Hello everyone, for those that still follow this story. I am going to be brief, here is a nice little snippet I found on spacebattles that I thought you would enjoy, not written by me, credit goes to the author.
That's the first thing, the other one? Well, since I kind of wanted to contact a user and he/she ignored my DM, I thought it would be nice. I am talking about Grumpy Grue.
As for DxD? Well, I am not writting a Hollow Knight / DxD crossover without getting better grasp on the franchise. Which means, that yes, I have started reading DxD manga (not LN, not yet, it was bad enough in the first chapter being in Issei's head). Wish me luck, because I am probably going to need a therapy once I am done with it!
Ediros out!
The Author cleared his throat. "Alright! Now, Naruto, you've just used your super-mega-ultra-hyper-beam-laser-awesome-hyphenated-plasma-killtasticular-ramen no jutsu on Riser. He's dead now-"
Riser Phenex blinked in confusion, and then in rage. He stood up. "What. Really, I just got one-shotted like... Oh come on!" He shouted angrily. "What the fuck is this shit? What is it?! Super-mega-ultra jutsu my ass, since when the hell did he have that sort of firepower? You're just making shit up to make your protagonist look better, is that it? How can you expect to write a good narrative if your protagonist can just one-shot anything with some bullshit move? Especially since with his power level, NO ONE in this setting is more powerful than him?"
The Author scowled. "Well fuck you. It's my story, and you're a prick who accomplishes absolutely nothing of value. In fact, your death only helps my plot along, so neh. No one liked you anyway, and your death probably gave me a few more reviews. So yeah. You die now. As well as your peerage... Wait, no. Naruto could always use more women in his harem."
Riser slumped in defeat. "What. What. What. What. But I-! That's so stupid!"
"Get off the stage. Oh, and the blast hit Issei. He's dead now, as well."
Issei perked up from where he had been slouching off to the side. "Wait, what? Why am I dead as well?"
"I only kept you alive because comedy-"
"I was beaten up by everyone!" Issei shouted, his face reddened in anger. "My former girlfriend, the kendo club, the sumo club, the swimming club, even the fucking chess club of all things, and those guys hit like pansies!"
"Well-"
"People whispered things and threw things at me!" Issei continued ranting. "Dogs pissed on me in public, hell, people pissed on me in public and wrote derogatory things on my back! And front! I was struck by random lightning bolts even though there was a perfectly clear blue sky! My clothes were old and moldy! My house collapsed when I was in it! I was castrated for god's sake! Put through cruel, unimaginable tortures! And this is for the sake of... Comedy?"
"Well, it's slapstick." The author replied easily as he reclined on his chair. "People enjoy seeing perverts get beaten up-"
"Beaten up? Beaten up?! I wish I was just beaten up. You had me castrated, vivisected, mentally and physically tortured, whipped, and essentially bashed to all oblivion! Yes, I admit that I am a little too fixated on breasts, but you completely ignored any and all redeeming characteristics that I had in canon and focused on the worst parts so that you could have an excuse to bash an 'unlikeable' character and make your protagonist look better! Even though he does just as many perverted things with his harem!"
Issei began weeping, big fat tears rolling down his cheeks. "And that's not fair at all! In your story, Naruto's a jerk! A big meanie! He takes what he wants, and if he can't take it he'll destroy it. He kills and tortures and maims everyone who gets in his way! He basically acts like a complete douche,brooding over some kind of weird-ass pain that is never explained, and somehow he deserves a harem? Why. Why?"
"To ease the pain in his heart-"
"What pain! You never explain what kind of pain he has! Look! He's perfectly fine, for fuck's sake!" Issei cried, thoroughly distraught by the completely illogical fallacy that had just occurred. The sheer stupidity of that statement tore at his heart, pierced it a thousand times, and then burned it and proceeded to piss on its ashes.
"... Get the fuck out of my story, you unlikeable prick." The author hissed venomously. "I don't have to explain shit to you plebeians, it's my story so it's my rules, and damn canon and conventional common sense."
"Did you even read the light novels? Watch the anime? I have plenty of redeeming qualities, goddammit! You can't just shaft one protagonist and make him look bad so that you can make another protagonist look better! That's not how a good story works!" Issei cried out.
"Well, this story is the best, so obviously that's how it works." The author sniffed.
"... You're so fucking stupid." Issei said, murderously.
"Alright. So now, Rias, you're going to say-"
Rias threw her script to the ground. "I'm done."
"... What?" The author raised an eyebrow and scratched his neck-beard.
"This... This is a goddamned porny lemon! 'Oh Naruto, make me-' no. NO. I'm not going to... No."
"But you're totally attracted to him-"
Rias scowled. "Why would I be attracted to a guy who's basically a fucking icicle for all the emotional depth he shows?" She asked. "Not to mention, he's a sadistic murderous psychopath who gets off on killing the 'unlikeable' characters and turning every single thing with a pair of tits and a vagina into part of his personal harem. The guy's essentially an overpowered insane murderhobo!"
"He was totally justified in killing those bystanders. They were in his way." The author defended, raising a slug-like arm in objection,
"He's cold. Cold and emotionless when he speaks. He has this dark aura around him that's supposed to make him look cool and brooding. He's wearing this stupid shinobi getup that's supposed to make him look awesome and kickass, but instead makes him stand out so painfully it's actually almost sickening. All in all, he looks like a potential rapist instead of a dark and brooding anti-hero. How the hell is anyone supposed to be attracted to that?" Rias asked furiously.
Akeno chimed in. "Even I'm not attracted to that. I might be a sadist, but there is a difference between sadism and masoschism, something that you don't understand shitty-author-san."
"Oh shut up."
"... And Treating women like objects? Toys?" Rias continued ranting. "Really? Treating every single female character in Highschool DxD as something to be collected? By Naruto Uzumaki. Oh, that isn't bigoted and egotistical at all! Nope!"
"I'm glad you see it my wa-"
"That was sarcasm, you idiot." Rias huffed. "That's it. I'm out of this story."
"What, you can't!" The author cried, short stubby arms flailing about bonelessly, almost like a sprt of putrid jelly. "We still have fifty more lemo-er, I mean, chapters to go! There would be fox tails, and knots-"
"And that's why I'm gone." Rias hefted her suitcase. "This was a terrible deal from day one."
And she left with nary a trace, nary a sign, nary a whispe. As did Issei, and Riser, and...
"Alright, I'm done." Naruto sighed. "They're leaving, so I'm leaving. No more."
"You're the main character, you can't leave!"
"I didn't want this! I didn't sign up for this!" Naruto hissed angrily. "Did you think. I enjoyed it? The torture, the rape, the mind-rape and subsequent enslavements? Did you think I enjoyed acting like an emotionless prick? The OP-hax powers were kind of nice, but they made things so easy and boring!"
"Well-"
"And even the OP-hax powers were just... What? Where did this shit come from? Hell, where did any of my backstory come from! You just made shit up on the fly, i'm not even Naruto. My personality in your story is nothing like my personality in canon, and it was the same for pretty much every character in your story! I acted like a complete dick, the male characters acted like pricks and villains, and the females fawned over me mindlessly!"
"You're not fine with that?"
"No! I don't enjoy acting like a murderous sack of bones! I don't like the character you have me play! Who'd enjoy reading a story about a protagonist who acts like a complete villain, has powers so OP any fights end in less than three seconds, and who has essentially no redeeming qualities at all? Who'd enjoy reading a story with characters who act mindlessly and stupid, a story that's portrayed as a serious story yet consists of plotless porn containing a list of every single one of your fetishes, a story that bashes and is filled with graphic descriptions of torture and rape?"
Naruto leaned towards the author. "Who'd enjoy reading a story like that?"
The author folded his arms over his flabby chest defiantly. "The 1243 people who've faved and reviewed this story." He stated smugly. "It's obviously a popular story-"
"That's because." Naruto said slowly. "The majority of readers in this particular fandom are idiotic horny teenagers who wouldn't know porn from plot, and who seek the lowest of the low of wish-fulfillment."
"1243 favs. Shut up, I'm better than you. I have more favs than you." The author said, so absorbed in his egotistical bullshit was he. It smelled like decaying milk, like shit in the toilet, like all things bad in the world. If all the world's evils had a scent, that would be the scent of the bullshit he was currently spouting.
Naruto sighed. "I'm done. Nope. No more. I'm not doing this anymore. I'm going to go apologize to my coworkers for what you forced me to do."
And... He left. Ashamed that a demented man had twisted him into a caricature of his canon self, ashamed at what he had done, and violently hating that little man for creating an abomination of a story and passing it off as good literature.
The author shrugged.
"Right... Now, how do I write 'give me your hand' again? Oh right, it's you're* hand."
He chuckled.
"I didn't even watch Naruto or DxD. Man, writing sure is easy!"
End.
*This is on purpose. The correct form of this phrase is 'give me your hand'. Not you're, your. I do understand how to differentiate between your and you're. I may be an stupid buffoon, but at the very least I am not a illiterate stupid buffoon.