The Night Shift Fan Fiction
It was two months since T.C had proposed, two months since he'd had his heart broken, two months since he'd lost his child and had his world come crashing around him. He'd thought giving her time might lessen her pain, thought letting her run away to the reservation was what she needed. But now she was back, and he was determined to show her he'd not given up on them, that they could get through this. He knew what she'd been doing when she'd pushed him away, it was the same thing he'd done when he got back from Afghanistan, she was trying to run from her pain. But after all the counselling he'd had to take because of his PTSD, he knew now that was a mistake, what you had to do was face it, and he was determined to help her do so. Which was why after two months apart, he found himself standing outside her door, trying to find the courage to knock. "You can do this," he told himself, "she needs this." Taking a deep breath, he raises his hand and knocks, "here goes nothing," he says under his breath as he waits for her to open the door.
"T.C," Jordan sighs as she opens the door, "what are you doing here?"
"We need to talk," he replies, capturing his eyes with her's.
She looks at him like a deer caught in headlights before she finds her voice, "I suppose you're right," and she moves aside to let him in.
"Thanks," he says as he walks by her and into her living room. She follows him into the room, and they stand there awkwardly in silence for a few minutes, neither one of them sure what to say. "I guess I should go first," T.C says, he hated silences and always felt a need to fill them. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you too," she replies in a low voice.
"We need to face this, we've been through too much to give up now." He says taking a few steps towards her. He can see the panic in her eyes as he approaches her, but he can tell her body has frozen from it, as she doesn't make a move to keep the distance between them. "I love you Jordan, and I'm not ready to give that up." He places his hand gently on her right cheek as he says this, causing her to gasp in a deep breath.
"I don't know if I can get past this T," she sobs back. "It hurts so much."
"I know it does, it hurts me too," he says, raising his free hand to cut her off when she opens her mouth to speak. "But we need to face this together, or it will forever haunt us both. We can't just lock this up, like I tried to do after Thad's death. It will only eat away at us. I know you are trying to do what I did when I came home, and that you think pushing me away will make it easier. But you and I both know that it won't. It will only make it worse, and I wish I'd listened to you all those years ago, maybe things would be different. Maybe we wouldn't be here like this now. I'm sorry I didn't listen, but please just listen to me now. I've already lost our baby and Thad. I can't lose you too, I wouldn't survive it! Please don't push me away," he pleads with her. "I love you."
"I love you too," she replies, placing her hand over the one he still had on her cheek. "And you're right. I was pushing you away, and I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, and I do want to work through this with you. But this isn't something I can get over quickly. I need time, and I think I should have some sessions with Landry. Maybe we can even have some together. I don't want to lose you either." A tear runs down her cheek, and he wipes it away.
"You could never lose me. I'll always be here for you." He twines the fingers of his other hand through her free hand. "For anything you need."
"Will you just hold me," she asks hesitantly, looking him in the eyes.
"Of course, whatever you need me for," he answers, pulling her into his arms. She began sobbing into his chest, and he tightened his grip, holding her tightly to him like a couple in a shipwreck, as she let it all out. They stayed that way for what felt like hours, before her sobbing slowed, and she slowly pulled back slightly to look up at him.
"Will you stay with me tonight, and just hold me," she asks hesitantly. He nods at her in reply, unable to find his voice. Afraid that if he did, she might change her mind. She pulls away from his embrace, and takes his right hand in hers, and begins to lead him towards her bedroom. Once in her room, she lets go of his hand, and slowly lowers herself to the bed, before holding out her hand to him, in a gesture to follow. He hesitantly lies down behind her, slowly pulling her into him, neither one of them saying a word as they settle against each other. After a few minutes of silence, he hears her whisper, "I'm glad you came," before hearing her breathing even out, as she drifted off to sleep.
"Me too," he whispers, even though he knows she could no longer hear it. Before drifting into sleep himself.
He wakes a few hours later, to find that they are wrapped around each other, and that they are somehow now facing each other. Feeling Jordan stir, he looks down at her, as she lifts her head from his chest, and looks up at him. "Hey," he says.
"Hey," she replies. They watch each other for a moment, before she slowly lifts her hand to caress his cheek. "I missed this."
"I've missed this too," he says as he copies her action, and caresses her cheek in return.
"Will you kiss me?" she asks him, looking into his eyes.
"Are you sure," he questions, as his eyes move from one of her eyes to the other, and back again. "We don't have to if you're not ready."
"I'm sure," she says with a slight smile. He leans towards her slowly, and kisses her soft and slow. "I love you," he hears her say between his lips, before opening hers wider to deepen the kiss.
"I love you too," he pulls back enough to say, before she pulls him back to her. The kiss becomes deep and fast, before he's pulling himself away from her again. "I think we should take this slow. I don't want you to regret any of this."
"That's one thing I've never been able to do," she whispers to him as she rubs his cheek. "I've never regretted you."
"Nor I you," he replies. "But I think we just need to take this one day at a time. I don't want to mess this up. You mean everything to me."
She smiles at him, and says, "you mean everything to me too." Suddenly her eyebrows crinkle, and she looks at him seriously. "You've changed….. You somehow seem more grownup. You're not usually the voice of reason. It feels almost unnerving. I'm not used to this side of you. It looks good on you!"
"I've had a lot of time these past two months, to look back, and see where I went wrong in my life. I've been going to counselling, and it's helped me see how self destructive I was. All those risks I took. They weren't worth it. I almost lost everything because of them. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me most, but I promise I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I'm going to do everything I can to change for you, and be worthy of your love."
"I never wanted you to change who you are, you know that right?" She watched him nod before continuing, "I just wanted you to stop taking all those risks. My greatest fear was that one of them would kill you, and I'd be left here alone. I don't want to lose you either. I don't think I'd be able to survive it."
"I understand that now," he smiled at her. "Would it help if I told you, I sold my bike, and have been driving around in a car for a month." He raised his eyebrows at her waiting for her reaction.
At first it seemed to take a few minutes for his words to sink in, before a look of shock crossed her face. "You did what?" she exclaimed.
He let out a laugh at her reaction before repeating, "I sold my bike."
"Wait a minute, YOU sold your bike! I've never seen you more attached to anything as you were your bike."
"I'm more attached to you," he said, touching her cheek. "I love you Jordan."
"I love you too T.C," she replied leaning into his hand, before bringing her lips back to his. This kiss was short and sweet but filled with a lot of love. "How about we get some breakfast?"
"I'd like that," he says, lifting himself out of the bed, and holding out his hand. She willingly takes it.