8Disclaimer: I do not own the Marvel Cinematic Universe or any of its characters.
Title Inspiration: "Night Changes" by One Direction
"James Buchanan Barnes, I can't believe it!"
The young seventeen year old boy's head shot up at the sound of his name and he grimaced at the thundering footsteps he heard from the upstairs bedroom. He sat up from his reclined pose on the carpet and crossed his legs. "Get out while you can, Steve," he muttered at his best friend.
He was hoping for at least one day where he and Steve could play board games in peace, but living in a household with three younger sisters meant that was just an impossible dream.
"What did you do this time, Buck?" Steve grinned at his friend. He put his blue game piece down and sat up, prepared for the show.
"Maybe she found out you took from her candy stash," a little voice said beside them. Six year old Beth Barnes looked up from the cardboard game of Sorry on the ground. "I would be pretty mad about that."
Bucky groaned. "Not you too, Beth. I already gotta deal with whatever Becky's 'bout to yell at me for."
"You can't take a little girl's chocolate caramels, Jamie. It's just not right!" Beth said, matter-of-factly, swinging her curly brunette hair.
"Kid's got a point," Steve agreed.
"Thanks, Stevie." Beth grinned, showing off her giant smile that was just one tooth short (the tooth fairy was on her way). She reached into the little purse she always carried around with her and placed one caramel crème into Steve's hand.
"Anytime, Beth." Steve popped the candy into his mouth, relishing its sweet taste.
"Careful, Steve. All those candies she's been feeding you, she's probably training you to be her little show dog."
Beth and Steve simultaneously responded with a stuck out tongue.
"You're just mad cause you don't get any candy," Beth taunted.
"Don't worry," Bucky taunted right back to his youngest sister, "I already stole some."
"James Buchanan, you absolute ass!" The door swung wide open to reveal a sixteen year old girl with straight auburn hair and bright blue eyes. "You're dating my best friend?" Rebecca Barnes screeched.
Steve's eyes widened as he faced Bucky. "You didn't tell her you started seeing Dolores?"
"It's not that big of a deal, Becky!" Bucky shouted back.
"It's Becca and not that big—? How would you feel if I had a go at Steve?" Becca crossed her arms and glowered down at the teenager.
"I don't care! You're welcome to him!" Bucky exclaimed, gesturing wildly at the blond who sat beside him.
"Uh…" Steve rubbed the back of his neck nervously, while he interjected. "I don't—"
"Really?" Beth said excitedly, her toothy grin growing wider.
Bucky and Becca paused in their arguing to simultaneously scrunch their noses and look at their little sister in disgust. "Gross, Beth."
Just then, another girl walked into the already crowded living room. "Okay, I just sent Dolores home, since you left her stranded in your bedroom alone, Rebecca." Bella Barnes raised a brow as she scrutinized her younger sister.
She pulled her hair into a bun and tightened the band, no hair out of place. At the age of seventeen, Bella felt more like a mother than the eldest sister.
Becca huffed. "Whatever."
"And you, James." She turned to face her brother who was older than her by merely ten months. "I don't think it was fair of you to pursue a relationship with a girl that you know is close to Becca. It puts her in an awkward situation, don't you think?"
"I didn't really and— well, what am I supposed to do now? I can't just break up with Dot because Becky—"
"Becca!" Rebecca interjected.
"—doesn't want me to be happy."
Becca stomped her foot. "You're so dramatic! All that I wa—"
"I think what she is trying to say," Bella interjected, "is that, while she knows you are in a relationship now and she doesn't expect you to end it, she just wants an apology. Isn't that right, Becca?"
"I wouldn't mind if he ended the relationship too," Becca hissed, but at Bella's strict, motherly look, she relented. "Yes, that's right," she said with a bowed head.
"Fine." Bucky stood up; he smiled cheekily, holding up a small card from the game that had the word 'sorry' on it. "Becky, I—"
"It's Becca! Call me Becky one more time and I swear to—"
"Rebecca, I am sorry!" Bucky finally yelled out.
Becca growled, grabbing the 'sorry' card and flicking it at his face. "That's how many shits I give about your sorry, you asshole."
"Ow! Psycho bi—!"
"Language!" Bella exclaimed, while Steve hurried to cover the ears of little Beth. "Bucky, Becca, be nice! Your sister is sitting right there!"
Beth giggled as she wiggled out of Steve's loose hold. "Shit! Shit! Shit!" she exclaimed as she ran off, probably to tell their mother about the new word she learned.
Bucky chuckled as he rubbed the spot on his cheek where the card hit him. "Oh, you are gonna get in so much trouble."
Becca's eyes squinted when she scowled. "Did I ever tell you that you're my least favorite brother?"
"I'm your only brother!"
"Rose Bloom Memory Care and Assisted Living," Steve said. "That's where they are. You can, uh, I can take you to see them before we…"
Before they travelled to Wakanda to put Bucky into cryostasis one last time. This time, however, it was Bucky's choice and Steve would always support him.
"Do they…" Bucky cleared his throat. "Are they…"
"I think they are," Steve finished. He knew Bucky like the back of his hand and knew what he wanted to ask. "They seem to be doing just fine in Assisted Living. I tried to visit them one time. Beth and Becca were there and I got to talk to her, uh, them, for a little bit, but I got recognized by a couple of folks in the home, so I had to get out of there pretty quick."
"Were they surprised?" Bucky asked.
"I think I was more surprised than them. Beth heard about me on the news, but seeing the girls after all these years… it was quite the experience."
Bucky was silent for a moment as he thought through his words. It was moments like this where Steve would feel the hollow pang in his chest as he longed for his friend who would blurt out whatever was on his mind whenever he wanted.
Finally, Bucky gathered up what he wanted to say. "Beth is my younger sister?"
"Yes," Steve agreed. "Well, technically they are all your younger sisters, but Beth is the youngest out of all of you. You and Bella are apart by a couple of months and you and Becca are apart by about a year and a half. Beth is younger than you by around ten years, but you and Bella are basically twins, although sometimes it felt like Bella was the eldest the way you and Becca would always argue like little kids."
"Bella…" Bucky muttered softly, "Bella loves yellow roses." He seemed to be talking more to himself than Steve. "She used to make dinner for us all the time and I would always get yellow roses on the way back from school for the centerpiece at the table. It would make her so happy."
"Yeah," Steve said. "That's right."
Moments of clarity came out of nowhere, in which Bucky would recall something from the past that might have been a tiny detail not normally remembered. He still had trouble remembering major events and people, but when those snapshots of his life from before came back to him, Steve knew there was still hope.
"Do you want to visit them?" Steve asked once more.
"We might get caught," Bucky said. They were currently in the plane with T'Challa and he was preparing the flight to take them directly from the Raft to Wakanda.
"That's never stopped us before."
"I think I've put enough people in danger, Steve."
"This might be your last chance, Buck."
"I didn't even know I had a chance till you told me. I don't even know what I would say. I don't know what they would think of me." Bucky swallowed roughly, his Adam's apple going up and down. "It would be better if they just thought I was dead."
"They are your family. They would love you regardless because that's what family does. That's what sisters do." He put a hand on Bucky's shoulder. "That's what brothers do."
The Winter Soldier kept looking forward, his jaw clenched. "I'm not going back."
He walked into the nursing home alone. With a baseball cap on his head and dark sunglasses to hide his face, Steve checked in and was directed to the common area where he would see his second family.
Steve didn't really have a family before he went into the ice, his mother having died long before he became a super soldier, but coming out of the ice 70 years later, he felt more alone than ever.
He reached out to Peggy, to Bella, Becca, and Beth, but the lives they lived was so different than his, every time he saw them, he could only imagine what could have been... what he could have lived had he not been Captain America.
Regardless of the emotional ache that came with the visits, Steve couldn't help but keep visiting. He had to keep his connection to the past and old life alive despite it growing weaker every day.
He walked to the little circular table in the corner of the recreation room. The table had a vase with a dozen yellow roses and seated there were two older women.
"Bella?" Steve asked cautiously. "Bella Barnes?"
"Barnes?" The woman said, her head turning to the sound. "I haven't been called that in many years." Her eyes widened when Steve removed his cap and glasses. "Steve?"
She stood up from her chair, albeit very slowly, and hobbled towards her brother's best friend. "Steve!"
She wrapped him in a hug and Steve felt like he was transported back to the Barnes household that was always filled with warm hugs and fresh baked cookies, courtesy of Bella.
"It's good to see you, Belle," Steve said into her shoulder. He had to crouch down to fit into her hug, since she seemed to shrink in her old age, but it was far from uncomfortable. Steve finally felt at home in the new age. "Last time I tried to visit, Beth told me you were at home with your family."
"She told me." Bella pulled back, looking Steve up and down, not releasing her hold on both his biceps. "My, my, Steve. I would say you haven't aged a day, but the last time I saw you I could have sworn you were a few feet shorter and a few pounds lighter."
Steve studied Bella the same way she was studying him. Steve noticed wrinkles where there were none before, but her (now gray) hair pulled into a sharp bun was as familiar as ever.
He knew Bella was trying to keep the tone light because that was who she was: the mediator, the peacekeeper, the calm, cool, collected older sister, but there was a guilt in him that ate him up to no end. There was no way Bella hadn't hated him when she heard the news, but the way she pushed that to the side as she stood before him now with her classic Bella smile and lovely attitude that brought up old shame he tried to hide.
And the fact that she had the same electric blue eyes as Bucky opened an old wound he had spent so long trying to heal and forget.
"I couldn't save Bucky," Steve burst out and at Bella's shocked and confused face he continued, "I tried and I am so sorry. I should have done something. It was my fault he fell that night and I am so—"
"Steve," Bella interrupted, "when you went into the ice, the whole world mourned the loss of Captain America, but to us, we lost both our brothers in one war." Bella let her hands drop to her side. "We mourned for you, Steve. Of course, the government threw you a grand funeral, but we had a small one. With our folks and the three of us. You were our family too, Steve."
She brought a hand up to Steve's face, her small, wrinkled hands wiping away at stray tears he didn't realize were falling. "It wasn't your fault. We knew you did the best you could and we are so proud of you." She let her arm loop around Steve's elbow and guided him to the table. "Come have a seat next to Becca. I'll get us some tea."
The two of them talked for more than hour, Steve sharing how he had been coping with waking up in the future and Bella sharing about her and her sister's lives after the war.
Bella told him that she grew up to be an elementary school teacher. She married a few years after the war ended and had three children. Her husband died a few years back, but Bella decided that she was better off staying single in her older years anyway. She proudly showed him pictures of her grown-up kids and her seven grandchildren.
Beth decided to be a stay-at-home mom for her four kids and after her husband died about ten years back, she re-married and was with him today. Bella gave her a call to let her know Steve was visiting, so she would be on her way soon.
Becca, who had been sitting on the other seat beside Steve, had not said a word the entire time.
Her beautiful auburn hair had faded to a warm silver, but the brightness in her blue eyes dulled into a dark gray.
Bella looked at her younger sister. "It's progressed pretty bad. She's not doing too good," she told Steve.
A few years back, Rebecca was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and in the beginning, it hadn't been too bad. The last time Steve visited, Becca had been able to say a few words to him even though she didn't really know who she was talking to.
This time, Becca simply stared out the window, her eyes revealing nothing and her mouth never moving. It was like she couldn't even see them.
"Today is a pretty bad day for her," Bella told Steve. "Usually she can say a couple of sentences and somedays she can even recognize me, but not today. I'm sorry, Steve, I wish today could have been a good day."
Steve reached out and took Becca's hand in his own, his hand moving soothingly over hers even though she didn't react. "Trust me, I know a thing or two about not remembering."
Bella remembered the Winter Soldier and her head shot up. "Is Bucky—"
"Stevie!" The sound of a worn, but still lively voice filled the care center.
Steve looked up to see a face that never failed to bring a smile to his face. Guided by two middle aged men, Beth Barnes walked over to the table and plopped down in the seat, placing her giant purse on the table.
"Long time no see, Steve!"
"It's good to see you too, Beth," Steve laughed.
The other two men that accompanied her went over to a spare table to grab the free chairs and bring them over.
"Meet two out of four of my children: Roger and Frank."
Said two of four children moved to shake Steve's hand and exchange greetings.
"Roger?" Steve asked.
"We were gonna name him Steve, but after you became Captain America, everyone started naming their kid Steve, so I had to get a little creative. My children are way better than those boomers."
Steve nodded, trying to hide his growing smile. "I'm honored."
"You know, I used to have the biggest crush on you way before you became Captain America," Beth said, a twinkle in her eye. "But you were too old for me. Now look how the tables have turned." Beth reached into her large purse and pulled out a caramel candy, which she passed along to Steve, Bella, and her children.
Out of habit, he opened up the wrapper and plopped it into his mouth. "Still carrying around your candy stash?"
"What can I say? It keeps the kids and grandkids coming back," Beth joked, while pinching her sons' cheeks.
"Ma!" the two boys mock complained, batting their mother's hands away.
"What?" Beth teased, "Am I embarrassing you in front of your idol?" She looked over at the star spangled captain. "Roger has been saving all of your collectible cards since he was five years old and when he was younger, Frank had a little plastic Captain America shield that he took everywhere. I think he even snuck it into school a couple of times. He once tried to hide the huge thing in his pants to sneak by, as if he expected us not to see a giant plate shoved down his jeans—"
"Ma!" Frank interrupted.
"—Not to mention Roger's cute little Bucky Bear that he—"
"Ma!" the boys said again. They both blushed bright red as they tried to avoid the eyes of the man who looked basically their age.
"It's okay," Steve said. "Beth has a way of saying whatever is on her mind. She's embarrassed me more than a few times back in the day."
"How dare you say that, young man?" Beth scolded. "No more Werther's candy for you."
Bella chuckled while she sipped some of her tea, ever so often checking in on Becca to make sure she was as comfortable as she could be.
"It is really nice to meet you," Roger said.
"Our aunts and Ma have told us all about you and Uncle Bucky, so it's nice to finally meet you in-person," Frank added.
"Something we didn't even think would be possible," Roger finished.
"It's nice to see you boys too," Steve said. Especially when Frank was the spitting image of Bucky and Roger pushed his hair back the same way as Bucky.
When it was finally time for Steve to go, Beth stood up and gave him a giant hug, making sure to sneak a handful of caramel chews into his pocket for the road. He said his goodbyes to Frank and Roger, before it was finally just Becca and Bella left.
While the goodbye between him and Becca was one-sided, a part of him hoped that she could still somehow hear and understand him.
Bella wrapped him in one final hug, before whispering in his ear, "Take care of our big brother for us."
"I will."
Steve was gone.
And Bucky was alone.
Steve had passed along the shield to Sam with the expectation that Bucky would follow Sam with the same loyalty he followed Steve with, but he didn't follow Captain America for Captain America. He followed Steve. He would follow Steve to the end of the line and he did.
They reached the end of the line.
Sam annoyed him to no end, but there were moments where Bucky could see why Steve would choose Sam to carry the mantle.
Sam was a good man. An annoying and bothersome man, but a good one all the same.
There were some stark differences between the two that Bucky recognized instantaneously.
Steve was more the quiet kind when he did stupid stuff like using his own body as a grenade cover and overthrowing the government; Sam would be loud while he did the same damn thing.
While Steve was patient with him and waited for his memories to come back to him, Sam would push him off the deep end and agitate him until the memories resurfaced unwillingly.
Key word being "unwilling." He wanted to remember his past as any sane person would (and Bucky had finally been diagnosed as sane), but when those memories he so longed for came, it also arrived with a wave of sadness and longing and confusion and a complete concoction of feelings he hadn't felt since before he was the Winter Soldier. He was finally in somewhat of a good place in his life and found a kind of peace with what he had now. He didn't want to know more about his family besides what Steve had told him those years ago before the Snap and the Blip.
So while on a mission, when Sam kept pushing and bugging him to talk about his family, Bucky blurted out, "They're alive; I don't want to see them!" before jumping out of the moving plane.
A total Steve move, he would admit, but not wanting to talk about his past and his feelings was all Bucky.
He thought that might quell Sam's curiosity, so it was much to his chagrin to find out that all it did was fuel the flame of questions.
"So you don't like your family? Did they reach out to you? Do they even know you're alive? Who am I kidding, by now everyone knows about the Winter Soldier. So who's still alive anyway?" Sam asked while they walked along the dirt road after the mission went slightly wrong.
Bucky didn't reply.
"It's probably not your parents. So… are your siblings still alive? Cousins? Wife and kids? Wait, are you married?"
Bucky groaned. "Can you shut up?"
"Just answer the questions, man!"
"It's my sisters and they don't want to see me."
"And you know that how?"
Bucky kept walking forward.
"Have you reached out to them?" Sam asked.
"No."
"Why not? Do you hate them cause I completely understand family rivalries. My mom and aunt had this major argument over our family's Christmas cards that—"
"I don't hate them," Bucky interrupted.
"Then why don't you want to see them?"
Bucky just kept walking forward in silence with Sam walking faster to keep pace. After a few minutes of silence, he finally answered, "I don't want them to see me like this."
"Like what? With that awful haircut? If you just went to that barber I recommended—"
"You know what I mean," Bucky said. He held up his metal arm. "Like this."
"You can't let your arm keep you from reconnecting with your past."
"Arm? This isn't an arm, it's a weapon. I am not going anywhere near them… where I can hurt them. What if something happens and I forget and black out and—"
"Then just go without it," Sam said candidly.
"What?" Bucky paused in his steps.
"Your arm is removable, right?" Sam stopped too and faced Bucky. "Just go visit them without the arm."
"I—"
"What? Are you chicken? Are you scared?" Sam teased. "You can't see your sisters?"
Bucky shook his head, hiding a small laugh as he continued walking. "You remind me of one of them."
"Which one?" Sam asked, jogging to keep up with the super soldier. "Is she hot?"
Surprisingly, he decided to take the Cap's advice.
He guessed that was another thing Steve and Sam had in common: they gave really good advice that they themselves were incapable of following.
Sam volunteered to come with him and while Bucky was grateful for the support (though he would never say that to his face), he knew it was something he had to do alone. Sam still insisted that he drive Bucky to the Assisted Living Center, claiming Bucky was the worst driver since the invention of the automobile. Bucky did not protest, the number of motorcycles and cars he had crashed and smashed his fist into to pull out the steering wheel speaking for themselves.
The drive to the Care Center was silent, something Bucky had not grown to expect from Sam. A part of him missed Sam's endless blabber until he realized that Sam was probably keeping silent since he understood that what Bucky was about to do was probably one of the most intimidating things he had to do, which was saying a lot.
At least that's what he thought before Sam spoke up and said, "So are your sisters like you or are they actually nice people?"
"I don't remember," Bucky said tensely, staring out the window.
"Alright, Emo Soldier." Sam looked over at him in the passenger seat, taking in his tense stance. "We're almost there, so relax, will you?"
Hearing that they were almost there had the exact opposite effect of relaxing him, but Sam probably knew that because the man was out to get him.
Once they were parked, Bucky took in a breath before using his one hand to help him out of the car. His other arm remained safely in a metal box in the trunk.
He was just about to shut the door of the car when Sam said, "Hey, man, I just want you to know that whatever happens… you still got me, alright?"
Taken aback by Sam's honesty, Bucky, ever the emotional whiz, responded with an eloquent, "Uh, sure…"
He shut the door of the car and almost turned to leave until sense struck him. Sam drove him here because he wanted to be there for him. Sam asked about his past to help him move forward.
Pulling the car handle, he opened the door a smidge, peered in and said, "Thanks. You got me too."
Walking into the nursing home felt easier after that, since Bucky knew he would always have someone to go back to.
The front desk had a grand welcome sign and a teenage girl playing on her phone while chewing a piece of gum. "Welcome to Rose Bloom Memory Care and Assisted Living," the girl drawled out, her eyes not leaving her phone, "If you or a loved one are planning on transitioning into our lovely care and services one of our staff members will be with you shortly."
"I'm, uh, here to visit someone."
"Name?" the girl asked, absentmindedly blowing a pink bubble while typing rapidly on her small screen.
He said the first name the popped into his head, "Bella Barnes."
The gum popped. "Who?"
"Um… Isabelle Barnes?" He wondered if Bella was short for Isabelle or Isabella… or if it was even short for anything.
"Yeah, I don't know anyone by that name, dude. Maybe go check out the other—"
"Jamie?" Despite the chaos and the music playing in the lobby, everything fell silent in his ears, everything except for the one name—his name.
A memory came flooding in that he hadn't remembered before:
Little Julia Elizabeth Barnes had trouble pronouncing 'Js' when she was just starting to say words. So Jeanette Isabelle became "Bella", Jessie Rebecca became "Becca", and James Buchanan became "Bucky."
Once she passed that phase, her siblings teased her to no end, claiming they had to get whole new identities because baby Bethy had a lisp. Because of that, at four years old, Beth was determined to call all of her siblings by their first names rather than their middle as the rest of the world had adopted.
That mission lasted less than a week, but for some reason, while she had reverted back to calling Bella and Becca by their middle names, she continued to call her brother, James or sometimes Jamie when she was feeling particularly affectionate.
He asked her a couple of times why she only chose to call him by his first name, but Beth would simply shrug and say, "Why not?"
The last time he asked her was in a written letter from the frontlines and the answer he received, he kept folded and tucked into his jacket pocket, right near his heart, till the day he fell:
You're special, Jamie. That's why you get your first name.
"Jamie, is that— Is that really you?"
He turned to face the music. "Beth."
"Jamie." Beth let out a half-sob, half-laugh and launched her aging body at her older brother, embracing him tightly in the best hug Bucky had ever received.
For a moment, Bucky wished he had both his arms on him, so he could return the hug, wrapping her completely and lifting her up like he did when they were kids.
But that thought was shut down as soon as he remembered how many bones that arm broke, how many ribs it crushed, and lives it took.
"I knew you'd come visit us." Beth pulled away, tears still falling. "I knew it!"
She didn't ask about his one arm, or his age, or where he's been, or anything that could have triggered him. She had her brother back and that was all that mattered.
Beth wrapped her frail, worn hands in Bucky's calloused, strong ones and began to guide him. "Come on, James. I'll take you to our room."
When they walked past the front desk to go to the residential area where the elderly people lived and slept, he noticed the front desk girl had her eyes and mouth wide open. "Guys," she said into her phone, "I think I just called the Winter Soldier 'dude'."
Beth talked to him the whole way there, her hand a comfortable anchor when he felt like drifting away.
"And then I learned how to Fortnite from my grandkids. They really love to floss, which is good because they love eating the candy I get them. My daughter-in-law always tells me I spoil them, but it's fine because they are the most precious angels. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter-in-law, she's a scientist, you know? She's a very brilliant woman. Very strong," Beth babbled.
Bucky nodded along, his mind automatically memorizing the route, the exits, and the emergency escape plan.
"…and they always calls me an Anti-Karen, which I don't know what it means but I like it and— oh, here's our room!"
Using her key, Beth turned the lock to reveal a spacious three bedroom apartment with a small kitchen and living room.
Dropping her keys on the kitchen counter, Beth led him to the couch in the living room and told him to take a seat while she made some hot chocolate and sandwiches.
"They keep telling me to cut down on the sweets, but I'm old and I can do what I want. I gotta enjoy life while I can, ain't that right, Jamie?" she said while working on taking out the cheeses from the fridge. She turned when she didn't hear a response. "James?"
He stood in the living room, holding a photo frame of the four of them. Becca stood at the corner of the frame, arms crossed, probably because she and Bucky got into another argument about something stupid, while Bella was in the middle with her arms around both Becca and him trying to bring them all closer. Bucky had a flirtatious smile and a distracted look, probably because he saw a beautiful dame passing by. Little Beth, about seven years old at the time, was planted on his shoulders as she waved at the camera with one hand and held a giant pink cotton candy cone in the other.
Beth peered over to look at the frame. "This was taken when you took us to Rockaway Beach. Well, you went there before with Steve, but Ma forced you to take us with you the next time you went to keep you in check since she knew you were going to sneak away to see Dolores, your girlfriend at the time. She was the one who took the picture."
"Dolores," Bucky muttered. "Redhead. I used to call her Dot."
She chuckled. "Don't let Becca hear you call her that. She used to blow a gasket every time you and Dolores were even in the same room."
"Where are the others?" Bucky asked, putting the photo down among all the other more recent family pictures that didn't include him.
"Becca is in the other room. She's… taking a nap." Beth placed a hand on his bicep. "Sit down, James."
When they were both seated, Beth explained to him about Becca's Alzheimer's and how it had progressed to the final stages.
"She was barely eating and drinking. She doesn't remember much, doesn't recognize me or her kids. She couldn't move much before and after Bella died—"
"Bella… died?" Bucky repeated, disbelief and horror springing up from just those two words.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, James, I thought you knew." Beth looked at him with sorrowful eyes and said with a grim tone, "She died a few weeks before the Snap. We just had her funeral and Becca and I both got taken and then when we got back… oh my, it was quite overwhelming. Becca didn't handle it well. I think she still understood what was happening, but after the Blip, she hasn't said a single word."
"I'm sorry, Beth," Bucky said. He should have come earlier like Steve told him to. He should have been there for Belle.
"She died of old age, James. Perfectly put together, as always, she drifted off peacefully in her sleep." Beth smiled. "That's the best way to go, ain't it?"
"Can I see her?" Bucky asked. "Rebecca?"
"Sure," Beth allowed. "The conversation's gonna be pretty one-sided, but don't take it to heart. I mean, you and Becca have gotten into pretty nasty fights before where you wouldn't talk to each other for days, so I guess you're used to that, huh?"
Bucky stood up and walked to the bedroom door. The fact that his sister probably wouldn't remember him was a statement he wasn't expecting. He had spent years with his memory wiped, with all his loved ones taken away from him, and just when he thought he had gotten it all back, his little sister was going through the same thing.
He paused, his hand on the doorknob and just rested for a moment to gain his bearings.
"I'll be right out here if you need me," Beth said in the living room.
Bucky nodded before opening the door and stepping inside.
The first thing that hit him was the distinctly "old person" smell and the drab coloring of the walls and décor. Then the giant white hospital bed and the dim lighting with the small window that was opened just a crack.
Rebecca hated staying indoors. She always played out on the road with the other kids or danced with the music playing from a nearby radio. She was always full of fire, ready to move and light up anywhere she walked.
Her fiery attitude had gotten her into some tight spots before, but nothing she couldn't handle. She was brilliant and quick-witted and snarky and energetic and…
Not this…
Not this impoverished, shrunken shell of what she once was. Sitting up in her bed, Becca was propped up using an immeasurable amount of pillows. She had wires coming from all over her, IV tubes and monitors. Her sunken eyes and pale complexion gave no sign of life. It was a woman barely hanging on.
Not this.
He walked over to her right-hand side, avoiding the many machines that were hooked up to her that monitored her breathing and heart.
It was always others that initiated contact with him. He used to be very touchy feely, throwing his arm over his commandos' shoulders, grabbing a willing gal by the hand and leading her into a dance, but now, every touch had him planning a way out.
But Becca was right there. She couldn't reach out to him, so he had to be the one to reach her.
Cautiously, he scooped her hand into his, taking a seat on the chair that was conveniently placed by her bedside.
Her hand was cold. Almost too cold. Bucky felt like he was stepping into the Freezer.
"Rebecca," he said, his voice sounding hoarse. "It's me. It's Bucky."
She didn't respond and Bucky didn't expect her too.
"These past years without my family have been… hard. I know it's been hard for you too. Some days I remember better than others and somedays it's like all the progress I made before disappeared just like that. I would tell you to keep fighting, but you do plenty of that on your own without anyone telling you."
From the moment he had held her hand, his eyes had barely lifted to look at her face. He couldn't bear to look at the face he remembered so differently. Rather, he focused on the small hand in his. It had a beautiful wedding band on the ring finger and age spots in a couple of places. Overall, it was well kept, cut and polished, probably because Beth was taking care of her.
Bucky chuckled, the first real laugh he had in a while. "I remember when we went to Coney Island when we were twelve years old, I think you were probably ten or eleven. Bella and Beth didn't want to ride the Cyclone, but you insisted on coming with me and Steve. But then when we got to the ride, you were too short and they wouldn't let you on."
He shook his head, the fond memories coming ever so clearly. "So of course you followed Steve's dumb advice and stuck newspapers in your shoes to make yourself taller. And of course the poor kid manning the ride still wouldn't let you on, but then you started throwing a fit right in the middle of the ride with all these people waiting in line until he finally let you on, grumbling about how you were gonna start crying like a little girl when you got off."
"But when you got off the ride," Bucky smiled, "you were completely fine, shouting about how you were ready to go again, but Steve on the other hand—"
"—Steve threw up."
His face shot up to meet her hers, his eyes widening in shock. She spoke to him. Rebecca had spoken to him.
He said her name again, hoping he hadn't just imagined it all. "Rebecca?"
Becca had turned her head to face him, her cheek resting on the pillows, and she weakly smiled down at him from her bed. "Bucky," she whispered, her voice sounding tired and strained, but happy and hopeful all the same. "My brother. My only brother."
"Rebecca," he repeated softly, holding her hand tighter and lifting it closer to his heart.
"Becky," she replied, tears building up in her eyes. "Call me Becky."
She didn't have much energy in her, but she asked for Bucky to come closer so she could see his face. He complied, letting Becky trace the curve of his face. Her fingers trailed weakly on his chin, his nose, and his lips, cementing the fact that her big brother had returned and that he had kept his promise from so many years ago.
"I missed you, Bucky," she whispered.
"I missed you too, Becky."
Out of all the siblings, Bucky and Becky were the most similar. They were both outgoing and energetic and excruciatingly stubborn.
Perhaps that was why they got into the most arguments. Regardless of their fights and petty arguments, at the end of the day, they always had each other to go to for the best comfort and advice, since it would basically be getting advice from themselves. Sure, they could go to Bella and she would tell them not to punch the jerk who insulted them or they could punch the jerk and then pat each other on the back for a job well done.
Becca's breath hitched as she blinked away a tear. Reverting back to days in their childhood, she said, "Ma's worried sick, you jerk."
"What'd you do, Becky?" Bucky said, falling into old routine. Nostalgia burning like alcohol in the back of his throat. "Set the house on fire again?"
"I'd only do that if you were in it."
He smirked. "Psycho."
"Asshole."
"Mom," a voice said from nearby.
Bucky looked up to see a grown man standing at the door in shock. He walked closer, closing the door behind him and Bucky had to fight all his instincts that were screaming at him to fight the man. Fight him and protect Becky.
Rather, Bucky stood up from his seat and watched.
The man approached Becca from the other side of the bed. He didn't try to touch her or do anything that could scare her. "Hey, Momma," he said, softly and nervously.
"Bucky," Becca said, trying to lift her head higher, her eyes not leaving her older brother. "Where… where am I?"
The man tried to avoid the hurt that came from his mother ignoring him and stayed silent. His hand twitching by her bed, desperate to hold onto his guardian.
"You're home, Becky," Bucky said, not really sure how to respond otherwise.
"Okay," Becca blindly trusted. She rested back on her pillow, too weak to keep her head up. "I'm tired now."
"Get some rest, Beck." He stroked the strands of hair that had fallen on her face and pushed it behind her ear before placing a light kiss to her temple—something he had never once done when they were kids. Something he had never done to anyone ever. "I'll see you soon."
"Goodnight, Buck."
Bucky left first, joining Beth at the sofa where she set up a table with a cup of hot cocoa. Beth offered him a mug and rested her head on his shoulder with a quiet sigh. He let Becca's son spend a few moments with his mother before the man stepped outside the room as well.
The auburn haired man closed the door and let out a sigh. "I heard her talking and I thought that maybe…" he shook his head. "Never mind."
Beth perked up. "She was talking?"
He tilted his head to point towards Bucky. "To him."
"Honey," Beth said, starting to introduce the two of them. "This is—"
"I know who he is, Aunt Beth." His voice sounded harsh, but Bucky knew it was coming from a place of weariness. "It's getting pretty late. How about you get some rest and he and I will have a chat outside so we don't wake you up?"
"Alright, sweetie. I'll give you a call if anything changes." She gave the man a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
"Thanks, Aunt Beth."
Beth stood and pulled Bucky into a final hug. He had gotten so many hugs from her in just the few hours he was here, but every time Beth wrapped her arms around him, it felt like he was alive again. "I love you, big brother."
"I… love you too."
He honestly couldn't remember if his siblings ever shared affection like that. Bella would always force the family into group hugs and family pictures. She was always very openly affectionate… and Beth was too, he supposed. After all, the last time he saw her, she was just on the edge of becoming a teenager, before all the angst and puberty.
He and Becca, on the other hand, showed their love in… different ways. Walking into each other's rooms unannounced and leaving the door wide open when they left, flicking tiny things at each other's heads until the tiny things got bigger and bigger, and the big one: dating each other's best friends (even though that was all Bucky). They never outright expressed their love as siblings, but it was something that was always known and expected. Family is forever, after all.
Hearing Beth say that she loved her big brother made Bucky wonder if he should have said it more when they were kids. He wondered if Beth ever told him she loved him before. He wondered if maybe the honesty and openness was a trait that came with old age.
He wondered if he could ever get to the point in his life where a friend or family member could say they loved him without him feeling the unbearable weight of guilt and shame—without wondering if he was worth that love.
He hoped one day he could be.
"Bring that bionic arm of yours next time you come visit. I need someone to lift the couch for me so I can get some spare change I dropped down there."
Bucky smiled as feelings of acceptance washed over him. "Will do."
"And James?" Beth said and both men turned to look at her. She smiled as if sharing an inside joke. "Be nice."
The two men walked out of the apartment, until finally, it was just the two of them alone.
The man extended his hand forward for a handshake which Bucky reciprocated.
"My name is James," the man introduced himself, "James Proctor. Rebecca Proctor is my mother."
Bucky didn't really know what to say, his mind reeling from the fact that Becca had named her son after him, so James continued to talk for the both of them. "When I saw her talking to you, I got so happy." He frowned, making him age ten years in a second. "But it was probably since she saw a face from the past. She hasn't spoken a word to me in months. She doesn't even know who I am."
"I'm sorry," Bucky said.
"Don't be. It's not your fault she has Alzheimer's. Just hearing her voice today was something, I suppose." James shook his head, fixing a smile on his face. "Anyway, enough with the doom and gloom. You hungry? Would you like to grab some dinner?"
"I—"
"Come on. I know we're strangers, but we're also family and my mom named me after you, so you have to be at least a half decent guy." James nodded his head to the exit down the hall and began to walk. "There's a great pizza place nearby, we can take my car. It's on me."
"My friend Sam's in the car, I don't know if I should keep him waiting."
James's eyes brightened at that. "Sam? Sam Wilson? You have the Falcon in your car? Woah!" He cleared his throat and tried to hide the bright blush that covered his cheeks. "I mean… that's cool, he can come too. My cousins are on their way too and they're, uh, huge fans. I mean, me too. But they are— anyway, yeah, you can bring him."
"Alright," Bucky said, hiding a smile so as to not embarrass the man further. "I'll send him a text and let him know where to meet us."
"You can text?" James asked, his voice laced with a tinge of surprise.
Bucky raised his eyebrow as the two of them got into James's car. "Why wouldn't I?"
"Aunt Beth just discovered GIFs and emojis, which she won't stop sending in the family group chat, which I will add you to when we get to the pizza place, and Mom's last phone was a flip phone from the 90s, so a lot of people your age aren't really the friendliest with technology." He glanced over at Bucky in the passenger seat. "Not that you're old, uh… Bucky? Uncle Buck? Anyway, you'd think that with mom being an engineer and all, she would have been a little more tech savvy, but she always told me that it was my responsibility as her son to deal with all the tech stuff while her job was to just build things." He chuckled. "She said that while asking me set up her work email."
He remembered her excitement for the Stark Expo; she had talked about it for days on end, buying tickets and researching the different inventions that were going to be on display. She was so excited until the day of the Expo when she got a bad cold and was unable to get out of bed. Angrily handing him her now spare tickets, she warned him that he better enjoy it as much as she would have:
Becca glared at him. "You better remember everything and tell me all about it when—ACHOO—you get back."
"Yeah, yeah." Bucky grinned, ruffling her bright hair in the way he knew annoyed her to no end. "Try not to die while I'm gone."
She batted his hand away and stifled a cough. "Right back at ya."
Bucky cleared his throat as James signaled a right turn into the restaurant parking lot where Sam's car was waiting. "Yeah, Becca loved learning about weird and wild inventions when we were kids. She was always building the weirdest robots with the parts I managed to get for her. She was never that into learning about everyday technology unless it was to break it apart and put it back together differently."
James tilted his head back and released a short laugh which ended with a loud snort. "That sounds like mom, alright."
Bucky smiled softly. "Some things don't change, do they?"
Ten year old Beth pointed excitedly at the monkey scratching its butt behind the glass. "Look, Bucky! It's you!"
Twenty year old Becca laughed until she snorted. "I've taught you well, young one."
Bella sighed while flipping through the map of the zoo. "Be nice, kids."
"Oh, yeah," Bucky said to Beth. "Well the elephant I see looks like you."
"I don't see an elephant," Becca said, looking around.
"Should I get a mirror?" Bucky asked.
Pursing her lips, Becca nodded in approval. "Good one."
Bucky grinned. "Thanks."
His hands were clammy in his jacket pocket as he fidgeted anxiously. He just had to get the news out and get it over with.
"Look, Bella!" Becca pointed at one of the men's shirts in the souvenir shop. "You think I should get this one?"
"For who? Your dreamboat boyfriend?" Bucky teased.
Blushing heavily, she turned away. "Shut up, Bucky."
"Well, I think dreamboat Proctor would loooove it," Beth sang. "Just like you loooove him!"
"Beth!" Becca yelled jokingly, running after the girl who screamed in delight at the chase. "Whose side are you on anyway?"
The two remaining siblings stood and watched in amusement at their younger siblings' antics.
A moment or two passed of silence until Bucky turned to his sister. "I have to tell you something."
Bella looked down, biting her lip. "I know, Buck."
"You… you do?"
"I saw the letter. I was just waiting for you to tell us when you were ready. I didn't want to pressure you or anything and make you even more worried. I know you're probably scared and nervous enough as it is and I just didn't—"
"Why are you the nicest person on the planet?" Bucky asked.
She smiled, rolling her eyes. "I'm really not. But maybe since you and your siblings are insane knuckleheads who only show love through insults, I may come off as a saint."
Bucky put a hand to his heart and winced. "Insane knuckleheads? Am I witnessing the first mean thing Bella Barnes has ever said?"
"What can I say? It's a momentous occasion."
At that moment, the two other girls who had been playing had run up and joined them.
"What's a momentous occasion?" Becca asked, her arms tossed around her little sister's. Both their faces were flushed from all the running and Beth was happily licking an ice cream cone.
"A college actually accepting you," Bucky quipped.
"Oh, please. I got into every university I applied to. As if anyone could reject this face." She gestured at her features.
"Give dreamboat Proctor a couple of days."
"Bucky…" Bella warned. "Be nice."
"Yeah, okay." His entire demeanor changed as he prepared himself for the next words he had to say.
Noticing the changes, Becca let go of her sister and took a step closer to her brother. "What's going on?" she asked.
He swallowed nervously, before taking a deep breath. "It's getting rough on the frontlines. They're getting desperate."
"Who? What are you…?" Becca's voice trailed off as she was struck with the realization. She had a sharp intake of breath and blinked quickly, trying to process everything.
Beth looked up at her three older siblings, wondering why they all had somber expressions on their faces. "What's going on?"
"You brought us to the zoo to what? Drop this bombshell on us?" Becca seethed. "This is bullshit."
He couldn't even find it in himself to get mad back. "It's not like I have a choice, Beck."
"You don't have to go. This war is… you're still a kid, Bucky! You can't go!"
"Becca," Bella said kindly, reaching out to console her sister.
She stepped back from her sister's reach. "No!" Becca shouted, turning a few heads, but overall being ignored in the crowd of tourists. "You can't possibly be okay with this, Bella! He's our brother. He's only twenty-one! He can't—"
Stomping her foot, Beth exclaimed, "Can someone please tell me what's going on?"
Exchanging a glance with Bella, Bucky lowered himself down to his little sister's level, kneeling down on one leg. He held Beth's two sides, one hand on either side of her waist, and she placed one sticky, ice cream covered hand on his shoulder as she looked down on him.
"Jamie?" she asked timidly.
He had avoided saying the words outright for the longest time.
"I've been drafted."
Even young Beth knew the state that the world was in. She understood what it meant when young men went off to war and what it meant when they didn't come back. Her bottom lip trembled as she took in his words, her ice cream cone falling to the floor as she used both her cream covered hands to cup both sides of her brother's face. "But you can't go away."
"I have to."
"When?" Bella asked as she fidgeted with her jacket hem. It took everything in her not to protest like Becca and Beth. She had to be the mature elder sister.
He looked up to her. "They're giving me a week to get my things in order and then I'm off."
"Do you even want to go?" Becca snapped, her arms crossed, as she glared down at her brother.
"I think you know the answer to that." Bucky stood up from his kneeling position and Beth had transitioned to his side, using both her hands to hold tightly unto his hands and pant leg, her grip unwavering, unwilling to let go.
"Then don't go," Becca said, her tone growing from anger to desperation; her voice pleading.
"You know I can't do that."
"Is… is Stevie going to?" Beth asked.
Bucky's eyes turned to her. "No. He's tried enlisting, but they won't let him."
"There's the solution!" Becca exclaimed. "We'll just tell them you have whatever Steve has and they can't make you fight then! I mean, the amount of time you spend together, nobody would doubt it if you suddenly got what he has. We have so much to pick from! Asthma, pneumonia, color blindness—"
"In what world is asthma and color blindness contagious?" Bella asked while Bucky snapped, "I'm not a coward, Becca! Just because I don't want to fight in this war doesn't mean I'll run from it!"
"It's not being a coward, it's surviving," Becca growled. "I want you to live, you idiot."
"Becca," Bella warned.
"No, I'm not going to 'be nice'," Becca said sharply. "This is insane. Bucky, you were planning on going to college with me. You can grow up and date a nice girl who is not my best friend and get married and have kids and—"
"Who says I can't have all that?"
"You can't if you die!" Becca screamed, a tear falling down her face.
"You're actually worried about me," Bucky said, his face softening in realization.
"Course I'm worried, stupid. Knowing you, you'd probably see a bomb and run towards it, not away."
"I'm gonna ignore your snide remarks because I know you care about me deep down."
"Deep, deep down," Becca retorted, but not denying the statement.
"Do mom and dad know yet?" Bella asked, interjecting their banter.
"No," he said sheepishly. "I need you all there as moral support when I tell them."
"Ma's gonna freak," Becca said, wiping away the last of her tears with the tissues Bella provided her.
"That's why I need you three."
"We need you too, Buck," Bella said, pulling him in for a hug. "So take care of yourself, okay? Do it for us."
"I will."
Beth approached him next. Dipping her hands into her backpack, she pulled out an exorbitant amount of caramel candies which she dumped into Bucky's jacket pocket, filling them up to the brim. "You get my whole stash cause you're gonna be gone for a long time and you can't steal them from me when you're away."
"Thanks, kid."
"You better come back alive, asshole, or I'll kill you myself," Becca's lovely voice spoke next.
"Thanks for the encouragement, psycho." But he appreciated the meaning behind the words all the same.
"Let's go home," Bella said as they began their trek back.
Beth made grabby motions with her hands and Bucky, understanding the message, lifted her up and placed her on his back for a piggyback ride.
With Beth holding onto his back and Bella and Becca on either side of him, Bucky had the strength to move forward.
"So," Bucky said, a teasing edge to his voice. "You're gonna miss me when I'm gone, huh?" He jabbed Becca's side.
"That's the bare minimum requirement of having a healthy sibling relationship," Bella groaned. "Honestly, you two really need to express your emotions more if Becca saying she doesn't want you to die is something that is mind-blowing and embarrassing."
"Who said anything about us having a healthy sibling relationship?" Becca quipped as she turned to face Bucky. "Did I ever tell you that you're my least favorite brother?"
"I'm your only brother!"
Becca sighed. "I guess that also makes you my favorite brother."
"Seconded," Bella agreed.
"Thirded-ed!" Beth added.
"I can live with that."
Author's Note: I hope you liked reading my interpretation of Bucky's siblings! I would really appreciate it if you could leave a review and let me know what you think!