Did you miss me?

Anyway last warning about NSFW stuff and not so friendly stuff aswell, remember this is just a shit post sooo don't expect the best from me.

alright have fun.

[A few years later - Aldera Junior High]

"It's time for all of you to think seriously about your future but...We all know you want to be heroes!" the teacher grabbed a stack of papers and threw them accros the room while all the students cheered in glee "Oi! Don't lump me with all these extras!" This lady and gentlemen is Katsuki Bakugou, a 'special' person who has an overinflated ego, ash blond hair, red eyes and was Izuku's best friend "I will be going to UA and overpass All Might as the number one hero!" he started to brag before the teacher spoke up.

"Oh Midoriya, you also applied for UA" The teacher said, everyone turned to see Izuku in his usual dirty uniform, eating ramen while silently moaning between each bite "DEKU!" Bakugou charged at Izuku, slamming an explosion on his desk and destroying the ramen in the progress "Nooo! Put them hands up right now, you about to be in WorldStar!" Izuku rolled up his sleeves, ready for a fight "Alright! Settle down children, before I have to send you to the principal" both glared at each other before returning to there seats.

After the bell rang, Bakugou immediately walked towards Izuku before he left "What the hell do you think your doing!? Only one of us will go to UA and it sure as hell won't be you, do me a favor an kill yourself!"

He stared at Bakugou for a few seconds before shrugging and pulling out a piece of paper and a knife "Ok here's the suicide note, here is the knife, I will let you have the privilege of killing me" Izuku handed the knife to Bakugou, who was shocked by this sudden action "I'm not a pussy! So come on then, do it! Do it motherfucker!" He rolled up his sleeve, showing his wrist "Remember: sideways for dramatics, longway for results" he smiled at Bakugou's disgusted face "Well, what are you waiting for? Isn't this what you want?" he said while laughing maniacally.

"Go to hell you pathetic Deku!" He threw the knife across the room and left "Fucking pussy couldn't even do me a favor" Izuku grabbed his bag and left. As he was walking home through a dark tunnel he noticed something wrong "What is that smell?" Suddenly a manhole burst open reveling a giant snot monster "Oh shit! Dad is that you?"

"Ah wonderful! A human suit to hide inside" it rushed towards him, Izuku side stepped and started to rub his hands together before slamming them down on the floor "Hold up imma about to summon, The Safari Spirit!" Out of thin air a transparent Japanese man wearing a safari hat came into existence "なぜ私はここにいるのですか?!中出し寸前!" said the spirit "Just kill the fucking thing and I will send you back!"

"罰金!" The Safari Spirit held his hand in a finger gun position and shot a beam of light straight towards the snot monster, killing it as quickly as it appeared "Huh, I thought be a lot longer and cooler also when the fuck did you become that powerful!?"


"Well thanks for the hand you can go back now, I have no use for you anymore" The Safari Spirit nodded and dissapeared "Well shit, I just wasted too many chromosomes summoning him here, really didn't want to do this today" he sighed and went to his local alleyway, it was time to get filthy and get a shit ton of chromosomes.

"I AM HERE!" All-Might finally caught up to the villain or so he thought, because the only thing in that tunnel was just ash and a couple of pubes.



[Recording 0:00]

The screen turns on to reveal Izuku in his usual outfit which consists of a dirty blue button up shirt that smelled like rotten octopus, Adidas sweatpants and his signature glasses that he probably didn't need to see but still wore, he was in a dark alleyway with the sounds of cars being able to be heard "Welcome, to The Filthy Izuku Show! Today I have decided to cook something up for you, now last time we cooked up my mother's famous rat soup but today we will be cooking: People Pie!

[Recording 2:57]

Izuku was walking around the streets until he found the perfect target "Excuse me sir, could you spit inside this baggie please?" The bald homeless man looked at Izuku with curiosity "Why should I give you my spit?" Izuku took out an American five dollar bill which the homeless quickly took and spat right into the baggie "Thank you sir" he placed the bag in his pocket and scouted for more ingredients.

[Recording 9:50]

After asking a stripper for her toenails, an old business man for his sweat, an odd humanoid crocodile for its piss and an overweight man for his seamen, Izuku has finally collected all the ingredients to make the perfect People Pie! It was time to head home and cook it.

[Recording 26:44]

"Alright, after mixing all those wonderful ingredients and making sure it's possibly digestible, we now need to wait until it's nicely baked!"

[Recording Paused]

"Now we wait" as he said that his mother came into the kitchen "Uh Iz- Izuku, one of your f- friends is H- having a fit" Izuku sighed, walked towards his mother's room and entered it "Alright, who is it this time?" A humanoid frog also known as Salamander Man pointed at another humanoid being, this one had a lemon for a head and was named Lemon, it currently was having a seizure while holding a pair of panties "Let me guess, he went outside again?" Salamander Man nodded "Why am I not surprised, couldn't have you tried to stop him?"

Salamander Man explained how he took a nap and next thing he knew Lemon was nowhere to be seen inside the house so he went outside to look for him, luckily it didn't take Salamander too long to find him but Lemon some how was able to harass enough people to almost get himself arrested.

It was hard but Salamander managed to grab Lemon and bring him back home "Look, just don't let it happen again ok? I already have enough problems trying to find the others and you guys fucking around is not helping me, so don't do that again!" Salamander Man grabbed his signature flute and played a sad tune while Lemon started to cry "Good, now did you find anything on the others?" Salamander shook his head "I looked everywhere for anything involving them and nothing came up boss, I'm sorry" Izuku was disappointed but he couldn't be mad, after all it did take him years to even find Salmander Man and Lemon, even then that was by dumb luck.

[Flashback: 3 years ago]

Realm: Remnants District 96

"Oh yeah baby, that was some really good chicken! But nothing beats moms katsudon"

Izuku patted his stomach and walked out of a little shop called Los Pollos Hermanos before hearing a scream between pleasure and downright terror.

Izuku rushed towards the noise to find a small little boy wearing almost identical clothing to him "Hey get back up! I need to make this new video soon or else Mommy won't give me Minecoins" the boy sounded like a dying Frenchmen, and it looks like he was hitting "SALAMANDER MAN!"

He rushed towards the humanoid frog before being stopped by the little boy "Hold it right there kid, I found them first so I get to keep them!" Izuku was getting irritated "Who are you?" The little boy smirked "You don't know who I am? Well I'm the famous: Filthy Frank!"

"Don't you mean Filthy Frank Kid? Have your balls even dropped?"

FFK (Filthy Frank Kid) gritted his teeth before summoning what appeared to be a blue blocky looking sword "I will fucking kill you for that insult!" He rushed towards him but Izuku easily sidestepped but was surprised when he saw that he was cut in the leg, and it was a deep cut "How did you?" FFK started to look even more smug "Now do you believe me I'm the real Frank?"

"Not really" Izuku spotted Salamander Man's flute, he sprinted towards it and grabbed it successful "Because the real Frank would never drop something like this on the floor, well maybe" he started playing a song, FFK started to fall into a deep slumber before finally being knocked out.

Izuku pulled a 9mm and shot FFK right in the head "Your welcome Frank Fans" he put it away before picking up Salamander Man "Sa...Save...Le- Lemon!"

Izuku looked around until spotting a cage, he walked towards it and saw the infamous Lemon cowering in the corner "Hello Lemon" the lemon humanoid started crying louder until hearing the cage lock break.

"Let's go home"


"Oh! The pie is ready, we will talk about this later" Izuku rushed to the kitchen and took out the pie from the oven "Uh I didn't know you could bake Izuku" He forgot his mother was still there "Yeah, learned from the best!" He smiled before shaking the image of a red humanoid off of his mind.

[Recording Resumed]

"Now look at that! Dosen't that look nice? Murphy would be proud, why don't we go to the streets one more time to see who would eat this, shall we?"

[Recording 32:59]

"Soo, would you eat this pie?" Izuku presented the pie to a random person in the street "Hell yeah dude! It looks delicious!" The guy took a huge piece from the pie and ate it in one whole bite, meanwhile Izuku tried his damn best not laugh but ultimately failed "What's so funn-" the guy started to gag and looked everywhere for a trashcan but in the end he just threw up in the sidewalk "Ha! Get fucking PRANKED!" Izuku did a jerking motion in the air before pointing at the guy and laughing, the stranger tried to lunge at Izuku but failed "Thank you for tasting my pie!"

[Recording Ended]

"Well I think that's good enough to give me a good handful of chromosomes" Izuku walked back home, leaving the man to choke on his own vomit.