Disclaimer: Naruto x Konosuba - I own neither
Naruto Uzumaki, not so average high schooler of 17 years old, was pretty sure that he had died through some massive amount of bad luck. He had reached his growth spurt, and he could finally brag about being 180cm in height, and he was a pretty well built guy for the most part. He had bright, very NOT Japanese, blond hair and even brighter blue eyes, with strange whisker marks on his cheeks that he had from birth.
How did he die.
Well, it was a multi-step process to be honest, and if you told anyone how he died then there was no way that anyone would believe him.
1. He got poisoned.
2. While poisoned, he got hit by a truck.
3. He got hit by a truck, and got knocked off a bridge into a furious river and was swept out to sea.
4. He got bit by a shark on the arm, and it ripped his arm clear off.
5. He started to drown, but escaped the water by punching the shark in the nose.
6. He was hit by a SECOND truck on his way to a pay phone to call for help.
7. He got set on fire when the truck crashed and exploded, but he landed in the ocean.
8. All of his bones were broken, but he still got out of the ocean again.
9. He got struck through the chest by a meteorite.
That was how Naruto Uzumaki, your slightly above average high schooler, died on his birthday. Did he mention that he died on his 17th birthday, because that was pretty important to this part of just how shitty his bad luck had been.
"Holy shit... I'm a goddess, and this is the first time I've been IMPRESSED by a human dying. Like, DAMN, that is some amazingly bad luck." A beautiful woman sitting in a chair across from his stated. Long blue hair, a blue top, blue eyes, and her hair styled like a water molecule using beads. She had the aura of divinity to be sure, and she was wide eyed as she looked at what she could expect to be the most ridiculous way a human had ever come to her ever.
It took WAY too much to put this guy down.
The funniest part, was that this entire ordeal that killed him happened in 15 minutes, and that was a 15 minutes that no doubt felt like a century to the guy in question. The guy who was currently looking at his arm, that was now on his body again.
"... Who are you?"
"I am the Goddess Aqua, who guides the souls of humans who died young in Japan-"
"-so are there other goddesses who control other regions, like France or Germany, or America?" Naruto asked as he raised his hand. He was already dead, so he might as well see what the afterlife was going to be like for him. If there was a different afterlife for each part of the world, he would like to shop around and see what the best afterlife entailed for him.
He died in such a shitty way, he was pretty sure that he would be allowed to pick which one he went to, because if that was the case he would LOVE to pick an afterlife for a place in a Tropical climate. He would expect their afterlife to be all sunshine and rainbows, because he was very sure he was emotionally scarred after the way that he died.
Aqua thought about it.
"Don't really care about the other goddesses, I mean I know there is Eris... but she totally sucks. I've got a way bigger chest than her, and while she MIGHT have a following in another world, she pads her chest." Aqua stated coldly after a moment, before she smirked and laughed to herself. "Anyway, you're young, so I bet you like video games."
"Nope, never had the money to afford them. You're a goddess, shouldn't you know that I'm an orphan at birth, been treated like dirt my whole life, and never had more than enough money to scrap by?" Naruto leaned back with his arms crossed.
This "goddess" should know he had never played a video game in his life, so there was no way that whatever she was going to ask him he could understand.
"Like I keep track of all the different humans, you're all pretty much the same to me." Aqua stated with a shrug.
She was a goddess, that wasn't her job.
"Anyway, I bet you don't want to be dead-"
"Actually, I was a pretty nice guy in life, so I'm fine with being dead and going to an afterlife-"
"Wait now, before you decide!" Aqua panicked a little as she jumped out of her seat, starting to sweat as if she was realizing something bad was going to happen. "You are like prime material for being sent to another world! Tall, handsome, super athletic, so you really shouldn't do something so boring like go to the afterlife."
Naruto looked at her shouting in a panic.
"Explain?" Naruto had no clue what to make of that.
"... I am also partially in charge of another world with human. In that world, there is a Demon King that is invading. We can't have humanity dying out there, so we decided that young people like you need to be sent there to fight... since the people in that world refuse to be reborn out of trauma." Aqua explained, and after that she pointed at Naruto. Naruto had experience dying from trauma, and she could see that he understood her. "There are swords and magic and abilities in that world-"
"So, is there an afterlife with a Tropical Region?"
"Daaaaaah! Please, don't go into the afterlife, I have quota's to meet and so far none of the humans I have sent to the other world have completed the job!" Aqua rushed towards Naruto and grabbed onto him with tears in her eyes. She cried on him as she shook him back in forth, because this would be like the 10th time in a row that somebody would refuse to reincarnate.
Naruto just stared at her.
"You do realize I'm just a normal dude, right?" Naruto asked her, and she stopped crying and deadpan stared at him.
"... You've had a group of assassins after your life since you were 15 years old, and you Isekei'd TWO of the trucks that tried to kill you."
"... Trucks have souls?"
"Well, no, but 8 things that would quickly kill a normal person couldn't kill you. Some other god decided to give you a cosmic middle finger and sent a meteorite through your chest, just to make sure you didn't get medical help. Even then, you only passed out and died in the hospital 3 days later." Aqua stated to Naruto, since he would naturally be unaware of what happened after he passed out.
It took him 3 days in the hospital to die.
Even AFTER the doctors accidentally overdosed him on medication, his bodies sheer stupid ability to not die had been something that even she took note of near the end. She literally stopped doing her job for 4 days straight as she watched him.
"Wait, I survived all of that shit."
"Yeah, surprisingly enough you almost did survive." Aqua pointed out to him, before her eyes became tearful again. "That's why you HAVE to do this for me, and when you get reborn in other worlds you get to keep your body, AND you can even pick perks and stuff!" Aqua pulled out a catalog of different things that Naruto could pick from to take with him.
Skills, weapons, abilities.
Naruto raised his hands.
"But hold up now... what ACTUALLY killed me, if I was expected to survive?" Naruto asked, since he really had to know what killed him. He couldn't go on with afterlife if he didn't know at least that much.
"Actually, I honestly can't say, I stopped watching, and your stuff says that you could have died from like 11 different things." Aqua had no clue what was the root cause of death for him. While saying this she flipped back to a normal tone of voice, before she returned to her crying face. "Don't you want a special ability and to fight a Demon Lord, and save a world... you can have riches, fame, fortune, women... you're a young guy, I bet you want a harem of hot girls, young girls, older girls? I don't know, girls... guys-"
Naruto grabbed Aqua.
Naruto jumped into the air and slammed her head into the ground using all of his weight, and Aqua went limp before falling onto her side when he let go of her.
"YOU HIT ME! You can't hit me, I'm a goddess, that HURT! You hurt me, so now you HAVE to agree to this right! Right!?" Aqua grabbed onto him again after she recovered, even more tears in her eyes and a massive bump on her head. "What were we talking about?" Aqua asked with a raised eyebrow.
"How you're pushing me even further and further away from going to another world, can you just send me to the afterlife already?"
"... You died a virgin, you can change that if you go to another world. There are tons of cute girls, and if you beat the Demon Lord you could pick from like any of them."
"... Your parents decided to get reborn."
"Sign me up." Naruto changed his mind at the drop of a hat. The afterlife meant nothing to him if his parents were there waiting for him. Naruto grabbed the magazine and started to look through it for a moment, looking at all the different weapons and skills that he could pick from.
It was down between two.
Naruto looked at the two skills.
"I pick this one here." Naruto pointed to one of the skills.
"Okay then... now hero, you shall begin your journey to take out the Demon King." Aqua stood up as a massive magical circle appeared underneath Naruto's feet.
Kushina Uzumaki and Minato Namikaze (Kushina never took his last name) appeared together moments later.
Aqua's jaw dropped.
"... But... I... how did you two die... again. It's only been 17 years." Aqua put her hands on both sides of her head. She literally just told Naruto he could meet his parents again, and they died within moments of him leaving for that world.
"Heheheh... we sacrificed ourselves for our daughter Naruko, it's a shame we could never see our son Naruto... but we hope that Naruko can carry on the spirit. We will be happy to watch the two of them from the afterlife."
Aqua's jaw dropped.
"... Would you... like to go back?" Aqua knew it was against the rules, but she DID kind of make a promise... actually, she didn't make a promise did she. "... Very well, I hope the two of you have a great afterlife." Aqua smiled and stood up once more.
Naruto just had shitty luck.
Please Leave Me Lots of Nice Long Reviews, But No Flames Please!
Who is best girl for Naruto and why?