1) No longer allowed to challenge Able to unwinnable games like tic-tac-toe. It was three weeks before Able conceded a draw.

1.1) Yes. That is the main reason we took your sniper rifle away, Dr. Rose.

2) While it is true that "No one expects the SCP Inquisition!", that is only because there is no such thing.

2.1) No, it really doesn't exist. Dr. Valkyrie, stop helping Dr. Bright.

3) Dr. Valkyrie is not queen of anywhere. Or king.

4) Although it is entirely possible to use SCPs currently under control of the Foundation to create tentacle monsters, no.

4.1) Not even if Dr. Desire asks nicely

5) There is no market for SCP brand pornography.

5.1) No, not even in Germany.

5.2) Not even Japan.

6) Dr. Wombag isn't allowed to replace sniper rounds in Dr. Rose's magazine with any of the following: carrots, confetti, candles, sawdust, or glitter.

7) The Better Business Bureau is not the correct agency for dealing with containment failures from horrible eldritch artifacts sold by Marshall, Carter, and Dark.

7.1) No, agent Nightshade isn't a member of the BBB, which doesn't exist.

8) Victims of SCP-217 are not toys.

8.1) Nor are they to be used as props at a Steampunk Convention.

9)Dr. Wombag is not allowed to bargain with personnel for their "souls."Not even if he can get them a good deal.

10) Dr. Scarlatina is not allowed to go off her medication.

11) Dr. Wombag, Dr. Arc or Dr. Valkyrie may not use any form of the word 'accident' as an excuse.

12) [DATA REDACTED ON O5 REQUEST]. Not even for recreational use.

13) Dr. Wombag is not allowed to lead a Mobile Task Force against the UIU under any circumstances. without inviting Commander Combine at all. In fact, just stay 500 feet away from any Mobile Task Force at all times.

14) Dr. Crimson is NOT: A supervillain of any sort, Head of a Political Party, in charge of Orientation for new staff, a doctor in medicine, a member of Site Command, made out of bacon cheeseburgers, in possession of a IQ over 300, Head of the Children of the Scarlet King, or a member of Maintenance Staff. (Sorry boys, Dr. Crimson IS a member of Site Command. It's usually best not to ask why. It's O5 Command you're thinking of.)

15) Dr. Crimson and Dr. Wombag are not allowed to interact without the presence of a responsible administrator.

15.1) Dr. Valkyrie does not count as a responsible administrator.

15.2) Nor does Commander Combine.

15.3) Or Dr. Arc.

15.4) In fact, let's just keep the two of them apart, period.

16) Chainsaws are not the solution to every question.

16.1) Nor is 'More Chainsaws'.

16.2) Or "Chainsaw cannons"

16.2.1) Except for that one time. And yes, it was awesome.

17) Dr. Crimson Cuddling Time Incident never happened. Any one who claims to remember such an event should report to Site Command for administration of Class A amnesiac.

17.1) If that doesn't work please report to therapy with SCP 096, 106, 173 and 682. We have cookies

17.2) Stop asking for 420-J to give to Dr. Crimson.

17.3) Dr. Desire and Dr. O'Death are banned from having samples of 420-J. No they're not.

17.4) Dr. Wombag is also banned, or loses a month of whiskey.

18) No one is not allowed to administer spankings to Dr. Desire as punishment, as it only causes more rules to be broken.

18.1) No, it doesn't matter that they are both "consenting adults", no matter how much either of them argue otherwise.

18.2) Dr. Desire is not allowed to spank the monkey.

18.3) Nor is she allowed to shock the monkey.

18.4) Or anything else related to the monkey.

19) Nothing in the Foundation is rated 'Over 9000.'

20) If it involves doing something wrong, it isn't right.

21) If it involves something right, you did it wrong.

22) If Dr. Wombag has to ask, it's above his clearance level.

22.1) If it's above Crimson's security clearance… run.

23) Dr. Wombag is not allowed to declare war on any country, thing or person.

24) Dr. Desire is not the Lady of Lilith of Phylund.

24.1) Dr. Wombag is hereby banned from playing Dungeons and Dragons making use of SCPs to 'simulate the real danger.'

25) "My evil twin did it" is no longer considered a viable excuse.

25.1) Nor is "My good twin did it," considering the implications.

25.2) Dr. Wombat, please stop saying anything involved with the word "twin".

26) Yes, forum trolls are annoying. No, they don't automatically become D-class personnel.

27) Any proposal which includes the phrase 'Metric Fuck Load' is straight out denied.

28) The Foundation motto is "Secure, Contain, Protect", not any of the following:

28.1) "Let's use it on 682!"

28.2) "That's it, you're on Keter Duty."

28.3) "Someone is getting stabbed."

28.3.1) But some days, it should be.

28.4) "Whose hand is that?"

28.5) "Fuck Death, War, Famine and Pestilence. We've got Wombag, Crimson, Combine and Bright."

28.6) "Throw D-Class at it until it stops."

28.7) "For the Horde!"

28.8) "When in doubt, feed it to 682."

28.9) "Slapstick, Clowns and Puns"

28.10) "Seduction, Coitus, and Pregnancy"

28.11) "We always need more Dakka!"

28.12) "Still Alive, and Found the Cake"

28.13) "Don't Worry, O5 won't ever figure it out!"

28.14) "Will it blend?"

28.15) "Death to Commies!"

28.16) "The Emperor Protects!"

28.17) "Hell has no fury like a woman scorned"

29) A full minute of stunned silence means "My God what did you do?" not "Please continue."

30) Dr. Rose is no longer allowed to offer the solution of "Use more guns" to any problem.

30.1) Or "Get bigger guns."

31) Cthulhu and R'lyeh are not valid reasons to send Pandora's Box out into the Pacific Ocean in order to capture them. Furthermore, these are not even SCPs, and I will find the person who decided to enter a database file for them.

31.1) No, there is no such thing as the Necromicon, please stop asking.

32) Dr. Adel cannot change the standard issue D-Class uniform to black pants with a red polo shirt.

32.1) I see your reasoning, but we just don't want to be associated with Star Trek.

33) No matter how many times Dr. Wombag may claim it, no matter how many uniforms we may confiscate, Field Agent Belladonna is not a ninja, nor has she ever been.

34) There are no security codes for:

34.1) Justifiable homicide of all you dumb ass mother humpers.

34.2) Bright Family Reunion (Code Brown. Find a place to hide, and make sure you leave an offering of booze outside your door.)

35) Dr. Crimson may not classify any researcher, including himself, as a memetic hazard.

36) Dr. Wombag is no longer allowed to accept or use the following as payment for bets:

36.1) Your soul

36.2) Anyone else's soul

36.3) Virgin's blood

36.4) Reproductive organs


36.6) Memories (real or imagined)

36.7) Pieces of your past I have no idea how that worked with Crimson, but apparently he can do it.

36.8) Firstborn children

36.9) Second-born children

36.10) Red-headed stepchildren

36.11) A child's laughter

36.12) A child's tears

36.13) Virginity

36.14) Anyone's grandmother

36.15) Anyone's grandfather

36.16) Anyone's sister

36.17) Any blood relative

37) Dr. Wombag is not allowed to use SCP-587 to re-enact the locker scene from Men In Black, nor play Godzilla with its inhabitants.

37.1) Nor is he allowed to set himself up as a god to them.

37.2) Testing between SCP-786 and SCP-587 is also banned. "David and Goliath" scenarios are just as harmful to its inhabitants as the Godzilla incident.

37.3) Dr. Wombag is not allowed to use SCP-786 to simulate "Dwarf Fortress".

38) Dr. Wombag is not allowed to show SCP-682 any of the following:

38.1) any Uwe Boll movies

38.2) The Room

38.3) Troll 2

38.4) Manos: The Hands of Fate

38.5) movies considered "so bad they're good"

38.6) movies considered "cult classics"

38.7) you know what, Dr. Wombag is just not allowed to show SCP-682 any movies at all, ever.

39) Dr. Valkyrie is not allowed to claim SCP-014-J has "Breached Containment" and then leave a dining fork in the hallway.

40) Dr. Wombag is not allowed to send anything into the past, future, or to alternate dimensions.

41) Dr. Wombag is not allowed to accuse people of being duplicates of himself with the intention of having them terminated, unless they actually are duplicates of himself.

41.1) Dr. Crimson is not allowed to convince people Dr. Wombag is a copy of him.

42) Facility Remnant personnel is not allowed to make, accept, or take a rake-off on, bets concerning XK-class End-of-the-World Scenarios.

43) Dr. Wombag and Dr. Valkyrie is not allowed to organize, authorize, or create in any form, a "Foundation Demolition Derby, starring SCPs 2383-J, 708, 666-J, 2558-J, 1543-J, 2041-J, 2103-J, 968, 462, 115, and 225 for the grand finale" No.. just no. Not even if you try to throw in 682 trying to disguise it as a termination attempt.

44) Cpt. Xiao Long is not allowed to arrange, schedule, advertise, promote, or sell tickets to, "cage matches" between Able and SCP-682 any SCPs.

45) We don't care HOW many O5's agree to it and how many precedents there are, Dr Wukong is not allowed a pet SCP.

46) Dr.'s Wombag and Crimson are no longer allowed to engage in research any activity involving 40 gallonsmore than a pound any amount of superballs.

46.1) Also, the aforementioned are not to convince blackmail compel D-Class personnel anybody into conducting such activities for them.

47) "Challenge Accepted" is not a valid excuse for anything.

48) Researchers with communist view points should not ambush Dr. Crimson in the hallways.

48.1) Actually, researchers with communist view points should request to transfer to a new facility immediately.

48.1.1) No, it is because Dr. Crimson will have you thrown into D-Class.

49) When ordering things online, send them to PO Box ████ and not directly to Facility Remnant. We've already had three postmen show up at the front door. (How did they even find us?) Dr. Arc is not to give directions to Facility Remnant to non-Foundation personnel.

50) Dr. O'Death is no longer allowed to give navigational directions to Facility Remnant anywhere, even especially to Foundation personnel.

51) Any proposed containment procedure that includes the phrase "Giant Robot" is to be automatically rejected.

52) Dr. Desire is not allowed to send SCP-1004 over an email message.

53) No matter the electricity savings, no product of SCP-158 is to be used for illumination.

54) If Dr. Lucifer Bright is sighted near an armory without express permission, initiate Evacuation Procedure ███-██.

55) Dr. Schnee is not allowed to tell new D-Class personnel that SCP-439 has escaped into the barracks.

56) Dr. Lucifer Bright is not allowed to convince other personnel that they are actually Dr. Bright.

56.1) We all have daddy issues, just accept it already -Dr. Crimson

57) Dr. Wombag is not allowed to challenge SCP-082 to a drinking contest. (Even if he's positive he can win.)

58) We have never had a Jamaican Vacation Giveaway, Dr. Arc is not in charge of it, and SCP-342 is not the official Foundation Travel Voucher.

59) Dr. Desire is not allowed to access the IT department hotline access the IT department database access any networking equipment belonging to the IT department.

60) SCP-137 is never to be used on sex toys.

60.1) Under no circumstances is Dr. Crimson allowed to expose SCP-137 to Warhammer 40K minifigures. Again. Not even in an attempt to terminate SCP-682.

60.2) Or anything made by Wondertainment.

61) Not allowed to have Able get into arguments with forum trolls.

62) Dr. Rose is not allowed to go trick-or-treating, ever.

63) Able is not Kratos.

64) Dr. Polendina is no longer allowed to produce, create or remind staff of "SCP Robot Wars".

65) Dr. Wombag is not allowed to "Just Say No!" to O5 orders on the grounds that they are instances of SCP-5200-J.

66) Commander Combine is not the "final boss" of anything.

66.1) Neither is Dr. Wombag… Or Dr. Lucifer Bright.

66.2) No comment on Dr. Crimson.

67) Dr. Lucifer Bright is not allowed to submit any incident reports to the Darwin Awards. Not even if you are sure it would win.

68) Robo-Dude is not a piece of the Broken God.

69) Dr. Lucifer Bright is not allowed to create an anatomically-correct body pillow modeled after SCP-173, SCP-105, SCP-999-J, SCP-076-02, or Major Nikos.

69.1) We don't care if Dr. Desire, Dr. Rose or Dr. Arc asks for them. The answer is still no.

70) The following are not appropriate sources for D-class personnel:

70.1) Temp agencies.

70.2) Craigslist.

70.3) Reality show talent pools.

70.4) Jerry Springer tapings.

70.5) "Orphans."

70.6) "Urchins."

70.7) "Ragamuffins."

70.8) "Those sons of bitches who scratched up my paint job at the car wash."

70.9) Ex-girlfriends.

70.10) Ex-boyfriends.

70.11) Ex-partners of any gender variation whatsoever.

70.12) Staff members' in-laws.

70.13) Angsty teens.

70.14) Filthy Commies

70.15) Cousin Fuckers

71) The following items are not SCPs:

71.1) Rainbows.

71.2) Double rainbows.

71.3) "Rainbooms", whether sonic or otherwise.

71.4) The tides.

71.5) The Moon.

71.6) "Fucking magnets".

71.7) Rocks that skip three times before they go underwater.

71.8) Soy cheese.

71.9) Hippies.

71.10) Hipsters.

71.11) "MILFs."

71.12) "G-MILFs."

71.13) "GG-MILFs."

71.14) "Actually funny SNL skits" As these do not exist, they cannot be SCPs.

71.15) Anyone's breasts.

71.16) People who can solve Rubik's Cubes (of any size).

71.17) Shiny Any Pokemon.

71.18) We are however testing Dr. Wombag's luck. There is no way he is winning all those games on poker night. -Dr. Lucifer Bright

72) The platypus is not an SCP. No, really. No, not even an -EX.

73) The answer to a containment breach is never to "recruit a team of teenagers with attitude".

73.1) Or to "send five rings to five special young people".

73.2) Or to ask junior staffers if they are "bad enough dudes" to contain the breach.

73.3) Or to "some meddling kids and their dog".

74) Dr. Lucifer Bright, please stop redirecting SCP-682 towards Commander Combine's men after calling you "Lord Satan". We need them to guard the facility… Also you're proving their point.

75) The Chaos Insurgency has no interest in "summoning Daemons to the material universe to serve the Ruinous Powers of Chaos" and therefore, Dr. Crimson is not permitted to inform new researchers otherwise.

76) "Why not?" is not considered authorization for SCP cross-testing.

77) Dr. Arc is no longer invited to the Annual Foundation Holiday Party.

77.1) Dr. Arc is not allowed to host his own Foundation Holiday Party.

77.2) The Foundation Holiday Party is cancelled indefinitely.

78) Playing the song "Thriller" in the presence of SCP-008 victims is expressly forbidden.

78.1) Letting out SCP-008 victims and punching them "to simulate Minecraft" is also forbidden.

78.2) Pushing several agents in front of SCP-008 victims "to simulate Resident Evil" is not a valid excuse, either.

78.3) Dr. Adel is no longer allowed near victims of SCP-008.

79) "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service" does not imply that pants and undergarments are not required parts of the dress code.

79.1) Doubly so, since, "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service," is not a part of any official foundation dress code.

80) Dr. Valkyrie is not to use this list as a resume.

81) Sgt. Xiao Long is not allowed to recreate any experiment seen on the television program "Mythbusters" using any SCP.

81.1) Especially not if he "can do it better."

82) Dr Valkyrie is not allowed to use SCP-1543-J to launch SCP-727-J into itself. Again.

83) Dr. Wombag is not the Courier. We also ask new researchers (and Wombag) to stop referring to him/self as such.

84) Dr. Wombat and Dr. Lucifer Bright is not allowed to play "SCP Roulette" with SCP-173, a light switch and any combination of D-class and new personnel.

85) The fact that SCP-682 regenerates all lost tissue does not make it an "infinite hamburgers machine".

85.1) Most especially because they tasted horrible.

86) Dr Rose is not allowed to use SCP-127 to place projectiles under his pillow for the "Tooth Fairy" to give him money.

87) Dr Poledina is not allowed access to Popular Science Magazine. That How 2.0 section is way too dangerous for Poledina to see now that they've shown how to create cyborg cockroaches.

88) Dr. Wombag is not allowed to "go on crusade".

88.1) Or on "jihad".

88.2) Dr. Wombag is not permitted to issue fatwas against anyone or anything.

89) Dr. Crimson is no longer allowed to declare "After ten thousand years I'm free! It's time to conquer Earth!" upon assuming a new host.

90) All Foundation personnel are now required to attend a seminar on the difference between an original idea and a good idea before being allowed new or continuing contact with Bright, Dr. Crimson, or Dr. Wombag.

91) Dr. Wombag does not have ten tons of gold hidden somewhere at Facility Remnant.

92) Dr. Wombag is not a wizard, no matter what he might tell you.

92.1) He is not an alchemist either, and is not to be consulted regarding alchemical issues.

92.2) Or a witch.

92.3) Dr. Wombag is not magic and cannot perform magic, and must give sufficient explanation for any actions he undertakes.

93) After what happened last month, Dr. Rose is not allowed to watch Firefly ever again. I think most of the people involved (that are still alive) are still in the psychiatric ward.

93.1) Dr. Rose is not a Brown Coat, and we CAN stop the signal.

93.2) Dr Rose IS a leaf on the wind, watch her so- Still too soon? Okay.

94) Dr. Valkyrie is not allowed to come within 5 meters of any explosive device or detonation device. Remember what happened at Area-█.

94.1) Not even if Dr. Wombag asks nicely

94.2) Trying to "Blow Up 682" is not a valid excuse.

95) Dr. Valkyrie is no longer allowed to stand in a corner and twiddle his thumbs.

96) Dr. Arc is no longer allowed to use the words "swag" , "swag it", "swagginator", "swaggify", or "super swag" to define himself or any other person(s).

97) Dr. Wukong is not allowed to learn cheerleader routines dress like a cheerleader do ANYTHING relating to the sport of cheerleading.

98) Dr. Scarlatina may not attempt to digitally enhance any of the original Star Wars movies.

99)Dr. Desire is not allowed to advertise himself on online dating services.

100) There are NO plans to shut down any site to prevent Covid-19 infection

100.1) That being said, if certain staffers do not start WASHING THEIR GODDAMN HANDS after using the bathroom, Dr. Lucifer Bright, Wombag, Crimson and Combine has full permission to be themself at them. I'm looking at you Winchester.

From Jak Fortune: Trust me, I'm trying to keep it running.

Thanks for writing Jak Fortune

From Chronosign: I'd say at least one.

Thanks for writing Chronosign

From Wombag1786: Yep.

Thanks for writing Wombag1786

From SombraZorro70: How did I forget this SCP, thanks for the reminder. Will Have that part of the next Experiment.

Thanks for writing SombraZorra70

From crektz2016: I agree, and thanks for the link. I'll go in detail later about the 2nd one another day.

Also, again simple send me the files you want to react and I'll work on it on the next Experiment

Thanks for writing crekt2016

From ZFlame: Sure thing.

Thanks for writing ZFlame

From Mr. Crazy-Bone: Hope you'll like it. I'm sorry, but there is no record of said SCP… *Slowly reaching for a button, before seeing the SCP-2317 before giving a dark look* Best not to ask those questions if you aren't ready.

Thanks for writing Mr. Crazy-Bone

From King's key: Scarlet King, and yes it's not possible for Salem to kill him. Though Dr. Crimson is connected somehow.

Thanks for writing King's key

From Guest: No they're not.

Thanks for writing Guest

From Combine117: They could have, and have.

Thanks for writing Combine117

From GHOST09: Trust me, it's close.

Thanks for writing GHOST09

My next post will be RWBY ROSG Story