6a/n: this was inspired by kuurosab's fanart on twitter, where I originally posted this. I meant to have this on here way earlier in the week but oops. I have a new puppy and she's taken up sooo much of my time. but she's cute though so it's okay.
I've always had this headcanon that sasuke experiences nightmares on occasion, and that it gets worse the more it is on his mind. I wanted to explore that and how sakura would react to it. so here we are! hope you enjoy! and please comment if you do :)
Sasuke had been having nightmares lately. Almost every night now, Sakura had woken up to the sound of low mumblings and the rustling of sheets. He didn't thrash or yell when he had them. He only fidgeted slightly, as if trying to maintain his stoicism even in his sleep.
But quiet stirrings would break with sharp gasps. His eyes swirled a violent red and violet. Sweat would bead at his forehead and drip down his neck. She never knew him to be this… vulnerable.
It was shocking, when it first happened. It was unlike Sasuke to experience episodes like these. Even when they were genin, he slept soundly with hardly any twitching at all.
The first night, she reacted on instinct. Sakura reached to console him, offering soothing hands with gentle coos. But Sasuke went rigid in her arms, not even sparing a moment before thrusting her away. He snapped at her, lashing out with a cruel tongue. His words of unwanted affection stung, but she stayed silent, closing her heart to it. She could only watch as he left their tent.
She didn't see him until morning.
The next day, he was quiet. They packed up and resumed their travels without a word. She knew from his spared glances that he was sorry, but she didn't respond. She was determined to let him be the first to talk. And Sasuke... it seemed he didn't know what to say.
Just give him time. He needs time.
At dinner, he murmured his apologies. He spoke curtly and shortly, but the words were sincere in a way only Sasuke knew how. His eyes trained on the flickering flames, but his hand rested a little too far from his side. Sakura smiled at the upturned palm, her heart full once again. She slid her hand into his and told him she loved him. He squeezed twice.
Later, she awoke to him gasping and hunched over, head buried in his hand. She paused for a moment, hesitating when tears dripped down his palm. She placed a steady hand on his back, swirling only her thumb. Slowly, his heaves lessened with each breath.
"I'm here," she said quietly. Sakura moved her other hand and placed it between their knees. Her skin prickled against the cool night air, but left her hand open and upturned. His choice.
It was when her head began to bob that she felt the rough calluses of his palm slide against hers. She squeezed twice.
.
.
.
Days passed and the nightmares continued. There were some nights of peace. Nights that were full of kisses and sighs, lips pink and cheeks flushed. Nights where he held her close, and they grew closer and closer to that intimacy she had for so long craved.
But then their bliss would break once more, halted by gasps and tears. Her wanted to weep for him, wanted nothing more than to take his pain as her own. She felt like that small, useless girl, watching from behind as he took on his struggles. She didn't know what to do, other than wait.
"I'm here," she would tell him. "I'm here." The mantra was familiar, it whispered in her heart long before he welcomed her to his side. It was a promise that was always true. So she would wait. And he would come to her. He took her open hand, and allowed himself a small comfort he so often denied.
In the mornings, she continued with bright smiles and ignored the dark circles beneath his eyes. She would make him breakfast, give him a little extra tomatoes, and fill the silence with her voice to distract him from himself. She would stay with him, support him, love him, as she had always done.
.
.
.
Two weeks had passed when he bared it all to her.
Sakura packed their bowls into a side pocket in her pack, ready to be washed in the river or the next inn they came across. Sasuke sat, leaning against the thick base of the cherry blossom tree. He caught her eye as she stood up, nudging his hand against the tree in a gesture for her to sit next to him.
She offered a soft smile and curled around him, cradling his hand between the two of hers. It was warm like the fire he breathed for them.
The night was still. They listened to the fire's crackles and dull pops and the night's song of breeze and bugs.
His words cut through the night.
"Twelve years ago, now, I lost my clan." He spoke methodically, and though his eyes lowered, his face remained impassive. To anyone else it would appear as if he were unbothered. But she heard the light tremor of his voice and saw the hard grit of his jaw. She squeezed his hand twice.
"I still remember that night. I remember every detail," he said.
Sakura drew small patterns on the back of his hand and waited to see if he would continue. He started to share little things, if only briefly, ever since the end of the war. A passing comment made here and there about his family or the years after. It was casual, almost unintentional in the way he did when they were children. Sasuke never called attention to it, but she knew what it meant for him. And it was everything for her.
"My brother ensured I would not forget," he continued. "He showed me everything. Every member of my clan. My parents..." His breaths were shaky as he closed his eyes. "That happy child I was died with my family."
Sakura felt tightness swelling in her chest. She didn't know what to say, only "I'm sorry."
She leaned into him, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest as he began to collect himself. "I manage now," he told her. "I understand why he did it, and I've made peace with that. It's only during this time that it haunts my sleep."
She squeezed his hand once more. "It's okay to still grieve over that loss, Sasuke-kun. No matter how much you love him, or whether you understand it or not, it can't erase that pain. And Sasuke-kun... Know that I'm here, whatever you need."
A glimpse of a smile crossed his lips. "I know," he said. "After everything, I know." Sasuke met her gaze and his smile softened into something more gentle. "And I am... happy... now."
She felt like wine.
His happiness was a childhood dream she once promised in desperation, always hoping but never believing that it would be her to make it come true. The tenderness of their bond was nothing like she had imagined, and she knew their closeness would only grow.
Sakura raised their intertwined hands to hide her growing smile. Her lips pressed just below his knuckles, lingering, brushing the skin there almost in reverence. His scent was musky and full of pine and already like home. She lowered his hand close to her chest.
"Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me all of this, Sasuke-kun." She knew he felt the calm, faithful beat of her heart.
Sasuke shifted beside her and kissed her cheek before resting his forehead against her temple. "No," he said in almost a whisper. "Thank you, Sakura."