It's Quarantine, Charlie Brown
A PEANUTS Fanfiction
(Surprise! I'm still active on fanfiction, everyone)
'It…', typed Snoopy as he perched on his red doghouse. Ever since a pandemic had hit the sleepy town of Sparkyville, USA, he had more time to work on his 'greatest novel since Catcher in the Rye' while in the comfort of the round headed kid and his lazy younger sister. Today, he was enjoying the beautiful sunshine shining down on him and Woodstock as he continued typing.
'"'"'"'! Woodstock chirped. Snoopy rolled his eyes and crumpled up his paper, tossing it in the trash can. Woodstock clapped and, with a childish smile, tweeted something to the beagle.
"You're right. I could be the next LeBron James, or Dennis Rodman…I always saw myself as Magic Johnson, though…" Snoopy beamed before grabbing another piece of paper and putting it in the rustic blue typewriter. He had a genius idea, for sure.
'It was a dark and stormy night. An ambulance pulled up to the already busy hospital. The mayor was struck down with pneumonia…'
Woodstock kicked at the typewriter, chirping off angrily. Snoopy sighed and tossed that paper in the can, as well. "Everyone's a critic…" thought Snoopy as he put another paper in the typewriter, "take three…"
Inside the house, an annoyed Sally Brown was watching the news, slumped in her magenta beanbag. "Ugh…" complained Sally.
Charlie Brown sighed, turning towards his younger sister. "What's wrong, Sally?" he inquired, in concern.
"I can't believe it! I thought being in lockdown meant I could watch more cartoons! All that's on is the news!" Sally whined before going back to sulking. "Why's everyone buying so much toilet paper, anyways?" she asked the TV. It didn't answer her.
The lovable looser sighed, trying to write a letter to his pencil pal. The only problem was, nothing really exciting was happening. He doubted Morag would want to know about how much dogfood was in Snoopy's supper, or about what was going on in the news-after all, they were kids. Most kids weren't interested in the news. Most of them.
Charlie Brown sighed as the front door opened. Their father had walked in, with the hereditary look of defeat etched on his face (Violet had called it a 'Failure-Face-Face'). The round headed kid didn't even have to ask what happened, he was expecting it. "You got laid off, didn't you, dad?"
Mr. Brown sighed in defeat, nodding his head sullenly. Sally perked up from her beanbag. "WHAT?! THIS IS HORRIBLE! FIRST, THERE AREN'T CARTOONS ON, AND NOW DAD'S OFF OF WORK!? 2020 SHOULDN'T HAVE EVER HAPPENED!"
Charlie Brown rolled his eyes, figuring he should tell Morag about the lay offs that have been happening and how being in lockdown has been bringing out the worst in Sally. He even told his pencil pal about not being able to get psychiatric help from Lucy (he wasn't sure she'd care, but he figured it was worth mentioning).
As he licked the letter, the phone rang. He walked over to it and picked it up. "Hello?" he inquired.
"HEY CHUCK! THIS IS PEPPERMINT PATTY!" echoed the voice on the other line. "How're you enjoying vacation?"
"We're in lockdown, Patty…" Charlie Brown sighed.
"I know, Chuck, but we don't have to do any homework, or take any tests…that means one thing, Chuck…NO D-MINUSES!" happiness was painted in Peppermint Patty's voice, that was obvious. One could've thought she had gotten straight a-pluses on her report card instead of the unapologetic sea of d-minuses. "So, how've you been enjoying vacation?"
"I haven't, Patty." Charlie Brown explained. "My dad just got laid off of work..."
Everything went silent-no, wait-everything went dead silent. You could practically hear a speck of dust land on the floor. "He got what?!" asked a stunned Peppermint Patty.
Charlie Brown sighed and told her what happened. This was a rarity, because she was actually letting him talk, instead of her cutting in mid-sentence of his. "And that's what happened, Patty."
"This sucks…" Peppermint Patty complained.
The round headed kid knew the tomboy was probably shaken up and would yell at him for 'spoiling the moment', to avoid this, he decided to change topics. "How's Marcie?"
"She's fine, Chuck. Still a hermit…" the tomboy said. "Nowadays, we talk on the phone."
"Oh. How's she taking lockdown?" asked Charlie Brown.
"This whole COVID crisis has driven Marcie insane…" Peppermint Patty explained, sighing. "Poor sweet baby…"
Charlie Brown sighed as he heard the sound of paws on the floor and the faint gurgle of a furry friend's bottomless pit. "I'll call you later, Patty, Snoopy's hungry."
Peppermint Patty nodded her head in agreement. "Talk to you later, Chuck."
The round headed kid sighed as Snoopy stood before him, supper dish in his mouth and a stomach rumbling like a truck engine. "Snoopy, you already had a large breakfast! And you want lunch?! Can't you try to think about how many people here are struggling? People in the community are dying! Stores and restaurants are closing down! Protests are happening! Everyone's at war with each other and all you can think about are three things! Breakfast time, lunchtime and suppertime!"
Snoopy's eyes shrank as he placed his supper dish on the counter and sighed. Charlie Brown also sighed. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, Snoopy. I'm just stressed out by all this. I'm glad you're a dog, you have nothing to worry about. You just eat, sleep and type stories, nowadays…" Charlie Brown said, looking down at Snoopy. "You don't deserve to be yelled at. You're just a dog. I'll make your lunch, then you can do whatever you were doing beforehand."
Snoopy sighed to himself as Charlie Brown grabbed a can of dogfood. "After that first lecture, I'm too ashamed to eat…on the other hand, getting an entire third meal each day during these times of crisis IS something to be thankful for…" Snoopy reflected before he did his happy dance. "and he's right! Being a dog is better than being a human!"
As Charlie Brown scooped out the last of Snoopy's lunch, the phone rang a second time. "Who is it?" he inquired, putting the phone to his ear.
"Hey Charles, it's me, Marcie..." Marcie explained, holding the phone to her ear. She was surrounded by a fortress of books and a page of homework was sprawled out in front of her. She had also gently placed a slightly nibbled pencil behind her right ear. "How are you?"
Charlie Brown smiled. "Hey Marcie. I'm good. How're you handling lockdown?"
Marcie sighed. "It would be better if I could see Peppermint Patty, Charles. Why did school have to close?"
"So no one gets sick…so, do you have any questions?" Charlie Brown explained. He could hear Marcie sigh.
"Actually, I do, Charles…when do you think Mrs. Hagemeyer will resume teaching the electric organ?" she asked.
"Not for a while, Marcie."
"I was afraid of that. The only good stuff about this lockdown is I can spend more time reading..."
Charlie Brown chuckled. "That's true, Marcie…you took out a lot of library books before the pandemic began and…"
Marcie sighed. "Charles, can we not talk about the pandemic? Please?"
"Okay. What do you wanna talk about?"
"How is the pilote de la Première Guerre mondiale?" inquired Marcie, twirling the phone cord around her finger.
Charlie Brown looked over at Snoopy. The beagle's tail wagged wildly. "He's doing fine, Marcie. Actually, he's been doing a lot of typing. He hasn't written anything that aren't his cliché stories, but when he writes something breathtaking, I'll read the manuscript to you…"
He was sure she was blushing as he said that. "You don't have to, Charles, but if you insist…" Marcie sighed romantically.
"Oh, Charles, I have two more questions…do you have the answers?"
"Okay, so, when you and Linus see each other next, can you ask him how he's been handling lockdown?"
"I will, but I'm pretty sure he and Lucy are still at each others' throats..."
He heard a giggle from Marcie, and he too couldn't help but laugh.
"That's scarily accurate, Charles…" Marcie smiled.
"What's your second question?" asked Charlie Brown.
"Do you like me, Charles?" asked Marcie, subconsciously prepared for the cliché answer she was gonna get.
"Do I what?!" responded Charlie Brown, fixated on his pet beagle. For some reason, Snoopy wasn't eating. The speech probably got to him. Charlie Brown gasped as he realized what he said and expected a reaction.
"And you said it, Charles…" Marcie mumbled.
Charlie Brown groaned to himself, "Good grief…"
"It's fine. So, what's new?"
"I'm glad you asked." Charlie Brown sighed.
Snoopy sighed, not having the heart to touch his lunch. He just grabbed the dish and walked over to his doghouse and climbed atop it.
"Hey you, stupid cat!" barked Snoopy, getting WWII's attention. "I know this is a time of social isolation, but care for some food? After all, we are neighbors..." he asked, tossing his dish over the fence. The cat belched happily and tossed the now empty dish back to the beagle.
"He didn't even leave one crumb…" Snoopy sighed as Woodstock chirped to him. "You're right, he must've been starving. Let's just hope he doesn't think I want to be friends with him, though..."
Snoopy's ears perked up as he sat down at the typewriter and began typing.
'It was a bright and sunny morning…' Snoopy typed. Woodstock chirped in confusion.
"I'm writing the story of me and that cat." Snoopy explained. Woodstock chirped in concern. "You're right. Do you mind if I feature you in my story?!" called out Snoopy to WWII. WWII responded by holding out a gloved paw. Snoopy grabbed a wet wipe, wiped his paw and shook the cat's glove.
Charlie Brown shook his head, nearly dropping the phone. "Marcie, I'll call you back…Snoopy is actually getting along with the cat next door!" a disbelieved Charlie Brown explained.
For Now, …