AN: This story deals with the aftermath of the AYITL New Hampshire event. Lorelai and Luke already on their honeymoon but Rory didn't tell Lorelai about being pregnant, conversation with Christopher never happened. Emily sold the Hartford house and Rory has just barely begun writing her book. Paris lives in Hartford in my stories.
This story is not for those who have very strict traditional values e.g if you think Rory and Logan seeing each other while he was already with Odette is unforgivable cheating, then perhaps it would be better for you to skip this story. This is an eventual ROGAN.
Strong language intended minimally, mature rating due to some more intimate scenes.
THE MAINE EVENT
Rory had a bad feeling. It was the slight nausea at the smell of cooking and the peculiar thirst for apple juice, which was very much unlike her, on top of her period being late, the latter being not too unusual, that had made her eventually relent and drive to Hartford one evening to get a pregnancy test. She could've gotten it from Stars Hollow, but then ten minutes later everyone would be talking about her, and she certainly preferred to avoid that course of events. There was no doubt when and with whom this could've happened with, and that was a scary thought. They had said their goodbyes and the dynastic plan was in motion, and even the slightest possibility of her pregnancy felt like a faith punching her in the face.
She had been feeling a little off that night, more tired than usual and had a slight backache, and she was hoping to get this little evening venture to the Hartford 24 h drugstore over with as quickly as possible. She was just about to step out of her car, grabbing her phone from the storage compartment to place it in her purse, when she dropped the phone to the floor.
"Shoot," she muttered.
As she bent down she noticed it. She was bleeding, her light brown needlecord trousers were noticeably stained at the crotch and the inner thighs. For a moment she felt lightheaded. She was never too good with blood, especially when there was a lot of it. She tried to take a deep breath and gather herself. Surely this was just her late period. But it had been nearly two decades since she'd last been surprised by her period like that, usually getting some light spotting as a warning sign first. But this was heavier.
She hastily browsed through her purse in search of a pad that Lorelai had once taught her to always carry with her as one of the most universal items - works for unexpected coffee spills, puffy eye coolers and for periods, she recalled her mother's words. For once she was glad she had listened to her mother and a little proud of herself for having worn her longer coat, that now enable to temporarily hide her stains. She hastily got out of the car and headed for the gas station next door to use their bathroom. The place smelled of paint and stale urine, but it would have to do. She attached the pad to her blood-soaked panties, her hands slightly shaking. Somehow she felt embarrassed by this course of events, whatever it was. She quickly buttoned her coat again and returned to her car. She wiped down the dark leather seat of her car, thinking practically and carefully sat back behind the wheel making sure her coat wouldn't get stained. She could sense her body shiver slightly. For a moment she didn't know what to do next. Should she breathe easier? Had it been just a scare? Was it her period, just a little late, or was this something else, something worse? The thought that she might actually have liked the idea of a baby, Logan's baby, hadn't really registered with her until that moment, having subconsciously avoided thinking about it, and now, she really didn't know what to think. She did the only thing she could think of.
"Rory, this better be important, I am in the middle of putting the kids to bed," Paris answered her call.
"Sorry, Paris. I just have a quick question, I didn't know who else to call," she said apologetically.
"Let's hear it," Paris replied bluntly.
"How do you tell the difference whether a period was late or whether it is a… a miscarriage," she said with a slight studder in her voice.
"Rory, do you think you…?" she asked, somewhat thrown back by her question. This was not what she expected to hear from Rory.
"I don't know, so can you tell me what I should do? Do I need to go have myself checked out or…?" Rory asked.
"You could do a pregnancy test if it just happened, it should still react to the hCG levels if it was a miscarriage," Paris replied. "And if the bleeding is close to the normal amount and it was earlier than 10 weeks there shouldn't be an urgent need to go to the ER straight away, but it would be good to check it out," she added.
"How ironic," she chuckled, feeling tears forming in her throat, "I was just about to go buy a test," she added, glancing towards the drug store just a few hundred feet away
"I gather this wasn't planned? I didn't know you and Paul were that serious," Paris noted.
"If it was that, it wasn't his," Rory stated.
"Right," she sighed. Paris had an idea whose it could've been, but clearly Rory didn't want to emphasize it, and she understood why.
"Alright, I'll go buy a test then," Rory added, getting ready to head back out of her car, the bloodstains on her pants beginning to feel cold against her skin. She just wanted to get this over with and go home to shower.
"Drive to my house, you can come take it here," Paris offered.
"Thanks," Rory replied, stepping out of her car again.
It was 50 minutes later when she walked out of Paris' bathroom, having showered and changed into some of Paris' clothes, the test in her hand.
"Two stripes," she sighed.
"How much bleeding is there?" Paris asked, all her attention on Rory now.
"Little more than usual, pretty bad cramping," Rory replied, her backache having turned to more intense cramping by now.
"Sometimes bleeding is normal in the beginning of a pregnancy as well, so I do think it would be good to check it out now that the test detected it," she explained. "How far along do you think it could've been?" Paris asked.
She knew exactly how long it had been. "8 and half weeks," she replied in a broken voice.
"Alright, I'll take you, I'll just go let nanny know I'm going out," Paris suggested.
Three hours later Rory had a confirmed diagnosis, it had been a miscarriage. She wondered whether it would have made any difference if she'd taken the test earlier. Would knowing have changed anything? Would she have told Logan? Or Lorelai? What would either of them had said or done? Would the loss have been more significant? She had gotten two news bombs at the same evening, and her mind had no idea how to process either of them.
But tonight she was just exhausted, and above all she just wanted to curl up in bed and sleep. Luckily she could.
The next morning she woke up, still aching and feeling hollow. She'd lost something she hadn't ever fully had. And now somehow putting up a brave face and walking to Luke's for her breakfast, putting her nose out the door at all, seemed like the last thing she wanted to do. It took her an entire day of hiding to realize she was actually sad. But it was the guilty kind - it was as if she wasn't allowed to be sad, having conceived this baby with Logan under the circumstances that had been and not having known about it. Not only had the pregnancy been a secret, even to her, so was her miscarriage. She couldn't tell her mother without telling her she'd been with Logan. Her brain kept telling her that it must've happened for a reason, something had likely been wrong with the fetus, but she kept feeling like it had happened because of their less honorable circumstances, her unawareness or that she had done something wrong. She felt so alone. Tears fell down her cheeks as she finally relented, dialling his number, only to disconnect the call moments later, realizing she really shouldn't be calling him at this hour. She really shouldn't be calling him at all.
It was in the middle of the night in London. And it wasn't as if she knew what she was going to say at all.
It was three minutes later when her phone rang. Logan always did called her back.
Her hands shook as she answered her phone.
"Ace?" he asked.
"Hi, I'm sorry, I didn't…," she began, sobs taking over.
"What's wrong, Ace?" he asked urgently.
"Something happened, but…," she began, unable to find the words to explain.
"Can you just try to breathe with me to calm down, Ace," he tried to sooth her. "Breathe in, breath out, breath in, breathe out," he repeated, speaking in a low voice.
She complied, taking one breath after another, yet the tears kept falling even after she stopped feeling like rambling.
"Can you tell me what happened?" he asked steadily.
"I had a miscarriage, I didn't even know I was pregnant," she cried, letting it all out.
There was a long silence on the other end of the line. Rory wouldn't be calling him if it had been someone else's, there was no doubt.
"Are you okay?" he asked finally, realizing just as he'd said it, how stupid that question really was.
"Physically hurting, but not in any serious danger, mentally… I don't even know where to begin to process this. I'm so messed up," she cried, running her fingers through her hair.
"I'm so sorry, Ace," he said solemnly. He struggled to wrap his head around this just the same.
Suddenly she realized the one thing that could make her feel every so slightly better. She'd been feeling so trapped in Stars Hollow for weeks now. Failing as a journalist, failing as a writer. And now with this new information - she could just sense the gossip that was coming her way as soon as anybody figured out she had been pregnant. Hiding out wasn't an option and going out, the way she felt, was going to be impossible to hide. Their nosy questions and overwhelming pity - she just couldn't handle it.
"I just need to get out of Stars Hollow," she sighed, tears still falling down her cheeks. "Is there anyway...," she began not finishing that sentence, instead adding, "does the offer on the Maine house still stand?" she whimpered.
She didn't even know if it was a smart thing to do. While he'd ensured there were no strings attached to that offer, she knew too well that there were always strings, even if just the invisible ones. She didn't even know if it would make her feel better, but she needed to try. The thought of writing her book was one of the few things in her life that she actually looked forward to and this was the only way she could think of thinking about something other than what just had happened.
AN: Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think - is it worth continuing?