EotU: Scary Stories of the Universe


Chapter 2: Tale 1 - Hands Off


Swap Meet Space Port

The Space Port that orbited Xandar Prime's 2nd Moon was rebuilt to be a swap meet station. A trading ground for those in a quick hurry or that couldn't get papers for business on the planet. It was there that the Crew of the Falcon were browsing around. Well, it was Isaac, Gwen, Jeff, Kori and Ragit that were doing the browsing. Everyone else were just lounging on the ship waiting for the pickup or just taking a breather and sleeping it off. Though Kori seemed to beam at one specific stand as she flew over to it.

She gasped as she landed at the booth, that said 'Kitty Babies'. As Isaac walked over he noticed it was a beanbag animal booth with every adorable space kitten there was. He even noticed that Syl'Kee's species were present. Kori simply giggled as she held one the size of Syl'Kee, "I did not know there were such items on sale. Heehee, I think Syl'Kee might find a copy enjoyable for when I am not around."

"Either that, or you really love your kittens," Isaac smiled, earning Kori's giggle once again.

Gwen was looking over at a booth with glasses on display, as she picked out a pair, "Ooooh, Professor glasses." She put on a pair of thick bottle lens glasses, not realizing how dorky they made her look, as she smirked, "These make me look like a genius." But suddenly, she looked at the mirror and then frowned, "A dork. They make me look like a dork." She then took off the pair and then took another pair, a slender pair that enabled her to see, as she smirked, "This makes me look like a sexy genius. Buying these."

"For scientist cosplay night with Jeff," Rei suddenly popped up behind her, causing Gwen to jump and crash into the glasses rack.

Ragit looked around, and then smirked, as he saw a table of golden watches. He tapped his clawed fingers together, as he looked at them with gleeful want, "Ooooh, such nice-looking faux-gold holo beauties. They're Space Mob Boss quality." But he looked a quick look at the store owner, and noticed she was an Elven elderly woman with light green skin, drooping pointy ears, and a gruesome look on her face. If it wasn't for the watches, he'd be running for his life.

But at the moment, the others were following behind him, as he smirked, "Hey, Gwen. It's high time someone taught you somethin'."

Gwen shrugged, "I doubt you have anything to teach me, Ragit."

"Well, then prepare, Gwen Tenalds. Prepare to watch the delicate art of the deal that the Sleazonians have mastered," Ragit gently replied. He then leaned on the table unimpressed, and spat out, "Hey, Hagface! How much for one of those junk watches?"

Isaac arched an eyebrow, while Kori whispered, holding a beanie baby kitten, "That is the Sleazonian mastery of delicacy?"

The Witchy-looking Elven arched an eyebrow, as she put down the pamphlet, showcasing her man-sized chin, as she spoke in a craggily voice that sounded manish, "They are not for sale." And pointed at Ragit, "Not for you, Ragit!" At that moment, the winds blew around them, as everyone was wondering where it was coming from, but the witch spoke out, "The winds whisper your naaaaaame!"

However, at one of the booths, a shy Dwarf Acceluculus, who owned a chime shop called Zeveral Chimes, shushed at the chimes going off, "Shhhush. Shush you guys."

Ragit rolled his eyeballs, as he sighed, "Alright, alright, we get it. You're creepy as heck." He then put down the credit money, "Anyway, less talky and more watchy." He then reached out his right hand to take a watch from the table.

Unfortunately, the witch reached out and grabbed his arm, as her eyes glowed white, and shadows loomed over, as she spoke in a demonic voice, "Get your hands OFF MY WAAAAAAAATCH!"

"Aaaah!" Ragit freaked out as he pulled away, "Yeesh! Freak show." And then walked away. Everyone else did, doing their best to ignore the crazy witch-like lady.

Kori noticed Isaac a bit unnerved, as she gently held his shoulder, "Isaac? Are you okay? You seemed to be suffering of the jeebies of heebies."

"Heebie Jeebies? Yeah, that lady unnerved me immensely," Isaac replied.

"Someone really needs to work on their social skills," Jeff replied.

Ragit smirked, "Aaand their observational skills." And then held up his left wrist, showcasing a golden watch, "Boom!" He then looked at his hands, as he smirked, "Good job, heisting hands." And then kissed them both in accomplishment.

Gwen on the other hand, was less than pleased, as she scolded, "You stole that? Do you ever learn?"

"I learn better than ever after every job," Ragit retorted.

Isaac then stepped up, as he warned, "Ragit, I'm not trying to nag but I got a bad feeling from that lady. Shoplifting from someone who looks like a witch is a bad sign. And what she said earlier, the atmosphere, it sounded like a curse."

"That sounded like a curse," Ragit sarcastically shot back. But then he shouted out, pointing at the cousins, "Hey, everybody! Want a wet blanket?! We got two wet blankets for sale!"

Everyone except the cousins, and Kori, were laughing at them. Though at another booth, a pair of cephalopod-like aliens, with a sign saying Wet Blankets, literally selling what the sign said they had, frowned, as one of them grumbled, "We can't survive in this market…"


The Next Morning

USSCS Falcon

Ragit's Room

Ragit got up, as he walked over to a mirror, as he chuckled, "Heh, curse. Yeah, right."

But when he saw in his mirror was a frightening sight. His hair was all messed up, his teeth were yellow, a stubble was growing on his fur, and his eyes were all bloodshot with veins. Once he saw this, he freaked out, as he startled himself, "AAAH!" But he calmed down immediately, but still looked a little freaked, as he looked around ot the sides, "Huh? Wait. Is this Curse-Ugly, Normal Ugly, or Morning Normal Ugly?" Though Ragit realized it was just morning ugly, as he shook his head to clean up his hair, as he chuckled, "Heh, looks like I got off scot-free. As usual." As he closed his eyes, he frowned, "Wait, shouldn't I be picking up my toothbrush and toothpaste to…"

But then brought up his arms… only to see his hands missing, with only glowing blue stumps to where his hands should have been. Once he saw this, his calm face grew in shock…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"


Mess Deck

Everyone was eating and getting their breakfasts, while Ragit was walking over to the table, with mittens on his hands strangely. "Alright, scooch over, I'm walkin' here…" he said, as he scooted over next to Tak and Vivian. Unfortunately his tray slipped out of his grasp, along with the mittens, as his stumps were revealed to all.

This earned shocked looks on their faces and shrieks, especially Shia, who cried out, "AAAAH! NO HANDS! RAGIT! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HANDS?!"

Ragit looked down at the stubs, and shrugged, "So it seems I might have got cursed a little." But then he sat down, and smirked, "But the watch still looks good, right? Right?" He waved the left wrist about.

But then suddenly, the Witch's face popped up on the lens, as suddenly, she spoke, "Foolish rat! Thieving hands find wicked face! You must return what isn't yours..." However, Ragit pulled his sleeve with his mouth, muffling her speech.

Once it was done, he sighed, "That's better."

Isaac sighed, "Ragit, I told you this was gonna happen. If you want your hands back, you're gonna have to give her back the watch and apologize to her."

Ragit looked disgusted, as he asked, "What?" He then got defiant, as he pointed out, "That old crone should apologize to me for denying my right to buy cheap junk." I don't need hands. I've got self-respect!" He then tried to pick up a cup of juice with his stubs, but dropped it. He then used his tail to slap the force, which flung a piece of bacon at his face. As it slid off, he groaned, "Misty, Gia. I don't suppose you could make me some hands?"


Moments Later

Engineering Station

Gia and Misty were hard at work, putting the hands together for Ragit. Once they were done, they pulled away, as Gia smirked, "Tada. Your new hands."

The hands were cybernetic and four fingered, much like robotic duplicates of Ragit's old hands, as he flexed the fingers, as Misty explained, "Seeing as how we can't hook'em up normally to the nerves, we're using a muscle scanner to allow sensing movements of your arm tendons like you'd normally do to move your fingers and wrists. So it'll basically feel like you didn't lose your hands at all."

Ragit smirked, "Nice work, gals." He pumped in fists as he smirked, "Normal hands are overrated. I'm ready to take on the day."

Hours Later

Ragit was back in the Engineering room, alongside Isaac, while the former looked like he was through the worst day of his life. His whole body was covered in burns and his hair sticking on end. Even when he opened his mouth, he spat out smoke. Even the oddest thing was that he was also dripping with egg goo. "These artificial hands are defective! Every time I tried to pilfer a wallet or something, I got an electric shock!"

"Yeah, that was my idea," Misty smirked. "I fitted them each with electric collar shockers. They'll shock you whenever you're about to steal something, thinking about stealing something, and thoughts of a sexulally perverted nature."

Ragit stopped to think for a moment, and then got av iolent shock, as he fell to the floor, the goo on his fur cooking. Isaac blinked, as he asked, "And that last one?"

"That was me," Gia rasised her hand. "It was the only collars on sale."

"What I wanna know is why he's covered in eggs," Misty asked.

Isaac rolled his eyes, "Well…"


Earlier On

Market

Ragit was pushing a cart, now buying food instead of pilfering it, as it was evident he had been shocked. At the moment, he was pushing through a cart isle, when he came across a green and dark haired Tetramon, who smiled, "Hey, Ragit. Wanna play 'Toss me a Dozen Eggs' like we always do?"

Ragit paled, as he held his hands out, "No, J'Immy wait. Not today!" But it was too late, as the four-armed fellah tossed him eggs, "NOT TODAY!" And in the end, he got pelted by a dozen eggs.


Present Time

Ragit sat up, as he pulled off a finished sunny-side up egg, "Let's find that witch."


Later On

Hand Witch Asteroid

The Falcon had parked near a belt of asteroids, while Isaac, Kori, Gia, Gwen, Jeff, and Ragit were making their way to an asteroid shaped like a twisted hadn clawing at Space. All while they entered inside, Gia read from the pamphlet, "According to the pamphlet we got at the swap meet, the Hand Witch lives in a horrible Handwitch Lair at Handwitch Asteroid."

"Would you please stop saying Hand Witch," Ragit groaned.

They entered into the lair's cavern opening, as they walked in. their helmets removed as they found the place had life support, meaning they could breathe in, and walked around with their lights on. For Ragit, they tapped lights to his wrists. But at that moment, Kori felt a tap on her shoulder, as she looked to Ragit, who was close to her, "Ragit, did you not just tap my shoulder?"

"Kori, I can't tap anything," Ragit replied, showing his missing hands still.

Suddenly, hands poked Isaac's shoulders, "Well, whoever it is, stop tapping both my shoulders. It's getting on my nerves."

"What's going on here," Jeff asked, as he suddenly heard scurrying on the roof above them.

Then much to their horror.. they saw severed hands crawling around like rats. And they covered the entire roof of the asteroid cave. Normal hands, 3-digit hands, all kinds of hands. Everyone screamed at the top of their lungs, as they rained down, attacking them, in different ways imaginable. The hands began to punch them, sometimes slapping them, and much to comic relief, played Rock, Papers Scissors against Kori and Gia, though sadly the hands won and chased after the girls, grabbing their hair and pulling at it.

As they all fell down at the mercy of the hands, a horrible cackle was heard at the mouth of a trail in the cave. It was the Hand Witch, showing herself… and surprising everyone, showcasing she had hands for feet. She held the lantern, as she looked down, while hands rushed to her side, "Talk about a… touching scene! Up top!" One of the severed hands high fived her, as she looked at them warmingly, "You guys get me."

Ragit sighed, as he shook the watch off in her direction, as he apologized, "Alright, you horrible wench. Stealing is wrong. You got me. Et cetera et cetera." He gestured to the watch, as he snarled, "Take the watch back. Now that I've done that, can I have my hands back? I have a certain gesture I'd like to share with you that I can only show by the use of some fingers."

The Hand Witch was brought down with her hands being used as a carrying throne, as they changed into a walking hand seat, as she went to Ragit, "Alas, your hands cannot be gotten so easily." She took back the watch as she stated, "The spirits say…" But then thought about it, until she acted all spiritual and spooky at him, "That the curse can only be broken… by a kisssss…"

"What?!" everyone shouted.

But Ragit sighed in defeat, as he got up, "It's alright, guys. I'll do it. Just… look away." He then walked forward to the witch with her hand out. He lowered his head to her hand… and quickly tapped his lips on her hand in a respectable matter.

Though she pulled it away, as she shrieked pointing at her face, "A KISS ON THE LIPS!"

Immediately, Ragit backed away, shielding himself with his arms, "What? Forget it!" He then pointed at her, as he argued, "I'm not kissing any of that mess! I don't need my hands that bad!"

Everyone immediately got up, even with some hands still in Kori's hair, as Gwen pointed out, "Yeah, you're just making stuff up now."

Isaac signaled for them to go, "Let's get out of here."

But just as they were about to turn away, the Hand Witch hopped off her chair, as she cried, "NO, WAIT DON'T GO!" When they stopped, she confessed, "Ehh- you're right, you're right. I-I-I was just making all of that stuff up. I-I was just trying to get something going, you know? It's so hard to meet people these days..." She then snapped her fingers.

Suddenly, the hands began to treat them respectfuly and cleaning them up, even Kori's delight was when they braided her hair in a single braid, as Isaac asked, "So all this was just a ploy to get a date with Ragit?"

The Hand Witch replied, "I'm desperate, okay? But every time I bring someone back here without keeping their hands hostage, they just run away."

Jeff then asked, pointing at Ragit, "A date with Ragit?"

The Hand Witch shrugged, "Like I said, I'm desperate."

"Well, no offense, but look at the place," Ragit pointed out, as they all saw the place, "This horror show is creepy. Even for a cave."

"You merely need to redecorate," Kori replied, as she grabbed a batch of hands, and formed them together, "A handalabra!"

The Hand Witch clasped her cheeks, "Oooh! The Hand Witch likes!"

Gia smirked, as she pointed out, "Then watch us work. LAIR MAKEOVER MONTAGE!"

A montage of cleaning up the lair began, as they worked fervishly to get it looking great. Cleaning commenced. Moving and bringing in furniture began. They even had a moment where they had tea in footsie animal pajamas. Once it was done, the Hand Witch smiled, as she "Oooh, that was so much fun. And the place is so amazing, I can't believe it is the same cave." But then blinked as she thought out loud, "But wait, why did we have a tea party with footsie animal pajamas?"

"I'd like to wonder that myself," Isaac questioned.

"What happens in a montage, stays in a montage," Gia concluded.

The Hand Witch shrugged, as she said, "I don't know what else to say."

"How about 'Here's your hands back'," Ragit replied.

"Oh yeah," the Hand Witch snapped, as Ragit's hands came out of her hair, and crawled around Ragit, before they reattached to his wrists.

Reunited with his hands, he smiled as he held them up, "Pilfy! Scratchy! I've missed you old rascals," Ragit smiled… but then suddenly, his hands began to grab and choke him, as he fell to the ground, wrestling with his reunited hands.

Everyone blinked at that, as they looked to the Hand Witch, who shrugged, "Meh, that happens. It'll pass."

But then Gia gave the Hand Witch something else, "Oh, I also have this. It's a hand book of pick-up lines that'll help out."


Once they left the cave and back to the ship, Ragit once again said, "Well, I learned nothing." But then suddenly, his hands attacked him again, as he throttled, "GACK! REGRET! REGRET!"

As the Hand Witch waved goodbye to them, she sighed, "Well, back to my crippling loneliness of being a spinster carrying for dozens of hands."

Suddenly, a handsome man on a Space Scooter dropped by, as he looked to her, unfazed by her appearance, "Hey, I got lost in this asteroid belt. Can I crash here for the night?"

The Witch smiled, as she nodded, "Please, come in." She then picked up the book, as she read one of the lines, "Um, 'Hey, Girl. Are those space pants? Because your butt is out of this world'."

The man smiled, as he turned around, "Wow, thanks for noticing."

She closed the book and made a fist pump, "Yes!"


Next Chapter: Tale 2 – Phone M.O.