Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray man

Nearly soundless footsteps echoed in the hallway, shadows shifting and cloaking the figure in darkness, shuddering sobs barely contained. The figure stopped in front of a door and went inside the room in a hurried motion, shivers wrecking the frail body. Under the moonlight, pale skin shone and gold eyes were filled with tears as the visitor shook awake the other boy. Another set of groggy golden eyes opened, unfocused and heavy with sleep, rough voice too loud in the silence of the night.

"Wha, Mana...?" Nea said, popping up on his elbow, and blinked to wake up. Mana was already half-way on the bed, arms wrapped tightly around his twin's body, face buried in his chest, right above his heart. Thin shoulders shook and Nea widened his eyes.

"Shhh, it's okay, Mana. I'm fine." He whispered, bringing his brother closer, a hand in the soft curls of his hair and another around his back. "My heart is still beating, can you hear it? I'm alive."

Mana's hold was almost painful but Nea held on, rubbing circles on the other's back, and let him have his time. "I'm here, you are not alone. I will never leave you." It was a promise, a vow, one that Nea never intended to break.

Mana nodded, a simple jerk of his head, the strong heartbeat echoing in his ears. He closed his eyes and tried to erase the still figure behind his eyelids.

*Thump thump*

Nea's heart went on, the steady rhythm resonating in his bones and Mana could finally breathe again, the scent of dry wood and sweets that always clung on Nea so different from the nauseating copper smell, the warmth of his skin so different from the frigid cold of the one in his dreams.

So Mana held on, blood and empty golden eyes burned in his heart, a heavy sword in his hands and tears sliding down his cheeks. It burned. It all burned so much, the sickening laughter of the always grinning man behind him, the red red red sword next to him, the warm liquid seeping into his clothes and all around his brother and the golden eyes filled with hatred. Mana gulped, the bile in his throat choking him, the thousands apologies he wanted to scream flooding his vines, the guilt and fear and disgust pulling him under and the Earl who always laughs.

Mana hated him. He hated him so much... His fingers dug in Nea's back, the pure want to tell him, all of it, and avoid the future in his nightmares. But he couldn't. He couldn't, not when the Earl could take over and Mana cease to exist, not when Nea could be so easily erased.

He just wanted to live with his Nea. He looked at his brother's concerned eyes. 'I don't want to lose you.' almost slipped out as more tears streamed down his face and Mana prayed to the God he was supposed to hate, not to take his sunshine away.

(Then again, God has never cared about the pleas of a Noah.)