Tom smiled. "Let's match the power of Lord Voldemort, the heir of Salazar Slytherin against the famous Harry Potter! Speak to me, Slytherin, greatest of the Hogwarts four!"

As the basilisk slid down the cold, stone floor, Harry paled, his life flashing before his eyes, and immediately took off running.

"Kill him!" Tom ordered the basilisk.

The basilisk caught up to Harry within moments, it's jaw unlatching, it's hideous fangs dripping with venom, and Harry, having no options left, closed his eyes, leaned from the basilisk, and yelled "stop!"

He opened his eyes a couple seconds later, much to Harry's surprise, the basilisk had, indeed, stopped.

Tom looked about as surprised as Harry was, though he got over his surprise a moment later, and repeated his earlier order of "Kill him!"

The basilisk had barely started moving, when Harry ordered it to stop again.

Tom blinked. This situation had just become more difficult by an order of magnitude.

"Kill him!" he yelled with renewed vigor.

Harry glared at both Tom and the basilisk, and decided to mix things up a bit. "Kill Tom instead."

Tom paled as the remarkably speedy basilisk was homing in on him instead. "Stop!"

Harry and Tom then began talking as quickly as possible.

"Kill him, stop, stop, kill him, stop, kill him, kill him!"

"Stop, kill him, kill him, stop, kill him, stop, stop, kill him!"

Who knows how the situation would've ended, had Harry not had a brief stroke of genius. "Stop listening to Tom's commands, and kill him."

Tom paled as the basilisk bit down on him, mostly passing through him, though the poison began rapidly corroding his spectral body. His last words were an ineffectual "stop!"

Harry looked at the basilisk, which had, lacking any commands, simply lain on the floor. He gave the basilisk an affectionate pat on the head.

"I think I'll call you Billy."

AN: This is mostly an experiment in writing, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway. Does anyone actually read one-shots? I suppose I'll find out.