"I… I…" I stuttered and held my hand against my chest which no longer hurt.

"You died." I heard behind me.

I spin around and saw a tall muscular old man with a white bread smiling at me kindly.

"Zeus!" I exclaim.

He frowned at that, "I am not Zeus. I am God."

"But… Why do you look like Zeus then?" I asked him confused.

"Human mortals always expect me to look like how I am painted on the Sistine Chapel and do not believe that I am actually God without me looking like this, so after a while I just gave up and started looking like this when meeting them." God replies.

"Ah… I guess that makes sense…" I reply, "So… Am I going to heaven now?"

God then looks at me wryly, "No, you can't go to heaven."

"Ah! Why not! Surely, I have never actually done anything bad enough to go hell! …Even though I thought about it before…"

"No, No, it's just that you have never gone to church even once in your life and never got baptized. Also, never really believed in me." God replied.

"Well… that sucks…"

"Normally, you would be reincarnated on Earth without memories until you could eventually make it into heaven. However, you are very lucky because recently I started to offer another option to people that have a very large amount of good karma. I create another universe and let the person reincarnate in them with their memories intact."

"Oh wow! So cool! Could I like reincarnate into a magical world or a fictional world?"

"You bet." God replies, "I am all powerful after all."

"Wait, aren't you also all knowing? Shouldn't you know what I want without asking me?"

"Living life when knowing everything that happened, is happening, and will happen is boring. I often use my power to turn that off and forget what will happen. Life is more fun this way." God grinned.

That is really hypocritical actually. Only someone that knows everything would think that way.

"Anyway, I see here that you have a huge amount good karma, enough for three wishes. However, if you want to choose the world and who you reincarnate as that will have to be a wish." God said while looking down at a scroll in his hand which was not there before.

I wonder how I got so much good karma… I don't remember doing anything worth that much. I didn't even save anyone from Sports Car-sama like in Yu Yu Hakusho or Truck-kun like everyone else seems to do. Anyway, I guess that it does not really matter.

"Can they be any wishes?" I ask.

"Of course, they can be anything." God answered. "Do you need to think about it?"

"No, I know exactly what I am going to wish for. First, I wish to be all powerful. Second, I wish to be all knowing. Third, I wish to be reborn as Teuchi from Naruto."

God seemed taken aback in surprise. "Wow. Funnily enough, of all the times since I started doing this no one has ever asked me for any of those things. You would think people would ask for the first two, but everyone always asked me for like a Sharingan or a Rinnegan or being reborn as Naruto, so that they could hit on an eight year old Hinata like a pedophile. I am curious. Why do you want those things especially that last one, which is very incomprehensible?"

"Yeah, you would think more people would wish for being all powerful or all knowing. The only other thing that you would think more people would wish for is immortality, but no one ever seems to want that. People have gotten confused by DBZ that wanting immortality is evil or something. I personally already have that covered under all powerful." I reply.

Then I continue, "Anyway, it's like this, I want those things because I will act like a completely ordinary civilian in Konoha and open up my ramen stand which will have amazing ramen, which will slowly over time become so good that it will be better than any kind of drug, like coke or weed, eventually becoming the Ramen of the Gods. Whenever a shinobi is feeling like his day maybe the very worst day of his life, assuming they are in Konoha, they will somehow wander to my small shop and I will offer them a free ramen that will be the most delicious thing that they had ever eaten in their entire lives, making them feel better, then I will listen to their problems and offer useless but wise sounding fatherly advice even if they are older than me. Eventually every ninja will acknowledge me as a kind and wise harmless civilian. I will even have a completely normal human daughter. Then when Pain comes just when he uses Shinra Tensei on Konoha to destroy it, I will instantly appear in my chef's outfit, hat, and ladle in my right hand and my left will be upward at an angle like I just knocked a ball away and Shinra Tensei will miss Konoha explode behind me on my left, even though Shinra Tensei is not a ball and doing that would be impossible. I will then point my ladle at him and say with a serious frown, 'If you want ramen, you can come in. However… if you want to destroy my shop, I will tear you apart with my bare hands!" And it will be cool because Teuchi's name not only means making noodles by hand but also means killing someone with one's bare hands. And every ninja around me will be completely shocked, because they had always thought I was completely normal harmless civilian, especially Naruto. After that Pain will try to attack again, because he really just can't believe that his plan to save the Ninja World is being stopped by a random old guy that appears to have no more chakra than a normal harmless civilian. Of course, I will then proceed to instantly rip apart all of this paths with my bare hands, just as I had predicted." As a speak I am getting more and more excited by what I am saying.

"Then Nagato will come down and then I will also beat him up finally killing him with a ladle to the head and he will forever be known as the big boss that got killed with a ladle. Next, Obito will come down and pull the Rinnegan from Nagato's dead eyes and yell that I destroyed his plan and that he will kill me and I will reply, "Oh Obito, so this is what you have been doing, why don't you stop all this and come to my shop for a ramen?" And my ramen will be so good that Obito will almost be tempted to give up his moon eye plan in order to have some of my ramen. Also, everyone will hear that Obito is still alive and is the even bigger bad guy and be shocked again. Obito will finally refuse and attack me, and then I will beat the crap out of him. Then Zetsu will come down and tell Obito to resurrect Madera. At first Obito will refuse, but eventually he gives in and does so. Madera resurrects and calmly grabs his Rinnegan from Obito and puts them in his own eyes ignoring Obito screaming in pain. Madera will then ask Zetsu who I am and Zetsu will tell him what happened. Madera will be surprised at how I am calmly standing there during the whole explanation. Madera then says not to worry that killing me will only take five minutes and holds up his five fingers. Then we will fight and I will pretend to only be a little stronger than him. There will be a lens flare and motion blur. Our battle will be truly epic and hard core. Finally, I after three and a half hours of fighting because the main author got writers block and the animators were not allowed to stop the show and had to draw out the fight as much as possible, I will defeat Madera with myself pretending to be slightly injured and Madera being heavily injured he will call out, "Impossible! How can I lose! I have the Rinnegan!" And I will say, "It is because… I also have the Rinnegan!" And I will open my eyes that had been slits for my entire life shocking everyone with a Rinnegan of my own! And everyone will be completely shocked especially Madera and Zetsu because no one had ever seen my eyes before and Madera and Zetsu didn't think there could even be another Rinnegan. However, everyone knows that in all animes the slit eyed guys are the real hidden bosses in the show. Madera and Zetsu will cry out "Impossible!" And Zetsu will call out to Madera to summon the ten tails. Then Madera summons the ten tails and gets hooked up to it and fully heals himself and starts attacking again. This time I will pretend to barely lose to Madera and the ten tails but just when Madera thinks he finally won. I will start laughing and get up with great difficulty with blood going down the side of my lip and holding my ribs and my hat and ladle was lost at some point. He will yell what is so funny. And I will reply that I am laughing because I know something he doesn't and he will ask me what. Then I will wipe the blood off the side of my mouth with a chuckle and then yell, "I know that this is not my final form!" And I will yell out "HAAAAAAAA!" and then I will completely heal, grow from my 5'7'' height to 6'2'', grow muscular, become young again; my hair will stand up and turn golden. I will become Super Ramen Chef! And proceed to fly over and hit him with a 50 hit taijutsu combo hitting him up into the air and disconnecting him from the ten tails then point my hand at him shooting a golden ki wave."

A watch appeared on Gods wrist and he looked at it, but I was to hyped up to even notice him.

"What no one will know is that my golden ki wave also happened to shoot through the moon vaporizing Kaguya. I will also quickly vaporize Zetsu afterward. And no one will ever know I saved them from Kaguya. Then I will start floating slowly into the sky with my back turned to the main characters. However, before I go up to high I will turn my head over my shoulder, give them a bright smile, and a thumbs up with a twinkle in my eye and tell them to say good bye to Ayame for me and that she is now in charge of my shop and I will fly into space. 100 years later the Ninja world is still barely at peace with Naruto having lived all that time and become an old man when the planet is attacked by the Galactic Empire! And it is ruled by the Tyrannical Galactic Kami Emperor! However, no one will know that the Tyrannical Galactic Kami Emperor is actually me! Soon, I will take over the entire Galaxy and rule it as a tyrant and I will have such a huge harem of alien babes that I will have not even met all of them before and they will all hate each other and constantly try to kill each other, however, the ones I like the most will just barely survive seemingly by chance every time." I started to get really heated in my speech.

I don't notice this, but God is surreptitiously looking at his scroll trying to figure out how this type of person got such a high amount of good karma.

God was very surprised by what he found. God normally loves surprise because he can only normally be surprised by turning off his omniscience and making himself forget, however this surprise was not very happy for him.

He discover that this soul was actually a surprisingly old soul that has been around since the Stone Age. It's first life started in what is now France and had been reincarnated to many other place from Asia to America. This already is surprising because normally souls that old would have gone to heaven or hell by now.

However, this soul had just barely skirted from doing anything bad enough to go to hell. For a long time the soul did not have that hard of a time because people that didn't even know about God could not go to hell unless they did something truly heinous.

However, since Christianity became popular due to Rome, this soul had skirted very close to hell quite a few times. Due to this its karma had always been very low.

This all changed two reincarnations ago by accident. He was reincarnated into a Russian who was then drafted and died on the battlefield during World War 2. This would not have given him any karma but when he died he just happened to save a child. He meant to save the child but he never meant to give up his life to do so.

This still would not have generated so much karma, but this child then grew up to become a man and because he was saved by a Russian solder as a child he was extremely patriotic and wanted to save his people so he join the Russian army.

He quickly went up the ladder even without backing which is not easy in the Russian army due to his extreme patriotism and eventually took command of the nuclear arsenal during the Cold War. His job was to launch the Russian nukes in case Russia was ever launched upon.

One day a warning went out showing that the United States of America had launched nuclear missiles at them. He went through all of the correct procedures to send a retaliatory strike. However, just at the last second the solder that gave his life to save him appeared in his mind and he decided to not launch the Russian nukes even though he knew he would probably be shot for not doing so.

It turned out that the warning was an error in the Russian system and the man had saved the entire planet from nuclear winter and human extinction. The high up officials personally shook his hand in gratitude and then immediately dishonorably discharged him. At least they didn't shoot him for it.

All of this because of this one soul.

This is why he had so much karma. Due to the high amount of karma during his next two lives he was extremely lucky; however, he continued to coast on this and never did anything worthwhile. Even with all of that Karma, he has still not made it into heaven these three times because he is simply not a good enough person and never has been.

Frankly, for this kind of soul that just coasts morally through every single life even God sometimes wonders what his plan for it was. There must have been one because when he was omniscience there was a plan for each and every soul, even the ones that end up in hell. But sometimes even he is confused about what it could possibly have been. Maybe his plan for this soul was only to stop human extinction or maybe he had even more plans for it in the future. The unknown is always interesting to God and keeps Him from becoming bored with everything.

I continued on without noticing anything, "However, I will purposely have no heirs with those scheming alien babes. After hundreds of years of tyranny, I will pretend to start to get older and I slow down my tyranny and the older I pretend to become the kinder I will be so much so that some people even forget about my original tyranny and they step out of line and I am forced to remind them of it with blood. Hundreds of years later, I will pretend to die of old age. Everyone will think that I have no heirs because no one will be able to connect me to that guy making extremely good ramen in Ninja World that came from Ayame's line and my death will set off the greatest galactic civil war of all time! Whole races, worlds, and even suns will be completely wiped out in this civil war! Then hundreds years later when everything is finally calming down and everyone thinks I was just a myth, I will come back and go full Tyrant on them! After all of this finally gets boring or if there are no sentient life left in the universe. I will use my omnipotence to reincarnate into Brock from Pokemon World! Where I will join Ash and hit on every single hot woman including every single Officer Jenny and Nurse Joy with extremely bad pickup lines that will never ever work. Finally, just when Ash stupidly runs between Mew's and Mewtwo's psy balls I will appear between them with one palm on each stopping them from killing Ash and then I will absorb the psy balls. And everyone will be shocked, especially Mew and Mewtwo. And Mewtwo will mind yell, "Impossible!" And then I will open my eyes for the first time revealing, a Sharingan! But not just any Sharingan, it will have nine tomo on three concentric circles all spinning in opposite directions! Then, I will easily defeat Mewtwo. And save the world from his super hurricane. However, this time instead of flying up into space I will erase everyone memory except Mew's! And then"

"Wait, wait, wait. Sorry to interrupt, but I'm curious. How can you have three concentric circles of tomo all spin in opposite directions? There are only two directions that they can spin in clockwise and counter clockwise." God asked.

At that question God had me stumped. How can three concentric circles all spin in opposite directions? He is right, that is impossible, not only spinning but nothing has three opposite directions. It's a contradiction.

While I am finally silent God cuts in, "Anyway, I am going to send you off now and I think I will… Not be giving you your first two wishes."

"What! You're God! You can't lie!" I exclaim.

"I can lie. I may be all good, but I never said anything about being all truthful. I am not a fay or something like that. Goodbye!"

At that God flicks his finger and I go flying out in a spiral into my new life.