322Gah, sorry for this massive delay! It's unforgivable! I swear I've been thinking about this story and how to wrap it up in the best possible way. I want an ending that serves their journey here. This is the second to last installment – next one is on its way and I will not make you wait too long! I think about this story constantly and have been so derailed in life lately but am always planning to wrap it up! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STICKING WITH ME!
-Mac
Chapter 18
Haven't had a dream in a long time.
See the luck I've had could make a good man turn bad.
So… for once in my life, let me get what I want.
Lord knows, it would be the first time.
Lord knows, it would be the first time.
Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want, Elephant
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Booth was going out of his mind. Where was Bones? As Jared drove them away from the church and the woman who he was so grateful to not be married to – the woman who had been actively tearing him away from Bones in the end, without his knowledge at all – his thoughts were swirling chaotically.
Where was Bones?
How could he have been so stupid – let this escalate to this point?
How could Bones have ever thought of leaving their partnership – of having another forensic anthropologist step into her role? Did she think that's all she was to him? That he'd take any forensic anthropologist as his partner? Didn't she know…
She was more than that. THEY were more than that.
How could she think for a minute that he'd just happily accept someone else?
Someone that wasn't her…
He sighed as answers crashed into him at once. Because he'd already accepted someone else who wasn't her.
She hadn't been ready.
So he moved on.
He found someone new…
So he let go.
To their friendship.
To the center. To holding.
Of course she'd assume that he'd let go of her completely. Letting go of her partnership was only the final straw, at this point.
Because he'd failed completely to hold onto her in all those ways that he'd promised to.
Booth was frantically dialing Bones' number. It was going straight to voicemail and his anxiety was honestly skyrocketing.
"Can I ask what happened with Hannah?" Jared asked, chancing a quick glance at his brother.
Booth laughed though he felt absolutely no humor. Because just her name right now, "Hannah", was causing his heart to race, his breath to leave him… and his anxiety to kick up yet another notch.
"No," was all Jared was getting right now on that front.
Hannah… she'd actually picked up the phone and called a professional in Canada to see if he'd want to be partners with him, so Bones could leave them alone to their… their happy ending. It made his stomach turn and he honestly felt like he might be sick.
His partner was hurting. That much was beyond clear. And his almost-wife had taken that pain and her reliance on logic… and she'd hurt her with it. Made her think if she stepped out of the picture, it would be better for him.
He'd been about to marry someone that vindictive and he'd had no idea. Bones had been everything to him. Everything.
And he was losing her. He'd been losing her. And he just had no idea. Well. That wasn't entirely true. His heart knew. His heart had known the truth all along. His heart had been trying to talk him out of the whole thing since the moment Hannah said "yes." He'd just been so blind, so slow… so stupid.
He started dialing another number. And he picked up on the first ring.
"What do you want, Booth?"
"Max," he said, his desperate voice a small whisper. "I need your help. I need to find her."
"I think you've done enough," Max said. "It's fine that you're in love – but you made her think that she was… you made her think you were the one steady thing in her life, that you weren't going anywhere and after everything she's been through. Booth. She trusted you."
Booth squeezed his eyes closed. "I made a mess of everything. Believe me, I know that now. If you want to let me have it, I'll come over there and I won't even fight. I deserve it. But… you're wrong."
"Wrong that you made a mess of everything?"
"Wrong about me being in love. I wasn't… Hannah… she wasn't." He squeezed the phone. He couldn't confess his feelings to Max Keenan. He needed Bones. Only Bones. "Do you know where she is?"
After a long pause, Max sighed. And he gave in.
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Brennan sat outside under a gray, inky sky, the moon beginning to shine through the clouds as the sun set for the night. She used to love coming here. Why had she waited until now? Why, when her heart felt like it was about to break into pieces did she finally force herself to come to the water?
She breathed in the salty sea air, laying back in the sand as the sound of the waves calmed her frazzled nerves for a moment. And she knew. This place had been her refuge… once upon a time. When she'd first come to DC and started working in forensics, she hadn't been as good at compartmentalizing as she was now. Back then, the stories on the bones told of real human suffering. Sometimes, they triggered her own past traumas. And she would feel unable to move. Her body would feel stuck in a moment. She'd freeze up – mentally. Physically.
And this woman, Rosie Jones, had told her – after she'd returned her grandfather's bones to her for a proper burial, with answers to decades-old questions – she could retreat here any time she wanted. No questions asked. She used to sometimes take her up on it. Before Booth. In the past six years, she hadn't visited once. She… she hadn't felt the need. She hadn't felt alone.
Now, she felt more alone than she ever had before.
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Booth breathed out and closed his eyes as his brother drove to this place… this place in the middle of nowhere, where apparently Bones went, all alone – just to get away because he'd somehow managed to hurt her even more today, after his visit. After making her cry. After his almost-wife had already told her in many ways that she'd be unwelcome their lives after the wedding, he'd shown up before and said he was mad at her. That his issues were her fault.
He put his head in his hands and noticed that his hands were actually shaking.
Jared said nothing. Ever since Booth gave his brother the address, he put it into the GPS and remained completely silent. He just drove. The silence was comfortable for once between the Booth boys and Booth found himself wondering how on earth he could have gotten through the past day – hell, the past week! – without his brother.
"She tried to get rid of Bones," he said, his voice cracked and strained. His eyes wet, Booth just stared straight ahead at the road, as yellow lines whipped under the car with every mile.
He saw Jared peek at him in his peripheral vision. "What are you talking about?" Jared asked quietly.
"You asked what happened with Hannah." Booth breathed in deeply because he still couldn't believe it, and saying it out loud caused him to feel complete shame over the whole thing, over his role in all of it. "That's a huge part of what happened."
"She was the reason that Tempe didn't show up today? She got rid of her?" Jared asked, attempting to piece it together.
Booth laughed humorlessly. "No. No, that was all me. She didn't show up because I walked into her home earlier, made her cry, and laid all of the blame for everything I'm feeling on her."
"Then, what—"
"I was all ready to go tell Hannah it was over. That we couldn't get married. I felt… I felt anxious because I was dragging this woman into my problems. She didn't deserve a cancelled wedding because my heart's a mess. As much as I've been hurting people lately so easily, it's not exactly what I try to do." He looked at his brother, whose eyes remained on the road, whose face remained grim, listening. "So I went to her room and before I walked in, she was telling her sister that my partnership with Bones was about to end. She told her that she'd called some forensic anthropologist in Montreal to gage his interest in working with the FBI and then she…" He swallowed. He really couldn't stand people using Bones's reliance on logic against her. To hurt her. "She gave the guy tips for calling her. For what to say to make her interested in moving to Montreal and leaving our partnership. She… she apparently told her to mention that I'd be too busy for her once we were married, so it would be the ideal time to leave."
Booth shook his head slowly because it was… the shame… it was burning him. His chest, his heart… they hurt because just imagining Bones believing that this was true, and worse, deciding to actually do it, to end them. Without even talking to him. He'd fed her to the wolves when he'd welcomed Hannah into his world and pushed Bones away at the same time. He'd left her completely unprotected. And he was about to actually lose everything that mattered because of a woman that he'd nearly married, a woman he could care less about.
Jared breathed out, low and deep. "Wow," he muttered. "Did the guy actually reach her? She… Tempe wasn't leaving the partnership. That wasn't happening—"
"It was." Tears sprung to his eyes at the admission. "He spoke to her and used all of Hannah's tips. Used logic against her. Used her feelings against her. Her feelings for me." He shook his head and threw a hand angrily through his hair. "She was leaving. That case we just took – to her, that it was it. That was our last case. And I could feel it. The whole time. I kept trying to hold on but it all just felt like goodbye and I couldn't figure out why. I figured it was just all the change, but she was done. That was it. Last case. Last kiss—"
"Last kiss?"
Booth hung his head. He hadn't meant to say that. "We were undercover as a couple. The guy who ran the retreat made all of the couples."
"Kiss?" Now Jared was laughing, looking honestly shocked and joyful. "You left that out? When I asked you how the trip was and the case, man you should've led with that!"
"It wasn't cheating."
"Well no – you were undercover."
"Exactly."
"But it was 'Bones.'"
Jared's use of her nickname tugged at something inside. It was Bones. Undercover or not, it did mean something, in the end. That kiss had set a fire in his heart, had helped to stir something awake deep inside that he'd abandoned long ago. Hope, maybe? Love… definitely. With her, it was more than a ruse because she mattered more than a case and always did. Always would.
"Yes," he said softly. "It was Bones."
"I'm sorry, man," Jared said, sobering.
Booth said nothing, but just nodded. He was sorry too.
"I'm sorry Hannah pulled that. It's conniving. I hadn't expected her to stoop to that level."
"It's my fault," Booth said. And, mad as he was at Hannah – he knew it was true. This was all on him, right down to Hannah's interference.
"That she called that Canadian Bone guy?"
"The way I've treated Bones since we got back… Hannah never understood how important she is to me because I hid it. I buried it. She thought I had a lovesick partner on my hands that I was annoyed by. She thought because I let her. This… it's on me. And I don't know what to do now."
"End the wedding."
Booth laughed, despite himself. "Okay. Done."
"Leave Hannah for good."
"Done."
"Figure out where Tempe is."
"Done."
"Go find her. Talk to her. Explain."
Not done. But Booth nodded. Talking to Jared made it seem somehow less hopeless. Because he had taken steps to clean the mess up. Not all the steps. But he'd taken some major ones. The biggest step was next. And the road was bringing him there.