Just Built Different

AU Omake chapter: Earth Defence Protocal: Christmas Edition

Enormous ships hung in the darkening sky. The fading oranges and yellows of the setting sun lit up the vessels like a Christmas tree. All the while the city below burned and crumbled. Glass and rubble from destroyed buildings littered the ground like presents under the glowing ornamented trees.

Thick beams of light erupted from the undersides of the many ships, laying waste to streets and bringing down structures. Some ships were larger than others and their weapons leveled entire blocks. Much smaller and far more agile ships numbering in the thousands swept through the city's air space, shooting at planes and helicopters, bringing them down in fiery crashs. An even greater number of foot soldiers marched through the streets below, executing humans wherever they were found with thick bolts of superheated plasma.

This invasion started no more than twenty minutes ago and yet the city was already brought to it's knees.

So much death and destruction in such a short amount of time.

But there was one building in particular that had yet to be breached by the alien menace.

Barrett Tower. One of the tallest buildings in the city that sat comfortably at the very edge of the city limits, bordering the forest itself. Civilians did one of two things when the invasion began: head to the tower for protection or try and evacuate the city and hope to get away.

At the tower was garrisoned a great many automated turrets of various shapes and sizes as well as a massive army made up of droids and warmachines. The droids are equipped with various weapons built straight into their bodies ranging from the common repulsors in their palm to the mini lascannons mounted on their shoulders. The larger bots were the size of trucks or even buses as they lugged around the heavier weapons. Plasma cannons, rockets, large scale lascannons, and various other artillery was mounted across their backs.

Every turret, droid, and bot did their job in keeping the invaders away, making sure the civilians were safe and sound within the compound.

Down in the basement of the tower, buried deep below the surface, was Max Barrett himself. The huge screen fixed to the wall before him showed off numerous views from security cameras littered all across the city. He watched as a group of civilians fall to the combined plasma fire of a troupe of Sangheili.

So much wanton death.

Max scouled as he witnessed a family of four get gunned down by a squad of Kig-Yar armed with carbines.

" This has gone too far." He stood from his chair and approached the console. "Under normal circumstances I wouldn't be so inclined to help my fellow humans." He flipped the cover up and off a large red button the size of his palm. "But the Covenant made one grave mistake. They decided to invade my world, my city, on Christmas. And nobody fucks with my favorite holiday. I'm Santa Claus, bitch. And I'm about to deliver some fuck you's wrapped up with neat little bows." He glared at all the Covenant that happened to be on the security feeds at that moment. "Prepare to die while listening to Mariah Carey!"

He slammed his fist down on the red button.

EARTH DEFENCE PROTOCAL: CHRISTMAS EDITION popped up in giant bold red lettering on the screen, overtaking everything else as it blocked out all the footage.

Up above ground every speaker within the city, from the TV audio in thrift shops all the way up to the intercoms on the Covenant ships, released a burst of static before the beginning of one of the most famous Christmas songs of all time (and hated by retail workers everywhere) started playing.

Collectively, every single living being in the city came to a stop when it began. Even the Covenant troops down in the streets stopped as they fumbled with the comms in their ears as a human voice was heard.

And when the rapid high piano keys started up, followed quickly by the rhythmic beating of drums, a massive large scale turret emerged from the ground atop a nearby cliff bordering the city. It was spherical like a ball with the exception of a thick barrel protruding from the side that tapered into a thin end. The inside of the barrel was so wide that a school bus could fit inside it sideways. Lights on the side lit up and, in tune with the drop of the song's beat, fired a thick red beam of energy that instantly sliced the largest ship in the sky in half.

I don't want a lot for Christmas! There is just one thing I need!

A moment later a dozen more identical turrets erected from various locations surrounding the city. They all opened fire apon the many war vessels littering the darkened sky, their beams of light interchanging between red, white, and green as each blast punched an enormous hole straight through their targets. The shield generators of the alien ships did nothing against the superheated columns of light, immediately overloading before failing.

And I don't care about the present underneath the Christmas tree! I don't need to hang my stocking there upon the fireplace!

Hundreds of man sized missiles erupted from hidden silos around Barrett Tower, twisting and turning as they hunted down Covenant Banshees. The candy cane color schemed weapons screeched through the air as they flew through the enemy ships, causing them to burst into flames before falling to the ground. But that wasn't the end of them. The missiles, after taking out their target, remained airborne and moved on to their next victim.

Santa Claus won't make me happy with a toy on Christmas Day!

Ships rained down from above onto the streets and buildings below, flattening any Covenant troops that happened to survive the sudden onslaught of the countless thousands of battle droids now crawling out of the many manholes all over the city.

I just want you for my own! More than you could ever know! Make my wish come true!

The largest ship, now in two, had tilted and flew sideways out from over the city. Each half landing in their own separate area in the nearby forest. Max didn't need cameras to know that they were both already swarmed with droids and warmachines, likely outnumbering whoever remained a hundred to one.

The survivers didn't stand a chance.

All I want for Christmas is yooouuu! You, baby!

Max sipped at his hot coco, watching the chaos with a massive grin. "You get what you deserve. Nobody fucks with my Christmas."

In a rare occurrence of breaking the fourth wall, he turned to the audience and raised his mug in gesture. "Merry Christmas everyone. And have a happy new year."

I had trouble deciding between All I want for Christmas is you (because it would annoy people the most) and War is Over (because of the snail meme).