My first one-shot along with my first song fic. This one shot supports a very underatted pairing that I can say with no shame I ship. But it has no representation in the Total Drama Fanfiction world, and for me and other shippers of this pairing, it's somewhat sad. I decided to give a one-shot to this pairing. It might not be the best fanfiction there could be for this pairing, but it's a fanfiction that fans of this pairing can enjoy. So if you support this pairing or enjoy a good, honest romance story then please read ;)
"How more awkward could this night get?" Heather thought to herself.
Heather Noncanonlastname's night was not like she expected. Heather was having some downtime before she had do to go to the next season of Total Drama, this new one being called Total Drama Overated Gimmick.
Heather was single. She had tried to rehook up with Alejandro, but he wasn't interested in her all because she kneeled him the crotch and left him to die near an erupting volcano, giving him scars he would never recover from. Clearly he was being childish.
She thought about seducing him again with her 'gum on the butt' trick, but Alejandro moved on. He was now with that pineapple. And Heather knew she could not compete with it, the fruit was far too curvy and sweet. Not to mention its legs that went on for miles.
Heather was feeling so lonely, like a void was in her heart that needed to be filled. And when ice cream, and pizza and pretzels, and milkshakes, and cheese sticks and bacon could not fill that void, Heather realized something else was needed to fill that void.
Money. So Heather decided to try and meet someone whose wallet was packed. But Heather learned finding someone suitable was hard. She had tried…but everyone dumped her.
Much to her shame, Heather decided to try Internet dating. She found a website that claimed it could find anyone's true love and Heather signed up, half as a joke and half out of desperation.
A week after signing up, Heather along with many others were invited to meet their true loves on a romantic getaway. It was on a cruise ship docking in Paris…err, a Paris themed part of Las Vegas.
Heather thought about rejecting the offer, but something in her told her to try. Perhaps it was her heart, or perhaps it was the slot machine's siren song. Whatever the reason, she had come. And she regretted it.
Heather hadn't expected to be paired with a woman. Let alone a younger woman that was a former contestant of Total Drama. Staci, the first out of the season that followed the season Heather had won. It was odd, perhaps ironic if irony wasn't so mainstream.
Staci didn't seem to be expecting Heather as her match. They both found each other, wearing the number 6 on a heart on their shirts. Staci said they should get a table on the front of the ship, maybe eat some dinner.
And so here they were. Sitting at a table, making awkward small talk, waiting for a lobster dinner, and drinking sparkling water.
"…You know my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, grandfather died on the Titanic," Staci says. "Before that, no one even knew who Leonardo DiCapro was!"
"I never really cared for him," Heather replies. "So…you were on Total Drama weren't you?"
"Oh yeah," Staci replies. "It was so much fun. But sadly I was voted off first. My teammates thought I was annoying for some reason."
"Surprise," Heather thinks.
"I'm hoping they'll call me back," Staci says. "It's my favorite show, uh huh, and I would love to meet other members of the show."
"Kill me please," Heather thinks.
"Speaking of, it's in honor to meet you Heather," Staci says. "I'm a big fan. You were amazing as the winner of World Tour."
"Obviously," Heather replies. "A fan of me? What's there to be a fan of? …I mean, of course she is, who wouldn't be?"
"What was it like?" Staci asks.
"What?" Heather asks.
"Winning," Staci replies.
"Why?" Heather asks.
"Well," Staci says. "Like I said, I'm a big fan…and I know it will never happen, but someday I'd like to win that show. Prove I can. It must be great, to hold that money and know you were strong enough to make it. To have had a fun adventure and make a bunch of friends…"
"I wouldn't know," Heather thinks.
"…I know people in my season didn't like me, but I'm trying to be less annoying," Staci says. "And maybe next time…people will like me. Maybe they're considering me for next season."
"Maybe," Heather replies. She recalled that Staci wasn't one of the contestants present at the meeting for next season.
"Maybe I should suggest the idea to the producers," Heather thinks. "…Why would I do that? Sure she wants to, I want to be queen of Europe. But it's not happening anytime soon. She should just get over it."
Staci noticed the quiet awkwardness.
"So…" Staci says. "My great, great, great, great, aunt's sister's sister invented toothpaste."
"Sure," Heather replies. "She's so annoying…but yet intriguing. Isn't that what I liked about Alejandro? That he got under my skin? Or was it those abs. Maybe if Staci had a twelve pack I'd like her…"
The waiters suddenly rush out, dancing and skipping, possibly a little bit sozzled. They set down one big red, buttery, steamed lobster.
"Excuse me, there's only one lobster here," Heather states.
"The complimentary dinner only comes with one lobster," one of the waiters replies in a fake French accent.
"Where's the silverware?" Staci asks.
"It doesn't come with silverware," the waiter replies. "We are not made of money."
"Oh," Staci mutters.
"By the way," the other waiter says. "You two are a very cute couple."
"We aren't really a couple," Heather replies.
"Oh ho, sure you aren't," the waiter replies.
The two waiters snicker to themselves and skip off.
"Weird how they danced in," Staci says. "Like a musical. Reminds me of my favorite Spamalot…"
"You like Spamalot?" Heather asks.
"Of course!" Staci replies. "Do you?"
"Yes," Heather replies. "It has my favorite song in it."
"Mine too!" Staci replies. "Mine's Find Your Grail."
"…Mine too," Heather says.
All of a sudden, Staci burst out into singing. "If you trust in your soul, keep your eyes on the goal. Then the prize you won't fail. That's your grail, that's your grail."
Staci stops when she sees Heather giving her a look, but for some reason Heather couldn't help but sing herself. "So be strong. Keep right on, till the end of your song. Do not fail, find your grail. Find your grail, find your grail."
"Life is really up to you!" Staci went on. "You must choose what to pursue. Set your mind on what to find, and there's nothing you can't do!"
"So keep right to the end," Heather sings. "You'll find your goal my friend."
You won't fail," the two sing together. "Find your grail. Find you're grail. Find you're grail."
The two look at each, and then look away.
"…I guess we should eat this lobster," Staci says. "How do you want to do it?"
"Might as well just dig in," Heather says.
And so the two begin trying to eat lobster. Not wanting butter on their hands, they went in face first, biting and pulling on the dead crustacean, licking up the butter like a cat licks itself.
The lobster was so good they couldn't help but go crazy. It was like pigs eating a horse, if that makes any sense. Eventually all that was left was a tiny lobster whisker.
Before Heather could ask for it, Staci uses her nose to push the whisker to Heather's end. Heather blushes as she licks up the whisker with her tongue, like a dog licking peanut butter off its own nose. Staci couldn't help but find it attractive.
"…You have a little butter on your cheek," Staci states.
Heather wipes her face but misses it. "Did I get?"
"Here, let me," Staci says, bending over the table.
Heather leans forward, and Staci wipes her face with a soft, silky napkin.
"There," Staci says as she sits down. "Now…you're perfect."
Not even her parents had ever complimented Heather so nicely. Really the only compliment she got was how hot she was, which Heather knew she was and Staci was probably thinking [I mean look at me!]. But perfect, Heather never felt like she was perfect. But she wanted to feel perfect; maybe then she'd be perfect.
Suddenly, music plays in the background. All sorts of couples get up and began ballroom dancing on the stern of the boat. The stars are shining, forming constellations. The moon is out, full and looking almost blue.
Staci stands up and offers her hand to Heather. "Do you wanna like dance?"
"You know how?" Heather asks.
"Yeah, my great, great, great, great, great second cousin's third cousin's wife's child invented ballroom dancing," Staci explains.
"Really?" Heather replies. "…Do you think you could teach me?"
"Sure," Staci replies.
Heather grabs Staci's hand and they go over to the dance floor. Staci stops by the D.J. and whispers in his ear. She then lead Heather onto the dance floor. Suddenly, familiar music starts playing in the background.
'Find Your Grail' from Spamalot. I suggest opening this in a new window and listening to it while reading the following.
"…Find Your Grail," Heather states. "How nice."
"Follow my lead," Staci says.
If you trust in your soul…
Heather struggles to dance, stepping on Staci's toes.
Keep your eyes on the goal…
Heather is stepping on her own toes now.
Then the prize you won't fail…
Heather now steps on another couple's toes.
That's your grail…That's your grail…
She steps on the waiters' toes.
So be strong…
And the D.J.'s toes.
Keep right on…to the end of your song.
Heather was trying, but now she was even stepping on Chef's and Chris's toes, and they aren't even in this story!
Do not fail, find your grail. Find your grail, find your grail.
Heather was even stepping on your toes.
Life is really up to you. You must choose what to pursue.
"I'm sorry I'm so awful at dancing," Heather says to Staci.
Set your mind on what to find. And there's nothing you can't do.
"It's okay," Staci replies. "It's your first time. I remember my first time. This is funnier than it, more memorable."
So keep right to the end. You'll find your goal my friend.
"I'm having fun too," Heather replies.
You won't fail. Find your grail. Find your grail. Find your grail.
As Heather let Staci's arms wrap around her, they begin to slow dance with each other.
Heather whispers, "I've found my grail."
And because this is a romance fanfic there has to be a kiss. So Staci and Heather kiss passionately. Their first kiss could only be described as like two pieces of sand paper rubbed together, or a dried out turtle falling on a rock.
And then a bunch of fireworks go off in the background, in the cheesiest way possible. And confetti starts falling. And then a shooting star passes by. And a double rainbow appears in the sky.
And then everyone starts kissing; Alejandro and the pineapple, the two waiters, Chef and Chris, you and the person closest to you.
Staci and Heather stop kissing and continue dancing. It's said that everyone who met on that ship didn't stay together. Everyone, except Staci and Heather.
Wow. I wrote this in 2013 in middle school and it probably shows. Still, it has some merit. Canon never got too deep in humanizing Heather and Staci maybe the most tossed aside character in fandom. So it was nice to give them some kind of attention and focus. With the world on fire, I hope this story can make you feel a little better for a moment.