question having caught him off guard. She noticed the tension immediately, backpedaling, "I'm sorry if that was an offensive question, I-I didn't mean anything by it. I'm just being curious, that's all, please don't mind me…"
"Sakura."
"Yes, sir?"
"It's okay to ask that. In fact, I'm glad you asked in private rather than while Naruto is around." He gave her a soft smile, watching the tension melt away, "Neji is… I don't even really know how to describe it. From Neji's file, he's an incredible genin - top of his class, respected by his peers, and consistently achieves top scores on tests, in any area you can think of, he excels. He could probably take down a chunin by himself."
She balked at that, "Are you sure?"
"Never underestimate a Hyuuga." Kakashi shook his head as he continued, "So, I think from Neji's perspective, Naruto was, in fact, a coward. And, by all means, Mizuki was not the strongest chunin out there. To put it in perspective, Iruka is probably stronger than Mizuki." He held his chin in thought. "Neji could've taken on Mizuki easily - his hand-to-hand combat is greater than his ninja status, that's for sure. What likely happened was that, upon hearing about the Mizuki incident, Iruka's unfortunate disability coming to light, and Naruto's involvement in all of it started circulating, Neji probably felt some way about how Naruto handled it."
"And how did Naruto handle it?" Sakura asked in an almost whisper.
"He told you last week how he handled it."
She shook her head, "That's not what I meant."
Kakashi stared at her, eyebrows furrowing together, "I can't tell you that."
"So, you do know?"
He nodded, "Of course, as his sensei, I had the entire report given to me as a… heads-up for what I'd be dealing with."
"Like what?" Sakura quizzed.
Kakashi sighed heavily, "Sakura, it's not easy to take a life. It's not easy to live through what Naruto went through. He needs some gentle hands for a little while since this is all incredibly fresh in his mind."
Sakura's shoulder sagged, "Sorry…
He shrugged, "It's okay, really. I meant it when I said I was glad you asked privately instead of, you know, making Naruto relive it over and over again."
She lifted her head slightly, almost sheepish at how her curiosity had taken over, "Is there anything we can do to make him feel better?"
"Give him as much patience and as much grace as you can give him. Let him know you're there if he needs to talk to someone." Kakashi offered gently, "I know you three aren't friends yet, but sometimes people need to talk to someone who's not immediately in their social circle."
Sakura nodded, absorbing the information carefully, "I'll see what I can do. And… I'll keep an open mind."
"Thank you, Sakura." He smiled sweetly at her.
"Is this what's been bothering you?" She questioned.
"How incredibly perceptive of you, my little genin." He chuckled.
Sakura frowned playfully, "I can see right through you."
Kakashi shook his head despite himself, "If only you knew what was actually bothering me." But he'd let her have this one victory.