Malapropism

Raven didn't know how this week had gotten so out of hand. She could never have predicted five days ago that such a small thing would result in the terrifying green glow of her best friend's starbolts being directed at her. Would never have thought, despite knowing of the immense power hiding within the slender alien, she would ever actually fear her. It didn't seem possible even this morning; Starfire was simply too kind, too patient. Even when they first met and she had briefly fought the other Titans Raven had not feared her, it was obvious to her that the golden girl was not really trying to harm them.

Now, though, now Raven could feel the heat of the starbolts on her face. She could see them roiling in her friend's eyes. Staring into the now green irises Raven felt the surety of her friend's intent slowly settle in the base of her stomach. She could hear Timid begging her to follow Starfire's instructions, Knowledge detailing the unlikelihood of their shields holding against the wrath building behind her starbolts. The other emotions made arguments for how much easier things would be if she acquiesced, drowning out the sole dissenting voice of Rage.

Raven closed her eyes. She would have to do it. All attempts to reason with Starfire had failed, even Robin couldn't get through to her. Taking a deep breath she opened her eyes again and nodded at Starfire.


Five days earlier...

Raven gently dunked a small teabag in her mug, watching the steaming water swirl with colour. She closed her eyes and inhaled the fragrant heat, enjoying the rare silence of the common room.

"Mornin', Rae!" Beastboy called as the main doors slid open, immediately turning to Cyborg again as they approached the kitchen. "I call the cast iron pan."

"No way!" Cyborg retorted, "you can barely lift it anyway and that tofu flavour will never come out!"

Raven only sighed at the exuberant greeting from her green teammate. Well, it was nice while it lasted, she thought. Leaving the boys to their argument she took her tea and book to the couch, promptly tuning them out. She didn't notice Beastboy running to add his tofu to the coveted cast iron pan before Cyborg could get his bacon ready. She didn't notice the tug-of-war that ensued. She didn't notice beastboy losing his grip on the pan, or Cyborg falling backwards at the sudden lack of resistance. She didn't even notice the tofu flying from the pan. Until it hit her in the back of the head.

She started slightly. Just enough to spill her tea. She paused as her mind tore itself from the world of her book and took stock of reality. She noticed the cool ooze running down her neck. She noticed brown pages of her book, quickly crumpling. She noticed the warm, wet splotches on her cape and legs. Lastly, she noticed the sound of a pan ringing on the floor and a set of heavy footsteps running from the room along with the frantic flapping of wings.


Four days earlier...

"Do you think it's safe?" Cyborg asked as he and Beastboy peeked around the common room door.

"I don't see, hear, or smell her. I think we're good." Beastboy replied.

"Alright! Then how about a round of Xtreme Shooter VI Blast Edition?"

"You got it, Dude!"

The boys ran to the couch and turned on the TV only to freeze in horror. Their newest game was already on – on the high score page to be specific. Only, none of their 'clever' pseudonyms were present. All ten slots were filled with solutions to their daily breakfast fight: 1. Buy another pan. 2. Take turns making breakfast. 3. Drink tea instead...

"How...?" Cyborg wondered, his jaw slack.

"Dude! Our high scores!" Beastboy exclaimed, "She doesn't even play videogames!"


Three days earlier...

"Come on, Raven, tell us how you did it!" Beastboy whined. He seemed unable to accept that Raven could have, in a single day, replaced all of his and Cyborg's high scores without cheating somehow.

"It wasn't all that hard, for all the time you waste playing those brain-killing games, neither of you are all that great at it." Raven replied, sipping her tea.

"Nuh-uh, there's no way you actually beat all our high scores. I mean, you never play any videogames," Beastboy insisted, accompanying his points with fingers, "You've never even watched us play Xtreme Shooter VI Blast Edition 'cause we just got it, you only had a day, and you're a gir..." Beastboy trailed off as Raven's eyes narrowed.

"What was that, Beastboy?" She asked in a low voice.

"Uhh... nothing?" He replied uncertainly.

"As I thought." Raven turned back to her book as Beastboy and Cyborg began another round of Xtreme Shooter VI Blast Edition, eagar to reclaim the leader board. When Robin and Starfire arrived with pizza several hours later they only owned four titles, continually bumping themselves off as they were unable to beat Raven's sixth spot.

Raven was almost as frustrated as the boys, having listened to them complain about how she must have cheated all afternoon, along with frequent demands to show them how she got such a high score if she really hadn't. Even Robin and Starfire had retreated, ostensibly to run errands. Taking slow, deep breaths she joined her teammates at the table, her restraint of Rage at an all-time low – at least since breaking free of her father's influence.

Beastboy took the last seat, beside Raven unfortunately, and reached across her to get a slice of veggie-deluxe pizza just as Raven was bringing her own slice to her mouth. His arm knocked into her, smearing sauce and toppings all over his sleeve as the slice fell into Raven's lap.

"Aww, Dude!" Beastboy exclaimed, "I just washed this!"

"What, last week?" Cyborg grinned, apparently unaware of the pizza's fate and the resulting white rage in Raven's eyes. Grinding her teeth in a feeble attempt to control the vicious emotion Raven sank into a portal, the remaining pizza exploding behind her.


Two days earlier...

The tension in the room was palpable. If it was any smaller the walls would be straining under the force.

"Come on, Raven, this was my only clean uniform and now it's covered in your pizza sauze!"

"It's not my fault you didn't clean the rest of your clothes on your laundry day, today is mine, and if you didn't notice, my uniform is covered in sauce from your elbow knocking pizza into my lap!"

"Friends!" Starfire interjected, having heard their rising voices from her room and quickly finding them. "Please stop your shouting. What is the source of your loud disagreement?"

"Someone won't let me throw one uniform in with her laundry even though it's only dirty because of her pizza!" Beastboy exclaimed, leaning towards Raven with knit brows.

"Why should I get your stench all over my clothes when you're the idiot who stuck your elbow in my pizza!" Raven retorted, matching his glare and refusing to back away.

"I will do the laundering of the uniforms!" Starfire interjected once again, sinking the last inch to the floor as her friends failed to respond. "I will do the laundering in separate loads and bring all of the clothes to your rooms when it is complete. Would that be acceptable?"

"That's so kind of you, Star!" Beast said, still looking at Raven. "I'm sure glad I have one friend willing to do a little favour for me!"

"Whatever. Thanks, Star." Raven grumbled, as she left the room without another glance at her green teammate.


One day earlier...

Raven groaned as she heard a knock on her door. It had better not be Beastboy! She thought as she got up to answer it. Having her laundry delivered clean, dry, and folded had done little to divert her annoyance with the green shape shifter.

"Hello, friend Raven." Starfire said when the door slid open. "May I please do the 'speaking in private' with you?"

Raven observed her friend. Her feet were firmly on the ground, her face downcast, and her voice quiet. Raven sighed, opening the door further and retreating to her bed. Starfire shuffled in, neglecting to shut the door, and sat beside her.

"I understand friend Beastboy has been the 'pest' to you recently, but do you not think your fighting has gone on long enough?" Starfire looked up at her hopefully.

"I'm not the one who keeps dumping food people." Raven said with more calm than she felt. "If you want us to stop fighting, tell him to stop being a klutz."

"Hey! I'm not a klutz!" Beastboy's voice came from the hallway. The green teen appeared in Raven's doorway a moment later.

"We're having a private conversation," Raven hissed. "Not that you understand privacy but you should know better than to come in my room."

"I'm not in your room," Beastboy retorted, "And if you don't want people to hear you talking, maybe you should close your door!"

"Please, friends!" Starfire said, standing between them, "There is no reason to argue! Can you not both do the apologizing and act as friends ought to?"

"I have nothing to apologize for." Raven said stiffly.

"Oh? How about erasing all of my and Cy's high scores, huh?"

"You deserved that for dumping tofu all over me!"

"It was an accident!"

"It was you being an idiot like always!"

"Well you -" Beastboy was cut off by a distraught Starfire fleeing from the room, knocking him back into the hallway.

"Great," Raven said, rubbing her temple, "Now you made Star cry."

"Hey! You were fighting too!"

"Just, get out of my room." Raven sighed, walking past him. "I need to go find Star."

"I'm not in your room!"


A few minutes earlier...

The Titans were gathered in the common room. Robin and Cyborg were leaning into the couch, watching avidly if with some apprehension. The movie agreed upon was not what held their gaze, though. Raven and Beastboy stood before them, ice cream covering both of them as they glared at each other eye-to-eye. Starfire was just visible behind them, attempting to wipe the ice cream off with a small blanket and offering placating words.

"...and I'm sure it was just an accident."

"That's the third time this week!"

"Yeah? Well you still deleted twice that many of my high scores!"

"We will postpone the night of the movie until you have both changed and returned."

"Really? You had more scores than Cyborg?"

"Well... I... It was close!"

"And I will fetch more of the iced cream and..."

"The only high scores your racking up is how often one can dump food on another."

"Oh, I can go way higher on that one, Raven!"

"STOP!"

The bickering teens turned towards Starfire in surprise at the uncharacteristic outburst.

"Star, we're just having fight, we talked about this on Blorthog..." Raven began.

"NO! It is not just a fight! It has been going on for days!" Starfire was breathing heavily, an eerie glow growing behind her eyes.

"Yeah, but it's just-" Beastboy tried.

"No! I will no longer listen to your excuses, and I will not allow you destroy your friendship!"

"Um, Star, I don't think they're going to destroy friendship over spilt ice cream." Robin broke in.

"It is not just the iced cream, Robin!" Starfire returned, the green glow now present in her hands as well as her eyes. "They have found something to fight over every day this week, no matter how insignificant!"

"It's just been a rough week, Star, they'll get over it." Cyborg said in his best 'big brother' voice.

"They will get over it now!" Star exclaimed, the green glow solidifying into orbs around her fists. "I insist you do the making-out! Right now!"

Silence fell over the room, for once no one attempting to placate her. Finally, Raven spoke. "Um, Star, that's not..."

"I will not let you continue this destructive fight, Raven! You must do the making-out with friend Beastboy."

"Yeah, but, Star, that's not going to..." Beastboy trailed off as the green in Starfire's eyes deepened.

"Starfire, I think you may be-" Robin tried to calm the incensed girl.

"Do not interfere, Robin!" Starfire cut in, raising her glowing hands towards the pair of Titans, who had completely forgotten their anger with each other. "Begin the making-out now!"

Raven slowly opened her eyes and nodded to Starfire, who only responded by leaning back slightly to give her a little more room. Raven turned to Beastboy, her distress mirrored in his eyes and posture.

"Well, I suppose we just get this over with." Raven said. Beastboy opened his mouth but before he could say anything Raven's hands were grabbing his face, pressing their mouths together. He only took a moment to respond, sliding his hands to the small of her back as his eyes drifted shut. Soon Raven's hands were drifting over his neck, one tangling in his hair as the other crossed to his shoulder, pulling him closer. Their breaths grew heavy between the slow kisses, lips never fully parting as short moans began to escape Raven's throat. Her powers swirled around them, slowly hiding them from view.


The three remaining Titans stared at the whirling black energy before them, the boys too shocked to notice Starfire's transition from 'righteous fury' to complete confusion. Her hands and eyes were no longer glowing and her brow crease had eased significantly.

"Robin..." She quietly gained her friend's attention.

"Yes, Starfire?"

"Why are friends Raven and Beastboy doing the making-up?"

Robin and Cyborg turned towards her, their expressions unchanging.

"I wanted them to make-out and behave as friends once more," Starfire continued at their silence. "But the making-up is only done by the couples, is it not?"

Robin and Cyborg turned to each and as their eyes met both erupted in gales of laughter.

"Don't... worry, Star." Robin said through his laughter. "I think... this worked... just as well!"