I was there…
Not in the past, but not in the present. A vision that the holocron was showing me, it was not a dream or a nightmare.
I was right next to that creek, that beautiful place which Richard told me about. The place where I took Emilia, the place where she would of took her first steps to become a Jedi Knight.
The fresh green water sparkled under the sunlight, even the flowers had started to slowly bloom into beautiful colors. My body crouched to the ground, my mechanical fingers touching the petals of a pink flower.
This place felt so real. The holocron, what was the point of this? Another Jedi trial or test of some sorts. My mind went back to that time with Puck and Emilia when they opened my gate, or was that just some dream?
The wind was warmer here now. But there was something else here, a bite of frost over my skin as I stared at the creek, strangely now frozen over.
There was something coming, a storm…an endless cold. And I felt it here, a fear. Something was going to come and consume everything.
The words came out of me, muffled by the scarf wrapped around my face as the cold began to surround me.
My boots crunched along the now frozen grass as the soft pellets of snow began to bloom down onto me. "An endless winter, something is coming…"
The holocron, it must be showing me something…the future?
A premonition of what is going to come. My gaze traveled from the sky to behind me, as I felt a presence surround me.
I turned around, this strange feeling beckoned me to look as I stared at this presence…as I turned around that was when I saw, her.
I looked at her. But the thing is I never met her. Her yellow or rather golden hair was long and went down to her lower back, or her emerald green eyes, she was even taller than Emilia and Rem.
Her eyes were closed as she held the hems of her skirt as she slightly bowed in front of me.
"Hello…have we met before?" I asked
I began to head towards her. My voice carrying no weight through this frozen forest, I reached out my hand towards her.
But I pulled it away…
"My name…is Isaac. I am the half-elf Emilia's knight, the Jedi Outcast. Have we met before?"
She did not respond to me once again. Her eyes still closed as she was frozen in place, the holocron…what is the meaning of this?
I do not like going by the name of Outcast or calling Emilia a half-elf, but I was desperate for any signs of familiarity.
She was maybe a year or two older than me, that was when my gaze traveled towards her clothes. It faintly resembled the ones Roswell made Rem and Ram wear…wait, was she?
Maybe she used to be a maid for Roswell, but it did not matter anymore because she was not around.
"I have this wound within me, I severed myself off from the force a while ago. But I reconnected back to it, but it doesn't feel like it used to." My gaze traveled towards her neat shoes. "When I call upon the force, it feels like it is coming from a great distance…or like an echo from a cave."
Her fingers slipped from the hems of her dress as she held both of her hands together, the sudden movement causing me to take a step back from the shock. Her mouth still closed, but the corners tugged to the sides in a small smile.
She was strangely…beautiful. The way her emerald eyes sparkled under the sunlight.
"…what even is this. Does she hold the key to healing this wound within me, to solve this echo within the force?"
Maybe that is why the holocron took me here, to show me her. That was when I slowly began to feel something, change.
An urge to protect her, to save her…to stay by her side and fight with her. There was something about this girl that made me come closer towards her.
That was when I felt it, coming at me in strands of heat. As the world began to contort and change, a feeling lost to me. A feeling which I believed I would never feel again…
My eye opened as I slightly picked myself up from the floor. My head hurt as I rested my hand over it, what the hell even was that?
My gaze traveled towards Emilia and Rem who were now picking themselves off from the floor as they began to open their eyes.
"Everybody good?" I asked
Both nodded their heads but from the sudden jolt they began to hold it in their hands. "What was that Isaac." Rem mumbled out
"I honestly don't know, sometimes visions can only be explained of what you make of it." I responded back
"Visons." Emilia muttered out. "Like in seeing the future." She asked. Her eyes widening from the realization
"Yeah…those trained in the force have the ability to partially see the future. It seems that the holocron shown us a glimpse of it."
I picked myself up from the floor as I walked towards Rem. My hands outstretched to give her a helping hand. She took them, and I quickly got her up from the floor.
"Rem what did you see?" I asked
Her eyes filled with wonder as our eyes connected. "Me…I honestly don't know. I was surrounded by people in a grass field, filled with flowers in the plains. And you were there too!"
"Me?" I chuckled
She got up and dusted off her dress as she continued to speak. "Yeah…you were wearing these robes, and your lightsaber was different. We were looking at each other, but you had changed somehow."
"Changed in what way?"
"You were strange, like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders…but something else was now weighing it down."
I went to Emilia as I offered her my hands. Now feeling strange from Rem's prediction, what did that even mean?
That disquiet being gone, how would that even be possible?
"Emilia what about you?" I offered my hand to get up, but she did not take it. She was still planet to the ground
"I was with all the other election candidates and after giving out our speeches something happened." Her gaze traveled to my shoes instead of my face, she did not take my hand. "You were so angry…something happened, and you just…"
Her eyes widened as she began to relive the dream, but I took a knee and rested my hand over her shoulder. Letting her know that everything would be fine. "Relax, Lia. Everything is going to be fine…why would I even be there, that is something only for you to confront and only you alone can accomplish."
I smiled at her, telling her that everything would be all right. "Relax everything is going to be alright. Maybe this was a sign from the holocron, telling you how taking me to the capitol would result in tragedy, and maybe it would be best for me to stay here."
"Okay." She nodded her head as she took my hands as I lifted herself up
We all said our goodnights to one another as me and Rem took our leave, it was already dark outside and now would be the time for us to leave.
Me and her were walking side by side. "Isaac…you have to tell her."
The seriousness and tone of my voice was deeper as the words echoed from my mouth. "Not now…not when she has her first introduction as the next queen of Luginica coming up. If I tell her now then she will have too much on her mind, it will only hurt her, and she needs to have a steady mind for the journey ahead."
She needs to be calm and focused. The other candidates for the election could rip Emilia to shreds, but I would not allow that to happen.
"Something like this can be delayed…" I said
The lies I tell myself, so she will not find out about the monster that I really am. It will come out one day, and I know that I cannot keep it hidden forever. Now with that vision Emilia saw, of me being there and angry. What does that mean…
"Isaac, the more you wait the more it will hurt until you tell her. In that vision Emilia was not around us, neither was sister…only me and you."
"that could mean anything Rem…" I insisted, my pace quickening down the hall
"But we were next to the spirt knight users, even next to Wilhelm Astrea. The future is changing, and something is coming, can't you feel it?" Her hands were across her chest, her wide eyes frantically searching my face for answers, but they were clouded by questions. "The best option would be to tell her soon, so we can get it out right in the open and deal with it."
"Fine…I will tell her, tomorrow I will." I said. A miniature smile bloomed over Rem's face as the words came from me.
I will tell her tomorrow; this has been going on for way to long and now we need to end this. I need to tell her where I came from, but not the whole truth.
"Liar…liar…" the voice of the lord of hunger echoed within my head. It's staticky and raspy voice screeching in my ears as I fought the urge to just run away.
I walked Rem to her room and we both said our good nights to one another. Then I began walking back to my room. The moment I entered my room I realized that the mess was still there, and I made plans on dealing with it the next morning.
I took out my satchel and my journal. Using the ink and the freshly lit candle I planted myself on the seat of my desk as I began to stare at the blank page of white paper.
The sheet ushering me to draw, but I lacked the ambition. Until the lust of sleep began to usher me to slowly begin to fall asleep as my pen began to unconsciously and in a dreamlike state began to draw.
I do not know how many hours I slept, I was still exhausted after the encounter with the monster, the trek of the temple, and my experience with the holocron.
Luckily for the first time in a while I was so exhausted that no dreams or night terrors occupied my head as I just passed out on that desk.
Until time passed and I was awoken by Ram's face. Her pink eyes forming a glare as she stared at me with disdain and disgust.
"Ram…come on it's dark outside. I want to sleep…" I groaned out as my head began to droop back onto my desk
But Ram looped one of her fingers over a strand of my hair causing me to yelp as she pulled. "Come on, Ram."
"You have been asleep for hours…like the whole night, the morning, the afternoon and now." She sneered; her arms were at her hips as she began to scold me. "You have to cook because…" She was about to say something as her gaze began to drift towards the journal.
I was too tired to fight against her as she pulled it off my desk, her eyes widened as she saw the picture. "What is it?" I asked
"You're a strangely good drawer…Frederica, you drew her very well." She muttered
I was shocked, so shocked that I was instantly woken up from the realization. "You know her?"
"Yeah she was a maid here. But I do not understand you have never met her, and we do not even have pictures of her around the mansion. So how did you…"
My fingers began to go through my hair as I began to explain. "The force, I saw a vision of her. I don't know how but she holds the key of fixing my connection to the force, also something else..."
I felt my cheeks get red, as I waved her off…how could I explain to Ram that feeling, that strange feeling that I felt at the end.
The feeling…the love…
"Who is she…someone from my world, a Jedi, a Sith, or…"
Ram placed the journal back down as she placed her hands on my shoulders to calm me down. "Wow Isaac…she isn't from there. She is a demihuman that only worked here as a maid, but she left for a better life somewhere. Honestly, I don't know where she ended up…"
"I have to find her…in any case to fix this wound, this echo." My body began to move on its own as I began to realize what I had to do. "Sorry, Ram but I have to go and see Emilia…just."
I snatched the journal away from her as I took my satchel with me. "We'll continue the conversation later." I affirmed as I bolted out of the room, trying to get the girl out of my head. Why do I feel like this, I do not even know her and now she is on my mind?
My feet were clamoring across the floor as I approached Emilia's room. I took a deep breath, but as I was about to open the door, I heard something.
"I'm coming, Isaac." Emilia answered
I backed up so she could let me into her room. She was wearing the same clothes from yesterday, so just like me I assumed that she probably slept for the whole day.
I walked into the room as she sat herself at her desk. Mounds of books being piled on the desk as a single candle lit up the room, she was studying again.
My fingers went through my hair as I began to pace around the room. My feet creaking over the wooden floor as I moved along it.
What to do…
"Isaac, you okay?" She asked, her face filled with worry as her purple eyes pleaded with me to tell her
"Yeah…I just, I am worried about something."
The pacing got quicker as I felt my throat seize as I tried to utter the words. But I just could not, this was a mistake, always making mistakes.
"How about you tell me about it…maybe I can help?" She pleaded, her hand reaching out
"No…you can't. Not with this, this was a mistake." I muttered out
I stopped pacing and began walking towards the door. Only to be stopped by her voice.
"Why don't you trust me, I thought we were friends?"
I turned back towards her. Her voice now filled with sorrow, and betrayal. "Yeah, we are friends…but talking to you about this was a mistake. Something from my past that I thought I wanted to tell you, but I am not ready."
"Then why are you still here then, why did you work up all this courage to talk to me then." She gazed at me as I averted her eyes, now filled with shame about my lack of courage. "If there is an issue, then you can tell me. I know about the similarities between me and your wife Desaryna, and your urge to protect me…but I can take care of myself, and even help you in the process."
She got up from the seat as her arms were extended outwards, like she was inviting me into a hug.
"Thanks, Emilia…" I responded back
Now filled with a newfound courage. Maybe she would accept me, we were friends, and I was not going to tell her everything, only that I was the Outcast, and I came from a different world.
I began to walk back towards her, but I stopped as I remembered a part of her sentence that did not make any sense.
"Wait…what did you say?"
Her eyes widened in shock as she realized her mistake. "I said how I will always be by your side."
No…she mentioned Desaryna, not only that but she mentioned us getting married. She called her my wife; how did she know about that?
"No…you didn't. How did you know that Emilia…I have never told anyone, about me and Desaryna secretly getting married?"
"Isaac…" Her words trailing my name
I was angry, that intimate moment me and Desaryna had. That shared memory that me and her only held in our hearts. One of the most important and happiest times of my life. Was now gone to me, but now another knows.
"No…how the fuck do you know that!"
She backed up from me, the sudden loudness of my voice catching her off guard. How could she, how could she have known about what I was doing.
I was a couple of inches away from her. "Have you, have you been able to read my mind?"
She did not react…only keeping her eyes on her shoes. I felt my face twist and contort. Another Jedi…going into my head.
My memories went back to that final day. Of what that Jedi shown me, of her scrounging and going into my head as she shown me what the force truly was.
Of what I could of have become…
I never wanted to think about that ever again. I never wanted someone to ever have that much power over my head, I do not want to be another mans slave again…because they can dominate my mind.
"You damn Jedi are all the same... give you a little power, and it rots you all the way to the core. Stay out of my head!" I commanded at Emilia; her mouth slightly ajar as she trembled from my voice
She averted my eyes as she went back to her seat, her hands on her knees as I saw faint tears beginning to trickle down her face. She is crying because I yelled at her.
"Emilia…" I began walking towards her, my arm around her as I pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry…I shouldn't have exploded like that. I just, thinking back to that time with Desaryna was just, it was personal between me and her…one of the happiest times of my life. It's something that I am still having trouble remembering, and even coming to terms with."
I could not tell her about the Jedi that changed me, or what Revan's mind-altering abilities did to me. Having another person go through my head, just set me off…
"At first I didn't understand this. I could hear what Rem and Ram are thinking in their heads, but it is clouded." Emilia muttered under her breath
"That makes sense. You are a Jedi Consular, one that relies on there force abilities than their other talents. You already forming a connection with them, and your above average skill with the force would make it easier for you."
"I can't really hear what they are thinking. It is hard to explain but I can hear their base instincts, like the thoughts when Rem is cutting the bushes outside of the mansion, or when Ram is cooking. Nothing more complex, only when they are preoccupied but it still feels…cloudy."
My gaze hovered over her shoes. I was wrong, god. When I find Revan, I will kill him for what he did to me…turning me into this…
"…what did you hear when it was me?" I asked
She gazed up at me. "It was strange, most of the time you were hard to read. I could only detect feelings and only a couple of peoples names, I could also feel the same things you felt when you were thinking about them."
"And how long was this going on?" I questioned, more aware of my tone of voice
Would she forgive me…?
Emilia is kind, but how far did that kindness go. I was wrong for getting so angry at her just trying to test out her abilities.
"A week…" I felt my eyes widened in shock.
"When I was reading your mind, there were three things that you thought about a lot. The masked man, Ran, and your wife Desaryna." She stared at me quizzically "But there was also something else."
"Something else…?" I repeated
"Isaac, I am sorry, but I was worried. Ever since the incident with the beast we were hardly talking, and you were spending all your time with Rem." I dropped my head down to avert her eyes, she was right…this was all my fault, I was a bad friend. "I didn't know if you blamed me or if I messed up somehow, so I tried my best to try and figure it out on my own, to uncover your true feelings."
Always my fault…
If I just left earlier than nobody would be going through this. I feel like a mistake, and I just keep messing up when they need me the most.
"But what happened."
"Your feelings…they were a powerful shield. Anger, hatred, and fear…they were all there, and I tried to breach through it, but it was so hard. It was like trying to walk through a thick fog, or a harsh thunderstorm…"
"It was like being lost…" I finished the sentence. I gazed back towards Emilia as I gave her the end of my long sleeve shirt.
"Isaac…I am not going to."
I shook my head. "Wipe your face, I don't care. I don't like seeing you cry, and I really feel horrible for the way I talked to you."
She wiped the tears and snot from her face using my sleeve. I took a glance at it as I was instantly grossed out, I was trying to do something kind and wholesome. Now I was stuffing the urge to gag.
"Now, what do we do now?" She asked, her eyes still red and puffy
"I think it is time that we practice now. Your mind is very open to the force, and if Cruish has the betrayer on her side then I must teach you techniques to shield your mind." I said as I began to roll up my sleeve.
So gross…why did I even do that?
I gazed around the room. "Got any playing cards?"
She opened the desk as she fished out a pack of cards. "Why cards, wouldn't it be easier to use my emotions as a shield?"
I shook my head as I took the cards from her. "No…that's harder to do and isn't something I could teach you?"
"What do you mean…" She asked, her hands on her lap as she gazed up at me
"There are some techniques within the force which one can only learn through experience."
That skill I learned…was from hunting Jedi.
I taught myself... techniques. It is hard for Jedi to sense what you are really thinking if you throw up walls of strong emotions and feelings. Lust, impatience, cowardice... most Jedi awareness does not cruise beyond the surface feelings, to see what is deeper. And I was good at that, throwing up walls, and my superiors knew it. Sometimes the Jedi on our side would not even realize I was there.
"My ability would be too hard for you to master, and you wouldn't want to. It is a natural shield, but there are ways to amplify it if needed."
"Amplify?" She repeated
My fingers went through the cards as I began to take out the cards which we would not need for the game, or the ones that would just confuse Emilia. "If I bombard myself with negative emotions or thoughts. Then any Jedi or Dark Jedi mind will either be clouded, or better yet blinded by the intensity."
I killed a Jedi that way…in the middle of the war. He tried to scrounge through my mind, trying to control me but I bombarded him with the feelings of Malachor V.
I could still hear it, the way he grabbed his head with both of his hands as he collapsed to his knees. His screaming and crying as he felt the deaths of Malachor V.
"Now what am I thinking about right now?" I asked
Emilia closed her eyes; I cleared my mind from everything. All the rage and other emotions to get Emilia to see what I am thinking clearly.
"Something strange…hyperspace routes, the history of Luginica, and the ticking of the rain hitting our roof."
I nodded my head. "Good…" I murmured as I began to serve the cards
"But it isn't raining tonight?" Emilia said, she looked puzzled.
"Of course, there is no rain. And that's why you should count the ticking of the rain over our roof to."
"You're not making any sense…"
I went silent and shook my head, a frown beginning to bloom.
"All right, I'll show you."
I began to split the cards into two decks, handing one to Emilia and keeping the other to myself. "Look I don't know how to play." She muttered
"Listen…get the cards equal to twenty-one. That is all you must do, try and equal to twenty-one or get less but no more than twenty-one…your smart, you will figure it out."
The last part of the sentence sent a little smile to come across Emilia's face. It was nice to see her smile, after what I said.
I was angry and it was my fault. God, another thing I did wrong always doing everything wrong.
After a couple of minutes of playing. Emilia had already won two rounds, well I let her win while I only had one round to my name.
"Good match…now, what are you thinking right now" I said, stopping the game.
"About this stupid game." Emilia blurted out
"Right. And that's why you play cards in your head. Because if you don't, you've left the door open. And anyone could walk right in." I affirmed
My finger was pointed at Emilia's head. But I saw her eyes slightly close…
"Isaac, again I am sorry for what happened. It was wrong what I did..."
"Of course, you did. You see, Jedi... light or dark... do it, more often than you would think. But I never heard one say they were sorry before... that's a new house rule."
The last part earned a faint chuckle from Emilia. "So that was the meaning of this…you play cards in your head so you can shield your mind."
"Good. Now you understand. All right, I'll deal then…" I began to get the next round ready. "If you're ever fighting someone who has the power over your mind... whether light or dark... play cards. Start listing hyperspace routes. Recite engine sequencers. And when they try to use their powers on you, suddenly it's not as easy as they thought."
"Jedi do it all the time, and when they walk in the dark places of your mind, they'll use it to hold you by the throat."
"Can you teach me more." She asked
"Of course, Because you'll be right here with me, playing cards, where they can't reach you."
Thanks for reading. This was a double upload this week so I hope you guys enjoyed it!
I don't really know how to feel about this chapter. I like it but I feel that it could of have been better, maybe I will come back to it later. Next chapter we should be back on track.
Thanks for reading and you all have a wonderful day!