Kicking off the start of my 12 Days of Ficmas is Pete Davidson. My sweet love.
A small caveat here, and I'm making this statement because a lot of people have shit on Pete Davidson for being open about his health issues. I have three people in my family and friend group who have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). I've seen the difficulties that lie within in it and how they approach their lives on a daily basis. I've seen three very separate responses to having this particular disorder and all I can say is that everyone handles themselves differently.
Getting diagnosed with BPD is a long and hard journey. This particular disorder doesn't fully manifest (in most cases) until your late 20′s. In all actuality, a lot of mental illnesses don't completely settle in until your 20′s. It took one of my best friends having a complete and utter psychotic break to finally be diagnosed properly. It was terrifying. It's hard as hell to watch the people you love go through something like this. It's hard as hell for the people themselves trying to figure out what's going on with them. It's hard as hell for professionals to diagnose because of all the factors and ticks this disorder has. It's also very similar to Bipolar Disorder which makes it even harder to identify. Regardless, experiencing any of this first hand is scary and heartbreaking.
Please keep in mind, that when Pete was thrust into the mega spotlight by being with Ariana Grande, he had yet to be officially diagnosed and was still struggling. He still had no idea what was happening to him, all he knew was that there was something off. It wasn't until well after they'd split that he got properly diagnosed and since then has been working to help himself build healthy coping mechanisms. Moving on to live his life with the proper tools in place to deal with his diagnosis.
Having a mental illness doesn't inherently make you a toxic person. Being a toxic person makes you a toxic person. Health issues or not. In the same vein, I'm not here to romanticize any kind of mental illness either. However, I don't think we shouldn't write about these things. Nor the happiness and love you can have and deserve, regardless of any illness you may have. Thank you for coming to my ted talk!
As always, y'all know I'm a sucker for fluff and a true romantic through and through. Here's some cute and fluffy Pete Davidson for you!
Prompt: "I'm not going to kiss you under the mistletoe."
Word Count: 3.8K words
Playlist: Whatever Jingles Your Bells - Cali Rodi
Warnings: Mentions of drug use.
"Give me that wish list,
Checking it twice.
I'll make your dreams come true,
A gift from me to you."
Whatever Jingles Your Bells – Cali Rodi
She stood leaning against the open doorway, a soft smile gracing her features. She kept her arms crossed as she watched him. He was sitting on the edge of the couch cushion, both elbows resting on his knees. She could hear him speaking animatedly into the headset while his fingers breezed over the controller with practiced ease. Her smile grew as the minutes ticked by. She could watch him enjoying himself any time of any day. When he was happy, it was worth more than all the bad days put together.
A distinctly male voice called from the top of the stairs behind her causing both her and Pete to whip their heads in the direction of the sound. She peered up to see as one of Pete's best friends ducked past the frame and descend the stairs.
She unfolded her arms and held out one hand to the newcomer, "What up, Ricky?"
"Fancy seeing you here," Ricky smirked, squeezing her hand in greeting and winking.
She chuckled and rolled her eyes, playfully at him. She glanced back up the stairs, expecting Ricky's girlfriend to follow.
He noticed and shook his head, "She's out at work."
She nodded and turned back to the front glancing back over at Pete, who was staring at her pleasantly dumbfounded.
He'd been quiet through the whole exchange. His eyes tracking every move she made and flicked between her and his best friend. Ricky crossed their line of vision to drop down onto the couch next to Pete, jostling him back into action. Pete dumped his controller onto the cushion next to him while simultaneously tugging off the headset and tossing that away too. He bumped fists with Ricky quickly as he made his way across the room to her.
With a grin, she bounced her hip off the wall and stepped back onto the step to bring her up closer to Pete's height. He smirked at adjustment, letting his eyes rake over her. She swallowed discreetly, always taken off guard by how easily his gaze charged her up. He reached out for her, shaping his hands around her waist and tilting his head to look down at her.
"I didn't know you were coming by," He licked his lips, his voice low.
She slid her arms around his shoulders, threading her fingers together and letting her hands hang at the back of his neck. She stretched up onto her tiptoes and answered him with a sweet, longing kiss. She felt his hands slid from her waist to her lower back and hip. She pressed herself closer against him, squeezing her eyes closed as his touch sent shivers through her. She loved how he made her feel with something as simple as a kiss or even a caress.
Her heart fluttered as he pulled back, only to catch his breath before pressing his mouth soundly against hers again. She sighed into him, melting into his chest. He chuckled, feeling her body turn to putty at his affections. They broke apart again while she pressed three more kisses to his mouth and a final one on the tip of his nose.
"Hey Staten," She murmured, using her coveted nickname for him.
He graced her with his proper, goofy smile. On any other day, he'd crack a joke, but today he was just happy she showed up unannounced. A liberty they weren't going to be afforded in the next few weeks, with him off filming another movie and her heading back home for the holiday break. She happened to be one of the few writers who managed to schedule time off. Aside from those who were off doing different projects. Which was why each visit she made was precious to him. It would be the first time they'd be apart. The first time there was any distance between them.
She uncurled her hands and ran the tips of her fingers through his hair, around the cusp of his ear. She cocked her head to the side, matching his grin and leaning in to touch their foreheads together.
"Ugh, you guys are sickening!" Ricky mocked from behind Pete.
Grinning widely at each other, they both chuckled. Pete shook his head in amusement while she scrunched up her nose. With a wink, she dropped back down onto her heels and stepped off the step. She let one hand slid down his arm until their hands met and entwined. She slipped around him, pulling him with her as she headed for the couch.
Pete followed behind her until they were close enough and switched their positions. He sat back against the corner of the sectional, then spinning her around so that she cuddled into the space between his knees. She nestled up against him, tucking herself into his chest and facing forward. She reached over her sides, grabbed both his hands and curled his arms around her, crossing them in her lap where she could fold her hands between his.
She regarded Ricky with one raised eyebrow and a mischievous glint in her eyes, "You're just jealous that your girl isn't here too."
Pete's laughter rose as Ricky mimed her words back to her in sarcasm. That set them off for the rest of the afternoon. A couple of stragglers came through, but all in all, the three of them loafed around, enjoying each other's company. They talked shop, and they played games, and they argued random facts. It wasn't until well into the evening that things started to come to an end.
Pete knew it was coming. They'd been skirting around the farewell. Neither of them particularly fond of goodbyes of any kind, even if it was only for a few weeks. She was stretched out along the couch, her feet in his lap and head hanging off the side. He watched her as she laughed along with something Ricky said and knew that he was going to miss this. More than he wanted to believe.
Things were easy right now. Even though they didn't live together, they were still close enough to see each other daily. It didn't help that it was also December. The time of year, when families were getting together, not travelling apart from one another. An alarm cut through his train of thoughts, and she propped up on one elbow and sighed. It was time.
Reluctantly, she rolled off the couch and bowed down in front of Pete. He gazed up at her, his heart starting to pound in his chest. She offered him a calming smile, one that conveyed that she was feeling the same way—signalling to him that she didn't want to leave either. She held her hand out to him, waiting for him to meet her halfway.
He rolled his lips together and clasped her hand in his. He stood up and immediately pulled her into his side. He felt the small bit of tension she was holding in dissipate at his warmth. He dropped a kiss to the top of her head, feeling the same ease having her under his arm. She waved and said a quick goodbye to Ricky before they headed to the stairs.
They were quiet as they walked out his private entrance and down the driveway to where her car was parked. She stopped abruptly, pulling them both to a stop and startling him. He looked over at her with his eyebrows furrowed.
She frowned, "I forgot to say goodbye to your mom."
He couldn't stop the laugh that escaped. He'd been pleasantly surprised at how genuine she'd been in her relationship with his mom. There were times when she would come over to hang out with his mom and he hadn't even known she was there. He enjoyed the fact that they had an easy-going and mutually respected relationship. She pushed his shoulder at his reaction, but he could see the hidden smile on her lips.
"It's alright," He said between chuckles, "She's probably watching us from the front window anyways."
That prompted her to spin around and gaze up at the front porch, where his mom was waving cheerily from the window. She laughed out loud and lifted her hand to return the gesture.
"You knew she was there, didn't you?" She pouted as they both continued towards her car.
He shrugged nonchalantly, "I may have noticed the shadow as we came out."
She let out a long-suffering sigh, causing him to shake with quiet laughter. She always kept him on his toes, quick with her comments and sarcasm. She pulled out her keys and unlocked the car, effectively sobering their moment. They both stood a foot away from the driver's side door, staring at it. Neither of them ready to end the day.
He felt as she slowly started to pull away, but he wasn't having that, not yet. He brushed a hand against her upper arm, a suggestion in his touch. She glanced up at him and bit down on her bottom lip. He smiled before framing her face with his hands and leaning into her. Their mouths met with slow tenderness. Taking their time to memorize the feeling, both knowing it was going to be a while before they had this chance again.
With deep breaths, they pulled apart, but she kept her hand curled around the nape of his neck. Her eyes were closed as she held him close to her. She sniffed with the cool breeze that passed between them, winter having finally settled in the last week. He tightened his arms around her in response. He watched as a smile grew on her lips, and then she opened her eyes.
"I already know that you can't make it but, I'm having my annual Christmas party on the 23rd," She pecked his lips before continuing, "Consider me telling you this as your official invitation. It's only for my close friends and family. If you were in town, I'd demand that you were there, but I know you're going to be busy on the new set."
He sighed and dipped his head to rest it against hers, "Fuck. I wish I was going with you."
Her fingers contracted against him as he spoke. They both wished they were staying together for the holidays. They remained still for a long moment, soaking up each other's presence. Enough to keep them fulfilled through the next month. With mutual reluctance, they broke apart and he held the car door open after she slipped into the driver's seat.
"Call me every chance you get," She gazed up at him, "Promise me."
He smiled brightly, "Don't commit to something you can't handle."
"Please, Staten," She scoffed, "There's no chance in hell that I won't want to hear from you. Plus, I need to hear about all the wildness that you get up to on set."
He laughed out loud at her and nodded, agreeing with her promise, "Cross my heart."
He made a show of miming and 'X' over his chest as he spoke. She rolled her eyes playfully but tugged on his hand and pulled him down to her level.
Kissing him soundly, she whispered against his mouth, "This is your last chance to run away with me for a couple of weeks."
He groaned, wanting nothing more than to crawl over her into the passenger's seat. He closed his eyes, imagining that prospect for a moment, weighing the pros and cons. No matter which way he tried to make it work, it never did. He sighed and opened his eyes to find her watching him with a strong emotion written all over her features.
He licked his lips, feeling the same emotion bloom within him, but too many mistakes in his past had him holding back. She settled herself in the seat and buckled in. He backed away, letting the door swing shut on its own. He watched as she picked out a playlist for herself and then rolled down the window before she began backing out.
He followed in front of the car as she reversed onto the street, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he went. He felt himself hunch over, trying to hide from the bit of grief that was welling in his chest. This was new territory for both of them, and he felt helpless to his emotions.
She waved at him through the opened window, one last time. He reciprocated, standing on the curb, waving into the distance as the rear lights of her car faded into the distance. He let out a puff of air, staring at the cloud of condensation as it dissipated. He needed a joint.
After three long weeks and daily FaceTime calls later, he found himself climbing several flights of stairs in a foreign city. As he continued towards the top floor, he recalled the series of events that led him to this moment.
He'd spent the night on the phone with her last night, watching as she did last-minute decorating mixed with some baking. It was oddly refreshing to see her comfortable and in her own environment. Something he wasn't accustomed to, not while she was in New York anyway. He recalled falling asleep while they were still on the phone, and then the next moment, he was being shaken awake by his best friend, who threw a backpack at him. It took him a few minutes to collect himself and realize it was the next morning and too early for him even to be awake.
No one had been expecting the extra day off from set, giving them a grand total of three days off from filming. December 23rd through to the 25th, back on set for the 26th. He'd been looking forward to sleeping in, but Ricky had been oddly prepared for the change in schedule. He pestered him into getting out of bed and to pack an overnight bag, yelling about how they needed to be on the road by 9 am at the latest.
Now some ten hours later, he found himself standing in front of her door. He should've been suspicious from the start, as his friend happened to know exactly where they were going, but he'd been too caught up at the prospect of seeing her, surprising her. However, that was the main problem with this scenario. He was surprising her. He was showing up unannounced. Would she be ok with that? It was in moments like these that his insecurities got the better of him. What if she didn't appreciate the return in gesture? What if she hadn't really wanted him to come? What if she'd only invited him to be polite but knowing he wouldn't make it in the first place?
She was always so private. He'd assumed it had to do with being associated with him or even hiding that they were dating, but it turned out she was just like that. She preferred to keep her personal life to herself and those close to her. It took him a while to understand that she wasn't hiding. That everyone she loved and cared about knew about him, and she wasn't afraid to be seen with him. He knew that she cared deeply for him. All her past actions had proven that to him, but now she was home, in her own space. What if it had all changed?
Ricky noticed his hesitation and clapped a hand over his shoulder, "If she didn't want to see you, she wouldn't have invited you in the first place."
Pete inhaled and nodded. Ricky was right. She invited him to her holiday party even when she knew he was going to be across the border filming for a movie. She wanted to remind him that he was a fixture in her life, that what she had going on would always include him. He hoped she'd be excited to see him. Now that it was his turn to show up unexpectedly. It was his turn to be her knight and shining armour. He was bringing to life her Christmas rom-com fantasy. The one he warmly teased her about all the time.
With a deep breath, he turned the knob and shouldered the door open. He was hit with a wall of loud music and constant chatter. He fought the urge to flinch, knowing that it was only an instant reaction while he adjusted to the noise difference. It didn't help that he was also bombarded with holiday decorations everywhere.
Directly ahead of him was a giant Christmas tree, fitted perfectly next to an electric fireplace. It was decked out in beautiful golds and silvers. His eyes were drawn upwards by the staircase to his right, and he noted the second-floor loft area that had lights and garland wrapped around the bannister. The condo itself smelt amazing, a mixture of cinnamon and spices. He wondered if it was a candle or something else. He glanced further to his right and noted a front room and another door at the end of the hallway.
Turning back to the opening before him, he could see the silhouettes of people in various states of holiday cheer. He moved to unzip his jacket when Ricky knocked shoulders with him, effectively bumping him into the main area. He searched the room, looking for her noting some people he vaguely recognized, but most he had no idea who they were. These were her friends from her hometown. People he'd never met before.
He gulped, a lick of ineptitude thrumming through him for the millionth time that night. There was so much about her life back home that he didn't know. Maybe the reason she went back for the holidays was to get a break from him. Spend time with the people who knew her the best. He knew her well. Years of being friends taught him that, but this was still unknown territory for him. He noticed as a few faces recognized, and he licked his bottom lip, his nerves starting to get the best of him.
Ricky stepped up next to him and pointed her out. His eyes followed, and he immediately let out a sigh of laughter. She was standing next to the balcony door, wearing her festive sweater and reindeer antlers on her head. She was belting out the lyrics to the current song playing while her arm was wrapped loosely around one of her friend's shoulders. Together the two women were shaking their bodies and scream singing.
Her friend happened to look up at that moment, registered who he was and gave him a coy smirk. He answered with a baffled smile of his own, only to have Ricky nod and laugh. Pete stared at Ricky and realized this entire trip had been planned between her friends and his. He turned back, and with a tap on the shoulder from her friend, she was spinning around, the drink in her hand sloshing as she went. Her eyes met his, and he watched as she squealed.
He hadn't been expecting that reaction at all. He opened his mouth in shock as she haphazardly dropped her cup onto the table and ran towards him. Ricky skirted around him and switched places, standing next to her friend while she barreled towards him. Everyone around them erupted into happy cheers as she hopped up, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him soundly.
He caught her around the waist, letting her legs hang as she peppered his face with kisses. She tasted like peppermint and chocolate. He laughed, every single wrong thought he'd had a moment before banished from his psyche. With one last, loud and smacking kiss to his mouth, she let go and fell down to her feet. Her grin was so broad and so happy, he wasn't sure why he was worried about anything in the first place.
"Staten!" She exclaimed, "You're here. In my house!"
All he could do was nod and smile back at her. She scrunched up her face and shoulders in glee and reached for his hand. She dragged him away from the crowd and past the Christmas tree, then through a door on his right. Underneath the stairs, they walked through a short hallway that opened into her bedroom. The room was a lot quieter in here than out in the central area. She let go of his hand and spun around.
"Take your coat off and leave it in here, then we'll go back and get something to drink." She fell back onto her bed with a flourish, watching as he took her advice.
Once he'd dropped his bag down with his jacket, he couldn't help but appreciate the way she always gave him her utmost attention. She had flipped over onto her side and held her head up with one hand while she waited.
"Alright," He said, jokingly planting his hands on his hips, "Let's get this party started."
She gave him a cheesy grin, "Sounds perfect."
She hopped up off the bed and began heading towards the door, but he had another thought. Instead of following, he caught her hand in his and spun her around to face him.
"Hey, babe?" He called out softly.
She cocked her head to the side, the bells in her antlers ringing as she did so, "Yeah, what's wrong?"
He shook his head and grinned, "Nothing, I just wanted to make it clear that I'm not going to kiss you under the mistletoe."
"Well Merry Christmas to you too," She chuckled, feigning annoyance.
He tugged forward on her hand, and she took the hint, stepping in closer to him until she had to tilt her head back to look up at him. He circled his arms around her waist and looked down at her, the power of the moment and the holidays giving him courage.
"Actually," He drew out the word, flexing his hands against her sweater. She waited and he blurted it out before he lost all resolve, "IwantedtotellyouthatIloveyou."
Her eyes widened subtly at the admission. It may have come out as a string of words haphazardly glued together but she understood exactly what he'd said. She didn't need to ask him to repeat himself. He stared down at her in her brief silence and thought that maybe it was too much too fast. They'd only officially been dating for a few months. Years of friends aside, being a couple was still new to them. Sensing his derailment, she quickly squeezed him closer to her, her hands pressing firm against his back.
"I love you too, Pete." She murmured into his shirt, pulling back and stretching onto her tiptoes to kiss him.
"Phew," He joked, "For a second there, I thought I jumped the gun."
She shook her head in amusement, "You mean millisecond. There was barely even a second between your response and mine."
He laughed as she gave him as equally as he doled out. She was one of his favourite people. He kissed the tip of her nose before they both turned to rejoin the party going on in the other room.