Hello readers that read my fic before day 06 of the 11th month of the lost year.
I just want to inform you that I finished proofreading Prologue and Chapter 01… well, I did put the 'SlowUpdates' tag for a reason!
I just want you guys/gals/people to know that while proofreading these two chapters I… eh, accidentally wrote [14+ 13 = 27] more pages… sorry?
And hell, those dozens of pages on the prologue didn't add much plot, if at all, since I didn't master the art of removing useless info yet. On the other hand, I buried Chekhov's bullets for my Chekhov's Gun so well maybe I will completely forget in the future! (I know its bad writing, I did read about Chekhov's Gun Guide for Newbies, my only excuse is worldbuilding thingies.)
And yes, I added some content on a whim, probably fixed some plot holes, definitely added some new plot holes, certainly offended someone somehow, got offended(even if is stupid and childish) when I found out I couldn't watch that 'Lesson's Learned' episode for the 4th time on Youtube because Rooster Teeth removed it, and finally, I tried to add some Drama and Angst on my fic because it's on the Genre Tag but probably came out as Edgy and Lame.
No, my tags are Adventure and Drama; Adventure because I want to write action, and Drama because emotions are clashing, such as I want to make fluff but give a reason to make it happen, like fluff with plot if you catch my drift (did I even use this saying right? what dos drifting even means to that phrase?!) I said Angst but I don't think I can make my readers feel anxiety and dread. Unless is about my poor grammar, I mean, I wanted to make Ruby's POV thought process confusing, but I ended up hurting myself in confusion!.
By the way, on an unrelated note, it's so easy to make Jaune and Weiss have angst, so easy that I now have time to make everyone else have angst because I am a fair writer and want to make everyone suffer! Yay.
For those that don't want to read the chapters again (not like I can fault you all, I had to re-read those two chapters too many times and I got feed-up, really.) I'll post here a resume of the new content I posted.
I've tried to make the chapters smoother and fix grammar mistakes, Sadly, this means that every time I saw some weird phrasing, I added few more lines to make sense, and when I realized the pages had increased a freaking lot.
This info is based on the 'Word Doc' I copied and pasted… Word amount of FF .net is different for some reason. (edit because FF .Net keeps removing the site name if i remove the space in between.)
Prologue went from 11,535 words (27 pages Arial-12) to 18,660 words (41 Pages Arial-12).
Useless info: [427 words/page] average to [455 words/page] average.
Chapter 01 went from 13,476 (31 pages Arial-12) words to 19,750 (44 Pages Arial-12)
Useless info: [434 words/page] average to [448 words/page] average.
Changes in Prologue – Weiss.
Truthfully, this is my favorite chapter of all chapters I've written ever. I am actually proud of how the first half came out. So much that I wanted to post it as soon as possible and fucked up because of that.
The Breach mission was more realistic than cannon, of the hundreds of White Fang on that train, a dozen survived.
Winter entered the Black Ops division making her deadlier but also made her see herself as a monster of sorts.
Weiss is more skilled and stronger in this AU than her Cannon self, due to Winter teaching her how to fight people since people captured Weiss for Grimm research.
Due to being stronger, Weiss defeated Banesaw and possibly killed him on the No-Brakes episode.
This made her incredibly stressed and emotionally exhausted for weeks, resulting in break up with Neptune a bit more realistic for her action and reaction. (I wanted to write her as a girl in love falling out of love, but it came out as an overreaction in my inexperienced opinion, so I thought, hey, she is also a fighter and in my AU things are shittier! So why not make her life worse.)
Weiss had a girl crush on Pyrrha (I've had to read what the fuck was a girl crush exactly: Taking sexual attraction some girls experience off – since is just a crush, not girl-crush – it becomes like an idolization of a gal you know. Like, wants to be Besties but is motivated by envy and/or admiration of how nice someone is. Not necessarily a bad thing, but can make a girl very emotional. – Female Readers, I've read the comments and content of Reddit and some obscure teenager sites, just hope I represent what a 'girl-crush' is correctly, and that Weiss having a girl-crush makes sense. BTW this is the part where I think I offended someone somehow since I am not a Female and could be butchering the meaning/sacredness of Girl-Crush and whatnot.)
Also. I Added a list of Power Ranking using Huntsmen Grades… well, it already existed but not everyone reads the warning tags, for example, A team of First Years Huntsmen would accomplish either F-Rank missions or shadow a Rank-E mission with an experienced Huntsmen.
Mainly because Ozpin has like, thousands of years of experience using magic and aura and got his ass beaten by Cinder so hard he reincarnated into a farmer or something. Even with little to no magic available, he has some Time semblance and even Pyrrha managed to put a decent fight, who, mind you, was 17 girl and was fighting non-stop since her fight with Penny on high-heels.
Let that sink in.
Also added some White Fang army ranking and power comparison.
Also, Aura Ranks is the power of Aura, of how dense and powerful it is compared to the Miasma (Grimm energy) in effects, plus physical power.
Basically (Special Attk + Special Def) x (STR + VIT + DEX) = Rank. (No, this isn't a game-fic, but I've tried to write one before and I am just recycling things.)
Training aura increases the rank, but so tempering the body, since in my Headcannon aura just multiplies what you can do. But adds nothing.
Also, since your body impacts your rank, things like disease, old age, and injuries influence your rank.
Rank doesn't involve things like Experience, Wisdom, Intelligence, Experience, Dust, Semblances, Plot-Armor, Real-Armor-Not-Bronze-Corset, Sex Appeal, Weapons, Rare/HighGrade Dust, Money, Influence, High-grade explosives, Magic, 'Magic', Divinity, Relics, Grimm, Mutations, Willpower, Luck, Genes, and Anatomy.
- - Recruit – Civilians – anyone without aura regardless of combat exp.
F - Grunt – Primary Combat School – Jaune's start here. Atlesian Knights.
E - Second Lieutenant – First Year Beacon
D - First Lieutenant – Second/Third Year Beacon. – Banesaw.
C - Captain – Fourth Year Beacon/Average Huntsmen.
B - Major – Veteran Huntsmen/Specialist – Adam/Winter/Neo
A - Lieutenant Colonel – Ace Ops/Watts/Cinder/
S - Colonel – Qrow/Glynda/Raven/Clover/Tyrian/Ironwood/Hazel.
SS - General – Summer Rose/Ozpin
SSS - Warlord – Spoilers
Omega – Wargod – Spoilers.
Changes in Chapter 01 – Not-Weiss.
First and foremost, I added how Ruby saw her friends on her POV, it's an unreliable narration with a touch of Prosopopoeia style, aka. 'the morning greets Ruby with sunlight in her face, forcing her to leave the warm embrace of her blankets' thingy, but hopefully, it shows some difference with how Weiss and Winter think and speak, showing how innocent Ruby is, but also an insight in her leadership talents a take a peek on her own fears and faults.
Also, Ruby is the only one that can see the 'color glow' of semblances due to her silver eyes, that's how Pyrrha can use her semblance in fights and no one discovers the black glow, because, in my Headcanon, the glow and Ren's Semblance effect are purely for the viewers know that 'someone is doing something'.
Ruby gets distracted easily, and while Weiss uses Songs and Music on her mind to express herself, and Winter uses Battle-Related terms, Ruby will use Plant and Flowers analogies… and sometimes uses Weabo-Speech (dubbed Mistralian Animation for Anime, and Ruby becomes annoyed when they call it Mistralian Cartoons) when in geek-mode and I'll try to add Onomatopoeia to write things like 'Nuh-uh' and 'Blergh' to show her childish side. I wanted to make her speak Weapon-Speech but I know nothing of firearms. This means that I'll invent my own firearms, I guess.
For Pyrrha's life, I use the media on its worst, Hollywood celebrities lack of private life, and how some IRL weird fans of Twilight, One Direction, and Justin Bieber acted for Pyrrha's rabbit fans mixed with the high restrictions K-pop girls and boys have in their contracts about not dating. Thus making her more emotionally bottled up, in this AU she uses her semblance to make annoying fans go away subtly. Ruby has two images of the girl, either The Pyrrha Nikos or Pyrrha, the first is a famous person in the form of an Epithets, and the latter is her friend in the form of first name.
For Nora, Ruby sees that her always cheerful personality seems to hide something, Nora is the generic Fandom!Nora of leg-breaking and Pancake addicted bubbly hammer bomber, though I added that she can go toe-to-toe with Yang but lose due to inexperience and skill, and likes working out a lot – I do plan in making JNPR more relevant and stronger than their Cannon-selves, but without removing Ruby from her protagonist role… if I can make it however, that is another story – Also, Cannon!Nora only said 'Together-Together', and but she never said things like Renny, Ren-Ren, and Jaune-Jaune since it isn't in the RWBY Wikia under nicknames/alias of characters, that's all Fandom… and well, I am writing based on Fandom characters, and making a mockery out of them. So Nora repeating herself is a fandom thing that I'll crack to…8-ish I guess if the Cannon is 1 and Fandom is 5. Expect things like Hug-Hug, Sleep-Sleep, and repeating sentences from Nora.
For Ren, I was planning on making him a doctor/healer based on his healthy-shakes, sadly, his cannon knowledge of medicine goes as far as saying 'This is bad' to Weiss dying from impalement. But he does know medicinal herbs and made him more of a shaman… and since he comes from Mistral and I read some Wuxia recently, he became an aspiring Eastern Alchemist, current apothecary since he doesn't know how to use his aura to enhance medicine properties. As some fandom dictates, he likes Dark Humor
Yang tends to use nicknames to everyone close – or far in the 'I hate you' sense – to her, and only use their proper Names for serious situations. She says Rubaby (something Coeur said it first, together with Renny and Jaune-Jaune, though I am not 100% sure on these claims, I do think I first saw these being used by him.)
Blake is mysterious but open enough after her escapades almost got her killed, I didn't add much to her character in this chapter, I am trying to copy her deadpan personality of RWBY Chibi series.
Weiss has a negative cooking skill, while this doesn't make sense in IRL, Weiss is that character that in comedy can make a boiled egg become a poison or sentient monster food. BTW Nora is the one that makes water burn or makes the microwave explode by just pressing a button, she uses these experiences to make her own grenades and explosives cheaply and domestically.
Changed Fox-Nurse to Tanuki-Nurse, because a sadist fox-Faunus Nurse is obviously Kitsune-chan from Coeur, Tanuki is an Ex-Specialist (said in the prologue), and Ren notices she is an External Alchemist – a person that uses Aura to bring forth the medicinal power of Dust-Variant Plants.
My AU states that not only Human-Kind and Faunus-Kind that can have Aura Unlocked, plants can awaken it due to being grown in places with Dust in the ground (as it appeared on the 'World of Remnant: Dust' but instead of concentrated and laying randomly on the ground, it is spread around the earth like minerals.)
Also, I find it annoying that while we have proof that animals can have Aura, as seen in Zweii being hit like a flaming ball and destroying Proto-Paladins, but never seem again. So, Expect more aura awakened animals like the one from the firsts White Knight fics ever – the 5th published [Weiss S., Jaune A.] pairing tag on FF .net – 'The Snow Angel and Her Knight' by Serfius.
Other things to note is that Animals with Aura Awakened are called Beasts.
Beasts possess Aura but not Semblances, though they can ingest Dust and become Dust-Variants creating a 'Beast Core' of sorts that grants something like special abilities for the entirety of the species instead of a personality thing, like Final Fantasy monsters. I'll not focus much on Beasts with Zweii being the exception. Auric Beasts is a concept that I am still experimenting with for worldbuilding for future Summoning/Beast_Taming fics.
Plants possess Dust-Variants like the ones that appeared in chapter one, I don't think I'll add Plants with Aura awakened on this fic, maybe on the Summoning/Beast_Taming fics, plants, and animals with Aura awakened can develop sentience and maybe transforming into humanoids and be called Spirits.
Dust-Variant Plants can be transformed into a powerful Medicine called Panacea.
That's the end of the changes, the rest is grammar.
I expect the next chapter [Chapter 02 - *Spoiler Title*] to be posted in a month or more because only after I finish proofreading [Chapter 03 - *Spoiler Title*] I will release it.
And well, I am still halfway writing the next chapter.
Bye, till the next chapter.