Hey! I have had terrible lack of motivation and energy for over like a year. I've been writing things but I keep putting them off so I've just decided to upload one chapter and see if I can keep up with it. I haven't really got a whole plan so I'm open to suggestions and things may be changed and added and I hope you stick with it. Updates may be slow and I'm sorry but I do lack energy :( Anyways hope you enjoy!
PS Ramona is queen Ms J-Lo.


"Papí! I'm leaving!" Santana shouted into her house. It's 8pm and she's about to go to work. She got a job so she can help her father out. He's always at work, trying his hardest to earn money for Santana and her brother, Luis. She hates her job but it's good money and she really needs it.

"Okay mija! What time are the Wilsons coming home tonight?" Her papí says as he walks to the front door, where Santana is getting ready to leave.

"Uh 2:30 I think." Santana says trying to remember if that's when her shift ends.

"Okay. Make sure you take your key." He tells her as he walks back into the small kitchen. She needs to take her key with her because everyone will be asleep by the time she gets home and leaving the back door open in their neighbourhood is a big no-no.

"I will, bye!" She doesn't wait for a response and slams the door shut behind her.

She quickly runs to the car, not wanting to stay outside for long, and hops inside. She lets out a deep sigh and reaches into her purse. She pulls her little frenemy out of the side pocket and sighs again. This is how most days go: lying to her father, getting high or drunk and working in the worst place possible.

She remembers that she needs to get to the awful place she calls work and pours some of the white powder onto the back of her hand. She snorts it quickly and starts the car up, driving to her destination.

40 minutes later, she pulls up outside LadyBug's Gentlemens Club. She absolutely hates working here but she gets very good tips. She scoffs at the thought of it. Middle-aged businessmen throwing their money at a 16 year old girl with no clothes on. It always makes Santana sick to her stomach. But what can she do? This is her life now.

She gets out of her car and makes her way around to the side of the strip club to the back entrance where all the employees go. She heads inside and into the dressing room where all the other dancers are.

"Hola Diabla," Ramona, one of the other strippers, says whilst looking at Santana through the big mirror, where a few of the girls are applying their makeup. "You ready for the group number tonight?"

"Hell yeah!" Santana says with fake enthusiasm making her way over to where Ramona is standing.

"I just hope Ginger doesn't fuck up again." She leans close to Santana and whispers in her ear. Santana snorts and moves away to put her bags in her locker.

Santana laughed but the truth was she was just as scared to mess up. It was a big night for the club and if she fucked up, she could kiss her job goodbye. Her hands were shaking as she pulled her new costume out, partially due to her nerves and partially due to her nose candy craving.

Ramona saw. Ramona saw more than her shakes. She looked at Santana like a mother would look at her daughter. She had taken Santana under her wing when she first started and had been a strong adult figure in this past year. She wanted to make sure Santana didn't get fucked over and teach her the 'dancer etiquette'.

She made her way over to Santana and kissed the side of her head comfortingly. "You'll be fine babe." Santana sighs and leans into her for a brief moment before pulling away when she sees a few of the girls staring at them.

She looks down at her feet sheepishly. "C-Can you tie me up? My hands are shaking." She gestures to the corset that's hanging loosely off of her body. Ramona sighs sympathetically and gets to work tying the corset for her.

She catches Santana's eye in the mirror and asks her the silent question she asks her before every shift. Santana looks away, hating herself for needing it but nods nevertheless.

"Come on babe." She nods her head off to the corner at the back of the room that's hidden by lockers and costume racks. It's way out of view from everything so when the other dancers in the changing rooms saw where they were headed, they either gave them cheers, smug smiles or hidden disapproving looks.

When they're finally out of eyeshot, Ramona pulls out a small bag of cocaine. She feels safe to do so as it's an unspoken rule that you don't bother anyone when they're in the 'Blow zone', as everyone likes to call it. She carefully pours out a small amount onto the little table they have in the back and uses her credit card to move it into a straight line.

"Only a little bit San." She says guiltily, watching Santana nod in comprehension. Her guilt stays as Santana slowly bends her head forward to snort the small white line up through her rolled up bill.

Ramona hates it. She hates that this young girl has resorted to this. It's one of the main reasons as to why she mentored Santana to begin with. She knows how messy addiction can get and it struck her that someone so young had to go through it. She absolutely hates feeding into it but it's the only thing she can do to take some of Santana's pain away. She never gives her more than small line. It's not enough to get her anywhere near blitzed, but it's enough to temporarily stop the aches and tremors that run through the young girls body.

Santana tilts her head up and shakes her head to get rid of the reminiscent powder. She wipes her nose a few times, a habit she's picked up from doing so much cocaine that she even does it sober, and blinks away the tears that come afterwards.

"I'm sorry." Santana says quietly. She knows Ramona hates this. She hates that she brought her into it. But she doesn't hate the love that comes from her. Ramona is only doing this to help her and she's forever thankful for that. She's the mother she never had. Although most mother's don't help their daughters snort drugs, she'll take it.

"I know you are." She pulls Santana into a full hug, now that they haven't got the watchful eyes from the other dancers. Ramona pulls back and places both of her hands firmly onto Santana's cheeks. She stares deeply into her eyes and says, "Just promise me that one day you'll stop."

Santana stares back not really knowing what to say. "I..." Luckily the older woman cuts her off before she can respond.

"No San, I'm serious." Santana can tell by the look in her eyes. There's a fire there and it scares her. "I don't want you doing this shit forever. I love you too much to watch you live this life. I don't want you to end up like me, okay?" Santana tears up. I don't want you to end up like me. Those words leave Santana with an uneasy feeling. "Okay?"

Santana sniffles and nods. "Okay. I love you too." She gets pulled back into the hug and feels a set of lips press against her forehead.

"You're too good for this shit." The older Latina mumbles, stroking Santana's raven locks soothingly.

Santana sighs and lets herself enjoy this embrace. She thinks about Ramona's words, but she doesn't really believe them. She needs to do this and do it she shall. For however long it takes. All she wants is for her family to get by.

She loves them too much to quit.

The statement of 1000 meanings. Little does Santana know that she's going to break most of them.